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TMHS 502: Unlock Your Authenticity, Make Smarter Decisions, & Be Your Best Self – With Mike Bayer
One of my main missions is to remind you how powerful you are in your ability to create change. Whether it be your health, your relationships, or your career, the potential to affect change is entirely up to you. And that change begins with the power of a decision.
Our entire lives are built upon the foundation of our decisions. Just one decision has the capability to change the entire course of our lives. Today’s guest, Mike Bayer, is a New York Times Bestselling author, the host of the Always Evolving Podcast, and the founder of the treatment center, CAST Center. In his new book, One Decision, Mike writes about channeling your authenticity so that you can make empowering and aligned decisions to improve your life.
On this episode of The Model Health Show, Mike is sharing powerful insights and tools to help you tap into your authenticity. We’ll discuss practical action plans to help you make empowered and informed decisions, the power of finding your community, and so much more. So listen in, take good notes, and enjoy the show!
In this episode you’ll discover:
- What it means to be truly authentic, and how it can affect how you show up in your life.
- Why social media makes it harder for us to be authentic.
- A helpful tool you can use to identify what makes you feel most authentic.
- Why depression and poor health often go hand-in-hand.
- The importance of finding a supportive and active community.
- Why we’re all just one decision away from a different life.
- The value in being a lifelong student.
- Real strategies to actually create change in your life.
- What the acronym FORCE stands for.
- The power of reacting based on evidence, not emotions.
- How marketing tactics can trick us into thinking we’re supported.
- A problem with the traditional education system.
- Questions you should ask yourself after scrolling on social media.
- How pain can inspire us to create change.
- Why we need to change the way we think about asking for help.
Thank you so much for checking out this episode of The Model Health Show. If you haven’t done so already, please take a minute and leave a quick rating and review of the show on Apple Podcast by clicking on the link below. It will help us to keep delivering life-changing information for you every week!
SHAWN STEVENSON: You are now listening to the Model Health Show with Shawn Stevenson. For more, visit themodelhealthshow.com. Welcome to the Model Health Show, this is fitness and nutrition expert Shawn Stevenson and I'm so grateful for you tuning it with me today. Have you ever thought about the power of decisions? Your decisions determine your destination in life.
Every single decision that you've made or haven't made, has led you to the place that you are right now, and for better or worse... This is one of the most powerful things that we have in our universe, is the power to decide. Oftentimes, it's not about our conditions, our circumstances, it's how we respond to those things and making the choices that empower us, and sometimes we have missteps, sometimes we need some course correction, but ultimately the power is always right there to decide something that can change our lives forever. Now, the problem is, it's not that the decision itself is often complex or even difficult in some instances, it's getting to a place where we feel confident enough, strong enough to evoke the power of that decision, it's getting ourselves to the place where we actually make the decision because how long does it actually take to make a decision that can change the course of our lives? Instantly, it can happen in a moment. But what takes time is getting ourselves to the place where we actually make the decision, where we actually say, Enough is enough, I'm putting this habit down, I'm going to take this particular job, I'm going to move to this particular state, I'm going to choose to spend the rest of my life with this person, I'm going to decide to have another child, I'm going to decide to go back to school, whatever the case might be, it changes the course of our lives and we have immense power to make decisions.
And so, this is why it's such an important and powerful topic to understand some of the inner workings of what decisions really constitute, and also diving in deeper and looking at how can we feel more empowered to make decisions that lead us to the life that we truly want? So really, really excited about this episode.
And one of the decisions for us to make before we get started today is to invest in our own health and wellness. Right now we are dealing with a multitude of different societal health issues, and we really need an insurance to really buffer our system, to go to the next level, and right now the reality is most foods grown conventionally just simply don't cut it, our soil is different, our systems of agriculture are radically different than what they were even a few decades ago, and we have to fortify our nutrition the best that we can and so this is why I'm a huge fan of superfood concentrates, organic, even wild foods in some instances, that can really fortify and provide our body with the basic building blocks that it needs to regenerate our tissues to help to modulate and support our immune system, to literally build our immune cells. And this is why I'm such a big proponent of every single person getting themselves a Green Superfood concentrate, and I say superfood because something that is packing the punch, the nutritional punch of something like spirulina, which is 71% protein by weight is the most protein dominant food ever discovered, gram-for-gram, the highest protein food in the world and it's also incredibly dense in chlorophyll, which is a well-noted blood builder, also magnesium, also rare compounds like phycocyanin, has been clinically proven to stimulate something called Stem Cell Genesis, which is the creation of new stem cells.
And if you know anything about stem cells, stem cells become all the cells that our body needs. It is literally the root of creating a diverse array of cells, we need those stem cells to be able to do those jobs, so very few foods have been discovered that can stimulate that capacity. Alright, so spirulina. Also, chlorella is another super dense source of chlorophyll, that's the name chlorella, but it also has rare compounds like the chlorella growth factor that's found in there that has really great benefits for our cognitive function and also helping to defend our bodies and kill aid heavy metals, defend our bodies against heavy metal toxicity, really cool stuff that chlorella is able to do as well. These are just two of the green superfoods that is found in my favorite Green Superfood blend, that myself and my family has on a regular basis from Organifi.
Head over to organifi.com/model. That's O-R-G-A-N-I-F-I.com/model. You get 20% off their incredible green juice formula, and here's the key, it also tastes really good, alright, because spirulina and chlorella alone, and not so much, but they're incredible blend, bringing into the mix some coconut water, for example, the Ashwagandha and all these other flavor nodes that create something really special, and it feels just refreshing when you drink it, and those who know... Who knows about Organifi's refreshing feeling, you definitely know all about it. Head over there, check 'em out, organifi.com/model for 20% off. Now, let's get to the Apple Podcast review of the week.
ITUNES REVIEW: Another five-star review titled “number one source to a healthy lifestyle” by AmberDrysdale. “Listening to you for several years and you still put out the most top-rated material time and again. Easy, accessible information for our health and wellness backed up by scientific research and practical tools that you can implement in everyday living. Love love love this podcast! Shawn's voice and humor are so enjoyable coupled with his extensive knowledge and background I'm able to learn from him effortlessly and share it with others.”
SHAWN STEVENSON: Love, love, love that review. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your heart over on Apple podcast, that means so much to me. I truly, truly do appreciate that, and on that note, let's get to our special guest and topic of the day. Our guest today is coach Mike Bear, and he's a two-time New York Times best-selling author, television personality and personal development coach, whose mission is to help people achieve sound mental health in order to become their best selves. Mike dedicated the earlier part of his career as a drug and alcohol counselor and board-registered interventionist. In 2005, Mike founded CAST, C-A-S-T Centers, a leading dual diagnostic treatment center located in Los Angeles, California. Coach Mike has a highly renowned track record helping A-list celebrities, seriously. You definitely know some of the people that he's worked with that they call on Mike when they have troubles, and he is an incredible problem-solver/ He's helped A-list celebrities and also everyday folks to heal and recover. Mike hosts his own podcast called Always Evolving with Coach Mike Bayer, and he also sits on Dr. Phil's advisory board and makes appearances on programs such as Dr. Phil, The Doctors, and the Dr. Oz show. And now we're going to dive into this conversation with the amazing coach Mike Bayer. Mike.
MIKE BAYER: Shawn.
SHAWN STEVENSON: How you doing? Welcome to the show.
MIKE BAYER: I'm... Been wanting to come on this show, I'm excited.
SHAWN STEVENSON: It's special man, and I'm very grateful to have you.
MIKE BAYER: Thanks.
SHAWN STEVENSON: And in your new book, you talk a lot about authenticity, why is authenticity so important right now? Why is it such a big part of our success?
MIKE BAYER: You know, authenticity is the type of thing that we have to go back to over and over again, whether... It's how we show up at an event, it's how we show up in our personal life, it's how we show up in our business life, and when we aren't being authentic... And that term gets thrown around a lot these days. Like everyone's like, be yourself, while they're in a bikini hanging over a cliff and taking a selfie, I don't know if that's authenticity, that seems like I want to get some likes, but figuring out authentically for yourself what it means to be authentic because otherwise, we end up with a lifestyle or a life that's incongruent with who we are, and it causes a lot of stress.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yeah, that word itself. We were just talking about this before the show. Marketers tend to screw everything up and taking a true principle like authenticity and turning it into a tactic, I'm being real, but...
MIKE BAYER: Which makes it confusing...
SHAWN STEVENSON: For people...
MIKE BAYER: For people, yeah, it's really confusing.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Well, this leads into the question, how do we actually tap into our authenticity? Why is it so difficult today to be ourselves?
MIKE BAYER: Well, I think the more we're on social media, the harder it is to be ourselves, and I'm someone who struggled with being authentic for many years, I struggled because I grew up playing basketball. I grew up in a family... I'm the shortest male out of all the men, I'm 6'5'', my dad's 6'7'', my mom's 6'8'', my sister's 6'1'', so it was a basketball family, and I grew up... And we all grow up in these families, and we look around us and because they played basketball, I thought, oh, I love basketball. I ended up being pretty good at it. I went to this high school called Mater Dei where I was captain of the basketball team, I went with the Homecoming Queen, I was popular, but I was kind of miserable inside, I was doing all those things that I thought we do to be accepted. The truth for me at the time was, I am gay, but at the time, I didn't know what it was. I really didn't know what it was because there was no social media, and the only examples of that was RuPaul on TV, which... I love RuPaul but I can't relate. Like fun, entertaining.
And then there was a guy on the show, The Real World named Pedro, and he ended up dying of HIV. And there's no poor me in this, it's just... I literally didn't know what it was, and when you don't know what's going on with you, and you feel shame, you try really hard to be accepted by others, to people please, to get others to love you for accolades. And because of that, I ended up using a lot of drugs, and I ended up going to therapy at a very young age, 'cause my parents were like, what is going on with Michael? And part of the reason I've been so passionate about authenticity for almost 20 years is because I know what it's like to live an inauthentic life, and I love to help people find their truth of who they are. And being gay is one of 10,000 descriptions of who I am but it causes a lot of pain and suffering when who we are, we just don't talk about, and we don't express, and we stuff it... And so, it's just... It's for all of us, we constantly have to go back to like, who am I?
Who am I? Because sometimes who we think we are, is who our parents said we were then later in life where, my mom was like this, my dad was like this, that's not who I am. But for me, I find a helpful tool is if we start to write out the descriptions of who we are when we feel free, and I'm funny, I'm charismatic, I'm fearless, whatever it is, and then for me, when I work with people, we create a character. Mine is a wizard. It's actually... I have a wizard up my arm on my sleeve, you've been to my house, I got wizards all over my house. And it's a reminder that when I'm being authentic, I feel like I'm a wizard in my own life. And I can bring the wizard into different situations instead of bringing this feeling of anxiety, you're not being accepted and yeah man, I'm just...
SHAWN STEVENSON: Which is another character.
MIKE BAYER: Which is another character and that I have everyone create what I call their anti-self, and for me, my anti-self is a male witch... Because I don't think... I don't remember male witches having friends, you don't see...
SHAWN STEVENSON: By the way, the short-term for male witch is a Mitch.
MIKE BAYER: Is it?
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yeah, mitches. I'm just making that up.
MIKE BAYER: No, but I dig it. Mine was called Angela, which is the Greek God of Provocation, where basically, I isolate, I complain about the world. I look at champagne problems, I don't do anything about it. And when you can add a little bit of humor to that part of us that struggles and I've been doing this for years, I've been doing it with business executives, celebrities. I remember one entertainer I worked with didn't want to do any deals, and we basically created a squirrel named Ralph and Ralph went into every meeting and ended up getting a VMA just by making the decision to be authentic.
SHAWN STEVENSON: That's so powerful. And I know some of the people you work with as well, and they just rave about you just... This is what I really love about your work and how you translated that over into a book is really remarkable.
MIKE BAYER: Thank you.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Which is a lot of people are in the business unknowingly of just knowing stuff like they're picking up all these little insights from self-help, they're getting inspired but what are you going to do with it? And so you get people taking action within the book, and I love that, is being able to basically dictate what are the qualities that are my best self and give that person a name, create a character around that and know that the other qualities that are not so worthy of you and giving that a name and a character, and it's just like, Oh, there goes that Mitch again and I'm being a little Mitch right now.
MIKE BAYER: Exactly.
SHAWN STEVENSON: And you can start to even create humor and to see it when it's happening, and it starts to break that... The tension because that's part of the issues in our life, and I want to ask you about this. I think that when tough times are happening, we're so invested in it, we get so caught up in the rapture of the thing, and we're not able to step back and to see a bigger picture, and oftentimes the problem isn't remotely as big as we make it out to be.
MIKE BAYER: Yeah, it's like an ant... What do they say? An anthill becomes a volcano. You know, it was an anthill or an ant farm? Where they're all coming out and suddenly it's exploding yeah, but it's interesting how we focus on the things that don't matter to us a year from now, and...
SHAWN STEVENSON: Or even next week.
MIKE BAYER: Or even at the end of the day.
SHAWN STEVENSON: True.
MIKE BAYER: We create such intensity around things that really don't matter, and life is short, the saying is true. A lot of these sayings are sayings because it makes sense and the things that bother us today unless it's really around our health... If we're here on this earth and we're wanting to have a great experience... Yes, it's important to have the mindset, connect to the health, but if someone isn't focusing on their health, they're going to have more depression, they're going to have more anxiety, they're going to have more health issues... One of the businesses that I founded over 15 years ago, it's called CAST centers, it's a treatment center. We're an outpatient, so we deal with people, half our populations like depression, anxiety, co-occurring disorders, the other half is alcoholism and drug addiction. I can tell you that 99% of the clients when they enter into our outpatient have absolutely terrible health, they... Because their mindset has affected them so much that they're not thinking about what they're putting in their body, and that's the danger of not getting your mindset under control, is it just starts to really affect every area.
SHAWN STEVENSON: That's shocking. This is anecdotal evidence, but very real and tangible. You're saying over 90% of folks...
MIKE BAYER: At least. I can't think of anyone, unless someone was like... But even then, I'm thinking an example would be someone who's like a bodybuilder, but even then, it's an extreme... They're going to an extreme. They're taking opiates or pain... Whatever, right? I can't think of anyone... Not to say they don't look okay, but if we were to really do an analysis of when are you eating, what are you eating, they're not going to the doctor, because when somebody is depressed, they're not... The priority list really changes. I don't know any depressed people that are really that concerned about what they're putting in their body.
SHAWN STEVENSON: You said this earlier, some of the terms that we say really are real, I often point to the fact that people don't do well because they don't feel well... And these things feed into each other. So, if we're talking about depression, anxiety, alcohol abuse, whatever the case might be, these are all faculties that can destroy our health, but poor health leads more into those, and of course, feeling like it can be like a snowball effect, a vicious cycle.
MIKE BAYER: I spoke to someone two days ago, successful guy, he said, I just feel miserable. I just feel off. And I feel lost. He's like, I'm making more money than ever. I have a kid on the way, I should be grateful for everything. And I said to him, I said when was the last time you worked out? He goes, well, I was doing it five days a week. I said, well, when was that? He goes, Before COVID. I go, so in 18 months, you haven't worked out once. He goes, No. I go, How's your food? He goes, Terrible. And I'm like, Alright, so you're doing... You think that you're going to love life if you're not taking care of your health, it makes... It's...
And I really believe that this guy... Sometimes the solution isn't going to talk therapy. It isn't hiring me as a coach. It's not coming to our outpatient. It's literally, get your ass in the gym, go for a walk, start to sweat, and eat healthier. It's that simple. For some.
SHAWN STEVENSON: It's true. And, for me, it just goes back to really simple principles that... The mind... The brain that he's having these thoughts contained in, it's made from food.
MIKE BAYER: Right.
SHAWN STEVENSON: You know? So, what are you making your container out of? You know? And the same thing with our movement practices. Your DNA expects you to move. If you're not moving, all kinds of programs are going to start turning on, basically to keep us alive, but put us on sleep mode in a sense.
MIKE BAYER: Right.
SHAWN STEVENSON: You know, down-regulating everything. We need movement to thrive. These are basic things.
MIKE BAYER: We do. We do.
SHAWN STEVENSON: So, I love that you, again, incorporate those things, but you also live by example. I think recently... You recently started doing Jiu-Jitsu?
MIKE BAYER: I do. So, I do Jiu-Jitsu four days a week. So, during Covid, I realized that I missed community. Like, I miss... Like, I was... I'm gay, but I don't feel like I'm a part of the gay community. Right? Like, I don't even know what that means these days. You know? Everyone speaks on behalf of communities. I'm like, "What the hell are you guys even... Who are you speaking for?" Right? But I love sports, I like to be athletic, and I thought, "What is a way to kind of hit two birds with one stone?" And I was like, "If I can create a community of people that are kind of cool to be around like I like them, and I can also exercise." And so, I had tried Jiu-Jitsu through the years. I did it once every six months to a year, and I would learn... And Jiu-Jitsu is basically a martial art. Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is you wear what's called a Gi. They're robes, and you put a belt around it. And essentially, you roll, they call it, with another person. And it ends either by time running out or you have to tap, because you're getting your arm broken or leg... Knee dislocated or choked out.
SHAWN STEVENSON: It sounds so fun.
MIKE BAYER: I love it. Okay? So... And I love it, there's... By the way, there's no homoeroticism in this for me. Like, I just want to put that out there. I've never... No, no, because sometimes people have said to me, they're like, "Oh, I bet you do." I'm like, "Trust me, dude, I'm trying to survive." I feel like I'm going to get... Like, pass out or something. But what it's done for me... I have this amazing professor, Professor Cobrinha, and when I started training with him... It's just awesome. You know, it opens your hips. It makes you breathe. It's... I love sports where you can't think about anything else. You're so in the moment.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Right, right.
MIKE BAYER: Like with the hot yoga. And so, I'm actually entering a tournament in November. A Jiu-Jitsu tournament.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Incredible.
MIKE BAYER: Yeah. So, I'll be in the Ultra Heavyweight Division. And I just... It's been a game-changer for me. And I think, after Covid, for a lot of people I've found... It's figuring out how do you create a community of people that also you like to do exercise with. I find that's really helpful.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yeah. That's so great. That's so great. And this all speaks to over the years because you've done a lot of stuff. You've tried different, you know, activities, sports, experiences, travel, but there's always more.
MIKE BAYER: Yeah.
SHAWN STEVENSON: And you proactively decide, "Let me put myself in this... " Probably an uncomfortable position, like, literally.
MIKE BAYER: Right.
SHAWN STEVENSON: And challenging yourself. And I could see you kind of light up in talking about it.
MIKE BAYER: Yeah.
SHAWN STEVENSON: And we all can tap into that, but we have to give ourselves permission to try new things.
MIKE BAYER: We have to try new things. And it's really easy to get our brains to be like, "I don't like that." But it's like... Like, I've heard some people be like, "I don't like therapy." And I'm like, "Well, who was your therapist?" It's like, "I don't like my trainer." Well, who is your trainer? Like, how do you know you don't like something after one or two times? You know, especially when it's someone else teaching us. I'm a... I'm a learner. You know, I like to learn. So, if I can be in a setting... And even when I had you on my podcast, it's like, I get to learn. When I can be a student, I'm thrilled. Because in other aspects of life, I feel like I'm viewed as like a... A teacher of things. You know, especially when I'm on Dr. Phil, it's like, I'm that role. So, it feels really good too, like, be a student.
SHAWN STEVENSON: You just gave a huge secret to some of the greatest teachers and coaches in the world. They're major students. Really lifetime students. I'm obsessively... I'm just curious. I just want to...
MIKE BAYER: Right.
SHAWN STEVENSON: I just want to learn. I want to explore. But also, this goes back to I don't want to just know stuff, I want to do stuff.
MIKE BAYER: Right.
SHAWN STEVENSON: And put it into action and see what happens and get that real-world feedback.
MIKE BAYER: Right, yeah.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yeah. So, this leads into your new book.
MIKE BAYER: Right.
SHAWN STEVENSON: And you titled it "One Decision." What... What drove you to... What was the decision for you to call it "One Decision?"
MIKE BAYER: Well, you know, my first book that came out was called "Best Self." Which helps people find out who they are authentically, and creating that part of you, and looking at your whole life, and figuring out, "How do I be authentic in every aspect of my life?" From my personal to my spiritual to my health. You know, because we don't sit back and screen our lives until we're in a crisis often. And so, my style of writing is very much like working with me as a coach, where they're... The person's writing in the book and underlining and answering questions. It's like, "How can I give someone a coaching experience?" And with "One Decision," I realized that everything comes down to one decision. Like, every aspect of our life comes down to one decision, and we're just one decision away from making a change. And sometimes they are big decisions, but often there are really just small, little one decisions that have a huge impact in our life for the better. So, the intention of the book is to help people start to just make one decisions in their life that ultimately can lead them to make better decisions for themselves.
SHAWN STEVENSON: That's a... Right off the bat, that's a powerful insight. Because we're just one decision away, truly, from changing our lives. Now, the decision is always there and possible, but what is it... Why can't we get ourselves to the place where we actually make that decision? What do we need to do to get ourselves to that place?
MIKE BAYER: Well... Yeah. So, there's two things. One is figuring out, "Okay, what is causing us the most stress?" Or... You know, sometimes it's helpful to figure out what is giving us the most anxiety. I found, working with people, that we often think something is bothering us, but it's not actually that thing. You know, like, we may think, "God, I'm really stressed, because I need to make more money." But what someone's actually stressed about is security, safety. It's deeper than what our brains are saying. And sometimes we can still create that security and safety, so we feel different, and ultimately, we'll make more money. But when we're looking at that thing outside of ourselves... So, the first part is changing our mindset around what it is that we're going to change.
Like I said, I do a lot of assessments in my work. So, I really want to figure out very quickly what is working, because some people... And that's a great thing, right? Like, everyone has areas of their life that are working tremendously, and we don't take time to appreciate those areas. We don't go, "Well, I'm killing it in this arena. I feel good." And so, I like to kind of help people just add a number to these different areas, and then once we figure out that lowest number, let's say it's your finances or your health or whatever, then I ask, "Well, how motivated are you to change it?" 'Cause if you're not motivated to change it, then let's not focus on it. Let's focus on something else.
And so, I do another test that's kind of like, "Alright, well, let's figure out your motivation." And then we take a look at, "How are we currently viewing that problem?" Because often when we struggle... I created what's called the Force. I love acronyms. I know you do, too. The Force is when we... It stands... The negative Force is when we're fortune-telling. You know, we often fortune-tell because we think we're protecting ourselves. "Oh, they would never hire me. Oh, I could never do that."
SHAWN STEVENSON: So, the Force acronym is designating a negative force in our lives?
MIKE BAYER: Correct.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Okay. So, we got F.
MIKE BAYER: So, when we... Yeah. So, we have F, which is fortune-telling. And the Force is the mindset that drives us to be able to not get into a solution. So, O would be over-generalizing. You know, this is where racism exists. This is where sexism exists. This is where... I'm not good enough exists. Or I tried that once before, so it can't happen. So, over-generalizing gets in the way. Rigidity, which is also known as right fighting, that really blocks us from learning and figuring out new ways that we can approach a situation. We'll sometimes see this in companies where people need to be right, and they're not team players.
SHAWN STEVENSON: And not just in companies. In relationships.
MIKE BAYER: Correct.
SHAWN STEVENSON: As well.
MIKE BAYER: For sure, for sure. Especially with people who are parenting. We see that a lot.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yeah. And also... So, that would be rigidity. Like, having tunnel vision, basically. Not being able to see all the options.
MIKE BAYER: Correct. It's like the need for control. You know, the need to be right. It's like that person that you get together with, and you're both unsure, but they go home and Google it and send you a text to prove they're right. Even though you don't really care.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Who are you hanging out with Mike?
MIKE BAYER: That's my dad. Okay? My Dad was the right fighter. I love my dad to pieces. But, like, those people... There's a lot of these people, trust me. And then C is confused purpose. That's when we're just confused or lost in life. We're just like, "Why am I going to do that?" Like, you're just stuck. And E is emotional reasoning, which is basically like the saying, "Feelings aren't facts." Because I see a lot of people going, "I feel this way, therefore it's the truth." Well, just because you feel that way... You know, if every time we were accurate just upon the way we feel... If I thought just the way I feel, then I'd still be addicted to drugs. I mean, it's like... It doesn't work. And that's where a victim mindset comes in. That's where people typically will... "You hurt my feelings." And that type of stuff just doesn't allow us to feel empowered. So, those are obstacles. So, when we get into the opportunities, that's the positive force. And from my experience, people...
And it's hard to kind of articulate without guiding someone through an exercise around it. But really, what I've found is, if we can get someone from one of those negative forces to a positive force, then they can make one decision from that point of view. So, like, instead of fortune-telling, they're fact-finding. So, I'll find that people who will fortune-tell, "Oh, they'll never hire me." And I'll say, "Well, let's look at the facts. Do you think they've ever hired someone who hasn't completed college? Oh, so you think only successful people completed college?" You know, like get into the facts around it.
Instead of over-generalizing, we get into objective thinking. You know, how are we looking at this person, place, or thing? That is objective, using critical thinking. Instead of being... Having rigidity, we would get into relaxed. Relaxed is more casual. Like we were talking about a little while ago, it doesn't matter. We're holding on to it like it's so important when really, we can be chill about it. The C is having clarified purpose, so. And I found this so helpful. It's like when we get confused, especially now that a lot of people are reconnecting after Covid or they may go to a dinner and they're confused, like, "Why am I here?" It's because we haven't clarified our purpose. We're there to show up for a friend. It's not about us. We're there because we're going to network. So, once we get into that clarifying our purpose, we don't isolate, we show up, we get curious. And then, instead of emotional reasoning, it's evidence-based thinking. Which is really getting into the evidence. So that's just like a quick hack that we go through in one decision because I've found that the reason why people can't get into an opportunity mindset is they're stuck in this negative force.
SHAWN STEVENSON: I love that so much. It's like the... The dark side of the force.
MIKE BAYER: You got it. Yeah.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Wow, this is so good, man. And what really jumped out to me, of all of those, is the emotional reasoning. I think that's a huge, huge player in our lives. And also, from that, emotional decision-making.
MIKE BAYER: Right, exactly.
SHAWN STEVENSON: So, making decisions based off of our emotions, and not off of...
MIKE BAYER: That's why we say sleep on it.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Right. Sleep smarter on it.
MIKE BAYER: Sleep smarter on it, right?
SHAWN STEVENSON: Right. That's powerful.
MIKE BAYER: Don't react. Don't be impulsive, because that's out of emotion.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yeah. There's a statement to never make a long-term decision on a temporary emotion. You know, so having a little bit more resolve. But within that, I love the other side of it, which is evidence-based thinking. And we're big, big proponents of that here, and also... But we... The emotion isn't bad. That's the thing, too, and what I love about your work as well. But it's like using it intelligently. So, we can take this evidence-based thinking and imbue it with emotion.
MIKE BAYER: Yeah, I think... And there's different types... Obviously, there's a huge range of emotions and everyone is different. But I think if we're viewing something where it's causing us to suffer, then we should look at the evidence and make sure it's okay for us to suffer. It's like that level of struggle that I really like to help people get out of because once we... Like you said, once we get into the evidence, it feels better.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yeah.
MIKE BAYER: You just naturally feel better just on looking at the problem differently.
SHAWN STEVENSON: So good, so good. We've got a quick break coming up, we'll be right back.
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So, I want to ask you about this. Within "One Decision," within that framework of... Again, the decision is always present. You know, when I made the decision to improve my health, for example, the decision was always there. It just took me time to get to the place where I made the decision because it literally... My life changed the moment I stopped blaming, asking "Why me? Why won't somebody help me?" To asking a different question, I asked, "What can I do to get healthy? What can I do to feel better?" And in that moment, my life changed. Now, that was followed by action, of course. But I want to talk about this because you also have the four Os. And it starts off with the obstacle. So, can we go through that?
MIKE BAYER: Sure. This is just another quick tool, hack is... And I think in self-help or the genre I'm in I'm always helping people get out of a problem or an obstacle because usually, I find that I'm trying to help someone overcome a way that they're looking at something, so first it's figuring out what the obstacle is. Give me an example, maybe that would help.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Okay, so right now a lot of folks are dealing with issues with the job market. A lot of folks lost their jobs over the presence of COVID and taking over people's lives, a lot of folks had to pivot and do new things, but right now, there's still millions of people who are unemployed, specifically folks who had to shut their doors to their businesses permanently. My wife and I just went out because stuff is sort of opened up in LA...
MIKE BAYER: Right, sort of.
SHAWN STEVENSON: And we went to a restaurant and right across was, I'd say our favorite restaurant, and it's closed down permanently. It's been here operating for many, many years, but they were forced to shut their doors, and I think about the family who runs that business. What can they do to recover? They've lost something they've really invested so much of their life into, and I know that's a story for a lot of people.
MIKE BAYER: And I think it also, from my experience working with a lot of people who've had some businesses close down, some have said to me, it was a blessing and it allowed them to focus on other things, like they felt ball-and-chained to that specific business. However, when somebody really has to pivot and change their career, the mindset, it's not to say it doesn't suck, and it's not to say it doesn't feel fair. It's not taken away from all of that. It's a matter of what is the opportunity today that could change everything, and when somebody is really stressed out around money, it filters into every area of their life, so if somebody's stressed out about money, then the opportunity would be, "Well, what are some new ways to make money? What have you always wanted to do that you couldn't do before? Could you consult? Could you advise? Could you take that wisdom and experience and bring it to another arena? Could you write a book? Could you speak? Could you call that school down the street that your kids go to and share that wisdom? Can you call that business, like could you believe in yourself now that you're capable of doing it? Could you find a new business partner? Do you have an idea?" All of those are opportunities.
And as soon as we're able to see the opportunities, we get inspired, and we can start to make some changes. The mindset of, "That sucks, it's all over," it's impossible to create new opportunities.
SHAWN STEVENSON: You're already limiting yourself right out of the gate. So, the obstacle, we have the obstacle, then we have the opportunity that presents itself, which the truth is, even as I'm hearing, you're just sharing some of the opportunities.
MIKE BAYER: Some of the opportunities.
SHAWN STEVENSON: You can go on and on and on.
MIKE BAYER: And that's a great... Everyone authentically has their own opportunities, so when we make one decision, that's the third part, from viewing it as an obstacle, if we make one decision when we feel like, "This sucks," what decision do we make?
SHAWN STEVENSON: "I can't do anything about it."
MIKE BAYER: Can't do anything about it. No one... We start getting into the negative force, that things aren't going to change. "I put too much time in." When we view it as an opportunity, the one decision we make is inspired... We're calling people, we're hustling. I sometimes say to myself, I'm like a cockroach and you can't get rid of me. We've just begun. It's like you make decisions, viewing them as an opportunity in the last O. It's called The Four O's: Obstacle, opportunity, one decision, and then outcome. So, the outcome, when we're being authentic and making a decision from viewing it as an opportunity is we can let go of the outcome. When we make one decision from viewing it as an obstacle, that's when we start to go, "God, I got to clean up that up again or I shouldn't have said that" or "God, I didn't feel good about... " We start feeling insecure and we're not making decisions that better our life. It's as simple as viewing it differently and making decisions from that mindset is what ultimately leads us to a more authentic, better life.
SHAWN STEVENSON: I think there's such a deep level of truth in what you're sharing, and I know that everybody's had these experiences, that the obstacle turned into something of value for them in their lives. If we look back on some of the toughest things we've gone through and the character traits that came from it, or that the directions that it shifted us to in our lives and how it kind of moved us forward, and I think that the only thing that can keep us feeling stagnant is when we don't learn from the obstacle when we don't get something from it, because we're choosing not to.
MIKE BAYER: We're choosing not to. Yeah, we're choosing not to.
SHAWN STEVENSON: I want to circle back and ask you about authenticity again because I think it makes it easier to do this process when you are feeling in your power, you're feeling authentic, being authentic to who you really are. And right now, I feel that we're experiencing an epidemic of in-authenticity because we're exposed to... So, how evolved is we might compare ourselves to maybe a few people in our tribe or a village. Now, you can compare yourself to hundreds of people a day, or thousands even a day. We're just not wired up for all of that comparison, and so how is that really our lives right now? How is our constant state of comparison pulling away from our authenticity?
MIKE BAYER: Well, it definitely is, and that's why it's so important to build our community and people who love and accept us for who we are and looking towards those people, getting our mindset to look at those relationships. Social media is not authentic, and if you want to go the direction of... I'm just going to say everything, you sometimes can go the route of being angry, and that's not really who you are. It's like who are you fighting? Strangers, ghosts? So, I think it's just so important that we express ourselves the most authentic way, but also not give other people parts of ourselves that maybe they don't deserve... And also, I find it so interesting in my own industry of coaches, a lot of these coaches buy their followers, they buy their engagement, and they position themselves a certain type of way, but yet they're preaching authenticity... And it's like... It sometimes for my own brain. I struggle with it at times. I struggle with sometimes, "Well, why are they getting that?" But then I have to go, "Man, you got a great life," and start to get into a lot of gratitude, because otherwise it's like a popularity contest, and the more I... And you do this. You trail blaze, you march to your own beat. You're not someone that copies other people. I feel like you're even someone who's like, "I want to make sure I don't ever be seen as coping anyone else," and you probably put a lot of thought behind things to make sure of that.
SHAWN STEVENSON: I make my own model.
MIKE BAYER: Right.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yeah, for sure. For sure, it's intentional, absolutely, and also, I'm going about this intentionally for other people to be more confident about who they are. I'm changing the framework of what a scientist looks like, what a healthcare practitioner looks like, what they sound like.
MIKE BAYER: I'm with you. I'm changing the way of what a life coach can sound like.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yeah, absolutely.
MIKE BAYER: And look like and vibe like. I get all the time people going, "Well, that doesn't sound very professional," and it's the best compliment ever, 'cause I'm not looking for them to think I'm the best professional ever. Or... I think mental health and healthcare in general, we all struggle with mental health, we're all trying to do the best we can, and the guy in just being in a suit in an office, that's the old model. And I think really, it's about everyone has the opportunity to express themselves, just like we are trying to do day-to-day, anyone can do that day-to-day, and they're enough and as long as we don't care, meaning anyone, what other people think, we're good. As soon as we start deeply caring, we struggle, and so that's why it's so important to surround ourselves with people who love us, support us... And that sounds cliche, but I'm telling you, during COVID, Zoom is not the same. Like someone, my neighbor texted me. He moved to New York, he wanted to Zoom and check-in. I said, "I'm not doing Zoom." I don't... I'm past that now, I want to connect with people. I want to feel the vibe with people.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yeah, we don't live in... This is not a movie. We see these futuristic movies where it's that kind of communication, it's virtual, but humans, we evolve. We're talking about billions of years here getting to this point of community and working together. And suddenly, literally within the last couple of decades is just been this huge fracture of what that looks like, and prior to the pandemic and all the shutdowns, one of the former Surgeon Generals of the United States... Their publicist reached out, sent me their work, and they were coming forward sharing that loneliness is the number one health problem in our country.
MIKE BAYER: I believe it.
SHAWN STEVENSON: It's the foundation for so many other issues, and I went and dug around, looked at the data, and it was very compelling, to say the least, and so we're living in a culture where we're getting more and more separated, and so with you, what you're saying is so simple, but are we doing it which is pay more attention and cultivate real relationships that keep you supported.
MIKE BAYER: Peloton is not... And I know people love Peloton, I have a Peloton bike, although I'm over it now. 'Cause it's not community, it's not real. It's a facade and they make you feel like you're a part of this thing that's so exciting but you're not... You're literally punching it on a computer, and my screen name's Vita Maria, which is the name of my dog, and it's like I'm not going to lunch with anyone, I'm basically spinning with an instructor, but they make it seem... See the thing is, a lot of these marketing campaigns. Same thing with telehealth. There's a lot of things going on to make you feel like, "Oh, I should feel really good, I'm a part of this." We're not, it's marketing. And we sit back, and we look at it, and then we start to feel really lonely. Yeah, you're going to feel lonely. If you're riding a bike five days a week with a computer screen... Yeah, you're going to feel lonely. That's not connecting. It's not... And I know people will be, "I love my... " That's great, but for a lot of people, it's not enough. For me, it's not. And COVID, especially with marketing, has made it seem like we're all able to be so connected and we're not...
I think I get... I have a few things where I get reactive, and that's something else. I also get reactive with pharmaceutical company commercials, and I know you're passionate about that too, and I work in mental health, so they're always coming around trying to get this medicine, this medicine, this medicine... It's just like...
SHAWN STEVENSON: "Ask your doctor." That's not how it's supposed to work.
MIKE BAYER: And by the way, doctors for mental health, even though they can prescribe medication, I think it's something like... I don't know the exact number, but I want to say it's like they take two or three courses on the brain.
SHAWN STEVENSON: If that.
MIKE BAYER: If that... But they can prescribe medication for the brain.
SHAWN STEVENSON: And they're not actually looking at the organ that they're treating.
MIKE BAYER: No!
SHAWN STEVENSON: That's the biggest issue.
MIKE BAYER: And the amount of clients that we get at CAST Centers where the primary doctor put 'em on cocktails of medications where we're like...
SHAWN STEVENSON: Based on a conversation.
MIKE BAYER: Yeah, and we're like, "Why are they on Xanax?" Because benzos, for example, a lot of people have ended up on benzos during COVID. Benzos are like Valium, Xanax, and they're the most brutal withdrawal of any drug, period because it can last for months. They're slow-acting in terms of when they hit your blood and how it works with time, and you can... In every drug, what's interesting, especially with... Is you get the opposite effect when you stop taking it? So, you get heightened effect, so let's say you're on a medication to stop anxiety. When you stop the medication, your anxiety is going to go through the roof, 'cause your system is built up to protect that anxiety, and so your tolerance goes up, and so by the time you get off of it, it is brutal. If it was at a four, it's now at an eight. And so, it doesn't... It's like, some of these medications are tricky because unless you're committed to being on them for a long, long time... You can't work a full-time job and go through it, like getting off Xanax, and I'm talking these are slow doses. These aren't like someone's taken a bunch of Xanny bars. And over time. So anyway, I just got triggered around community and...
SHAWN STEVENSON: Hey. You're really speaking my language because if we're really being honest about it, everything has its place. Drugs have their place, but what these are doing, these are masking symptoms. They're masking symptoms. They're not actually bringing a solution, and that's the unfortunate thing, and if we're just being honest in an acute situation, these are great places for medications, but for chronic issues, for things that people are really struggling with, if we're just going to hide the symptom, what are you actually doing? Your body is trying to express and give you feedback that something's wrong, so let's go ahead and silence that alarm and see what happens.
MIKE BAYER: Right, because doctors today have become the modern-day drug dealer. They're the biggest prescribers of opiates that mimic when somebody's on heroin. This just happens to be in the pill, and you can get it for a co-pay, but... And not all doctors are horrible, there's great people out there. It's just when you're dealing with vulnerable people in general. Vulnerability comes from someone going, "I don't know what to do. Tell me, help me." And that's why I get a little bit of a reaction to it. Like some of these coaching conferences, when people get opened up for two to three days, they're seeking, they're feeling the richness of life, and then someone's like, "And by the way, it's $50,000 a year to sign up for this program," I'm like, "Why don't you give them a week?" Let them just go back in their life, but I guess that's not the business model, but the same thing with doctors. When someone's coming in vulnerable, they're not calling the spouse and the family system. There's a lot of dynamics with psychology...
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yeah, so much.
MIKE BAYER: It's not as simple as...
SHAWN STEVENSON: Here's a pill. Unfortunately, and having the opportunity to work in health care and have so many colleagues, unfortunately, and they'll share this with you, that the system is structured in such a way that many physicians, even though they love people, they're there to serve, they're trying to help people get better, it doesn't allow for that. It's really treating people, it's volume. It's really operating in volume and not value. Equality. And just to keep the whole big machine running, and I just shared recently that Johnson and Johnson closed in on an almost $30 billion lawsuit to settle their contributions to the opioid crisis. And right now, their name is top of mind because they got a new drug that's again, not FDA-approved actually, and just... We're going to wait and see what happens. And another one of their issues, the baby powder, they just closed in on about a $5 billion dollar lawsuit on the baby powder.
MIKE BAYER: Why? What happened with the baby powder?
SHAWN STEVENSON: You don't know about the baby powder and cancer?
MIKE BAYER: I don't know about this. What? No, I don't know about this baby powder.
SHAWN STEVENSON: So, Johnson and Johnson...
MIKE BAYER: I don't have any babies.
SHAWN STEVENSON: They knowingly, knowingly had data coming from their own scientists even, that this could potentially be a carcinogen, and they just kept it on the market for all those years, and again, it's not to say that value can't come from these organizations, but if they have a track record of criminal activity, felonies, death, and they get to keep running business as usual. That's the crazy part about it.
MIKE BAYER: And I think what it comes down to in a lot of these is education. And, granted, if you can afford it, some of these private schools, they... Yeah, they're going to offer the most customized experience for kids in its... And I've spoken at some of these schools and it's very, very prestigious. But, really, it's the school of life, and how do you navigate all of this messaging, how do you navigate relationships? We're never taught in school about mindset growing up. We were not told about, "Here's how you improve your mindset. Here's how you view an obstacle and turn into an opportunity. Here's what you do with a stress. Here's what you do when you don't feel enough," and I think those type of topics in schools, as courses. Who identified in schools what is considered a course? Okay, this is a court... Well, why would you have a mindset course, like why wouldn't you have a true health course? You're going to put food in your body every day, but there's no health. Why would that not be as important as trigonometry? I can't tell you one thing. Look, I did basic algebra, but imagine how many hours went into study that could have been on, "Here's how you regulate your sleep, and here are some tricks to get yourself to deal with anxiety." How cool would that be?
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yeah.
MIKE BAYER: That's life.
SHAWN STEVENSON: And these are real things we use in the real world every day.
MIKE BAYER: Every day.
SHAWN STEVENSON: And I'm one of those guys, I took all of these math classes and advanced stuff, I don't even know why...
MIKE BAYER: Because you're smart. You're very smart, and you probably were excited and got into it. And you probably like statistics and data.
SHAWN STEVENSON: I was just going to say one of my last classes in college was Business Statistics.
MIKE BAYER: So gnarly, I failed that class... That's so hard.
SHAWN STEVENSON: I even remember my teacher, Professor Abdul, shoutout to Professor Abdul, but it was just fascinating to me, but where does the translation or value in people's lives, because again, a tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny percentage of people might use that data, but I'm so grateful to have you here to say this which is... And we can change it in our lifetime where these classes are taught to children on basic principles of health and taking care of their body, basic principles of operating and understanding their own mind that they live with all the time, that's making decisions.
MIKE BAYER: Right, yeah, I think it's... In my opinion, courses should be based upon what we deal with day-to-day in life, and less about stuff that isn't relevant. And how cool would that be to be able to build up and grow people to be their true authentic selves and to be able to carry themselves, it's the same thing with kids can't help with families they grow up in, and the trauma that goes on in some households and what people are dealing with... Let's help people figure that out.
SHAWN STEVENSON: As you're talking, this is reminding me why this doesn't exist, is that it doesn't fit into a conformity. These things are anti-conformity when you teach people how to think, not what to think. And when you teach them... When you deprive them of learning about their bodies and how to feel good... That's pro-conformity. And so this is how we get into a system where we have the medical system, where we've got people who want to help others get trapped in a system where they're working for the drug industry, even if they didn't sign up for that, and just feeding into the problem, and the insurance companies and the government regulations and all of it is feeding into the most powerful industry and really even their legal system, their lawyers are the most powerful people on the planet.
MIKE BAYER: Oh yeah, you don't want to mess with them.
SHAWN STEVENSON: If we're talking about the drug industry, and one of other little fun fact that I was just shocked to see, but it wasn't an accident because you mentioned the drug commercials, they come on television, pharmaceutical companies provide billions of dollars every year in funding major media networks. Every year.
MIKE BAYER: I believe it.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Why would they have a report about... They might tell you about the Johnson & Johnson... And I actually... I saw it at the bottom in the little ticker, they didn't have a big feature on it, they didn't talk much about it. It's here today, gone today. But they'll keep hammering your way with all the fear and all the other problems, but they're not going to mess with their money.
MIKE BAYER: Yeah, and it's... Right now, you even have where the celebrities will give away millions of... I don't know, million dollars’ worth of therapy with some of these apps, these mental health apps... Well, first of all, they're not giving away, they're getting paid a fortune, and then all they're doing... And then you're looking and you're like, was that really the best type of approach is people sitting at home, talking to a therapist... I understand, get help and help comes in all sorts of different types of way, I think it's just... Like when you're in it and you see what's going on, or you're in it and you're like... I was going to ask you because I know in California now, all public schools are... They're supplying food, have you seen that?
SHAWN STEVENSON: I have not, no.
MIKE BAYER: So, in California now, all public schools, they're providing food. It's mandatory, but I was just curious what you thought about it, because I was like, well, what are they supplying?
SHAWN STEVENSON: That's the thing.
MIKE BAYER: What are they... Because...
SHAWN STEVENSON: They could just be feeding the problem. Literally.
MIKE BAYER: There could be an opportunity if there was some...
SHAWN STEVENSON: Just a modicum of health coming behind it, but I was on the free lunch program and it's much the same, you get your little single serving size cereal bowl, you get a juice, and you get yourself a milk and you have at it, you fuel yourself or anti-fuel yourself to start the day... On another day, we might get packaged donuts or things of that nature, but not real food, this is not real food that they're providing for these children, but we can change that.
MIKE BAYER: We can change it.
SHAWN STEVENSON: That's accessible, it's possible. And so, for me, I'm passionate that there's an obstacle there, but with work like yours, it really is a format because I also see the opportunity and...
MIKE BAYER: Yeah, there is.
SHAWN STEVENSON: We got to focus on that.
MIKE BAYER: Yeah, 'cause we can get stuck in the problem, or we can get stuck in the solution, and when we get stuck in the problem, we don't feel good, we get frustrated when we see there's an opportunity to get in it, then we feel better. That's why I was like, oh, you should see if you could work with what they're supplying in the schools, that could be really helpful.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Low-key, I am.
MIKE BAYER: Oh, you are.
SHAWN STEVENSON: There's some little stuff going on behind the scenes. But this is part of the process. I wanted to influence policy change, which there's some really cool stuff going on with some of the folks that have been reaching out in policy and government, but the nature of that is by me saying, you know what? I don't even care if you don't do this. Because for a long time I was approaching that, trying to get in position to do that, but I'm just of the mind that we can do it ourselves. At the end of the day, when it really boils down to it, we can do it ourselves, we don't have to wait around for whoever, fill in the blank, to do it, and I want to ask you about this because getting to that place where we can take action and make big change, one of the things that we do is we get distracted, we use distractions, and you mentioned earlier of your own experience with drugs and alcohol and working with so many people and just having a major impact with that, that's one method of distraction from our potential.
MIKE BAYER: Yeah, and I've worked with it. The last, I would say 7, even though I own a center, my primary work has been with people who are successful, out there, creating a lot of magic in their own... They're on fire, but they still have aspects of their life that are distractions or that are weighing them down.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Social media is another big distraction today.
MIKE BAYER: It is.
SHAWN STEVENSON: So how do we manage some of this stuff? Why we do that? Why do we use these things when we know we "should be" taking action to create the life that we want, that we say we want...? Why do we get distracted?
MIKE BAYER: Well, I think all distraction is not bad, so sometimes whether you believe in God or universe, it could be something's trying to creep in and that's really helpful. So sometimes that's helpful. We do know that people can't really do two things at once, a lot of people think that they can listen while they're typing, while they're... Your brain doesn't have that ability really, it does go down a little bit, so the focus does go away, but I think it's the level of distraction that we have our control over, so whether we're watching movies all day or whether we're going on social media, or whether we're making decisions that have enough of the significant impact that it could change our lives... The two motivators for us to change any behavior, big motivators are consequences if we don't change it, sometimes the consequences aren't that big of a deal. Distraction is not that bad. It's like, yeah, okay, we may not be able to do this in our business, but whatever, it's not that serious, or it could be that like, oh, this is going to be detrimental. So, the level of focus depends. So, the one is consequences, sometimes aren't big consequences. It's social media's so nebulous, it's hard to tell what the consequence is, like, oh, I'm going on social media and looking at all these pages... Well, what's the consequence?
Well, every time you're digesting information, you have to ask yourself, Did I feel smarter after? Do I feel happier? Did it satisfy anything in me? Because it's no different than playing a video game then. I can say I play Magic: The Gathering, which is like a card game, I literally enter tournaments and stuff.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Oh, you're a big... Big nerd. Big nerd energy over here.
MIKE BAYER: But I do it to debrief, I do it to... Meditative almost, right? And I have done it at times when I want to escape, I'll play on my computer and I'm probably playing some 12-year-old in Japan or something because their cards are in Japanese, but I think there's levels to which we get consequences based upon our decisions and the other's pain. So, the second reason why we change is pain, we get sick and tired of being sick and tired. We don't like how we feel, we don't like how that's making me feel... To be honest, I saw the movie Fast and Furious nine, and I was going through pain.
That was one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my life. I thought I was like... By the end of it, I literally... I literally wanted to leave so bad, but I was on a date, and I couldn't leave. It was so bad, so bad.
SHAWN STEVENSON: That's a big statement. I haven't seen it yet but...
MIKE BAYER: Honestly, I would have rather cleaned my closet... And by the way, it's not that severe, I don't go and see movies all the time to have this reaction, but if you're doing a behavior that doesn't bring you joy and I'm not discrediting all the Fast and Furious creations... I know people put a lot of effort in, I know it's a lot of energy, I know it's probably... It's grossly successful, but I think it's figuring out what are those things that are distracting us? And not being a perfectionist. It's all good. Sometimes people will always bring up quotes, they'll bring up quotes about like Steve Jobs did this, right? Why don't you ask his kid how he was as a dad? Because I've read certain things, but everyone was talking about Steve Jobs is this or that. Well, why don't we talk about what's more important, how did you impact the relationships in your life, and sometimes we miss the mark in terms of like, what are our priorities? It's more important to show up for your kids or those people you love than it is to make another million dollars because you get to have an impact on people that love you, and there's no better feeling than love. So again, I don't know his son, I'm just saying that's what I read, could be totally inaccurate, but I do think it's a matter of focusing on what is important and making sure that that aspect of your life is fulfilled.
SHAWN STEVENSON: This is so good, Mike I've got one more question for you, how do we deal with disappointment? How do we deal with when these situations have taken place and we feel like maybe we've done something wrong, we've struggled to make this particular change, and we are struggling to just come to terms with things and we're just disappointed in ourselves, what do we do?
MIKE BAYER: The number one thing is we don't do it alone. And that... For some people, unfortunately, they've been taught, you got to do it alone. Anyone who grows up in a traumatic household with an abusive parent or abusive situation, has a very hard time asking for help because their caregiver growing up was not providing that help, it wasn't safe, and so for some people, they don't want to ask for help, or they feel like if they ask for help, they're going to owe someone... They create a story, and we're all here on this planet trying to figure this thing out together, and when I say asking for help, it's having coffee with someone who you admire and be like, how did you do that? Or how did you keep yourself from not being stressed? People like to share. Dr. Phil... And I'm on Dr. Phil quite a bit, and I ask him a ton of questions because he's got a lot of wisdom. He is a mentor of mine. But it wasn't like saying, hey, could you be my mentor? I just literally, I'm like, how did you do that? How do you do that? How do you deal with people being mean towards you, how do you deal with someone lying about you, how do you...?
And I think it's like disappointment, and a lot of people will do this through a divorce, they won't ask for help and they suffer a lot. And help doesn't mean going to therapy, help can be very free, and we all have people in our tribe or life, we all have those people that we haven't even seen in like a year or two years, but we always have that vibe with them. And we always know that we can just be real with them and talk. And it's literally getting the words out and getting vulnerable with another person, and that starts to get the ball moving because when we feel really disappointed, which isn't an emotion and we of course can experience it, but it's also like if it starts to affect our lives, we need help. I think help has this weird connotation like it's like a bad thing. A lot of people believe you don't ask for help. I got it... Okay, but you're going to suffer more. For me, I'm asking everyone for help. I'm asking everyone around me for help. So that would be my suggestion.
SHAWN STEVENSON: That's perfect. That's absolutely gold. Mike, thank you so much for hanging out with us today.
MIKE BAYER: Thank you, Shawn.
SHAWN STEVENSON: This has been fun. Can you let everybody know where they can connect with you, get more from Coach Mike and also where can they pick up your books?
MIKE BAYER: Sure, so It's Coach Mike Bayer on all social platforms, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Twitter, and then, Yeah, easiest way is Amazon to get one decision or best self, and that's it really... If someone's really struggling in your life, you could call us at CAST Centers, we give free assessments, we could refer out to your area, we have some coaching programs, but I'm just grateful to be here with you and this is an honor to be here, so thanks for having me, man.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Thank you. I've been diving into your world so much the past couple of weeks, and the great thing about you is you make these things palatable; you make it fun, and also, I love... Again, I want to reiterate this, even in your books, you made it so actionable, which is not common, and so I can see... And also, just knowing the people that you've worked with and some of the people that you work with and had an impact on... They absolutely love you. You know, you're the walking talking example of it. And I just appreciate you so much for being here.
MIKE BAYER: Thank you, man. Appreciate you.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Awesome. Coach Mike Bayer, everybody. Thank you so much for tuning in to the show today. I hope you got a lot of value out of this. One of the biggest takeaways for me today, and also for us, it's something that is lacking, we're experiencing a deficiency in this particular asset that helps us to feel empowered and making decisions, and that's community, that's making sure that we're tuning in and connecting with people who love and support us who keep us feeling uplifted, who reminds us how powerful and capable we are to manifest change in our lives.
We need that desperately today, we need it more than ever. And we can also be there for other people as well, be the change as Gandhi stated, Be the change that you want to see, so being there for other people, holding a space, keeping them uplifted, and being a light in people's lives, and also, as Mike talked about, today, we can have a tendency to be on that loan Wolf tip, to be out here, call the wild on our own, doing our own thing, right? The reality is, we need each other. We need people.
We got here via... At least, two people getting together. That's how it all happens. We need other humans for us to grow and to develop, and today, more so than ever, when there's so much distraction when there's so many things telling you what you're not able to do, there's so much comparison and a lack of self-value and self-worth. It's more important than ever to proactively get ourselves in communities and proactively get ourselves around friends and family who keep us uplifted by any means necessary. Alright, so if that isn't your current state right now, make it an attention, move towards that and become that for other people, there's no reason that we can't shed more light for others right now, especially in the time... We desperately need it. Alright, so again, remember the power of decisions. Alright, this power is in your hands right now. You can write the future that you want, many big changes, many of the most incredible things, incredible adventures, writing the rest of your incredible story, the pen is in your end, you have the power to decide, but again, it's getting ourselves to the place where we make those decisions. So, definitely recommend checking out coach Mike's work more and just siphoning some of that inspiration, but also the strategies, also the mindset, so that we can feel more empowered and the ultimate power of making decisions.
I appreciate you so much for tuning in to the show today, I hope you got a lot of value out of this. If you did, please share it out on social media, you can tag me, and you can tag Coach Mike as well. I'm @Shawnmodel on Instagram and Twitter, and he is @CoachMikeBayer, B-A-Y-E-R. So, I appreciate you so much, we've got some epic shows coming your way very soon, so make sure to stay tuned. Take care, have an amazing day and I'll talk with you soon.
And for more after the show, make sure to head over to themodelhealthshow.com, that's where you can find all of the show notes, you could find transcriptions, videos for each episode, and if you got a comment, you can leave me a comment there as well, and please make sure to head over to iTunes and leave us a rating to let everybody know that the show is awesome, and I appreciate that so much, and take care, I promise to keep giving you more powerful, empowering, great content to help you transform your life. Thanks for tuning in.
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