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TMHS 652: Strengthen Your Psychology, Transform Your Confidence, & Become THE ONE – with Ed Mylett
This time of year, a lot of folks are looking to create habit shifts in their lives. But what most people fail to recognize is that transformation starts from within; it begins with our mindset and the way we see ourselves. If you want to cultivate change, you have to focus on the way you think, not just what you do.
On this compilation episode of The Model Health Show, you’re going to hear incredible life lessons from self-development expert and bestselling author, Ed Mylett. Ed is sharing practical tools for transforming your life through changing your identity, real tips for improving your confidence, and how to upgrade your financial fitness.
There’s a reason why Ed is a globally recognized speaker, and today you’re going to hear powerful insights that can help you create the life you want to live. No matter what your goals are, this episode contains valuable tips to help you reach them. Please enjoy this episode with Ed Mylett!
In this episode you’ll discover:
- Why confidence is often created out of necessity.
- How to channel the person you’re meant to become.
- The power of practicing gratitude.
- The two shifts in psychology that every successful person must go through.
- What the number one rule to cultivating self-confidence is.
- How your identity controls your level of success.
- Why self-worth and identity are like a thermostat.
- How to utilize resources and relationships to shift your identity.
- The power of controlling the first 30 minutes & the last 30 minutes of each day.
- Why keeping the promises you make to yourself is of upmost importance.
- What it means to max out.
- How to improve your financial fitness.
- What your reticular activating system is, and how to take advantage of it.
- Why being unrealistic is a good thing.
- The importance of asking yourself empowering questions.
- Why a pinata is the ultimate metaphor for life.
- The difference between time management and time manipulation.
- How to change your emotions through changing your physiology.
- What a multiplier is.
- The power of one more.
Items mentioned in this episode include:
- Ettitude.com/model — Use the coupon code model15 for 15% off organic bedding!
- Organifi.com/Model — Use the coupon code MODEL for 20% off!
- Get Financially Fit & Upgrade Your identity with Ed Mylett – Episode 282
- Transform Your Mindset & Utilize the Power of One More with Ed Mylett – Episode 587
- The Power of One More by Ed Mylett
- Connect with Ed Mylett Website / Podcast / Instagram
Thank you so much for checking out this episode of The Model Health Show. If you haven’t done so already, please take a minute and leave a quick rating and review of the show on Apple Podcast by clicking on the link below. It will help us to keep delivering life-changing information for you every week!
SHAWN STEVENSON: Welcome to The Model Health Show, this is fitness and nutrition expert Shawn Stevenson and I'm so grateful for you tuning in with me today. All transformation is truly an inside job, whether it's transformation with our health, with our success in life, with our relationships, with our finances, it all stars from internal changes. And today's episode is about being a catalyst for that transformation. It's about getting in there and being able to transform our identity, because the actions that we take, the way that we think is based on how we perceive ourselves, and so this episode is really going to be a master class compilation of powerful insights and episodes and conversations with one of the leading experts in personal development, and I'm telling you this is going to be a catalyst for you in this year, to really dial in what it is that you want to create.
Who do you want to be? How do you want your life to unfold? And again, it starts with up leveling our identity. Now, before we get to this episode, we going to keep in mind, it's still the basics, we've still going to cover the basics when we're talking about transforming our reality, now a lot of our reality is actually going to depend on what's happening when we're dreaming. So, the dreams transforming into reality, that dream time, I.e., getting high quality sleep is going to have a huge impact on our cognitive health, our metabolic health, our mood and our mental state overall. As a matter of fact, researchers at UC Berkeley did some brain imaging, they did some scans and they looked at what was going on in a well-rested brain versus a sleep-deprived brain, and when folks were sleep-deprived, they found that there was far more activity in the more emotional centers of the brain.
Alright, so this was something that we refer to as an Amygdala Hijack was taking over, because not only that, they also notice that there was a far reduced activity taking place in the pre-frontal cortex, this is more of the more evolved part of the human brain. This is where executive function is taking place. This is the part of our brain responsible for social control, for distinguishing between right and wrong, and that part of the brain starts to go cold while simultaneously having that amygdala hijack. Alright, so the adult in the room is sliding over to the back seat and the more emotional, survival-driven self takes over, and that is going to equate obviously to some problems in how we're relating to other people and how we're relating to ourself and the decision that we're making.
And so again, we want to really make sure that we're optimizing our sleep and covering the basics of what our genes expect of us. I'm a huge advocate of creating a sleep sanctuary, and part of that is having a great place where you actually like to lay down and sleep and lay your head. And one of the things that was actually a game changer for me was simply upgrading the sheets that I was using. A randomized trial utilizing bamboo lyocell sheets, organic bamboo lyocell sheets, found that mental alertness during the day improved by upwards of 25% after sleeping on these organic bamboo lyocell sheets. And 94% of people prefer sleeping on these sheets, and they're from a company called Ettitude. I've been sleeping on ettitude sheets for years, and I cannot even... This is something you have to experience to understand.
And they're free from harmful chemicals, irritants, allergens, hypo allergenic meaning that they're gentle on sensitive skin and also, they're anti-microbial, self-deodorizing, they inhibit bacterial growth, and really help to create a healthy sleep environment. They're also breathable, moisture-wicking, alright? If you're somebody who tends to sweat a little bit at night, they're also thermal regulating, meaning that they help to ensure that your body is not overheating, and so they're helping to ensure that your body is not getting overheated, which being warmer than what's ideal as far as helping to promote optimal hormone secretion, reparative enzyme release and all those things that happen during sleep, we don't want our bodies to be overheated.
So again, these are just some of the benefits of sleeping on Ettitude sheets, but the most blatant one is simply the kind of just luxurious feeling of sliding into these sheets at night. There's really nothing quite like it. Head over there. Check them out, it's ettitude.com/model. That's E-T-T-I-T-U-D-E.com/model. Use the code model15 at checkout, you're going to get 15% off of your purchase. And also, they're giving you a 30-night sleep trial, sleep on them, think on them, dream on them, if you don't absolutely love them, you can send them back for a full refund. You got nothing to lose and only better sleep to gain, so head over there check them out, ettitude.com/model and let's get to the Apple Podcast review of the week.
ITUNES REVIEW: Another five-star review titled “Life Changing” by Dust Stefan things. "Shawn, your podcast has changed my life and by association, my husband's, friends and family's lives for the better, you are the voice we need. I look forward to every episode and have scoured your archives, adding episode after episode to my cue. Your words and wisdom have validated what my intuition, mind and body have told me in spite of the system that is designed to oppress natural understanding, you are honest and brave. The information you share is vital for our lives today and for generations to come, your episodes inform and give actionable items, it's not an empty space for spiraling, it's empowering wisdom and knowledge. I thank you deeply for your work, you are the hand in the dark that has been created around us. I look forward to writing out this journey with you."
SHAWN STEVENSON: Let's go. Absolutely amazing, thank you so much for leaving that review over on Apple podcast, that definitely hit my heart today, and I receive that. And listen, if you're yet to do so, please pop over to Apple Podcast and leave a review for the Model Health Show. And on that note, let's get into this special empowering compilation. In order to help us to up-level our identity, and to provide some much-needed inspiration going into this new year, I wanted to create a compilation of conversations that have stuck with me for years.
And literally every time I'm with this individual, it changes the way that I think, and these conversations just seem to resonate, not just with me, but the people around me and also everybody who has an opportunity to listen in. I'm talking about the one and only Ed Mylett. He's a best-selling author and absolute leader in the personal development space. And in this first segment, you're going to hear about the two shifts in our psychology that every successful person must go through. The number one key to elevating your self-confidence, how the identity you hold of yourself is intimately controlling your levels of success and so much more to hear from the one and only Ed Mylett.
ED MYLETT: Well, I probably got into the person development space at a necessity. So, I think a lot of times when you find somebody who outwardly appears to be pretty self-confident, it's probably because they've had to come from such a space of having to work on it from... I was really inept, I was really an insecure guy growing up, I grew up in a... I had a good family, but like most families, I come from some dysfunction. I thought my family was the only dysfunctional family till I grew up and I started meeting all these other adults like, "Hey, mine too." But mine, the dysfunction of my family was my dad was an alcoholic and had some drug issues too.
And so, I think that just for a kid, that can... My dad's sober, by the way, a long time now, he's my best friend, but when I was growing up, he wasn't. And I think that just sowed into me insecurity, worry, fret, anxiety as a kid. And so, I knew when I got older, I was behind everybody, other guys were more confident and other guys seemed to have their act together, they were happier than I was, right? So, I sort of sought out help, that's what self-help is, right? I sought out the help and the tools and the strategies to really transform myself, and I've done that, and so really the personal development side was just literally out of bare necessity to function as a human being and to be happy. And so that's where that came from.
SHAWN STEVENSON: I heard you talk about; you were kind of in a dangerous spot, not being from poverty, and not being one of the kind of rich and having a silver spoon, but in the middle there.
ED MYLETT: I believe that big time. First of all, I don't think there's any ideal upbringing to go win, right? 'Cause you and I know people that grew up super poor that have been successful and that grew up wealthy too, but I kind of grew up in that space that is dangerous because it's like a slowest fixation, right? I grew up what I'd call middle class, but probably the lower side of middle class too. So, I think there's an... And I've told you this, I think there's an advantage sometimes of growing up rich because you got connections, and you see the right behaviors modeled maybe. When you're poor a lot of my buddies that are successful now that were poor, they knew what they didn't want, they were fighting, they learned to struggle. They grew up sooner, right? They couldn't make excuses. They had to learn to be self-resilient. The middle is difficult 'cause good is the enemy of great, right?
And so, it wasn't horrible, it wasn't like there wasn't food on the table, it wasn't like I didn't get a present on my birthday, right? So, you kind of start to think, that's what life is. No one in my family ever talked about dreaming or winning or being wealthy, same time, we weren't really running from something either, so there's like there was no stimulus, the stimulus when you're poor is to get out of this, the stimulus when you're rich is to replicate it. There was no stimulus from where I'm from, and so probably the rarest background when you meet somebody that's successful is the middle, it's actually the rarest that you meet somebody, they're from the middle, and so a lot of your listeners come from that place 'cause most people are in the middle, right? And so, I'm sort of, I think an example of some of the things maybe you would need to do to get out of that space to move from good to some form of greatness in your life.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yeah, it's comfort, right? That word comfort can be a killer, right? And so that's exactly why I wanted you to point that out is because so many of us do come from that and also, we're maybe existing in it right now. And how important is it to stretch ourselves and to really kind of get comfortable with discomfort?
ED MYLETT: You do, you need to do that. Malcolm X is a guy that I've read a lot about, and my favorite quote of Malcolm X is, "That which you do not hate you will eventually tolerate." And so there has to be this point in your life where what you want is so much greater than where you are, you're in such discomfort, in other words, the gap between what you're dreaming of, what you're destined to do, what you're capable of, you're aware of it. Compared to where you are, that tension between the two has a pull power to it, right? And so, it's important all the time that wherever you are in life that you're chasing that next version of you. There's this thing I'm just unbelievably passionate about, that is that I have this theory that...
I've told you this before, but that I think that the end of your life there's this place you come to and I'm a Christian, so I think at the end of my life, I want the Lord to go, "Hey, Well done, good and faithful servant." It doesn't matter what your faith is. You probably are aware there's history being made or an accounting, but I also think he's going to go, "Hey, by the way, this is who you could have been." I think he introduces you to the person you were capable of becoming, I really believe that, that the end of your life, you're going to get introduced to the person you could have been, you were destined to be, that he made you to be, and so I'm chasing that dude. Every day I'm chasing that dude.
That's the pull power for me, every decision I make, the things I go through in my life, whether I'm going to go to the gym, whether I'm going to make a phone call, how I'm going to eat. Does it get me closer to that guy? 'Cause I think the best end of a life is, "Well done," by the Lord and your identical twins with that person. The bad end of a life would be, I meet this man I could have been and we're total strangers. I mean, we're just complete opposites, I know nothing about this guy, there's no familiarity at all, and it means that I went down these easy roads, I took the comfortable road. The comfortable road will never lead you to the person you were destined to be ever in your life. And so, if you don't become obsessed with chasing that person, you end up never meeting him. And that's big for me.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Powerful, incredible. So, you were initially feeling pulled towards baseball when you were younger.
ED MYLETT: True.
SHAWN STEVENSON: How in the world did you go from baseball to the financial spectrum where you operate today?
ED MYLETT: Just like your story, which we were talking about today, everything in your life happens for you, not to you. I'm just a huge believer in that. And so, my baseball dream ended, I had an injury, probably gave me a premature end to occur that would have ended anyways, in hindsight, 'cause I played with enough great players that I kind of know there was a gap in just God-given ability level, not work ethic, but I think to be the greatest there has to be some proclivity for it and work ethic, right? And so, I kind of maxed out my limited abilities. And so, when I got released, I ended up moving back home with my parents, I couldn't find a job. I was depressed, I spent about a year at my parents’ house, just broke in every way, financially, spiritually, mentally, physically. And I remember I was living in my mom and dad's house, same bedroom I grew up in, same posters on the wall, same damn teddy bear in the room.
SHAWN STEVENSON: The poster. Tell me the poster.
ED MYLETT: Poster was... That's crazy. My poster was Jim Plunkett, who was the quarterback of the Raiders. That tells you how old I am. No one in this whole video that's watching this knows who Jim Plunkett was. And I had Heather Locklear, no one knows either, but she was a model. So those two were on my wall. I can't believe it.
SHAWN STEVENSON: She was on 90210.
ED MYLETT: She was on 90210. She was on TJ Hooker too, the cop show, by the way, most people don't remember that. So those were my two posters and I remember my dad came home, my dad had just got sober, and my dad said to me, "Hey, I met this guy at a meeting, I got you a job, you get your ass down there tomorrow morning at 6:00 am. You're getting out of this house and getting in a job." And I'm like, "Okay, I have a college degree, I'm being picky for a year, watching Maury Povich runs every day on TV and Jerry Springer. I go down there at 6:00 am, I walk in, I said, "Hey, my name's Eddie Mylett, I'm here for the job." They're like, "What job?" I remember this vividly. Right? And I'm like, "I don't know. They just told me, you'd know." And they go, "We have no idea who you are. And we don't know what the job is."
They said, "Do you know who's hiring you?" I said, "I don't remember." And they go, "Well, then you need to come back." And I go to the door, and I go, "Wait a minute, he's name is Tim." They're like, "There's a lot of Tim's." And I go, "Well, I know he must be an alcoholic, 'cause he was at a meeting with my dad." That's when they go, "Oh drunk Tim. We know Tim, right." And where I was a place called McKinley home for boys. It was a group home, or a campus of group homes, all my boys were wards of the court. They were removed from their family either because their parents were incarcerated, killed, or were molesting them, and I ended up in Cottage eight. Cottage eight I had 12 boys; they were seven to 10 years old.
And I walked through that door that morning, not even knowing what the job was, and it transformed my life in an instant, brother. I just saw these eyes, these little boys and they just wanted someone to love them and believe in them and care about them. And I'd have this big belief that people that go through any dysfunction in their family or abuse as a kid, I think our eyes are different. We just have these different eyes, man. And so, I could connect with these guys, mine wasn't as severe as theirs, but I knew what it was like to have that kind of anxiety and that kind of stress, and that kind of pressure put on you as a little boy. And I became like their father.
I was there with them on Christmas and Halloween, and the birthdays, and I lived with him. And it changed my world because in that instant, I went from being this athlete who was ego, recognition, significant, going to get rich. It's all about me. Always when you're a good athlete, you knew this growing, it was always accolades, all of a sudden in that incident it became about serving people, making a difference. So, I'm like, "Oh, this is what makes me happy." Oh, I was actually born to serve and help people, crazy. No one... That never happened playing baseball, and while I worked there, two years into it, the financial business that I'm in came along, and I started in a part-time, and I was the rare young businessman who approached the business world from a place of service and giving and not making money.
And ironically, the more I serve people, the more I made a difference, the more I contributed, the more I was rewarded financially. I didn't do it for that reason, but that's what happened, so that's how I got into the business was actually... And again, everything... My dad was an alcoholic, he's not at that meeting, I don't get that job. And if it wasn't alcohol I wouldn't have connected with those boys, so all of that in hindsight happened for me, right? And had I met the financial business before that, I'd have flown out of it, I'd have been about ego, making money, and when that didn't happen, I'd have left. And so, it all happened in the right sequence.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Wow. Life qualified you. We just talked about it.
ED MYLETT: I love how you say that. I'd never heard someone say that. It's so powerful and true.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yeah, you know what, full disclosure, this is why I wanted to have you on the show to talk about this, you have a couple hundred million dollar worth, right? And to come from where you came from, there were a process... It wasn't all sunshine and roses once you made this decision. So, let's talk about the early days, right? I know some things happen, maybe some lights got cut off or something like that, you went through stuff. Again, life qualifying you, and so now you even have a different perspective about... I mean, even I started the show just saying how beautiful your home is, this is absolutely gorgeous.
ED MYLETT: Thank you. Thank you.
SHAWN STEVENSON: And just amazing, but it's not about the house for you, it's something else.
ED MYLETT: Well, no, like any entrepreneur, there's a lot of people out there, as soon as they're starting a business, and I can say entrepreneurism is the best self-awareness program in the history of the world, 'cause you’re going to learn a lot about yourself. When you start a business, you're going to learn how resilient you are, how tough you are, how you deal with adversity, it's a self-improvement program with a big compensation package attached, it's going to require you to improve in order to go get what you want, right? And I'm believing in both those things, but like most entrepreneurs, I get it going and then it would come backwards. I get my business growing, it would come backwards.
And so, I had huge financial adversities and embarrassing ones, shameful ones, like when Christie and I had just first got married, and I remember thinking, "Man, the power got turned off, our phones got turned off." She goes out to work one day, and I'm like, she was, "My car got stolen." I'm like, "You going to be kidding me." Now, a car gets stolen, what's going on, right? Except it wasn't stolen. It was repoed, so that was even worse. Then about two weeks after that, the water got turned off, you could have everything turned off, I've said this before, you have your power turned off, the lights, you could function. You get water turned off in your place, you can't bathe, you can't brush your teeth. You can't cook. Water is the worst thing, right? And so, we would have to get up in the morning, newly married, total shameful as a man I couldn't provide. We're living in this apartment.
We'd have to walk down the stairs freezing cold, and we would shower at our pools outdoor shower, and I'd just protect her and let her be covered and just the shame of us brushing our teeth down there. And then have to go out into the world go, "I'm going to win. We're going to change the world, right?" And so, I always tell people to this day, it's a great... We're looking at it right now. There's this beautiful Pacific Ocean out there. It's a great blessing, and I look at it every day. Honestly, I wake up and like, I cannot believe we're here sometimes, but a lot of mornings, brother, candidly, not every morning, but many mornings when I pull that shower and the water comes out, instant gratitude. Just to this day, it was so shameful and so painful that just when I see water come out of the faucet and hit me, I feel grateful, and it's just from those days of being without it, so.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Again, this is why I wanted to have you on, man, is that there's this also, there's grounded-ness, you've achieved a lot, a lot of success, but I think that there are some basic principles that people look past like gratitude.
ED MYLETT: Huge.
SHAWN STEVENSON: This is actually... So, let's talk about this. I wasn't playing on talking about this with you, 'cause I want to get... There's something very specific, I want to get to, but where does gratitude come into play? I mean, it sounds very kind of airy-fairy, so.
ED MYLETT: It's airy-fairy to everybody. Gratitude is the antidote to almost everything negative in your life, gratitude is. If it's not, love is the most powerful emotion, but gratitude is the emotion that will deliver you the most joy in your life. I'm just telling you. So, I'm constantly taking inventory of what I'm grateful for, small and big things. I'm a gratitude addict, because the normal human being and my normal proclivity is to worry, is to stress. I was grown up because of the going on around me, I was wired to be a warrior. Is dad coming home? What if mom and dad are fighting? What's the environment going to be like? What's dad state going to be when he gets home? And so, I grew up worrying all the time, so as I got older, the antidote to that was being grateful.
And so, I'm constantly trying to seek things out I'm grateful for. I mean, small and big thing. I mean it sounds hokey, but I have this experience, humans have it, sometimes just the wind, man, just hitting you the right way, it's like, man, thank you, Lord. Right? So, I'm constantly trying to find things that I'm ungrateful for, because your mind goes to work on finding the things you want it to find, and for me, I want it to find stuff I'm grateful for. And the more successful you become... That's why so many successful people are so unhappy, it's the next material thing, and what most people think is, here's what they think, "I'll be happy when... " It's the most common human condition, I will let myself feel gratitude and happiness when... When I find the right person relationship, when I get a certain amount of money, when I buy that car, when I buy that home. When I buy that. When I get that promotion.
So, they delay their happiness until... And that until never arrives. It never shows up. So, I always talk about being blissfully dissatisfied, learning to live blissfully, being happy, but dissatisfied with where you are. There's no relationship between being dissatisfied and unhappy, you can be happy and still dissatisfied at the same time. And so, happiness to me is gratitude, so I'm constantly trying to find things like just you being here today and getting to know you, it's like I'm grateful for this time, your beautiful wife. It's like what a wonderful way to spend a day, what a wonderful experience. I'm grateful for that and I make sure I remind myself. When we were in... I interviewed you earlier today. Right? And I remember in the middle of the interview I was going, "I'm so grateful for this man. I'm just so grateful he's here." And so, I'm constantly seeking anything I can find that I'm grateful for 'cause it makes me happy. Why wouldn't I do that?
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yeah. Amazing, thank you for sharing that. Now, let's talk about some of the principles, because in that situation where, again, the water being turned off, really struggling with... Man, I can really identify with this and how it even impacts your manhood and just the ideas that we carry.
ED MYLETT: It's shameful.
SHAWN STEVENSON: But going from that place to achieving the success that you have, what are one or two principles, changes in your psychology that you must have taken place?
ED MYLETT: Must... Two musts, I'll give you the two huge musts for me. One was my self-confidence. I grew up not a very self-confident person, and so you have to have high self-confidence, any world class athlete, you and I both know, their self-confidence level is through the roof, and when they go on a slump when they're not performing well, what's going on? They've lost their confidence, they haven't lost ability to shoot or hit a ball or hit a golf ball, they've lost the confidence, they've lost their swag. So where does confidence come from? And I knew I had to become more confident. Confidence comes from this... 'Cause the disease of lack of confidence is you're obsessed with what everybody else thinks about you. What are they going to think? What are they going to think. What are they going to think?
That's the symptom, the disease is you're worried about your reputation with everybody else, 'cause you don't have a good one with you. If your reputation with self is exemplary, you're not concerned about your reputation with others. So, self-confidence comes from one of simple thing, it comes from keeping the promises you make to yourself, that's it. If you begin to consistently keep the promises you make to you, you will begin to stack upon that self-confidence. And so, I set up my life where I started to keep promises I made to me, whether that was what time I got up in the morning, what I put in my mouth to eat, when I trained and worked out. I can't control outcomes, but I can activity. So, in my business life, I'm going to make 15 phone calls today, I'd make my 15.
And I'd be conscious of saying I did what I said I was going to do; I did what I said I was going to do. And through that process, over a period of time, every day, every hour then went by, I kept keeping more and more promises to me, I began to trust me, my self-confidence level transformed. That was number one. Second thing was my identity. You'll never exceed in your life what you think you're worth. Everyone talks about this, but you'll never exceed your identity any time in your life, and your identity is your self-worth, what you believe you deserve. Okay, now, self-worth and identity is like a thermostat, it sits on the wall of your life, it sets the entire temperature for your life. So, every area. You have a spiritual thermostat, a financial, a business, a physical one, a wellness one.
So, if that thermostat is set at, let's say financially, at 80 degrees, it's set at 80 degrees, no matter what you do, you've already experienced it. If you start to heat your life up, you start having abundance come into it, and you're doing activities that are better, but you haven't changed your identity, you will find a way to cool your life right back down to where your identity is, eventually. You'll make a bad investment decision. A car will break down. It'll all seem unconscious. But you will get back to 80 degrees of money. The reverse is also true. You start to go broke; your car gets repoed, the water gets turned off, you find a way to heat back up and get it back to 80 degrees again.
So, the key in life is to have self-confidence and change that thermostat level of what you think you're worth. You could be in the best business model with the best opportunity, the best products, the best everything, and you will not exceed 80 degrees of identity if that's your identity in your life. Happiness has an identity; faith has an identity. And so, the key thing is, how do you shift that identity? And that identity then is shifted through a couple of things, but the biggest one is associations. The biggest way we change your identity, if let's say you hung around a guy worth a couple hundred million dollars, if I'm a 150 degreer financially, and you're an 80 degreer. Through proximity over time, I will hit you up somewhere in between the two of us.
Your faith if you have no... You're struggling with your faith or your relationships, but you surround yourself with people that have great faith or great marriages. Through association, yours improve. So, the biggest way I change my identity is through who I hung around, hanging around lastly is also... I don't have to physically be around you, I can read your book, I can read a book from you on health, on sleep, and when I read that book, you're not just reading pages, I'm pretending as if I'm with you. I'm associating with you. And so, a lot of my identity shifts came from books I read and things I listen to and people that were alive in my life at the same time. That's how I changed it.
SHAWN STEVENSON: This is blowing my mind. Listen, I didn't tell you this, but that was a specific thing when I said earlier, I want to get to, I want to talk about identity because this is something that I've been pondering a lot the last couple of months, and also with myself and understanding as I change levels and things I've been struggling with. And so, seeing this in my clinical practice and just working with people over the years, it's not just a change in your tactics. When we're looking at somebody, just say their goal is to lose 50 pounds. We often don't understand what is required, we know the steps, the tactics, but we don't really understand that you're going to be a different person.
ED MYLETT: You got it.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Your identity has to change because you see yourself as this person, the number one driving force of the human psyche is to stay congruent with the ideas we carry of ourselves.
ED MYLETT: Congruence is huge, isn't it? And that's why in your space, you'll see people short-term, get well, get healthy, lose the 50 pounds, but often times if they don't change their identity, we'll come back in a year or two, those 50 pounds are back and sometimes 50 aren't back, 60 are back, because they stop taking the steps, the tactics and the strategies because of this identity thing going on. And what your word, by the way, I love, and I've said to before myself is to be congruent with your identity. You will do everything in the world to become congruent with your identity, so you better put a governor on it.
And any time I ever want to make a change, if I want to make a leak of anything, like I'm in this space now where you're dominating in the podcast space. Okay. I know that I have to change my identity about that How am I doing it? Hanging around you, hanging around Andy Forsela, hanging around the people in this space that are incredible at it, because through association, I can change that identity of mine. I can do all the tactics, all the strategies, all the things you teach me, but if my identity is still way down here. That's the result I'm going to produce.
SHAWN STEVENSON: This is powerful. I want to talk more about this subject because I want to help people to be able to make that shift to change their identity. So, one of the big keys that you shared, which I'm so grateful for, is the power of association and just... I cannot stress that enough. That's literally what got me from chronic illness, depression, just lost, is starting to be around mentors. For me, it was virtual, this is like way back in the day, around 2000-2001, and participating in these online summits. And I would buy the CDs and I listen to them in the car and just really starting to reprogram my thinking, I immersed myself in that world. Right?
ED MYLETT: Yes, me too.
SHAWN STEVENSON: So that's one key is association, what's something else? Like, if people are really needing to make a shift in that identity, what else do we need?
ED MYLETT: Let's talk about the mentor thing quick, then I'll give you one more tip. Seeking a mentor out, there's different levels of influence. So, people always say, "I need a mentor." I need mentors, mentors. That's powerful, because you do need a mentor, but if you think about with your children. Who has the most influence over them? Okay, when they go to school every day, what do you worry about most? You worry about who your children associate with, who their friends are. So, teachers are like mentors, they're this distant person who sort of teaches you things and tells you what to do and they do scope our children. But let me tell you who has the most influence over them. Friends.
So, I did read, I did listen, I did go through those strategies, but on top of that, I tried to meet friends, I try to turn my mentors into friends because friend is the highest form of influence. Second way you change your identity is awesome, it's an incredible amount of activity in a short period of time. So, the other way you can look at identity, it's like a water line in the pool, right? And so, if you do a short amount of activity that you've never done before, you hit a new water line, that will alter your identity somewhere in between where you were and the new line, it jumps a stage. So, when I'm trying to shift the identity, I'm going, okay, I've going to work on my associations, work on my identity.
Literally be thinking about my self-worth, but at the same time, I try to do, compress activity into short windows of time, do a tremendous amount like a 90-day madman cycle or a challenge of something that I do that alters me, because when you do something in a short window you've never done before, it alters or changes you. We've had that happen in the negative, within a short window of time, if you lose a family member or some loss happens, it changes you, doesn't it? And the same is also happening, in a short window of time, some great things happen, you're just different in that short window. So, change can happen like this, it can happen in short windows by new associations and through bursts of activity and short windows of time.
SHAWN STEVENSON: So, what do you do, Ed? Let's talk about this, do you have a morning routine?
ED MYLETT: I do.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Is that something that's important to you?
ED MYLETT: I do, I have an audio on that too, not plugging my audio, it's free, but on iTunes, I have a morning and an evening routine that I go through. The morning routine involves a lot about getting cold, it involves going through a gratitude ritual, breathing, moving my body, all that's on my iTunes, on my podcast or wherever else you download that kind of stuff. But I do. Here's the thing that I get asked all the time. How did you stay motivated all the time? People ask me that all the time, and the answer is, I didn't, and neither did you to become successful. The separator in life is really important, people think the most inspired, motivated person wins, not really, it's the person who can work on the days they're not inspired and motivated.
It's, what do you do when you're not feeling great? What do you do when it's not your best day? How do you do that carries you through as rituals and habits. So, when you're fatigued, when you're tired, when you're under pressure, you react reflexively. And so successful people rely on habits and rituals, not just their inspiration and motivation level, of course, we're both professionals in being motivated and inspired, but that's not every day, every minute. And so, what do I do? I work on the days because my habits and rituals carry me through, and so for me, here's how I look at my life and my day, if I can control the first 30 minutes of my day and the last 30 minutes of my day, I have a whole lot better chance of the middle of my day being controlled.
And so, I'm a freak about the first 30 minutes of every day, it's really about the first 45 minutes, and I'm obsessive about the last 45 minutes of every single day. That gives me some illusion in my mind and measure of control. The other thing it does, it delivers to me habits and rituals that serve me, that I do every day that are consistent, it gives me comfort in stormy times. That ocean out there is raging at the top right now. The waves are crashing. At the bottom of that ocean, it's completely calm. At the bottom of that ocean is the habitual part of the water. It's the part of the water that stays the most consistent. That's why it's so calm. Okay? So, when you see someone out of control, their emotions are up and down all the time, this is someone who is without rituals and habits. Successful people have those. And so, they do.
And so, it keeps me calm, it keeps me comfortable. The other thing it does, it gives me confidence because that's something I can deliver on that I promise myself. I can control what time I get up; I can control whether I pray, I can control whether I ask my gratitude questions. I can control whether I go to the gym and work out. And when you start a day, deliver on the first five or 10 promises you make to yourself, that's a confident day you've begun. And when you finish the day, keeping the promises you make to yourself, you go to bed, and I think you rest better as we've talked about earlier, you sleep more peacefully, and you wake up more confident that you can deliver. So that's how important habits are for me, they literally control the beginning and end of my day.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Perfect. And, of course, we'll link this up, you've got an epic...
ED MYLETT: Thank you.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Podcast. It just came out recently, and it's already just killing it.
ED MYLETT: Thank you.
SHAWN STEVENSON: So, we'll put that in the show notes. Let everybody know still what's the name of your Podcast.
ED MYLETT: Max Out with Ed Mylett. You can get on YouTube or any of the other platforms. So, thanks for saying...
SHAWN STEVENSON: Perfect segue right here because I'm all about the segue. When I think about this I think about Paul Blart. I don't know.
ED MYLETT: Paul Blart: Mall Cop.
SHAWN STEVENSON: So, let's talk about max out, alright, what does this concept... What does this mean for you?
ED MYLETT: Well, maxing out means getting the most out of every day, and I'll give you the analogy. We talked earlier about meeting the person that you're destined to be. Right? Well, that doesn't happen at the end of your life. It happens every single day by maxing out your passion, maxing out your joy, maxing out your work, maxing out your work out, whatever it might be. And my son was a little boy, he was six years old, and we went to this car wash. I'll never forget this. I'd see the same man there every day read a newspaper, every Saturday. And we were there and he's a nice man, and he said to me, he goes, "How old is your little boy?" And I said, "Oh, Max... " That's my son's name. "He's six years old." And most parents would say he says, "Well, enjoy the six-year-old, 'cause when he turns seven, the six-year-old is gone forever." Which is true. We all have kids. And he goes, "And when he turns eight, that seven-year-old is gone forever."
And I was young and kind of cocky then, and I didn't mean to be offensive, and I said to him, I said, "Sir, when did that process stop for you?" And he just stared back at me, and he goes, "I don't know." And I thought to myself, I never want that process to end. In other words, the 24-year-old me should never be the same when I turn 25, that guy should be gone forever. And the 26-year-old should be gone forever when I turn 27, but for most people, somewhere in their life in the middle there, the 25-year-old is a lot like the 22-year-old. The 35-year-old is the same person the 33-year-old was. They stop that growth, and as you know, there's a cellular regeneration in your body all the time, but people don't regenerate themselves. There should be a better version of you every year of your life. Just like the six to seven- to eight-year-old. It should be the 40 to 42-year-old. The 25 to the 26-year-old.
So, maxing out is that process, and that process happens by maxing out my workout, when I just... Everything I got into it, everything I got in my relationship, everything I got in my joy. It's not cheating myself, it's not setting a low standard, 'cause what we get in our life is our standards. Habits and rituals deliver us on whatever standard we set, which is governed by our identity. And so, I'm huge on setting massive standards for me, so even when you leave here and we're done with the interview, I will ask myself, did we max out that conversation? Meaning, did I get the most out of it? Did I give it everything I've got? I'm huge on not being able to control outcome all the time, I can control my effort, so I'm obsessive about effort all the time, and so maxing out is related to your effort level in everything that you do.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Oh, powerful.
ED MYLETT: Yeah.
SHAWN STEVENSON: You also mentioned something there because just if somebody's looking like the Captain Obvious version with max out, this is related to lifting weights. Right?
ED MYLETT: Sure, yes.
SHAWN STEVENSON: So, I'm curious for you, when did you get interested in fitness because... So, after baseball, did you immediately just keep working out, like doing Kobe Bryant thing, or was it more like...
ED MYLETT: It was a little bit during baseball, I'll tell you a good story. I had a mentor, I had someone who got me passionate about it, so I graduated high school, 150 pounds. I'm 5'9 5'10, I'm not a big dude. First thing they did when I got to college like, you need to gain weight. You need to gain weight. And I'd never lifted weights before. I never really wanted to lift weights. And my... You know who Jon Gruden is? The coach of the Raiders.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yeah.
ED MYLETT: Okay, Coach Gruden, who's at Monday night football now as the coach of the Raiders, was my strength and condition coach my freshman year of college. Is that crazy? So, I walk into gym, he's like, "Let's go." Just a nutball. A max out nutball, and I always wanted to please coaches, I was always a coach pleaser, and so I decided I was going to stay early, leave late. So, I got addicted to training in college, I liked how it made me feel about me, I liked how it was a place where effort mattered 'cause I'm not gifted athletically, we were talking early before we got on camera, you're brilliant, man. I don't have an incredibly high IQ, so I'm kind of one of these guys, like I'm average in many ways. So, what needed to be extraordinary about me was my effort level. And then working out, I could see results as I'd put in the effort quicker than I could like in business.
It wasn't quite the delay, although there's a delay. So, I got addicted starting in college, and I've just always sort of lifted weights since that time. Now, my fitness has Ebbed and flowed over time. And then what happened to me when I was 30 is I had an uncle who I look a lot like die of a heart attack at 50 years old. I resemble him a lot. And long story short, I decided to go get my arteries checked when I was 30. And I did the check, and the doctor comes back. The doctor was a great influence. You know how to get leverage on you to make change. So, you do the scan, you take a lunch, you come back. I come back from the scan and the guy goes, "I'm looking for Edward Mylett." He looks into the lobby and they only dude in the lobby, the doctor, he knew what he was doing. And I go, "Oh, that's me." And he goes, "Oh my gosh." And he goes, he's playing, He goes, "I can't believe these arteries are in that young body."
And he goes, "Son, you need to come back here." And I went, you got my attention. We sit down instead of just going through the diagnosis. First thing he says to me, he goes, "Do you have any kids?" I said, "Yeah." I said, "I have a little boy, he's two." And I said, "And my wife's pregnant with my daughter." He goes, "Do you have any interest in being at your daughter's wedding?" Imagine what that does to a dad, right? And I go, "Yeah." What the in the scan, right? Yeah. And he goes, "Okay. Just so you know, you're not going to be there. Some other man's going to walk your daughter down the aisle." Imagine how that gets you as a dad. I went, "What the are you talking about?" And he goes, "So you need to listen to me carefully. If you continue the path you're going, you will not be there for your daughter's wedding. You will not be there to see your son graduate high school. And some other man's going to be having breakfast with your kids someday."
Swear to God. It's exactly what he said to me. I'm like, "What a... What?" Right, right. "What's in the damn scan?" And so, what it was is I had some blocked arteries already. And he said, "We can fix this though. If you do the nutritional program, I tell you, you get on the right supplementation, you start really getting serious about your fitness and training." So, I was already a workout guy, but this got me serious now about nutrition. This got me serious about my health, my energy, my wellness 'cause I had leverage. To this day, when I travel and I'm tired and I don't want to get up in the morning to work out, I swear to you, I go, "Bella's wedding," it just goes off in my head like, "Bella's wedding," and I go. So, I got leverage. I got a reason. 'Cause the other thing that delivers in our life is our reasons. Need to be huge. My daughter is a huge reason. So that's how it links to my fitness.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Talk about that, Ed. You going to talk about that. We need something to tie it to.
ED MYLETT: Yeah. Well, you have to have everything in your life, like it's great to have a great identity, it's great to have all these big plans and all that other stuff and great habits and rituals. But if your reasons aren't massive... See, that's the one thing, people set all these goals, they don't link to it compelling monster reasons. Emotional, deep emotional reasons. Typically, your reasons by the way, are always going to be other people or your dreams. People are like, "I don't what my reasons are." Yes, you do. They're your big dreams or other people you're doing it for. And so, on my fitness, oddly enough, I do it for my daughter, I do it for the other people.
I want to be here for them in their life. And so, any monster goal you have the fuel, the drive, the energy, the thing that's going to compel you to be congruent, it's going to get you through all this crap you're going to go through. The separator is your reasons. So, I link to every goal. I have a podcast on that too. A goal setting one, every single outcome and goal that I have that I want to do, I link to it massive emotional reasons that create a change in me that I want them because that's... People think that people like you and I are somehow freakishly disciplined people or way different. No, I have habits, rituals, and reasons backed by self-confidence and identity. That's my formula.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yeah. Love it. Love it. Man, there's so much I want to ask you about. I want to ask you about one more category. And I want to talk about financial fitness. If you can, I know this is pretty big question, but what are one or two things that folks can do to start to... If financial health has kind of been their struggle. Because we want to see success in all areas of life. That's what I'm really dedicated to because what I grew up around and what I was taught was that you had to sacrifice one for the other. Right? So, I've known a lot of people who were very financially successful, who struggled in their health or in their relationship. Folks with great relationships who struggled financially, right? So, what are one or two things that people can do to start to become a little bit more financially fit?
ED MYLETT: Well, by the way, I'm so glad you asked that. What a wonderful question. You're the best interviewer ever. Your questions are so good. Financially, my formula is this. And you're never going to hear this 'cause there's all this stuff on social media about borrow, borrow, borrow, borrow. First off, the Bible says, "Owe no man nothing." So, I didn't get rich by creating debt. And I can just tell you that I don't care about what type of debt you have. But the one thing financially is you do not want to borrow money if you can minimize it against a depreciating asset. If you borrow money for something that's going to appreciate like a home or an investment property, I'm pretty cool with that. Although I still think you should be careful with a debt. But I see far too many people borrowing money against something that depreciates like cars that they don't need to have just to impress other people, right? Or clothes they don't need to be wearing.
And so, don't... On credit cards, don't borrow money against stuff that goes down in value as much as you can. The second thing is live below your means. Any person listening this can get financially independent; you have to pay yourself first. So, believe it or not, as crazy as it sounds, when I was broke, I still found a way to pay myself, save $25, save $50. 'Cause if you can't save money when you're making a little bit of money, you are not going to save money when you make more money. You think you will, but you won't. You'll continue to spend it. And so, there was literally a year when I started to make money. Do you want to get really wealthy? I made several, multiple six figures one year and we lived in a $700 a month apartment. I just saved and saved and saved and saved because my confidence in business came from my ability to acquire and save money over time, which took me a while. But to me, peace of mind is saving in cash.
Cash is king. Not enough people are obsessed with saving cash. And so live below your means. Don't borrow money against stuff that depreciates and save money. And here's a biggie. Start reading about money. Start to familiarize yourself. Pick up some books on finance. Start to know what you're talking about. Save your money. Here's the last thing. Only put your money in something if it's $50 or $50,000 that you completely understand. If you don't understand it, set it in the bank until you understand. Because too many people are investing in stocks, mutual funds, crypto, this or that. I'm not saying don't invest in those places. Those are good places potentially to invest. But if you don't understand them, your money should not be in there. You're not a professional gambler. You're a saver and an investor. That's probably my biggest ones on saving money.
SHAWN STEVENSON: That's powerful. Oh my gosh. Listen, one of the things that I've done, and it's just worked out so well, is just automating it. So, like for my saving and even for my son's car, which I think he might have a car by the time this comes out. He has no idea how much I've been saving for him because he's had his prerequisites in order for him to get it, maintaining a certain GPA, him earning his own $1000, he thinks I'm just going to like maybe triple it, but I'm going to do a lot more for him.
ED MYLETT: Wonderful.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Because I mean, it's just been automatic. I just set up an account. Every single month a certain money comes out and goes into that account for him.
ED MYLETT: I think that's paying yourself first, by the way. I think that's paying yourself first. It's just, it's gone. It's like a payment to yourself, right? Everybody has these auto debits for their mortgage payment, their rent payment, their car payment, their insurance payment. How about the payment to you? So, you're absolutely right.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Please do that.
ED MYLETT: Please do that. The thing that scares me the most is seeing people who don't save money. It blows my mind. I rarely do it anymore. But when we go to the mall on the weekend and I'm watching people walking out of there with six, seven bags and I'm thinking, my God, you don't need all this stuff. Wouldn't that be cool to put that $200 a month away in savings? Someday for your children's college, someday for your retirement, someday to buy your dream house. The best thing of living here, of living at the ocean or having a jet or other material things I have is I own them all.
There's no mortgage on this home. There's no mortgage on my Idaho place. There's no mortgage on my jet, there's no debt on any of my cars. Now, it hasn't always been that way, but the way I got there was by saving a bunch of money when all my buddies were blowing theirs on stuff to impress other people, that gets dated anyways. Right? And so, stuff you buy that you think will impress other people is really only cool for the first or second time you wear it or use it anyways. Right? And so be really careful about that. I love the autopay idea, that's paying yourself first.
SHAWN STEVENSON: That's powerful. These things are so simple, but how often do we do that?
ED MYLETT: Yep. That's a habit and a ritual though, right? That serves you for the big reason of getting your son the car. It's awesome.
SHAWN STEVENSON: I hope that you're absolutely loving this conversation. We've got so much more to go. But I just wanted to chime in and remind you to, again, this year we're focusing on up-leveling not just our mindset, but also the basic factors that are determining how we feel, our metabolic health and so much more. Obviously, our nutrition is of the utmost importance. And today we have a society of convenience. And so, with that being said, even with the things that help to make our lives a little bit easier, we want to make sure that we're getting the best of the best and going for real superfood concentrates rather than synthetic versions of "multivitamins." And for me, when I'm looking at an infusion of antioxidants and other nutrients that really help to fuel my performance, one of my favorites is Açai. It has a ORAC value of 103,000. This means that it's 10 times more antioxidants than most fruits that you see in the produce aisle.
And according to the Journal of Agriculture and Food Chemistry, they found that açai does in fact raise participants antioxidant levels. And this is very important because it's not just superficially there on paper. It does have this integration factor with human cells. And I have Açai Superfood concentrate combined with a concentrate of blueberries. And the research at the University of Michigan, published data finding that blueberry intake can potentially affect genes relating to fat burning. And another part of this superfood concentrate that I have is from beets. And a study published in the Journal of Applied Physiology showed that drinking beet juice boost stamina by up to 16% during exercise in training. They also noted that the participants experienced less muscle damage and less fatigue after training.
All of this is combined and more in the organic superfood blend from Organifi called Red Juice. Head over to organifi.com/model. You are going to get 20% off their incredible red juice blend. That's O-R-G-A-N-I-F-I.com/model. Get 20% off their red juice blend. Huge fan of their green juice blend. I've been using it for years. My family loves it. We use Organifi products on a daily basis. Head over there, check them out. Organifi.com/model. And now we're going to move into the next segment and another conversation that I had with my good friend, Ed Mylett. In this segment, he's going to be talking about what it means to be the one. He's going to share why being unrealistic is actually a positive trait. The power of the questions that you ask yourself and much more. Let's dive into this segment with the amazing Ed Mylett.
ED MYLETT: One thing I want to tell everybody here is that when you see a happy or successful family, either or, at some point back in their lineage, they weren't, and then the one shows up and that one changes freaking everything for that family. And Neo is the one in that movie, I'm the one in my family. I changed the way my family thinks, I changed the way the world treats us. I changed the way we live. We're never going back again. I've changed that. The world does not have their thumb on my family ever again, we call the shots now, man, right? And in every family, there's the one that eventually shows up, and they change the dynamic, they change the emotions, they change... In your family, you're the one, right? And everyone listening to this, even the fact you go, "No, I'm not the one," that probably makes you the one, but it's not 'cause I wanted to. I fought for it, I fought to be the one in my family, we changed who we are in the a world in one generation.
My dad made the decision to get sober and then I took it to the next level, and we changed it. So, I love that part of the matrix, the one. 'Cause I believe in every family the one eventually appears. The second part that was probably more important, which is that there's a part of your brain called the reticular activating system. There's what they call really bullet time in the movie where things slow down and you can begin to see things that were always there, but you couldn't see before. The RAS is the filter, it's in the prefrontal cortex of your brain, it's the filter of your entire world, it scans in things that are only important to you, so you don't go crazy. Otherwise, you would think about the blood rushing through your right ear, the people in the corner are moving around. You'd be crazy. So, it keeps you sane. So, when something becomes unbelievably important to you, it filters in and slows things down for you.
So, I just was telling you guys. I just bought a Tesla, 'cause I like what Musk is doing. Brother, everywhere I go now I see Teslas, red one. "Babe, there's a white one." Hey, there's a plaid, they are three lanes over other side of the freeway. I'm like, "Babe, black Tesla just drove by," she's like, "How in the world are you seeing these cars? I don't see them." I say "Babe, 'cause they're important now." Here's the hook, those Teslas were always there before, I never saw them 'cause they weren't a part of my matrix, they weren't a part of the RAS. So, the hook in life is really, really simple. It's like when you walk in a room auditorily, it's really loud room, there's 300 people in there.
Someone in their normal voice says Shawn, you hear that voice, because auditorily, your voice is important to you, so you hear, see, and feel things that are always there in your environment, but you were oblivious to before. The key in life is programming your matrix, the key is that the Teslas of your life become those meetings, those relationships, those thoughts, those decisions, and when you get it going, 'cause you've had this too. You're like, "My gosh, there's another one, there's another one, there's another one." You're like, this is I'm vibing in a different way right now, and that's the difference not in anything in your environment, anything in your life, completely different in the filter to which the world reveals itself to you, and that's your matrix.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yes.
ED MYLETT: Yeah.
SHAWN STEVENSON: The most powerful thing that you said there is that you get to choose it.
ED MYLETT: You do.
SHAWN STEVENSON: If you become aware.
ED MYLETT: You become aware. Well, that's what he says. What does he say in the movie? Free your mind, Neo. Free your mind. And that's what everybody listening to this or watching this needs to understand. Free your mind. You can have all the tools in the world. Here's who I am in this space. There's brilliant dudes in this. I use practical things that are proven scientifically in your life that you can apply and understand pretty easily. And freeing your mind is the process of repeated visualizations of what it is that you want in your life because your mind moves towards what it's most familiar with. So, if it's most familiar with your worries, your problems, your to-do list, you gravitate right into that. If it's familiar, I have a chapter in the book, I'll say this quickly called Become an impossibility thinker and a possibility achiever. Here's what all that means. And I'll shut up.
Most people at some point in their life begin to operate out of their history and their memory. That's their operating system and their brain. And so there might be different people, there might be different circumstances, but the emotions and the results are pretty much the same. They repeat history and memory over and over again. Rare people operate out of their imaginations and their dreams. That's their actual mindset in their life is they're imagining and dreaming the majority of the time. When you're a child, you're happier. Why? I believe because you were just with God more recently. And two, you're operating out of your imagination and your dreams because you have no history in memory. And then around 10, 11, 12-years-old, we start to shift. By the time we're 20, 25, we're operating out of history and memory most of the times.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yeah. And what happens is societal impression on you saying these dreams are illogical.
ED MYLETT: Correct.
SHAWN STEVENSON: They are far-fetched. You're not qualified, you're not capable.
ED MYLETT: And you reinforce it with your choices and your behavior to where you actually believe, you're right, that you're not qualified and you're not capable because that's what's being revealed to you.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yeah. There's this term that's very sticky called be realistic. You need to be more realistic. That's a dangerous term.
ED MYLETT: Right. Unrealistic people rule the world. Yeah. Realistic people work for them.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Geez, it's so powerful. It's so powerful.
ED MYLETT: Thank you.
SHAWN STEVENSON: You know, this understanding with the RAS, with the reticular activating system, it's so powerful. And we also have the reticular cortex is kind of associated with this as well. And I like to think of it sort of like, you know, heat seeking missile in some aspects. Right? So just kind of like, what are you targeting? But oftentimes we are, it's going on automatic. And I know for most of my life, I didn't realize that I get to choose my perception. I get to choose what I see. I get to choose the thoughts that I think that were just happening and I was happening with it. And so, I was so conditioned by my environment to look for problems, that's all I was looking for, but I didn't realize it. And we, again, when we're doing that, we can easily say no, it's just my life is just like this.
ED MYLETT: Correct. And you'd be right.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yeah. One of the things that I stress is like, and this is so simple, but we just rarely do it, take responsibility.
ED MYLETT: Very true.
SHAWN STEVENSON: 100%. Without wiggle room. Because placing blame is just, again, it's filtering, creating that filter where you're looking for more stuff to blame.
ED MYLETT: Yeah. Don't you feel like that's as about as counterculture right now as it's ever been in any time in history?
SHAWN STEVENSON: Never like this. Like other people. Your health is somebody else's responsibility. Right?
ED MYLETT: Right. We actually celebrate the counter to that. Now, one thing I would advise everybody, I write about what is thinking in the book. 'Cause if you're going to change your thoughts, you ought to actually analyze what is a thought. And the thought is the process of asking and answering questions to yourself. So, if you want to change your thinking, you need to change the main questions that you're asking yourself. And you have some regular questions you ask yourself. And some of them are programmed deep into you. God bless my dad, he stayed sober for 35 years, Shawn, but maybe 25 million times my dad at the end of a conversation will say to me, "Hey man, I love you. Be careful. Be careful." I'm 50 years old before my dad dies. I'm worth hundreds of millions of dollars. "Hey, love you. Be careful."
I don't even know if he knew he was saying it. Right. I'm like, what the hell am I supposed to be so careful about? Right? What is this be careful thing? Well, if you heard that a bunch of times in your life, what that causes you to do, to start asking your questions. Like you just said, where's the threat? What do I need to be worried about? Who's out to get me? My big thing is worry. What am I worried about right now? I'll literally, if I don't have anything to be worried about, if I'm not taking control, my mind will just loop until I find something to be worried about. And most human beings are unaware of their unconscious questions they're asking themselves all the time. And these create thoughts, and those thoughts create emotions. And those emotions create behaviors.
And then you reinforce them over and over again. So, everyone says change your thinking. How do I do that? You have to take control of the questions you ask yourself. And sometimes for me, it's as simple, honestly, as me saying to myself, what would I need to believe about this right now so that it would actually serve me? Let's even say you're right. Let's say that the deck stacked against you. Okay, fine. You could choose to believe that, and you'll reinforce it. Or you could ask yourself the simple question. David Goggins and I were talking about this. He goes, sometimes I just ask myself, what would I need to believe about this so that I could actually work? And you change the question. You change the thought.
SHAWN STEVENSON: So simple.
ED MYLETT: Yeah. But people don't do it and it's not pointed out to them.
SHAWN STEVENSON: So, we call this your dominant question as well.
ED MYLETT: Correct. Primary question.
SHAWN STEVENSON: So, what is the thing that is oftentimes unconsciously replaying in your mind? So, when I was dealing with my health issues when I was 20, I was constantly asking why me, just on repeat. Why me? Why me? Why is this happening to me? Why won't somebody help me? And you are going to be filtering your internal and external environment to find things to affirm why you. Why your life sucks, why your health sucks. Why you're unhelpable. Right? But as you evolve, so number one, I change my dominant question.
ED MYLETT: Perfect.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Which it happened in an instant. That's the thing about decisions too. It's just took me time to get to that place. But I asked, what can I do to be the healthiest person in the world? That was the eventual question.
ED MYLETT: Powerful question.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Right. Crazy. It's crazy for me to think that. But I... The first question was what can I do to feel better?
ED MYLETT: And you did it.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yeah.
ED MYLETT: That's what's more crazy.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yeah. So powerful. But I asked, what can I do to feel better? That was the first question. And I just started to replay that, and I didn't realize I was doing it, but I just was looking to feel better. And I felt like finally I stopped looking for somebody else to be responsible for my health.
ED MYLETT: I love it.
SHAWN STEVENSON: And I was just like, I can do something.
ED MYLETT: I love it. I love it.
SHAWN STEVENSON: And through that process, you know, it started to change my filter. Now I'm seeing things in my environment that were there the whole time. The certain books and people and resources and access to food and all these things that were there, this whole two years I'm suffering.
ED MYLETT: So true.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Right? Because now I'm attuned to it.
ED MYLETT: I love that. I love that. I call it your primary question and you call it your dominant question. Yeah. And most people aren't aware they're asking that question. And I... By the way we can regress, if I'm being transparent, about two years ago... 'Cause we have... I have one more emotion as one of the chapters. So Dispenza talks about this too, but you have an emotional home, right? You have these five, six emotions you're going to get on a regular basis no matter what the conditions are of your life. You find a way to get them. Even if you don't like them, you're familiar with them and you get them. So you could be of ecstasy, joy, peace, you know, prosperity, whatever they might be, love. Or they could be worry, frustration, anger, fear. And for me most of mine were really healthy except one. And it was chaos.
And I'm talking about like when I'm 45, 46, 47 years old and I'm like, I used to brag. "I thrive in chaos, man I thrive in chaos." And I do. And the reason I do is I grew up the son of an alcoholic. There's chaos around me all the time. I learned to function in chaos when I was a little boy. And I found a way to get my chaos even when I was 45 and worth hundreds of millions of dollars married to my dream woman. I find a way to get chaos. And I finally was aware, does this emotion serve me? Now one good thing about these things, thoughts, when we're aware of them, often they lose their power over us. So, to some extent I'm like, I'm doing the chaos thing again, aren't I? I'm stirring this stuff up to make another mess so I can fix it. And so, for me, mine was chaos.
I didn't write a book because I'm perfect at these things. Some of the stuff I wrote in the book is actually for me to remind me, "Hey man, these are things you still need to work on." 'Cause there's this dude back there still. That's that little insecure, bullied, son of an alcoholic, no self-confidence dude sitting there. And if I'm not careful, he'll show back up sometimes. And so, I have to really work on what is... What are the questions I'm asking myself? What are the thoughts? Because the last thing I'll say about that is it's not the events of our life that define us. We think they are, but they're not. It's the meaning we attach to the event. And that meaning creates an emotion and that emotion creates more decisions. You and I left here right now, we went down to my car, and we saw an accident on the street.
And God forbid we had to roll up and a family was killed in front of us. I mean, that's the most horrible thing I could probably witness. Right? Probably for you too. That's the event. My meaning would be tragedy, sadness. God, what are you doing? Spiral into something negative. And then I'd behave a certain way. Mother Teresa was with us, same event, honor of her lifetime. She literally said the honor of her lifetime was to be with somebody when their soul leaves their body and goes to heaven. Same exact event attaches a totally different meaning. She would have joy and peace in that moment and a completely different existence for it. I use the most extreme example because the event shouldn't define you. It's the meaning you take from it. And that meaning is the question you ask yourself about what that event means. And when you do that and you take control of that, you take control of your life.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Oh man, it's so powerful. So powerful Ed. The things that you're sharing, it's all rooted back to one thing, we get to choose and we're so powerful. But we just oftentimes, I think in our society today, we're not encouraged to embrace that power or even educated that it exists. We're just kind of at the mercy of life happening instead of happening with life or creating it. And this... I got another Wayne Dyer point here because you just hit another button. When you mention these emotions that we revert back to, right? I remember him saying that when life squeezes you, it's like an orange. When you squeeze an orange, what comes out is orange juice, when life squeezes you, what's going to come out is what's already in there.
ED MYLETT: I love it.
SHAWN STEVENSON: It's your dominant emotions.
ED MYLETT: I love it.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Right? And so, there's this wonderful quote that says that you don't rise to the level of your expectation, you fall to the level of your training. Right?
ED MYLETT: So good.
SHAWN STEVENSON: So, what emotions have you cultivated and trained? Because during this time when stuff shut down, angry people got angry, depressed people got depressed, optimistic people became optimistic. The list goes on and on. We're going to fall to our dominant emotions.
ED MYLETT: Brother, you're so on your game. So, I want to just concur and one of the things... I say this in the book, I have a goal setting chapter. You know what, you're probably going to get about 20% of your goals, the truth is, but you'll get a 100% of your standards long term. You're always going to eventually get your standard. That's why standards matter. That's why the standard of, if I don't... Listen, if you have no self-confidence, we already know why you don't. You don't keep the promises you make to yourself. You have a reputation relationship with you where you don't trust you. If you want to build baseline confidence, you want to become a functioning really successful person. Start keeping the promises you make to yourself. If you want to be superhuman, keep the promises you make to yourself plus one more. I'm going to do 10 reps in the gym.
No, I do 10 plus one more. I'm going to text 10 of my friends today or make 10 business contacts. Nope, I do 10 plus one more. I'm going to tell my daughter I love her. Nope. I'm going to tell her I love her plus one more time. And so, when you start to add a standard that's higher than just what you've committed to doing, now you've transformed yourself. So that's a huge, huge thing. But in terms of goals, this is what blows my mind. We keep setting goals for the things we want or the achievements we want to have. I want the million dollars; I want the six-pack abs. I want the dream relationship. So, we go after stuff and things and achievements and benchmarks. What's ironic about it is no one ever takes an inventory of what their emotional goals are. Because the truth is you don't want the jet or the six pack abs, you want how you think those will make you feel.
You don't want the dream relationship. You want how you think it'll make you feel. So why not start out intentionally with what you want to feel, what the emotions are like. For me this year is all about peace. This year is all about joy and peace and laughter. And I'm intentional about my goals to get them. Here's what I think. If I can get all the peace and all the joy and all the laughter that I'm seeking, the physical goals will take care of themselves. But when I'm after the physical all of the time, I'm going to hit very few of them. And sometimes when you get there, they don't deliver on the emotion you think they're going to give you very long because of this emotional repetitive pattern you have. So, start to get intentional about what's the emotions you want to feel.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Wow. This leads into another chapter, which is, and you touched on this a little bit, but one more try. I want to dig into this a little bit more because it's right there.
ED MYLETT: Yes.
SHAWN STEVENSON: And that can be the one.
ED MYLETT: It can be the one is the try. Here's what I think. I have a chapter in the book on this and as you said, I went to this... This is what hit where it hit me. One, my dad had one more try to get sober and it changed everything. And I've had a bunch of business times in my life where, when my dad was saying, "Hey, I'm only going to get sober, stay sober one more day." I've almost quit so many times in different businesses I have. And the notion that I have to decide to not to quit forever is daunting. And many times, I wasn't up to that commitment. I'm, nah, I'm going to not quit forever. But many times, I went, "I'm just not going to quit for one more day. I'm going to give it one more try." I've had lots of those in my life.
In fact, when my wife and I were engaged, there was a couple times where I'm like, I'm going to give this one more try and thank God that I did. But if you ask me in those moments when they were really bad, are you committed to the next 90 years? I would've been like, no. But because I gave it one more try now I'm committed to the rest of my life. Right? And so, my daughter went and got a job on this, but I went to a five-year old's birthday party maybe like four years ago. This is what people don't give themselves, why they quit. They had a piñata. The piñata is the ultimate metaphor for life now for me. So, there's like ten five-year old’s and the first kid gets up, the birthday boy just whacks the crap out of this piñata like 60 times no candy comes out. He finally goes, "I quit."
Next kid gets up, beats the crap out of it. Really big kid. No candy comes out. What they didn't know is they were doing something called compound pounding, which is invisible progress. You can't see it. But they were breaking that piñata down, but none of them knew it, compound pounding, invisible progress. Next kid gets up, he hits it, he quits. So about six of these kids get up, they all quit. They're all over on the monkey bars. The last little dude gets up there, glasses on, skinny little kid. He didn't even want to swing the bat. You know, he was afraid. He takes one swing, Shawn, barely hits it, bam. All the candy comes out and then all the kids jump on and celebrate. The question you have to ask yourself is, was it the last kid's final shot that broke that piñata open or was it the cumulative blows over time that did it?
We all know the answer. It was the accumulation of the compound pounding that broke it open. Here's the thing in life, and I've watched this over, man, over and over again. Most people quit before the candy comes out of everything in their life. They don't give themselves credit for invisible compound progress. They just don't do it. And so, they quit before the candy comes out of their relationship, the candy comes out of their business, the candy comes out of their physiology and their fitness and their energy level. They're so damn close and they quit right before they're there because there's no external evidence of the progress. Life is a lot like this piñata, and I've just learned in my life to give myself credit for progress that's invisible because I know one more, one more, one more, one more has to be making progress even if I can't see it.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yeah. That's faith.
ED MYLETT: That's right.
SHAWN STEVENSON: As well.
ED MYLETT: It's faith.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Which is a principle. Again, I love that you mentioned people having faith when they're in this certain environment, when they're in church or they're at this Sunday school, but then the faith just dissipates, right?
ED MYLETT: They dump them. They dump them. What kind of faith is that?
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yeah. It's so remarkable how, you know, we say we have faith, but when it really matters it's completely foreign to us.
ED MYLETT: It is. Yep.
SHAWN STEVENSON: So that's really remarkable. And with this, and I want to make sure that we have time for this because time is the key to this particular part, you've accomplished so much.
ED MYLETT: Thank you.
SHAWN STEVENSON: You have so much that you are investing your time and your energy into today and I'm sure of course it's evolved over time, but family's important to you. And you know, I've seen you, you know, pictures with your son in the golf course and that kind of thing. But being able to structure your time and accomplish what you're accomplishing with the time constraints today, there's never been more opportunity, access, problems as well.
ED MYLETT: That's right.
SHAWN STEVENSON: You have a chapter where you're addressing this. It's one more and the five principles of time management.
ED MYLETT: Yeah. This is the first time I've ever shown people how I managed time. If you went to the two things probably have been the most important in my life, it would be the one mores, my matrix, how I've programmed it and this, for me. And so, here's what's the dumbest thing in the history of mankind that currently exists, 24-hour days. It's the most ridiculous and equated insane concept on earth currently. That we still measure time the same way they did 300 years ago. 300 years ago, there wasn't any electricity. There weren’t any cars, there wasn't any internet. There wasn't any Google, weren't any smartphones and we're going to measure time the same way that dude did? That's really stupid. That's like ridiculous that no one's brought this up to you before. So, like about 25 years ago, I'm literally sitting around, I've gone to this time management course that Tony Robinson did, and I love Tony, he's a great friend, but it didn't help me.
And I'm like, okay, I don't need to-do lists and what's urgent and what's important. I got all these strategies. That's great. Okay. It's the actual concept of time that's killing me here. And so, we've all had these mornings where we go, I got more done this morning man than I've got done in three weeks. Why can't you do that every morning? Why can't you bend and manipulate time to serve you? And so, I change the way I manage time. So, I have a day, my day is not 24 hours. My day is from 6:00 AM to noon. That's a day one every single day. That's day one. And in that time, some days I just screw off. Some days I screw off, right? So, you could have a normal 24-hour screw off day. I have a six-hour screw off day. So 6:00 AM to noon is a day. In that day I'm going to get the type of fitness, business context, meetings, money, relationships, faith, whatever it is, 6:00 AM to noon. At the end of that day a clock goes off just like it does for most people at the end of the day.
And I go, "What did I get done today?" And it's automatic for me now 'cause it's reflexive. "What did I just get done? What didn't I do? What do I need to double my efforts on? What do I need to go make up for? What did I miss?" And then the next day starts, noon to 6:00 PM, amount of context, business, relationship, fitness, nutrition, faith, whatever it might be in that day that I would get done in 24 hours. I shrink the timeframe, I compress the timeframe, I squeeze all the air out of my life and bam, I've got another day. And then I have my next day is from 6:00 PM to midnight. Some of that's sleep, some of its rest, some of its recovery. And then obviously the one in between I don't even count as a day. I get three days in a day. So, I get 21 days a week.
Now, you stack up the fact that I get 21 days a week and you get seven, I'm going to kick your ass, right? I'm going to be happier, more productive, more successful, more fulfilled. Stack that up over a month, six months, three years, seven years, 25 years, life's totally different. You can take an average ordinary man like me, which is what I am, and they can produce superhuman extraordinary results. When you combine this with the other things that are in the book, what'll happen the first time you do it, you'll be like, eh, you give me three or four weeks of doing this and you're going to wake up and go, oh my gosh man, this is completely different. I cannot believe how long I was measuring time in a given day. What used to take me time to go do a project in high school to go to the library in research and encyclopedia, my daughter can literally get the information in in six seconds. But we're going to both have 24-hour days.
When you wanted to mail me something a 100 years ago, you'd have to hand write it, stick it on some horse's ass. They'd write it to me. I may or may not ever get it. And then a month and a half later you'd get my response. Now you can text me and I'm back to you within 16 seconds. But we both have 24-hour days. This is what people... And even as I say this, people aren't getting it because the kicker isn't even any of that. The kicker is what is rare and scarce is more valuable, period. That's why diamonds are worth more than paper. When your time becomes more rare and precious, the rest of the world begins to respond to you differently and you become more valuable instantly when you bend and manipulate time this way. All of a sudden sale I didn't get back in the day, I started getting.
I started to vibrate a different frequency. My energy was different, my cadence was different. My mindset was totally different. And never mind all the extra one mores I'm doing, it's the way you respond to me when I'm bend to manipulate time this way. That is the single thing. I've had thousands more days in my life that I was actually given. So, people go, Jesse Itzler and I talk about this all the time. He goes, "Hey man, how much time do you think you have left in life?" I'm like, "I don't know, 30 years left." And he goes, "Yeah, well man that's like a thousand more days." I go, "No, no, bro. It's like 3000 more days." I'm getting more days out of my life in the same amount of time you're getting fewer days. This is the whole concept. And in two or three months of doing this, you will write me and email me and DM me on Instagram and go, "Oh my God, I cannot believe how different my life is."
SHAWN STEVENSON: I'm feeling... I don't know if it's because I'm hungry, but I'm feeling this fire...
ED MYLETT: You're probably hungry.
SHAWN STEVENSON: In my belly man. This is so powerful Ed. So powerful, so what I'm really hearing is this is... Time management, just the concept of it is antiquated, right?
ED MYLETT: It is.
SHAWN STEVENSON: This is more self-management.
ED MYLETT: Self-management and time manipulation.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yes. Yes.
ED MYLETT: It's time manipulation. You're bending and compressing it and you're not conforming. We talk about all these things that we conform to the collective psychology of the world. The victim psychology. If you conform to the 24-hour day, you'll be like everybody else. And I'm just proof of it. Look, I wrote a book, I wrote the book for this reason. I call it The Ultimate Guide to Happiness and Success. This is what I know of how I became happier and successful. It's real stuff. So, if you just did that alone, your life would change. If you just change your identity, your life would change. If you just learned to build your confidence differently, your life would change. If you just do the leadership things I have in the book, your life would change. But if you do a lot of them, I'm just telling you, you can change the world. You can change your world and other people's worlds in a way that you cannot even possibly imagine. But the time one huge for me. Huge.
SHAWN STEVENSON: As you know, so much of our lives are dictated by our emotions and our states. And our emotions can drive our activities, but our activities can also drive our emotions.
ED MYLETT: Agreed.
SHAWN STEVENSON: And what if we can get those things in alignment? And so, one of your other chapters is One More Emotion. And I thought that that was really important, and it's not talked about enough. You know we tend to bypass that and try to do the stuff.
ED MYLETT: We try to do the stuff. And so, for me it's, look, when you're holding your dad's hand when he dies, which is what I was doing, you have a different perspective on life because you... I physically watched one end for the first time in my life and I thought about my dad. My dad is a collection of his experiences and the difference that he made. But the totality of my father's life was his emotions. That's who you are, are your emotions. Yet we never look in on them. The thing we think, brother, is like, well there's negative and positive emotions. I make the contention of the book that that's not true. That all emotions are okay. It's the abundance of them and the amount of them... A life with no fear? Fear causes you to focus. Fear causes you to prepare.
So, some fear is healthy, living in it constantly. Really, really negative thing. Right? No anxiety, no worries. I don't know. I think some of that stuff's caused me to work my tail off. Do I want to live with it every day? No. And so I'm looking for that one more emotion. And for me in my life, I know what it is that I want more of. And I've said it earlier, I want more peace. Now for me, I will say, this is why I love you. One of the ways I've been able to change my state and change my emotions is how I move my body. The quickest fix for me on changing my emotions is to change my physiology, is to work out, is to walk, is to make love, is to laugh. These are things that quickly change my emotions because the same physiologies required in all of them.
So, I know you're an expert on this as well, but this is why your show matters so much to me because it's very difficult if you're not moving your body and using it in an elegant and beautiful way to the best of your ability that you can generate the emotions on a regular basis that you want. Stagnation and a lack of health makes it very difficult to feel bliss and peace when you're not moving your body. So, when people ask me, so what's a change agent for you emotionally? Move my body. I'll take a walk, I'll take a run, I'll do a workout, I'll do jumping jacks in my office if I have to. But I'm going to change my physiology, then oftentimes changes my emotions in my state.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Have you noticed in the last, we'll say last 10 years, an increase in people who were high performers in business really taking their health more seriously?
ED MYLETT: Yes. And this sounds funny, I actually take one millionth of 1% of credit for that. 'Cause way back in the day, maybe like 30 years ago, I was one of the first people to say, "I'm a business athlete." I consider myself an athlete. I'm training like an athlete. You look nowadays like LeBron James trains like a businessman, but he's also an athlete. Jay-Z "I'm a businessman. I'm a businessman" right? Like he's a businessperson. I was one of the... Really a long time ago, it wasn't popular, I was in gyms as... Gyms were popular, but businesspeople in gyms wasn't really, really popular. I train like I'm an athlete. I think like I'm an athlete. I want to have the longevity of an athlete in my life. Now my training's changed. I'm a little bit more delicate with my body, so to speak.
I do more stretching and more yoga than I used to. I think the way you train is also a metaphor for your life. And I'll just be candid with you. I've trained heavy, hard, and dispensed violence and justice in the gym. I was a much bigger dude when you and I first met. And I think a little bit of that is a metaphor for how I treat myself. And so, to some extent, I've altered my training where I still lift and I still train, but I do things that care for myself too. I do more stretching, I'm more hydrated than I was before. I do more yoga; I'm doing things that care for my body as well. And somehow, by the way, I care for my body, I tend to emotionally care for myself better also.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yeah, yeah, so powerful. I've seen this trend, of course, picking up, and I just did a talk for ESPN, shout out to those guys if they're listening right now, but they see themselves as, very similar term, corporate athletes. They're putting forward the greatest physical examples of performance, of beauty, of connection in the world, but behind the scenes, they could be in a van for 24 hours, right? So, they've going to find a way to be in alignment with what they're showing, and they had this thing turn on in certain people who are in positions of power.
ED MYLETT: I love that.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Because ultimately, with so much of this, and everybody listening too, we said this before we got started. Oftentimes, our problems are just a conversation away, and so somebody in the business stepping into Nestle Foods or whatever the case might be with a different mindset, who's just like, "We need to cultivate health instead of poisoning the public or whatever."
ED MYLETT: I love that. I love that.
SHAWN STEVENSON: And so, having that kind of corporate athlete mentality and also finding ways to stack conditions and understanding that your health is a major driver of your performance, and this is one of the things I'm seeing today too, Ed, with all the divisiveness that's present, it's largely a function of our state of health as well, because it's very difficult. It's not impossible for me to have compassion and for me to perspective take and to have patience with you and to see your point of view when I'm not well, but it's harder.
ED MYLETT: I agree.
SHAWN STEVENSON: It's significantly harder, and so we're making it harder on ourselves to be human when we're so unwell. As you know, we're in epidemic states of mental health issues, obesity.
ED MYLETT: Obesity.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Heart disease, you name it. Everything has skyrocketed, and that's getting ignored all the while we're saying we need to come together and behave or whatever.
ED MYLETT: You're so right. I could not agree with what you just said more, I totally agree with you.
SHAWN STEVENSON: It's a really complex situation, but it's also the beauty and the gratitude that I have for you sitting here right now is you keep bringing forth the simplicity of these things with what would seem to be miraculous results. These are very simple principles, but you're putting it together in a formula for us.
ED MYLETT: Right. Well, you do the exact same thing. I told you that on my show. The enemy of execution is complexity, the more complex something is... And by the way, some people would like things to be complicated because that then gives them an out from doing it. And so, I'm taking your excuse away, I'm giving you very simple things that, in-depth, will help you, and so I'm taking away your excuse that it's too complicated or you don't understand it.
I love having brilliant people on my show, I really do enjoy that, but sometimes I almost feel like they give people the excuse if they can't understand everything they're saying, to not take action. I'm taking that excuse away, 'cause if my IQ's as high as yours listening, I'm really lucky, 'cause I'm the fourth in my own family. We just did it again for the fourth time. I have a wife and two kids; I am the fourth highest IQ of the four of us in my own house. So, I'm sure of all of your guests I don't rank very high either, and I don't have any need to do that, I just want to help people.
SHAWN STEVENSON: So crazy, man. Man, I just love talking with you.
ED MYLETT: I love you.
SHAWN STEVENSON: So, there are two things I have to ask you about because certain words are just attractive to me, multiplier is attractive to me, and you've got one more multiplier in the book.
ED MYLETT: One more multiplier is something, someone or you, when added to something, doesn't just do plus one, but it's like plus 10, they multiply things. And so, one of the examples I use in the book, like if you're a leader in business or a leader in a family, when I add you to the environment, you multiply things. And there's all different things you can do in your life to be a multiplier as well, but multipliers attract winning. They attract success. They attract abundance. And so, in the book, I used Brady, Tom Brady is one of the examples. And when he got traded or when he signed with the Bucks, it wasn't just that Brady got out at that team and changed their culture, but he really changed their standards, like we talked about earlier. He completely changed the standard and what's acceptable for work, preparation, execution. But the other thing he did is he's a multiplier.
All of a sudden Rob Gronkowski sign, Leonard Fournette signs, Antonio Brown signs, guys want to come play with a multiplier, guys want to be in an organization with a multiplier. In every organization, there's a multiplier. John Maxwell kind of has something similar where we call it the law of the catalyst, but this is the person everybody chases. Here's what a multiplier is, and you can be one. In life, especially like in your own family, most things with your kids or you are caught, not taught. You catch them. Multipliers, just by being around them, a lot's caught. They don't have to teach. They're caught. And in life, there's four types of people. There's the unmotivated, they're hard to help, we're trying right now, you and I are. Then there's the motivated, motivated people are moved by their motives, which is fine, I want to get healthier, I want to make more money, I want a jet, I want a house, I want a relationship.
They're moved by motive. Nothing wrong with that at all. It's very healthy. There's a level past it though, called inspirational, inspirational people or people that are inspired, the root of that is to be in spirit, there's an energy, there's an elevation, there's a contribution, there's a difference that's made by inspirational people. The forth type's the most rare, you are one of these, these are aspirational people. Aspirational people are people that we aspire to emulate, we aspire to be more like them. If you're going to be a multiplier, you will elevate yourself from motivated to inspired, which are beautiful stages and you'll still stay in them sometimes, to aspirational where just by being around you, I catch things from you in your proximity and I aspire to be like you. I aspire to behave like you. Aspirational people are what we need more of in the world. Way more of in the world.
SHAWN STEVENSON: I don't want to not talk about this because you said it and you were going through certain points, but when you said that along comes the one in a family, I really... I didn't want to say that. I'm just like, I didn't ask for that. I didn't sign up to be that I don't have to be that. I'm okay with somebody else being the one.
ED MYLETT: Me too.
SHAWN STEVENSON: But I am the one.
ED MYLETT: I know. I know you are. Doesn't that feel good though? It feels like not a very humble thing to say, but it's an absolute truth. Why though? Why do you think? 'Cause people ask me all the time, what emotion do we need more of in the world? What could really change things? And I know this sounds super hokey. I'll probably get... I can't even say it without getting emotional, I would just love to see there be more love in the world, just love. You love your family so deeply that it exudes out of you that you had to become the one. What we need in our culture more is love. When people are hurting one another, when they're operating out of anger, they're afraid, anger is fear manifested in action, that's what anger is, it's a fear, and they're afraid because there's not enough love in the world.
And I know that sounds weird from two fit dudes sitting in a room talking about life and stuff, but you're the one because you love so deeply, you're the one because you love the people that are listening to this so deeply and you want to make a difference to people. Watch how you interact with the guys that are here, you love them, man, you just love people. And most people, I think, somehow think showing love to people is some kind of a weakness or a fragility in life, and I don't believe that that's true. The people that I admire the most are the most loving and you can love in a lot of ways. Jesus loved the apostles, he still rebuked them from time to time, it's okay to rebuke and correct people, but the reason you're the one is you love, and because you love you'll fight for that family.
You do whatever you can. You've moved out here, the timing was really interesting, you had to get resourceful, you just find a way. The one just finds a way, they just will it to happen, they're just resourceful, they just get it done, they just compete, they just... They've got a will to win that cannot be bought. Most people in life will sell their family up the river at some point, it doesn't sound that way, but they'll do it. Their will to win is for sale. With enough heat, enough rejection, enough losing, they will sell their winning. At some point, they may not say it, but they'll put their hands up, "Okay, I surrender, I'm just not going to try anymore." I'm just, "Look, man, I'm going to look like I'm trying. I'm going through the motions man; I'm going through the motions. Where we're at is okay." Driving yesterday to a meeting, I'll share this with you, this is why I love you, and I mean that, I do.
I love you, brother, I love you, and I love you because I know things about you that I shouldn't know, 'cause I haven't been around you that much to know the things that I know about you, and they're this... This lady friend of mine was saying to me, she goes, "I just love what you've done with your children, 'cause you grew up in that alcoholic home when you were neglected, and I was neglected too, because my parents were divorced and my parents neglected me," and she goes, "I just, I don't neglect my children." She's a very good friend of mine, and I said, "I think you should re-think whether you're neglecting your children. I've known you 30 years. You're magnificent. You're not living up to your potential. You're not chasing your dreams." I said, "The most insidious form of child neglect in the world is a parent who's not pursuing their potential and their dreams.
You're neglecting that child when you do that. You're installing them a belief system that it's okay to settle, it's okay to be average and ordinary, you're actually telling them from your average and ordinary existence that that's who they are, that's where they come from." She was, "Well, what do I do to change it?" I said, "I want you to focus on how much you love them. When you give yourself the gift of how much you love them, you're never going to settle again." The thing I admire the most about you, Shawn, is you love your family, and you love them, it's special the way you love your family, the way you talk about them, the way you post about them, the way your face changes when you talk about them, that's why you're the one. It's very clear to me, you're brilliant, you work your butt off, it's the combination of all those gifts, but it's really from this place of, "Man, I love my family, I am not... "
You even said it to yourself this way, "I will never neglect them, I will never neglect with my effort." Yeah, okay. I'm not the alcoholic, that isn't good enough not to be an alcoholic, it's not good enough just to put a roof over their heads. I love them enough that I'm never going to neglect them with them not seeing me chase my potential, with them not seeing me try again, with them not seeing me do one more, one more try, one more rep, one more podcast, one more effort, one more meeting, my family will never see me neglect them." That's why I love you and admire and respect you. And everybody listening to this, it is perfectly okay if previously you've not done this. My dad lived crappy the first 15 years of my life, not a great life, and then magnificently the last 35 years he became my favorite man that's ever walked the earth. As a human is my dad. So, you can flip this right now, but you going to stop neglecting your family. You going to get after it.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Let's go, let's go. To circle back on why I'm a good listener, is I'm a fan, I'm a fan of people. As I'm sitting here, I wish that other people could be sitting right here in this space with you witnessing this excellence and this heart, and so I'm a fan. And if we can cultivate that of being a fan of excellence and of humans and of love, man, we can create some change there too. So, this brings us to this chapter, One More Inconvenience.
ED MYLETT: Well, yeah, this is the bottom line, so you going to be the one to do inconvenient things in your life, and our natural human tendency is to avoid the inconvenient, is to do the easy thing. And on the other side, like I said, here's what has to happen, you have to change your relationship with pain. I had Phil Heath on my show, seven-time Mr. Olympia, in the middle of interview, I go, "Oh, you know why you're so great?" He goes, "I think... " I said, "Your relationship with pain is completely different than most human beings, you pursue it because you're in a career, in a business where you know that if you don't actually go through pain, you're going to lose, and so you do inconvenient things every single day." And he goes, "You know what's crazy, man? I love leg day, which is the hardest day in that damn gym. I'm Mr. Olympia because I crush leg days and most of these guys, they wing it a little bit on leg days."
And everything in my life has come through me pursuing the inconvenient, because it's where all your resiliency is done. We have a culture now that really does not embrace doing hard and difficult things, and in any given day, if you'll do the inconvenient thing, you'll do the most productive thing and it'll change you because that's where that temporary pain is in life. And if you don't do the inconvenient... I'm going to tell you what happens to you in your life. If you want to know the power of one more in your life, it's when I take it from you, and everything becomes convenient. My dad had cancer, man, for eight years, it's an inconvenient thing, to put it mildly. Watch my dad go through chemo, radiation, proton therapy, surgery, chemo, proton, radiation, surgery, surgery, proton, radiation, chemo, new chemo, experimental chemo.
When my dad first got sick, he said to me, "I'm only doing this once, and that's it, and if it doesn't work, just let me go," and then he kept doing it, and I'm like, "Dad, why are you willing to do this inconvenient thing over and over," which I knew wasn't working and encouraged him not to do, by the way, he said, "Man, if I could just get to one more high school graduation from my grandkids, maybe I'll make one more wedding, maybe I'll get one more basketball game, and those one mores, man, when they're gone for me, I'll never get them again, so I'm willing to do the inconvenient to get to one more." And that's really what the book's about. And then I'll tell you this, what if I took your one more from you now? You know how precious the opportunity to do one more is. My favorite thing, Shawn, and we both suck, but it was to play golf with my dad. My favorite thing.
Now, 'cause either one of us could play, but because my dad was a simple dude, I used to say, "Hey Dad, you know, I have had five jets." My dad could've walked to where my jets were parked, Shawn, he's never been on one. I go, "Oh, Dad, let's go to Maui and play golf," and he goes, "Why would I go to Maui to play with my son? We could play in Chino, just playing. It's about my son, I don't care where we are." He's a simple man. But man, for those five hours I'm sitting with my dude, he's talking about life, we disagreed on politics, spirituality. For him to walk across the green one more time, my dad maybe makes a putt, go, "Dad, good putt. Yeah, that was a good one." You know what I would give for one more round to go off with him? One more conversation with my dad? Only do we understand the power of what one more is when it's gone. What if I told you only had one more conversation with your children?
How much different would that talk be tonight? One more dance with your sweetie. What if this was the last podcast, one more podcast, the next book, one more book? You begin to understand how precious things are when you only have one more of them or you don't have any at all. And so, I would just encourage everybody to begin to look at your family like... My dad was sick, before he was sick, phone would ring, I'm in a meeting, "I'll get back to him." After he was sick, "Hang on, man, it's my dad." No matter where I was, "Dad... " It changes. And so, I would just encourage everybody before the one mores are gone, take advantage of them, because they're going to be gone, and what occurred to me when my dad was passing was I'm going to die someday. I'm next, I don't know if that's in five minutes or 50 years, but I know what I want my life to be when I'm gone, I know what I want the memories to be, the emotions or contribution.
I know what I want my life to look like. To me, I've told you this before, when I go to heaven, to me, heaven is, I want the Lord to go, "Well done, good and faithful servant." But I think heaven is that you actually meet the person you were capable of becoming. I think you get introduced to the Shawn that you could have been, just so and so you could have been. All the dreams, all the memories, all the moments, all the emotions, all the contributions of your life, you're going to meet that, man. And to me, if you meet that man and you're identical twins, that's heaven. And if you meet that man and you're complete strangers, that's hell. And I want to be in heaven, and so I'm doing all the one mores in my life so that I get to heaven someday. I know I got really heavy there at the end, but I feel that stuff really strongly.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Thank you so very much for tuning into the show today, I truly, truly do appreciate it. This information, this education, this empowerment is something to share out. Please share this out on your social media, take a screenshot of the episode, tag me, I'm @Shawnmodel on Instagram and on Twitter, and tag Ed as well, he's really thriving on Instagram, and he would love to see the love, so please share it on social media. And of course, you can send this directly from the podcast app that you were listening on, sharing is caring.
We've got some epic master classes, world class guests coming up very, very soon. So, make sure to stay tuned. Take care, have an amazing day, and I'll talk with you soon. And for more after the show, make sure to head over to themodelhealthshow.com, that's where you can find all of the show notes, you can find transcriptions, videos for each episode, and if you got a comment, you can leave me a comment there as well. And please make sure to head over to iTunes and leave us a rating to let everybody know that the show is awesome, and I appreciate that so much. And take care, I promise to keep giving you more powerful, empowering, great content to help you transform your life. Thanks for tuning in.
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