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TMHS 421: Build & Maintain Your Confidence To Thrive Through Life’s Challenges
With the realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world. – Dalai Lama
There are times in our lives when exterior circumstances can feel heavy and overburdening. Between a global pandemic, social unrest, and whatever you might be going through in your personal life, it’s totally normal to feel overwhelmed. If you’re experiencing high levels of stress, the most important thing to remember is that you are resilient, you are strong, and you are equipped to overcome.
Having that awareness really boils down to one key character trait: confidence. If you’re confident in your ability to face the challenges in your path, you’ll thrive through the hardships and come out even stronger. The good news is, your confidence is a muscle that you have the capacity to build.
On this episode of the Model Health Show, you’re going to hear eight powerful messages to encourage you to cultivate confidence. You’ll learn where your confidence comes from, simple tips and strategies you can use to build your confidence, and how you can train your mind to become more positive and resilient. I hope this episode reminds you of your strength and your capacity for greatness, no matter what life throws at you. Enjoy!
In this episode you’ll discover:
- Where confidence actually comes from.
- The one thing you can do to build your self-confidence.
- Why your self-worth is like a thermostat.
- How confidence and preparation go hand-in-hand.
- Why it’s so important to stay in your lane.
- The two different ways you can allow fear to impact your choices.
- How to get physically stronger can push you to become more confident in other areas.
- What the poker chip theory of self-esteem is.
- How to train your brain to focus on your accomplishments and positive experiences.
- Why having a fear of the worst-case scenario keeps you stuck.
- How to create brief successes to help you build confidence.
- What the number one judgment is in our lives.
- Why fear is an opportunity for self-love.
Items mentioned in this episode include:
- Beekeepersnaturals.com/model — Get 15% off raw honey & other natural remedies!
- Organifi.com/Model — Use the coupon code model for 20% off!
- Get Financially Fit & Upgrade Your Identity with Ed Mylett – Episode 282
- Strengthen Your Body, Mind, & Confidence with Laila Ali – Episode 236
- The Truth About Fear with CJ Quinney – Episode 285
- Embracing Your Body & Owning Your Power with Steph Gaudreau – Episode 362
- Taking Action in Challenging Times with Jack Canfield – Episode 406
- Build Confidence & Be Awesome with Chalene Johnson – Episode 105
- How to Defeat the 4 Categories of Fear with Koya Webb – Episode 372
- Build Strength & Character with Jay Ferrugia – Episode 375
Thank you so much for checking out this episode of The Model Health Show. If you haven’t done so already, please take a minute and leave a quick rating and review of the show on Apple Podcast by clicking on the link below. It will help us to keep delivering life-changing information for you every week!
Shawn Stevenson: Welcome to The Model Health Show, this is fitness and nutrition expert Shawn Stevenson and I'm so grateful for you tuning in with me today. Listen, I know that we're living in some strange, strange times and whether you're feeling the stress of not being able to see your loved ones, or suddenly being a home school teacher for your kids, or feeling the tension of your relationships, or experiencing fear or sickness relating to the virus going around, or the pressure of change and social unrest that's happening right now. There's a lot going on in the world and all of us can feel it, but I want this to be a message to you today, that you are equipped to handle it.
So often, when we experience turbulent times in our lives individually, let alone as a society, we can feel overwhelmed. We can feel like we can't handle it. We can feel like it's too much and this boils down to a character trait called confidence, and the confidence that you can, and will, not just survive these times but you'll be able to thrive in them. And so that's what I wanted to focus on today and to provide you with some real insight and some powerful messages and strategies on how to cultivate confidence right now in a time when many of us need it more than ever and so with that said, I think that you're really, really going to enjoy this episode and walk away with some tremendous value and many of you probably know by now. I shared a little bit about this, and I've dedicated an entire episode to talking about this experience. And I'm really working to provide some value throughout it to share the story, but the first week of 2020 for me, 2020 kicked off to a... I'm not going to say it was a fun start, but it was an eventful start.
The first week of 2020 I suffered a traumatic injury and I was unable to walk. I was unable to dress myself. It was bad business and that experience has taught me so much already in this amount of time, but it took several months of rehab and I finally, just about a month ago, maybe about a month and a half ago got back to a place where I could start to work out. And it's something that has been such a part of my life since I was a teenager that muscle memory kind of kicked right back in, I was able to do some of the things I was already doing prior. I grabbed a pull-up bar and I was like, oh, this is... Knock out 15 pull-ups like it was breathing but oh, the soreness that's the thing because even though your body has a muscle memory, the strength and the tearing of the... You know these micro-tears of your muscle fibers and the healing if you're not used to that feeling. I used to like... I was one with that feeling, now, not so much.
I posted a video on Instagram in my IG story. By the way, are you following me on Instagram? We get a pop-in on Instagram. I'm @shawnmodel over there so definitely check it out. When I posted a video of me it was the first time I did any arm exercises, this year. And right now when this is coming out, this is July, it's July literally since 2019 I haven't done any arm exercises. And so I picked up a couple of 20 pound dumbbells, it was the first time I could pick up 20-pound dumbbells. I was like I'm just going to knock out a few sets of curls so I did a little video, shared my story like I'm doing, it was like three or four sets, little bitty 20s, no big deal. It wasn't the next day, it was a day after that, is called DOMS, delayed onset muscle soreness.
My arms felt like someone took them off my body while I was asleep and beat them against the wall and then re-attached them to my body for when I woke up in the morning. It felt like my arms went through a baloney meat grinder. My arms were loose meat sandwiches. My arms felt like sore hamstrings. My arms felt like I had migraines in both of my biceps alright. It was crazy. My arms felt like there was rioting and looting by little people inside of my arms and little fires that's how my arms felt, but I'm grateful for it even though even reaching out to pick something up was like, ugh. I was grateful that I was able to do it. I know this is part of the process and I know that we all have different stages and phases and seasons that we go through in life. And being able to have gratitude even in the pain, being able to have gratitude even when we're struggling it's something very powerful for us to cultivate, and it's not always easy I was not grateful through this entire process. There were moments that I would gladly kick grateful in the jugular alright but it's something that you cultivate, you train yourself for it.
As I said on the show recently, you don't rise to the level of your expectations, you fall to the level of your training, and no matter where you are with that, with what you've... The foundation that you've created you're always going to find that when difficult times hit your level, your foundation is going to be right there for you. You're not going to go much lower than that so again, it's just another practice and this is why this episode today is so important. It's so powerful. It's to create a stronger foundation of confidence to be able to perform. To be able to, not just survive, not just overcome, but to thrive even during times of great challenge.
And before we get into that, we also have to keep in mind, this whole experience of confidence starts from our mindset. Starts from our brain, and being able to fire on all cylinders. And as you know, we always have a nutritional component. Whether it's through the nutrition that we bring in, whether it's through nutritious movement, nutritious sleep, nutritious relationships, but the things that we engage in, our environment, the things that we bring into our bodies, help to create the very cells that do all of these amazing things. The very cells that create all of these seemingly magical processes of experiencing life.
And I don't think a lot of people actually realize the huge wave that's taking place right now in the field of nootropics. You see, specific nutrients and/or foods, herbs, supplements, and it's this category of these things that really help to optimize mental performance. And I also don't think... Because a lot of people are looking in the field of smart drugs. They go there with the nootropics and not understanding that even a lot of those things are based on real foods, are based on things that have been utilized for thousands of years. And they're extracting a small component of that thing, and not extracting and getting all of the incredible cofactors that do other cool things.
So I want to share this with you and this is published in a peer-reviewed journal, Evidence-Based Complementary and Alternative Medicine. Something that you might even have in your cabinet right now. It might not be the best, but you might have some of it. And the better quality, the better this effect. I'm going to tell you about that. Raw honey actually possesses significant nootropic effects, such as; memory-enhancing effects, as well as neuropharmacological activities, such as; being an anti-anxiety, helping to buffer your brain from anxiety, and also anti-depressant as well. So helping to lift your mood, right.
You know the statement, "the bee's knees, this is the bee's knees", maybe it came from something. And also the polyphenols that are found in honey were found to have direct influence on neuroinflammation, being able to reduce inflammation in the brain. Thank you, honey. Honey polyphenols were also found to improve memory deficits and act directly at a molecular level in the brain. Pretty cool. Now the thing is, you don't want to get honey, that's number one, not raw honey. Because the processing and cooking of the honey, you lose a lot of these factors. But also, you want to avoid getting honey that has a lot of the typical things that are found in honeys, conventional honeys, even some organic brands.
Most people don't realize that there can be up to 70 different pesticide residues found in conventional honeys, including DDT, including heavy metals, as well like arsenic, lead, mercury. E Coli might show up in your... Consider this is your medicine cabinet, honey has this very powerful medicinal effect and also nootropic benefits as well. You want to avoid this stuff. And where I get my honey, I get a superfood honey, they also have an awesome hemp honey as well at Beekeeper's Naturals. So go to beekeepersnaturals.com/model, that's B-E-E-K-E-E-P-E-R-S naturals.com/model, you get 15% off everything they carry. I love their bee pollen, I love their B.LXR specific nootropic product, I love... I frickin' love their honeys. So game-changing, so delicious. And their B.LXR, the specific nootropic product that they have, listen to this, is based on royal jelly, it's what the queen bee eats. This is what the Beyonce of the bees eats, it's the royal jelly.
And this was published in Advanced Biomedical Research, found that royal jelly has a potential to improve spatial learning, attention, and memory function. In addition, it's been found to have anti-microbial, anti-tumor, and anti-inflammatory effects. And royal jelly has been found to facilitate the differentiation of all types of brain cells, and to top it off, researchers in Japan recently discovered that royal jelly has the power to stimulate neurogenesis in the hippocampus, the memory center of the brain. Bee's knees, it's the bee's knees. Go to beekeepersnaturals.com/model, that's B-E-E-K-E-E-P-E-R-S naturals.com/model for 15% off everything they carry.
And now let's get to the Apple Podcast review of the week.
iTunes Review: Another five-star review titled, "Five stars just for the latest COVID episode." by NatBe12458. "Thank you, Shawn. Finally, someone speaking some empowerment and just plain common sense to this madness. First-time listener, but you gained a subscriber just from this episode alone."
Shawn Stevenson: Awesome, thank you so much, I'm so glad that you found me. And guys, this is why it's so important, please pop over to Apple Podcast and leave a review for the show. I appreciate it so very much, and we're just going to keep this common sense and keep this momentum going to help to up-level the conversation. Because even within the context of confidence, being able to confidently make decisions, being able to confidently come into a situation to learn. Because confidence does not mean that you know it all. Confidence means that I have the capacity to be a student and still carry an essence of self-sovereignty and self-respect, and to understand that I inherently have value and I'm on this human journey to be the best possible me. And with that said, let's go ahead and jump into this incredible compilation in insights, strategies, and actual tools to help you to cultivate and to build more confidence.
We're going to kick things off with one of my favorite people, Ed Mylett. This episode is one of my all-time favorites, and man, he just delivered gem after gem after gem. And we're going to put all the full episodes for you in the show notes and you're definitely going to want to listen or relisten to this episode with Ed Mylett.
Ed Mylett is one of the leading voices in personal development today, and he's actually been in the field for many, many years behind the scenes, and now he's really kind of emerged as one of the top voices. And I'll tell you right now, first hand, spending time with him, talking with him, having conversations, texting, and keeping up with each other. He's just a good person. So often we have that Scrooge McDuck mentality, Cruella de Vil mentality about people who have accumulated success. That they're selfish, that they're bad people. We get this faulty program. Of course, we know in our hearts that that's not always the case. But he's somebody through and through who has devoted his life to sharing everything he knows to help people to achieve the same levels of success that he has, and he lives a code of gratitude. He understands that wealth isn't just financial, it's also with your health, it's also with relationships, it's also with having a sense of purpose, and this is why I really, really love Ed Mylett. And in this clip he's going to be talking about where confidence actually comes from and the power of identity. So let's jump into this clip with the incredible Ed Mylett.
Ed Mylett: I grew up not a very self-confident person, and so you have to have high self-confidence. Any world-class athlete, you and I both know, their self-confidence level is through the roof. And when they go on a slump, when they're not performing well, what's going on? They've lost their confidence. They haven't lost their ability to shoot, or hit a ball, or hit a golf ball, they've lost their confidence. They've lost the swag. So where does confidence comes from? And I knew I had to become more confident. Confidence comes from this. 'Cause the disease of lack of confidence is you're obsessed what everybody else thinks about you. What are they going to think? What are they going to think? What are they going to think? That's the symptom. The disease is you're worried about your reputation with everybody else, 'cause you don't have a good one with you. If your reputation with self is exemplary, you're not concerned about your reputation with others. So self-confidence comes from one simple thing. It comes from keeping the promises you make to yourself. That's it.
If you begin to consistently keep the promises you make to you, you will begin to stack up on that self-confidence. And so I set up my life where I started to keep promises I made to me, whether that was what time I got up in the morning, what I put in my mouth to eat when I trained and worked out. I can't control outcomes, but I can control activity. So in my business life, "I'm going to make 15 phone calls today." I'd make my 15 and I'd be conscious of saying, "I did what I said I was going to do. I did what I said I was going to do." And through that process over a period of time, every day, every hour that went by, I kept keeping more and more promises to me. I began to trust me. My self-confidence level transformed, that was number one. Second thing was my identity. You'll never exceed in your life what you think you're worth. Everyone talks about this, but you'll never exceed your identity any time in your life, and your identity is your self-worth, what you believe you deserve.
Okay. Now, self-worth and identity is like a thermostat. It sits on the wall of your life. It sets the entire temperature for your life. So in every area, you have a spiritual thermostat, a financial, a business, a physical one, a wellness one. So if that thermostat is set at... Let's say financially at 80 degrees. Let's set it 80 degrees. No matter what you do, you've already experienced it. If you start to heat your life up, you start having abundance come into it, and you're doing activities that are better but you haven't changed your identity, you will find a way to cool your life right back down to where your identity is eventually. You'll make a bad investment decision, a car will break down, it'll all seem unconscious, but you will get back to 80 degrees of money. Okay, the reverse is also true. You start to go broke, your car gets repo'd, the water gets turned off, you find a way to heat it back up and get it back to 80 degrees again. So the key in life is to have self-confidence and change that thermostat level of what you think you're worth. You could be in the best business model with the best opportunity, the best products, the best everything, and you will not exceed 80 degrees of identity if that's your identity in your life.
Happiness has an identity, faith has an identity, and so the key thing is how do you shift that identity? And that identity then is shifted through a couple of things, but the biggest one is associations. Biggest way we change your identity if let's say you hung around a guy worth a couple hundred million dollars. If I'm 150 degree financially, and you're an 80 degree through proximity, over time, I will heat you up somewhere in between the two of us. And if your faith, if you have no... You struggle with your faith or your relationships, but you surround yourself with people that have great faith or great marriages, through association yours improve. So the biggest way I changed my identity is through who I hung around. Hanging around, lastly, is also... I don't have to physically be around you. I can read your book. I can read a book from you on health, on sleep. And when I read that book, you're not just reading pages. I'm pretending as if I'm with you. I'm associating with you. And so a lot of my identity shifts came from books I read and things I listened to, and people that were live in my life at the same time. That's how I changed it.
Shawn Stevenson: Alright. Up next in our confidence compilation is one of the GOATs, and I don't say that lightly. Next up is a clip from a conversation that I had with world champion Laila Ali. She had all the belts she went for, undefeated boxing record. And many people know her and know that last name because of her father, GOAT, greatest of all time, Muhammad Ali. And in this clip, she's going to be sharing with you... By the way, she's also a best-selling author. She's also a true foodie, in some ways created some delicious recipe books as well. But she's going to be sharing the bare-bones essentials of building confidence from someone, again, who's been around and infused with confidence from the moment that she was born. So she's going to talk about failure as well, getting the right feedback and more. So check out this clip from the one and only Laila Ali.
Laila Ali: I think that confidence definitely is something that you can grow with time, with practice. Because a lot of people aren't confident, but my confidence comes from preparation. I say that all the time. I'm not just one of these people. I'm naturally a confident person. I do believe, in general, that I can pretty much do the things that I want to do, but I also believe you have to put in the effort. For me, if I'm not prepared, then I'm not going to be confident. I'm not confident about 100% of the things that I deal with on a day-to-day basis. But the things that I want to put my heart into and my energy into, and do the work that it takes to be good at and to be successful at, I am confident in. And I think it takes courage. That's the thing. Because you have to understand people who are successful, people who have fear the same way or self-doubt, it's not that they don't feel those things, it's just that we push past it. Like sometimes I'm afraid and I'm like that I'mma do it anyway. You know what I mean? And I just do it, 'cause what's the worst that's going to happen? For me, one thing that it is a fear for me is to feel like I didn't try to do something, that I never even stepped foot out the door to try.
That would be regretful for me, and that's what I don't want. So, but I know how to stay in my lane, I don't try everything, I know what things I'm not good at, you know what I mean? Or just don't really fit me and I just won't do it 'cause you can't do it all. But yeah, the things that I do, I go all the way in.
Shawn Stevenson: I love that. That reminds me a couple of things from Oprah. She said that you can do anything, but you can't do everything. And she also talked about one of the big reason she's so successful is I stay in my lane, I know my lane, but then here we are, like, "Ah, Oprah doesn't know. Laila doesn't know." Then we jump around in these lanes.
Laila Ali: That's the thing, I mean you have to try different things, but it's like you got to be methodical, strategic and kind of figure out along the way, I've tried some things that just didn't end up working, but I will assess a situation soon enough and have people around me who are going to give me some insights, some smart people around me as well, because sometimes you do need help, sometimes you do need different opinions from the right people. So, yeah, but yeah, definitely not to just be all over the place.
Shawn Stevenson: Yeah, and for me, this is the same thing, there's a figuring out process as well, but I believe as we cultivate more confidence and it just kind of comes together, the confidence helps you to make the right decision and the right decision helps to build your confidence and it just kind of feeds into each other. And you just kind of build it. And I love that you brought up even today, you still have fear, you still have things that you're not necessarily confident about, but you get in the ring and you fight. And so we can all bring that to our own lives in one way or another to just get in there and do the thing because that's going to build that muscle of confidence.
Laila Ali: But then when you do fail at something and people don't like the word fail or let's just say if it doesn't turn out the way you planned or the way that you hope that's when you learn from the situation. I mean that's what you do. And what people tend to do a lot of times is not really look at themselves and look at what they could have done differently, and I happened... That's one of my strong points. I got a lot of things I need to work on but one thing I'm good at is taking responsibility and saying in any situation, "What could I have done differently?" So that's how I learn as well from the things that just don't work out. And there's been a lot of successes and there's been a lot of things that haven't worked out along the way, and I've learned from them all.
Shawn Stevenson: Alright, we're going to keep our confidence compilation rolling right along, and next up is somebody who I consider family, he's somebody who's incredibly insightful, brilliant, giving, and just a true powerhouse, and he's helped to create probably the most recognizable brand in personal development in the world. His partner, Dr. Eric Thomas is the number one motivational speaker in the world, and this clip coming from CJ Quinney is an absolute game-changer. CJ has helped to put their company position to work with literally the biggest brands in the world. In just about... I mean, so many fields from university context, to Quicken Loans to your favorite NFL or NBA team, these guys are coming into the organization to give insights, tools, tactics, strategy, motivation, to some of the most motivated people in the world already, because they are about that business and they're just super powerful and incredible human beings.
And in this clip, CJ is going to be talking about something that I think a lot of people think that the opposite of confidence is fear. And he's got a really important message for that specific thing that you really need to hear, so let's jump into this conversation with CJ Quinney.
CJ Quinney: I think fear is first and foremost, something that we all experience. Fear... If anybody tells you they've never been fearful, they're absolutely lying. And so I like to share this story because I experience fear on a daily basis. We all have these anxieties and these things, and so I tell the story of I had never played football before until the ninth grade, and my dad kind of dragged me out of the bed in the ninth grade and was like, "You're going to play football." And I was like, "I don't want to play football." He was like, "I don't care." My dad was... He was the captain of the house, and so he called all the shots, and so I got my butt up on the football field and I went out there with all my ninth-grade friends, and I dominated. I was just a natural athlete, I was a basketball player at the time, but I was still strong enough to play football.
So I played freshman football amongst all my peers, and I dominated, and I got a call after the school year was over in the summer from the head varsity coach, and he called me and he said, "Hey, CJ, we watched all your film from freshman year and you're coming up to play varsity." And I was like, "Whoa," I'm like, I don't know about that, 'cause I'm in weight room with the varsity guys and these guys are throwing around 350 pounds, 375 on the bench, they're yelling, they're big, they're strong. And I remember feeling like, "Whoa, I'm going to get killed." And so all summer I'm working out trying to get on their level, but I see I'm not on their level. And so, finally, we get out to the practice field and the first few days, Shawn if anybody's ever played football, you don't pad up the first week, the first week is kind of just conditioning and you do like some fitting stuff, you run and you get your conditioning together, and then that second week is when you actually put on the pads, right.
So I'm waiting to put on the pads, we all get padded up, and I remember all the seniors and the juniors, I'm a sophomore now, are just talking crazy to me, "Man, when we get out on that field, y'all little sophomore butt we going to smash you, stomp you. We going to kick you in the groin." And I'm literally like my hands are shaking. And so we lined up and I was on scout team D, and we were playing against the first-string offense, and I just remember getting in my three-point stands and putting my hand in the ground. And I was playing against a guy named Biggie and he earned his name. He probably bench-400 pounds, he probably 6ft 1, and he was a large human being. And he was talking crazy to me the whole way they're like yelling in the huddle, and I got down and I put my hand in the ground, and I remember saying, "Alright, Lord is either him or me." And I...
They said Hut, the quarterback had the ball and I charged in there, and I hit him harder than probably... Even my rest of my career, harder than I had ever hit anybody in my life. He flew back, kind of did a double back-flip on the ground, and he had to sit out the rest of practice. And I tell people that because there are two types of people. There's the type of people like myself, Shawn, and yourself, who take that fear and we use it as adrenaline, and we use it to wake up in the morning, and we use it to do excellent podcast, and we use it to be excellent husbands, and we use it to be excellent fathers, and we just go after it, beast mode, because we're scared of the fear of failure, we're scared of what happens if I'm not a great husband, what happens if I'm not a great entrepreneur, what happens if I don't land any more contracts? Are they going to take my house?
We all have those things that we think about. Everybody has those fears. The difference is, I get up and use that as a rocket booster to put on my back to go for it, where some people go, "Oh my God," and they clam up. And they don't want to ever do anything, and guess what, when you don't do anything and you go that clam up route and you go into your shell and you don't try anything or you don't try to be great, or you don't try to pursue excellence, that very thing you're scared of becomes real. So I think having a fear, a healthy fear, is absolutely a great thing, and that's the thing, I want to tell every single person out there who hasn't achieved what they want to achieve. Eric Thomas has fear. Shawn Stevenson has fear. The only difference between you and them is they use that fear to push them.
They wake up, and that's what gets Eric Thomas up at 3 o'clock in the morning, the fear of having to tell his wife, "Hey, you got to go back to work, even though you've been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. I'm going to need you to go back to work for eight hours a day because we can't afford to have you home." You don't think he has a healthy fear of that? He absolutely does. But if you can use that fear to push you, you're not crazy for having fears. If somebody's told you that, "Oh, you're soft and you're scared, you can't... " No, no, no, we all have 'em, allow it to push you and not bury you.
Shawn Stevenson: Man, listen, I've never heard fear talked about in that context before. You know healthy...
CJ Quinney: Here's the thing, Shawn... You know what I mean, we hear fear, and it's almost like you look at Eric Thomas and you go, "Man, if I had his level of high, and I just had his level of beast mode, I would be on fire." "And if I had Shawn's "don't care" attitude, I'm going forward." Listen, man, people are going to judge you, people are going to say your podcast stinks. We actually have a segment on our podcast called the negative feedback, where I read all the reviews of people telling me they can't stand my guts, they wish I would stop talking about my kids, "Your whole family is ugly." Guess what? I just embrace it. I'm no longer going to live my life based on what people think, or the fear of, "What if I put it out and people don't like it? What if I go after this contract and I don't get it? What if I go after that promotion and they say no?" Guess what? The de facto answer is, "Already No."
I had a friend, Shawn, who we were at the bar one time and I told him to go talk to this young lady 'cause they were kind of catching eyes, and he said, "Man, I don't want to go up to her. What if she says no?" And I said, "Man, you got to go after her. She's there, I don't see a ring on a finger, go for it." And he said to me, "I get it. It's like high risk, high reward." And I said, "No, no, no, no, no, not at all." I said, "It's only high reward." And I said, "There is no risk. You already don't have her phone number, so if you walk away and she throws a drink at you, you walk away without her number, you still don't have it, there's absolutely no risk."
But in our mind, we create this fake monster under the bed. My son's four years old, so we've been dealing with this monster thing, I have to get up and show him that it's not under the bed, and sometimes as grown people and as adults, we have this fear or this monster under our bed that doesn't exist. I told my friend, "You already don't have the young lady's number. If we leave right now, you'll never have it. The only thing that could come out of it, worst or better than where you are right now, is her saying yes and giving you her phone number. You literally have nothing to lose." And so when you operate with that healthy fear and you just go after it and say, "Hey, I've got nothing to lose. I would rather go out there and give my full effort and lose than sit back and wonder what would have happened if I'd gave it my all."
And so I think fear gets talked about in this negative lighting. People are like, "Don't let the fear, don't have any fear. Be fearless." No, no, no. Have fear. Use the fear though. All right? I like to break it down like that because I think, Shawn, we do people a disservice when we act like, "Oh, I don't have any fear. Are you kidding me? Yeah, I started a company of a YouTube channel, no fear. I just thought it would... I knew it was going to work. I guarantee we were going to build a multi-million dollar company." Absolutely not. I was scared out of my mind. I woke up every day, but guess what? That's what allowed me to work 14, 15-hour days. That's what allowed me to make that phone call when the person already told me no, that's what allowed me to call them back a week later and go, "Are you sure?" And a week later I go, "Are you sure?" Because I had that fear of, "If I don't make this happen, ultimately I'll have to go back and maybe live in my mom's basement." I'm scared of that, and so I use that fear to push me every day, Shawn.
Shawn Stevenson: Next up, we have a message from somebody that I met at an event many years ago that we were both speaking at, and she is just a true powerhouse, and her story is incredible. And she's a bestselling author, and she created one of the most popular food blogs on the planet. And in this clip, she's going to be sharing a really powerful insight about the connection between getting physically stronger and building confidence. And again, her story is remarkable, she began as an athlete and something I didn't even know was a sport, competitive mountain biking. All right? And she felt like she never really looked the part. She did all of this endurance exercise, but she was big, she had them thick thighs. They do in fact save lives.
But that definition that she thought that she was programmed with of being exceptionally thin and her not having that image led to just a constant battle, and eventually she had some major breakthroughs in her thinking, she embraced her strength, and she's dedicated her life to really helping men and women all of the world to get stronger because that physical strength shows up as confidence and mental strength. So let's dive into this awesome clip from the amazing Steph Gaudreau.
Steph Gaudreau: I mean, anybody who's lifted weights knows that there's something primal in your brain that just gets triggered on and I'm... Endurance or cardio is fine, HIIT is fine. I really think that all those things have their place and you have to think about, "In what doses am I going to do them?" And it's not for everybody. But when I started to lift weights, there was this part of my brain that thought, "Can I do that?" And look at a barbell and think, "Can... Am I going to be able to lift that?" And then you go up to the bar and you lift it and you think, "Okay, what else can I do, right?" For a lot of women, a pull-up is like the thing, because typically, the narrative that we have absorbed is that we're not strong enough. We're not strong enough to do a pull-up. We're not strong enough to climb a rope. I remember the first time I climbed a rope, I was like, "Woah." And I had the opportunity to go to the BUD/S obstacle course, I live in San Diego, we were a couple of friends of mine who were in the Navy.
Shawn Stevenson: So that's like Navy Seal training?
Steph Gaudreau: It is. It is the Navy Seal BUD/S O-course. And everything, it's like an O-course on steroids. Everything's bigger, taller, longer. And I was probably a couple of years into CrossFit at the time, and I did every single obstacle except for one. It took me a long time, I wasn't racing the clock, but I just thought I couldn't have done this a couple of years ago. And that feeling of being able to move my body and having that autonomy, having that agency of being able to move through space and be able to lift myself onto a platform or climb a rope or lift something heavy and move it, that independence, that feeling that comes with that was such a sense of freedom. And also a catalyst for, again, thinking, "What else can I do?" Like I just proved myself wrong, that's pretty cool. I just shattered all these preconceived notions that I had about myself, and we are so much more than just a body.
Shawn Stevenson: Right.
Steph Gaudreau: But yet our body is... It's precious to us, it carries us around, it helps us do all these different things. So when I started to be able to move and I felt more confident, then it was time to... And all this stuff happened over the course of a couple of years, but I started to really challenge my own negative self-talk.
Shawn Stevenson: Alright, I hope that you're enjoying this confidence compilation, and again, keep in mind that a big part of having confidence is having our brains and our bodies firing on all cylinders. Our nutrition matters. Our brain, our brain cells, the thoughts that we think, this incredible electrical, electro-magnetic energy flowing through our veins... Even moving our bodies, we create a form of electricity called Piezoelectricity. But all of this stuff, the basis of every cell, every organ, every organ system in our body is the food that we eat. And nutrition is of the utmost importance today, I mean seriously, like never before. We want that basis of our diets to be real food. What a concept? Is whole real foods, and also bringing in real whole-food-based supplements, things that come from real... That have clinical evidence to back up their efficacy to meet our nutritional gaps, right. So for many people, they think about this "multivitamin," which is generally this synthetic soup of nutrients that don't have the co-factors that actually make your body utilize it effectively. And for me, again, I'm a big fan of whole-food-based, superfood concentrates. And the number one that I feel every single person needs to have access to is a green superfood concentrate.
And the one that I utilize, and that my family utilizes, is from Organifi. And the main ingredients in their Organifi green juice product is Spirulina, which is 71% protein by weight, one of the most dense superfoods ever discovered, rich in everything from magnesium to phycocyanin, which is a rare nutrient that gives it, this kind of this blue-green pigment and has been found, in clinical trials, to actually stimulate stem cell genesis. It's also been found to have neuroprotective factors as well, reducing neuroinflammation in the brain, and... Just the list goes on and on. Such a small category of things that can do that. Also, a concentrate of wheatgrass, a concentrate of chlorella, a concentrate of moringa, the list goes on and on. These are real superfoods with clinical evidence to back them up. And also it's... One of the ingredients is ashwagandha, which is clinically proven to help to reduce anxiety and help to buffer stress.
So, just a big fan... Oh, it tastes good. At the end of the day, this is important. If your kids are going to drink it, even if you, why do we got to grin and bear it? I remember that sometimes my wife will come with me, we go get a wheatgrass shot. And man, after a couple of those, I couldn't even... If somebody was mowing their lawn and I was just walking by, I had to turn around and walk back in the other direction like, it started to bother me. But for some people, it might be your bag, no disrespect at all, those that fresh wheatgrass shots can be a super energizer, but this actually tastes good. So it's an easier on-ramp for so many people, and we're delivering a lot of those nutrients that you'll find in a wheatgrass shot because again, this is a whole-food concentrate, low temperature processed to retain the nutrition, plus all those other green superfoods like spirulina. So again, huge fan of Organifi Green Juice, pop over there, check it out, you get 20% off, by the way, 20% off the green juice formula, the red juice, gold, all their incredible products. It's organifi.com/model, that's O-R-G-A-N-I-F-I.com/model for 20% off.
Alright, next up in our confidence compilation is another one of the GOATs. Somebody who's been in this space of personal development since many of us were in les diapers.
Alright, his name is Jack Canfield, and he's a co-author of The Chicken Soup for the Soul mega-series, they sold half a billion copies, doesn't even make sense. It doesn't make rational sense to the brain. This have a huge impact on culture, and also his work in personal development, as far as the success principles books that he's written as well and his appearance in hit documentaries, and things of that nature and him speaking all over the world. It's just such a wealth of information and insight and giving. And in this clip, in our conversation, we talked about what he calls the poker chip theory of self-esteem, aka self-confidence that we all can gain some valuable insights from. So let's check out this clip from the one and only Jack Canfield.
Jack Canfield: I teach something called the poker chip theory of self-esteem. The idea of poker chips is if you and I were playing poker I have 100 chips and you have 10, you'd probably play more cautiously. You lose two bets of five, you're out of the game. I lose two bets of five, I got 90 left, so I can throw it, I'm fine. No big deal. So if I can build up your stack of chips, you're more willing to risk because you now have extra chips. So the same is true with self-esteem. The more self-esteem and the more self-confidence, the more self-concept you have, the more willing you are to risk rejection. Because you know you're okay. And so, basically, it's important to look at your past and realize you've had a lot of successes. Most people, if I said write down 10 great successes, most people go, "God, have I had 10 great successes?" But I said, "How about getting a driver's license?" They go, "Oh, yeah, when I was 16, that was huge. Now it doesn't seem so big." How about graduating high school for a lot of kids, that was like, "Hey, man, I'm lucky I got out of there." The fact that you survived the war in Vietnam or the war in Iraq now or the war in Afghanistan to be more current.
So the reality is that we all have numerous successes that we don't really acknowledge. And we tend to focus on what's wrong with us rather than what's right with us. And you know from your research with Brain that basically when I have an event, and there's an emotional negative component to that event, it logs in as a way to protect me from having that in the future. So basically, I much more quickly remember my negative experiences, than my positive experiences. And so what we want to do is, I do things like write down 100 successes you've had in your life, and people have to strain like well, they end up with stuff like passed Mrs. Jones's biology class, passed fourth grade, passed the fifth grade, passed sixth grade. But then they start to realize, I bought that first car, I bought that first this. I put on that really good party for my boss. I put together that trip to the Andes for my friends. And we have many, many more successes than we do failures. We just tend to focus on the failure. So it's a way to get people to shift their focus to the positive things that they have had. And to be grateful for them and to honor them.
Shawn Stevenson: And even when negative things do happen, we've made it through if you're hearing this right now.
Jack Canfield: You have. I like to say in one of my books, you've survived everything that ever happened to you. So think about that, you've survived everything that ever happened to you, which gives you a lot of sense that I'm going to survive the next things that happened to me because I'm a survivor.
Shawn Stevenson: Continuing on with our confidence compilation, we have another one of my favorite human beings Chalene Johnson, she's a New York Times bestselling author. And she also acquired the Guinness world record for the most fitness DVD sold and in people's libraries in their homes, working out with them all over the world. And I know that DVDs are not as popping now, we got digital, but she's created so many incredible programs that have had a positive impact on people's lives. And in this conversation, she's going to be sharing and talking about collecting evidence to help to build your confidence. And that's what this is really about at the end of the day is collecting specific evidence to help to build our psyche. To build our experience. To build our insights, and to build our value, our self-worth and our self-perception of our value. So, I'm excited to share this clip. This is one of, again, one of my favorite humans. So let's jump into this conversation and clip from New York Times bestselling author Chalene Johnson.
Chalene Johnson: Well, I think we all know that we can do it. I think there's, for many people, it's a fear of the worst-case scenario that keeps us stuck. And when we are avoiding doing certain things that would might otherwise create evidence. We don't do those things because we think, well, "What if it's more evidence to support the fact that no one likes me? What if it's more evidence to support the fact that I'll always be overweight or that I will be rejected", and I... One of the things I believe is paramount in building confidence which leads to self-worth, right? A couple of things, number one, is when we do it for others, that you just, you can’t not feel good about yourself when you're doing nice things for others, except when you're doing nice things for others to your detriment.
Right. Mm-hmm. Excellent.
Chalene Johnson: Like that that ain't cute. So it's like you're doing things for others, not because you want to be liked. But because it's right. It feels good. And it's part of who you are. And then the next piece is that you need more evidence. And the only way you're going to get evidence is by going out and collecting it and collecting evidence to the contrary. So for example, if in your mind, you think to yourself, when I meet people, they see me as socially awkward, and I'm not good in social settings. And so I am not going to parties. I'm not going to social events. I'm not going to put myself out there because I'm judged. And I don't like that feeling. And people can tell I'm nervous and I'm shy.
Well, you've got to create evidence to the contrary and so you have to learn how to make other people feel more comfortable in that moment, and just have brief little quick successes. When you're going to the grocery store and you think to yourself, I'm going to have an interaction with a kid who's bagging my groceries and I'm going to make them feel like a million bucks. I'm going to ask them just a couple of questions, and I'm going to listen to what he says. And that's all I'm going to do. And I'm going to notice that I just had an interaction with a stranger. And they weren't thinking about me, they realized I was listening to them. So it's teaching people then to take note of that, write it down and say, "I know what the worst-case scenario could be. And even if the worst-case scenario happens, it's not going to kill me. I'll be better for it."
Shawn Stevenson: Next up in our confidence compilation is somebody who's truly transformed her own confidence and her own self-esteem. And her name is Koya Webb and she's an internationally recognized holistic health and wellness coach, author, best-selling author, and motivational speaker and she's just a superstar in the space of yoga, and in the space of health and wellness. And in this conversation, she's going to be sharing another example of how we can unconsciously be looking for things that lower our confidence. And this time specifically she's going to be talking about regarding our bodies, our appearance, and our own value. So let's check out this conversation from the amazing Koya Webb.
Koya Webb: The number one judgement is us judging ourselves. Us judging ourselves as not worthy enough or not good enough if we don't look like this, if we don't wear this, if we don't say this, if we don't have these accolades, we judge ourselves and say, we're not good enough. And then we look at people outside of us and see how they are affirming our own self-judgment. But people don't... People like "Oh, they're judging me." No, you're actually judging yourself. And now you're looking at people to affirm that judgment that you have on yourself. And I think if people realize that, they'll do the self-work to see like, "What do I really feel about myself?" And I will say, I have so many insecurities. It started with my hair, and then the color of my skin and then even being tall as a tall woman, having all these things being different, and having these self-judgments, and when you have that you really have to heal those spaces as you're always going to find someone that's going to affirm exactly what you're thinking inside and guess what, that's fear. And that's an opportunity for love.
So you have to work with saying the affirmation. I am beautiful. I accept myself. Learning how to work with your hair. Learning how beautiful your skin is. Learning to fall in love with your height whether you're short or tall or in between, whatever it is you have a challenge with I know we all have challenges with something that we want to change but if you can fall in love with the person that you are, it's going to help you pull out of that. But if you kind of look around, it's just going to keep reminding you of like, "Yeah, I affirm that." Yeah, you are tall and for a girl, it has this, this and hashtag tall girl problems, and sometimes we just affirm, hashtag all these negative things, but I love that now we're starting to say, "I am different. This is how I'm different and this is beautiful." Different is beautiful.
And the more that we can embrace our uniqueness, we all have unique gifts and talents like you mentioned earlier. And if we can all realize that, look at all of nature. Nature is the most beautiful example. Everything in nature is different, but it works together to make a beautiful world. And if we can just realize we are all different and beautiful and it takes our differences to make up this beautiful world, then we would stop trying to be someone else or do something... We would be inspired. I'm sure the sun is inspired by the moon, the moon is inspired by the sun, but they shine at different times. And we're just like the sun and the moon. We're meant to shine in the light, in the darkness, just shine and just be ourselves.
Shawn Stevenson: Alright, running the anchor in our confidence compilation is one of my favorite people. I know I've said that many times. But this is really one of my good friends. He really welcomed me, and it kind of invited me, he's inspired me a little bit more to move to Los Angeles. He made the jump from the East Coast, maybe, I don't know, maybe 20 years ago. But he's like somebody who is a true, true pioneer, an OG in the online fitness space. He was doing online programs and products like I'm talking when the internet was first jumping off, and he's coming out to New Jersey, awesome, awesome human being. And he always is bringing people together. It's one of the things he was... We were just texting yesterday and he's invited me out to hang out and to do something with an awesome group of people. And again, just a great human being. He's done a lot of work on himself, because he was also very, if we talk about confidence, he would tell you right out that he was the polar opposite of confident.
And that's why he got into fitness. He thought he can exercise his way into confidence and he found out that that was just one level. That was one level, it did make an impact. But for him to open up, to express himself, to communicate, and to connect and to be the bringer together of people, the often the life of the party and the event, he's had to gain some other insights and that's what he's going to be sharing with you here. Because as he's going to share, there's a close relationship between confidence and charisma. Very, very close relationship. And I actually believe that the confidence that we show up with expresses itself in a form of charisma. And Jay Ferruggia is the person who studied charisma. He studied this charisma and confidence and learned some things that we all can utilize to develop more of these qualities in our lives. So check out this clip from my good good friend, Jay Ferruggia.
Jay Ferruggia: A German sociologist Max Weber has this definition that you can look up of charisma. And he talks about how if you have charisma, you're basically endowed with a superhuman power and people will give you whatever you want, and like doors open for you when you have charisma. So if you look at anybody who's doing things at a high level, The Rock, Justin Timberlake, Jimmy Fallon, they have charisma. They're charismatic, Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Bob Marley, whoever, you know what I mean? But again, I saw myself as like, "I'm the least charismatic person in the world." But I didn't think that until I think it was really until I read that book and I was kind of on that journey of getting out of my comfort zone and doing improv.
And I was like, "Man, what are the behaviors? Again, being aware of these people? Like what does Arnold do? What does The Rock do? What does Chris Rock do? And how could I start to incorporate more of that? And it does change the game and you can become more charismatic. It's just behaviors like anything else. Just like you can get better at playing basketball, whatever, you can get better at it.
Shawn Stevenson: What's one or two things that we could do to cultivate that charismatic spirit for ourselves?
Jay Ferruggia: I think it really comes down to... So the self-help industry always tell... Kind of gets you to think your way into acting differently. But I think if you act your way into thinking differently, it's more powerful. So that's why when I get up in the morning I'm envisioning, okay, who's charismatic? How do I want to... We use visualization for sports or whatever, or Arnold talks about visualizing his biceps or his mountain peaks. Well, pick somebody. Again, I always go to The Rock. I've been a wrestling fan, so I've known The Rock since '96. I met him a bunch of times. So I say, "Okay, The Rocks a charismatic dude, and what would The Rock do?"
And now it's easier for me, it's more natural, but early on in this progression, that's what I'd do. So I'm listening to this music. I'm visualizing who I want to be. How I want to enter the room? And what are just a few... 'cause if you try to adopt all The Rocks or Justin Timberlake's behaviors at once, it's going to fail. It's like anything else, nutrition or training, if you try to do everything it's going to fail. So what are one or two things I could do better today? Can I maybe speak with more confidence? Maybe have better body language? Can I give more compliments? Just pick a few things. And charisma is also about how you make the people feel around you. It's not just you're performing 'cause then it's a fake thing. But how you make people feel, all those things that I think go along way to being more charismatic.
Shawn Stevenson: Alright, I hope that you enjoyed this confidence compilation and that this is giving you some more fuel. Some more insights to power your way through your day, through your week, and through the rest of this year. We've got some work to do, and we're going to have to remember how powerful we are at the end of the day, to overcome the challenges that we're going to face ahead. And I just want to extend this out to you right now, from my heart to yours that you are needed, you are valuable, and you have the capacity within you for greatness. And we need you to step into your gifts. And also to remember that we're all going to be faced with challenges. We're all going to come up against obstacles. But these things are going to be there for your good. They're going to help to develop capacities and qualities and talents that you may not have even knew that you had, and I know this for certain. And I'm just grateful for you. I'm grateful for you being here right now on this planet at a time that we really do need you the most.
And so for me, confidence is more a result than some arbitrary quality. It's a result of things. The more that you do things, the more confident that you become in doing them. It's a natural cycle of things. And so this is the time to engage with life. Engage with new things. Build the confidence by doing. But also it's remembering that this doesn't mean that you won't be nervous, this doesn't mean that you won't have fears. Confidence is developed in doing those things anyway, because we're all going to feel the tensions. We're all going to feel the nervousness of the newness of the situation that we're in right now. But developing confidence means that you're going to have a foundation that you're going to be able to stand on firmly, and you'll be able to take action and to figure things out.
I hope that you got a lot of value at this episode today, and if you did, please share this out with your friends and family. And you can tag me on Instagram. I'm @shawnmodel. And you could share on Twitter. I'm @shawnmodel there as well. I pop in there from time to time. On Facebook, I'm at @themodelhealthshow. Or you can send this directly from your favorite podcast app to your friends, family, and the people that you love. To give them an infusion of confidence right now.
I appreciate you so very much for tuning in, and we've got some epic shows coming your way very soon. Take care, have an amazing day, and I'll talk with you soon.
And for more after the show, make sure to head over to themodelhealthshow.com. That's where you could find all of the show notes. You could find transcriptions, videos for each episode, and if you got a comment, you can leave me a comment there as well. And please make sure to head over to iTunes and leave us a rating to let everybody know that the show is awesome. And I appreciate that so much and take care. I promise to keep giving you more powerful, empowering, great content to help you transform your life. Thanks for tuning in.
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