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TMHS 474: Finding Lasting Love, Investing In Yourself & The Truth About Visualization – With Lisa Nichols
Have you ever thought about what holds you back from realizing your dreams? What are the deeply engrained limiting beliefs that stop you from creating the life you want to live? Today’s guest is here to help you unpack these questions so that you can take purposeful action toward your goals.
Lisa Nichols is a best-selling author, a millionaire entrepreneur, and one of the most-requested motivational speakers in the world. Her insights and experiences are enlightening, inspirational, and have helped thousands of folks realize their infinite power. On this episode of The Model Health Show, Lisa is diving into topics like taking personal permission, developing a contagious energy of certainty, doubling down on your dreams, and how to attract healthy, vibrant relationships.
Lisa has a profound ability to inspire you to clarify your ways of thinking, to remind you of your innate potential, and to motivate you to create abundance. I hope you are open to receiving all of these gifts today. So listen in, take good notes, and get ready to improve your mind with the one and only, Lisa Nichols!
In this episode you’ll discover:
- The biggest barrier holding you back from creating the life that you want.
- What it means to replace familiar discomfort with a new possibility.
- Why being willing to take a risk on yourself is the key to success.
- What it means to have an energy of certainty.
- How to reverse-engineer the outcome you envision.
- What the law of attraction is, and how to make it work in your life.
- A common misconception about the law of attraction.
- Why you should double your dreams.
- What guided visualizations are.
- The importance of adding a feeling to your visualizations.
- Why leadership is a choice.
- The biggest place that we start compromising what we deserve.
- An important distinction between keeping score and keeping track.
- Why it’s not your partner’s job to complete you.
- How to attract the kind of partner that you want (and why it takes work).
- What it means to put yourself at the front of your line.
- Why you have to leap with fear.
Items mentioned in this episode include:
- Organifi.com/Model — Use the coupon code MODEL for 20% off!
- Foursigmatic.com/model — Get an exclusive discount on your daily health elixirs!
- MotivatingTheMasses.com/Abundance Now — Download your free gift!
- Increase Your Sense of Value with Lisa Nichols – Episode 234
- No Matter What by Lisa Nichols
- The Secret
- Connect with Lisa Nichols Website / Facebook / Twitter / Instagram
Thank you so much for checking out this episode of The Model Health Show. If you haven’t done so already, please take a minute and leave a quick rating and review of the show on Apple Podcast by clicking on the link below. It will help us to keep delivering life-changing information for you every week!
SHAWN STEVENSON: Welcome to The Model Health Show. This is fitness and nutrition expert Shawn Stevenson, and I'm so grateful for you tuning in with me today. I'm feeling on top of the world right now after this conversation. This episode is incredibly powerful. This is one that you're going to want to listen to over and over again. And my special guest just really blew me away, just absolutely blew me away. So many powerful and important insights that we can all use right now. She really spoke right to my heart, and I think it's going to be the same for you as well. And some of the things that she brought up during this episode, she didn't know that it was hitting me like it was hitting me. There was one time she gave an example of just really tuning in and being able to get up when you're down or get up and get... After creating the life that you really want.
And she talked about how we might find ourselves if we're not doing that, just basically leaving a butt dent in the couch, on the couch cushion. When she said that she didn't realize that when I was dealing with my own health issues and I had my little college apartment love seat, love seat means basically, it's a little... It's a mini couch.
But my love seat was so unstable and so lacking substance. I carried it by myself. If you can carry your couch by yourself, it's not really a couch, right? It's something else. It was lacking substance. Either way, because of my state of health, and I was just in a place where I was just gaining a lot of weight. I was dealing with this so-called incurable health issue, this bone condition, this spine condition that was so-called incurable and believing that and being really inundated with the idea that there was nothing I could do about it, and getting permission, I was getting a permission slip, which I was really giving to myself, I was signing off on it, from my physicians that, "Hey, bed rest, don't do much. This is just something that you're going to have to live with." And so I lived with it. And I sat there and I sat there and I sat there, watching life passing me by.
And the crazy thing is I was in fear of really standing up, which is kind of a psychological parallel that it had. Because physically when I stood up, I was in pain, and I was in a place where I was in fear standing up because of that pain, but also I was having a fear of really standing up for myself in my life.
And so I spent a lot of hours sitting on that couch, and eventually not only did I get a butt dent in the couch, but I broke the couch. My butt broke through the couch, and so the couch collapsed. This is a true story. This is crazy because I can't even see this being my life and my reality, but I ended up stuffing some pillows up under the couch cushion where the wood broke or whatever it was, whatever raggedy pieces of upholstery was put together. It seems like the couch was made out of some Las Vegas slot machine, heavily trafficked carpet. That's really what it seemed like it was made of, not the best, sustainable materials.
Either way, it couldn't withhold my weight. So she said that, it hit me different. Alright. She was saying things that really hit me different. She brought up having an air mattress. Just my kids would sleep on an air mattress. I lived in a one-bedroom apartment in Ferguson, Missouri. And my mattress was on the floor in and of itself. I already mentioned the raggedy love seat, but also my kids, they were on the air mattress, and I was just trying to find a way. All the while I'm working on my degree.
Once I really transformed my health and turned my health around and that so-called incurable condition was no longer a part of my reality, I really just went to work on finishing up my degree and finding a way to serve, but here's the big key, and one of the things that she brought this up as well. When I was in school, that's not the education for success. There is no Success 101. When you're in college, they don't teach you how to be successful.
Most of our education system from primary on up is really just teaching us how to be an employee, how to go to a job and exchange our time for money. Hopefully, somebody will hire you, but not how to be successful, the things that matter most in life. How do you feel good as a person? How do you experience fulfillment? How do you manage your emotions and your emotional fitness, your mental health? All of these things make the decisions for everything else. We can get good at the system of education, playing that game. Test-taking, study skills, we can get good at that game, but it doesn't teach us about life.
And so I was working on that degree and not really understanding what that means. What a degree really means, if you even think about the word, it's a degree. It's a state of something. It's a state... In that context, it might be a state of progress, it might not. Your degree doesn't define you.
And so many times people are like, "What degree should I get? What should I take? What kind of plan, what kind of degree should I get?" A degree does not give you permission to be great. That's the thing. It's like, "If I just get this degree, then I can help people." You don't need a degree to help people. This system that's been set up and constructed for us to basically define ourselves by these titles, by the degree like, "I've got this degree to be able to serve, and it gives me some credibility."
And it's really just all a very twisted kind of perspective about life because especially if the system itself that we're getting the degree from, the education system doesn't actually provide you with the necessary tools to actually help people or to actually do the thing that you want to do, what is it for? What is it for, except superficial, this kind of window dressing? That's what it really boils down to you.
So for me, I'm very passionate about this because I'm coming from a state of health and a state of nutrition in particular. When I first went to college, prior to jumping out of the pre-med track, I took a nutritional science class, and it was wildly mis-educating. Not a single thing from that class... I paid for this expensive, private university, not a single thing holds up in the real world, not one. But yet, if I get my degree in that, I believe that, "Okay, now I'm equipped to actually help people." Most people who have those degrees don't experience levels of success, not only in their lives, but in the lives of the patients that they work with and the lives of the people that they're wanting to help.
The real degree comes from life. The real degree comes from continued education, from questioning things, from working on really honing your gift, from tuning in to the things that you're interested in and also remembering that you are a continuous eternal student.
Once you get the degree, that's not the end. Even if you get the degree, they do... Let me be clear. There are educational institutions that have some value, some value-add. However, the majority is really misguided because it's missing out on what's most important, which is getting you EduCo, right, the root of it, learning from within, directing you back to you so that you actually know what you're here to do and what lights you up, what really keeps your spirit giving and growing.
That's what it should be directed to. University, even the name is derived from a context of learning about the universe, have you ever thought... Come on, come on. Have you ever thought about that? University, we're not learning about the universe, we're learning about not even a speck of what the universe is, but that's what it's really about. And here's the truth, the universe exists first and foremost, primarily in your life, in you. You are the universe. There is an entire galaxy, there's an entire universe within your own body, within your own mind, alright?
The solar system, we see the things out there, we don't really realize we come from that, the bodies that we have, the brains that we have came from this cosmic experience, this cosmic phenomenon taking place. Your body, everything on planet earth, everything that we're made of came from a supernova. Came from the stars. We don't learn about that. We think we're this little nothing, we're so incapable, we don't understand we have the entire universe existing within us. We're connected to it. It's powerful stuff, powerful stuff. And so this is why I'm so pumped about this episode because this is one of those moments that reminds us of that, of how powerful we are. So I'm really excited to share that with you.
Now, of course, listen, being able to tune into that, we got to be able to carry that wattage, we've got to be able to carry that level of electricity, because it might wipe you out when you really realize how powerful you are, it might be too overwhelming, your body can't even hold it, and you just got to take a nap, like "Oh my God... I want to get out and go change the world... I'm going to take a nap though." I can't handle the wattage, our cells can't handle the wattage.
We've got to make sure that we're really fueling our bodies and creating our bodies and our tissues, our nervous system is literally made from the food that we eat with the best stuff possible. Alright now, big conversation today, obviously, there are a lot of issues with the soil, nutrient deficiencies, the list goes on and on. I'm a big proponent of food first, the best food that we can possibly access and really working right now, just behind the scenes, really working to change this food system and the accessibility for the people at large, but also the practices moving towards sustainability.
But with that said, food first, but there are some incredible things we have access to now that often... This accessibility didn't exist before, and now to be able to have access to that. But this is the key, food first, then food-based concentrates, whole food-based nutrition and supplementation, not synthetic. I want the real stuff. One of the most important things right now, and there's so much more science that is coming forth about this, one of the biggest subjects that's being studied, is the science regarding antioxidants, because we're looking at with oxidation being tied to normal day-to-day living, but excessive oxidation, and things like advanced glycation in products, aka ages, these things, accelerating the aging process and breaking us down, prematurely. Antioxidants work on this equation of helping to buffer these events, inflammation, the list goes on and on.
This particular food, and when I first... I've known about it for, I don't know, a decade and a half at least. But people would call it an Acai. Have you seen this Acai, Acai, right? You could say it how you want, but Acai it has an incredible ORAC value, so we're talking about the scale measuring anti-oxidants, it's 103000 on the ORAC scale, that means it's about 10 times the antioxidants of most fruits that you see in the produce aisle, we got Acai access today, alright?
The Journal of agriculture and food chemistry found that Acai actually raised... Now, this is the key, okay, we know it's in there, but does it transfer over to the human body, they found that Acai actually raised the participants antioxidant levels, demonstrating how there's a resonance there with the human body and its ability to be absorbed through the human gastrointestinal tract and actually become a part of us. So it's not just on paper, Acai, is incredibly absorbable.
Now, this is one aspect. So this is something that I have at least every other day, this one of the things in my nutrition regimen, but it's Acai combined with this other ingredient, and this is... Researchers at University of Michigan published data finding that blueberry intake can potentially affect our genes relating to fat burning, so it's blueberry in there as well. Also, a study published in the Journal Applied Physiology showed that drinking beet juice so beets boost stamina up to 16% during exercise and training.
And this is also, they noted, they also experienced less muscle damage and less fatigue after the exercise. Beets do something special. So we've got acai, we've got blueberry, we've got Beets, we've got pomegranate, we've got strawberry, all of these and more in the concentrated whole food-based red juice formula from Organifi, low temperature processed to retain the nutrients, and here's the biggest point is that it tastes good. Kids love it. Kid tested, mother approved, for real though, and so we get this kind of access to this kind of nutrition and it tastes good without all those crazy side effects.
When I was getting juice as a kid, drinking juice. First of all, most of the time it was 0% juice in the juice that I was drinking, but even the particular juices is just this huge concentrate of pasteurized sugar, so there's no sugar added with this, just real whole food concentrates. And these are the things that we need to fuel our tissues to make sure that we can handle that wattage to really enjoy our lives and to be the best version of ourselves. So pop over there. Check 'em out, it's organifi.com/model. That's O-R-G-A-N-I-F-I. com forward slash model, you get 20% off the red juice formula and everything else that they carry. It's one of my favorites. One of my kids favorite red juice formula from organic, that's O-R-G-A-N-I-F-I.com forward slash model. And now let's get to the Apple Podcast review of the week.
ITUNES REVIEW: Another five-star review titled “even his commercials are great” by Entertaining Podcast. “Not only do I love listening to Shawn because he has an awesome voice and sense of humor, I hang on every word of the science he so carefully researches and brings to us in a nice little package with a bow on top. Either himself or was carefully curated incredible guests. Even his commercials are meaningful and enjoyable. I wish I was lying because that's weird that I said that. Thank you, Shawn.”
SHAWN STEVENSON: Thank you, that's amazing. I appreciate you so much for leaving me that review over on Apple Podcast, and please keep it going if you've yet to do so, please pop over to Apple Podcast, leave a review for the show, it is so important. And listen, this is an important tenet to really act from a place of integrity, share and talk about the things that you're passionate about, the things that you love, the things that you enjoy from your heart, today, there's a big lack of integrity or... Authenticity can seem trendy, we've talked about this on the show, it can become a new tactic, but truly just being authentic to yourself, the things that you love, and speaking from your heart and sharing your gift, and there's no better person to remind you of that, of tuning into your gift, of tuning into your passion than our special guest today.
Our guest today is Lisa Nichols, and she's one of the most renowned in-demand motivational speakers and media personalities on the planet, and she's also the corporate CEO of an organization whose global platform has reached nearly 80 million people and growing. She's a New York Times best-selling author of several books including No Matter What. He's been featured on Oprah, the Today Show, the Dr. Phil show, The Steve Harvey Show, and so much more. And now she's here on The Model Health Show to share her incredible insights with us today. So let's jump into this conversation with the one and the only Lisa Nichols.
Lisa, first and foremost, you are one of my super heroes, I appreciate you so much, and I'm so grateful to have you back on the show, your episode is the most watched. The most listened episode that we've had...
LISA NICHOLS: The most vulnerable for me.
SHAWN STEVENSON: So be it. That resonated, that connected. And so I'm just grateful to have you back. I've got so many things I want to ask you about. So first and foremost, I'm going to ask you a big question right out of the gate, what is the biggest barrier that you see in people that they are carrying... The biggest barrier that people have with creating a life that they really want? What do you see in people? What do you think that big barrier is?
LISA NICHOLS: I'll start with the statement, personal permission. So I'm going to start with that statement, and then I'm going to follow it with holding themselves hostage to an old conversation and an old awareness and a familiar discomfort. So much so that it feels impossible to replace a familiar discomfort with an unfamiliar new possibility. Now, I'll give you some context to that, when we're sitting inside of a familiar discomfort, and by the way, a discomfort isn't just from lack, discomfort isn't just from fear, a discomfort could be, "I know I've outgrown this place, though you might be impressed with me, though I might have accolades and BAs and AAs and MBAs and PhDs or whatever I have, I've outgrown this season." What I see most, I work a lot with leadership, women in leadership, men in leadership, and while leadership is beautiful, they've outgrown their current leadership and they've been there for a while, but the reason why they haven't moved is because they're more committed to a familiar... Keyword is familiar, Shawn, familiar discomfort... Which discomfort could also be, you're ready to grow and you're not, than they are to an unfamiliar, keyword is unfamiliar, new possibility. Because one is familiar, even though I don't really care for it anymore. The other is unfamiliar and the unfamiliar, unknown, uncharted turf makes me hesitate.
That's the number one reason that I see is we want everything to be familiar, we want evidence before we go. We want you to predict the future that I'm for sure going to make it before I take a step. And you can't do that in new possibility, you can project, you can strategize, you can action plan, you can get teamed up, and then at some level, you got to take the jump at the possibility that you'll fly or at the possibility that you'll fall but most people want to ensure the fly so much that they never jump.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Oh my goodness. So you just said something really powerful, which is, we want to bring this Miss Cleo vibe to it, to able to say, "I can see the future. I see what's going to happen," and get that level of certainty before we act. And truly... And you know this, you've been around some of the most successful people on planet Earth. And it's really about going into the unknown, that's what the most successful people are doing.
LISA NICHOLS: Yes. Being willing to take the risk on you. Being willing to take the risk on it. Being willing to recognize that there is a chance, dot dot dot. We're trying to control the outcome and take away the chance. There is a chance dot dot dot. And so most of us want to be insured. That's why entrepreneurs for... 25 years ago, a lot of us were considered crazy because there was no trapeze net. Like, "You're flying with your family in the air?" You know, you probably heard it. "You want to do these things, and there's no net?" Well, here's the reality, can you trust your fly or can you trust your get up? Now that's the thing. Is that most people think when they fall, there's no get up. I'm... The difference between me and most...
And I'm not perfect, I'm still in this journey is that I trust my get-up. I won't always say I'm going to fly 'cause Lord knows my failures these days are six figures, seven figures and require an attorney, and I still am in there big. And when... I've been paying for the same poor decision for five years, I've been paying for it... My attorney told me it was going to cost me $300,000 to $500,000 to fix it, we're at $1.7 million. And so you still fall... You still fall. But if you're willing to trust your get-up... And most people are still wondering if their get up... Or the other part, Shawn, is they're trying to protect the fall because they still want to prove to someone that they won't fall. So if you're in the proving, protecting, defending or hiding business... Hello. Proving, protecting, defending or hiding business, you're going to hold yourself back all the time because you don't want to show up as anything other than perfect.
SHAWN STEVENSON: We got to talk about those right there. Those...
LISA NICHOLS: Prove, protect, defend or hide.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Okay, so the proving. A lot of us, of course... And this can be rooted in our childhood, we're trying to prove to our parents. We are trying to prove to our friends. So I definitely see that one. But I want to talk more about the rest of those too because those just hit my spirit.
LISA NICHOLS: Yes. Prove, protect, hide or defend. So most of us grow into that naturally. We don't even know that we naturally kind of graduate into it. And you have to... You have to take yourself out of it with intention. It's not a normal conscious thing to not have prove, protect, defend or hide inside your space. Society sets us up to compete. Society sets us up to compare. Society sets us up... Unless you choose to opt out. I opt out. So when you talk about protecting, you're protecting your perception of how the world needs to see you. When you're proving, you're proving that you're smart enough, good enough, wise enough. When you're hiding, most people are constantly hiding their insecurities. You're hiding your need. If you think your need is making you seem more vulnerable, you're hiding your vulnerability.
That's why when you meet people, it's very difficult for them to open up and share immediately. That's why our tribe is so delicious, 'cause we've learned how to open up and give me your real you faster... Sooner, quicker, faster, right? But most people need to warm up for weeks and months because they're still hiding anything that they think may cause you to lose respect for them or not like them as much, or not appreciate. And these are unconscious hides. Just so you know, people don't consciously do this... Right. So prove, protect, high or defend.
A lot of us are defending an old limiting belief we had about ourselves or someone else had about us. We're defending it in who we're being now. So I have a friend who, when he was little, his mother told him that, "Don't wear white shirts 'cause you get too dirty. Don't wear white shirts, you get too dirty." And as an adult, he says, "I have 160 white shirts." Still defending the fact that I get to wear a white shirt. We operate as adults still defending or proving, protecting or hiding, even stuff that we've outgrown years ago. And that comes from the place of needing to be enough, needing to be accepted...
I had someone the other day... My assistant reached out to her and was confirming something, and her response to... My assistant called her by her first name. We do first names in my company. And this woman's response to my assistant was, "Please address me as Miss, such and such. And if I wanted to talk to Lisa's assistant, I would have asked to talk to Lisa's assistant. I prefer to talk to Lisa." My assistant... Her feelings were hurt. What I took her to was, "Before you live in hurt, what is it that she needs?" And she said, confirmation and validation. I said, "So what could be the lack?" She lacks being seen and being appreciated, and being valued. I said, "So let's give her what she needs." My immediate response to her, in email was, "If my assistant reaching out to you in any form made you feel dismissed, I apologize. It wasn't my agenda. In order for you to get put on my calendar, it must go through my assistant 'cause she manages my calendar." And so the first thing I did was gave her, her need to be validated. So when you... So the needs don't come up straight like... I mean... It's not a needy portrayed need.
It flexes in ego. It flexes in she go. It comes out in being a super sister soldier. It comes out in being a dynamic strong brother. It comes out in saying, "I don't need help." 'Cause you're still proving that you're good enough by yourself. Or you're still defending or protecting your fear of being abandoned. Do you know that a lot of people who say they don't need help... "I don't want anyone. I can do it on my own." They're protecting their fear of being abandoned. Now, it doesn't come up that way, it comes up as strong, by myself, lone ranger, solo-preneur. Right? Do it with myself by myself. But really underneath all of those contracting behaviors, every single contracting behavior is sourced with either need to prove, protect, defend or hide.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Ah... This is so good. So powerful. These four... And I want to share this because you said something a little bit earlier about being a rogue idea... 25 years ago, if you're a entrepreneur, you're just like, "They're out here. They're just taking risks. They're wilding out, they need a safe job because... "
LISA NICHOLS: Be responsible.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Be responsible. And so for me, this was 20 years ago, now... It was knocking on the door 20 years... And I remember... I was in college at the time, and I had this big revelation, my health had transformed. I was feeling good, I was... Now, people at my university were attracted to me and they're asking me for help. So my professors, fellow students, and they start becoming my clients. So I became a strength conditioning coach. And when I met this girl... So I was, "Talking to." I was dating this girl. And when she met me, I had a J-O-B... Sometimes just over broke, but I had this job. I was working at the arena there in our city. And also, of course, I was a college student.
So she... It checked her boxes. And so when I told her... She was asking, "So how's work going?" And I'm like, "Well, actually, I stopped doing that and I'm really focused on working in the gym." And she was like, "Oh, so you have a hobby." And I was like, "What?" No... Like, "This is what I'm doing." And so what it was for me... And these four things prove, protect, hiding, defending, none of those came up for me. And I could see that... How they could have been there. But this is what I want to ask you about. What energy do we need to shift to? So for me, it was my excitement. It was my passion. It was my wanting to serve other people. Those were the energies that... It actually made it so that even her statement today... It was funny... Even then it was funny, it was like, "Oh, you don't know." So what energy do we shift to?
LISA NICHOLS: So it is the energy of excitement, the energy of certainty that you can have certainty even while you're... While you're developing the plan. I'm not asking for certainty on the plan. I'm developing that. I have certainty on the outcome.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yes.
LISA NICHOLS: So that energy of certainty is contagious. I remember I was doing an investor meeting early on... Now mind you, my first company, 23 years ago... I measure by the age of my child. He was three years old when I started, he's 26 now... 23 years ago, I was raising capital for my company. Mind you, I'm raising money for Motivating the Teen Spirit, teaching teens how to fall madly in love with themselves and how to make integrity-based decisions. So I'm raising money to sell an intangible, called personal development to a body of people, teenagers between the ages of 12 and 25 that we don't even know if they want to use the service... Right. Think about it. So it was all up hill. And, oh by the way, I had no experience doing this. I just had a lot of passion. And I didn't have a degree that said... Increased my credibility. Uphill battle. But I'm on fire. And I'm out there, and I have my shtick. And I got to tell... I can remember my shtick today, Shawn.
"Hi, my name is Lisa Nichols, I'm the founder and creator Motivating the Teen Spirit. We teach teens how to fall madly in love with themselves and how to make integrity-based decisions. We're creating a training and development company that will transform teen lives one teen at a time. We will be to the teen... To the teen community, what McDonalds is to the burger community. Who do you know that wants to be a part of this?" I just had my little thing and so I was on fire. And the more I stepped into doing the work with teens, the more I was sold out on the work I could do with teens. So you got to be sold out. And when I say a spirit and a energy of sold out.
Which means I'm inviting you to jump on board. The train has already left the station. I'm not asking you to push the train. I'm inviting you to jump on the train. I'm stopping by to say all aboard. And the train's going to leave with you or without you. So you can choose. When you have that energy without saying that. You don't have to say the train's going to leave with you or without you, that's all in context that's all in movement. I remember I was doing an investor meeting... Now, mind you, Shawn, everything was stacked against me. Everything was stacked against me. I was young. I'm like 33 at the time. Jelani's like three years old at the time. I have no social proof evidence of what I'm going to do, but I am working with teens, a little bit. I only even worked with teens like two years at the time and I'm doing my shtick. And this engineer... I'll never forget his name. I'll never forget them. And he and his wife. He said, "Miss Nichols, my wife and I don't have children. We consciously decided not to have children. We don't even know if we like children." I kid you not. He's said these words. He said, "But you are so on fire and you're so sold out on what you're doing, I feel like it's our fiscal responsibility to be a part of what you're doing." And he invested in $25,000 in my company.
And so when you talk about that energy, it's that energy of certainty. And so much so Shawn that you can say, "We haven't figured out the entire path yet, we're still developing our marketing plan." You can even speak to what you're in progress doing. And so that energy... That energy of, you didn't know? You didn't know? Like an energy of certainty versus the energy of wonder. It's contagious. And done in a authentic way... Not in a way where you're trying to sell someone a shtick. Not in a way where you're inauthentic, but in a way where you feel it in yourselves. When I was in The Secret... I didn't even know this part of The Secret would become so famous when I said, "I know, like I know, like I know."
That just got millions and millions of views that people would just cut that out and replay that. I didn't know it was going to do that. I was speaking of myself. I was speaking of what got me there. I know, like I know, like I know even without the physical evidence. Then I go back, because what I do is I see the outcome with clear detail. I outline the outcome. I outline the deliverables. I outline the results. I outline what people are saying. I outline how they feel. I outline how their life is different. And then I say, "Well, that's the outcome that I'm going to create." I reverse engineer everything I have to do to get myself there. But I begin with the end in mind and I hold on to the end at all costs.
SHAWN STEVENSON: You know what, this is powerful. We got to dive in deeper here because you just mentioned... So a lot of folks know you, obviously millions of people from seeing you in The Secret. And this is a film that's really... Focuses on the law of attraction. But for some folks that can sound a little bit unrealistic. But what you just said was, you got to dive in deeper on this. Your level... It's not just I think of this thing and it happens... Your level of specificity is remarkable what you just talked about. So can you make this law make sense for people?
LISA NICHOLS: Absolutely. I would love it. I went on tour for the next five years talking about how to make the law of attraction really work in your life. Because so many people said, "Oh, I can just sit on the couch and dream about it." I said, "No, you just going to have a big butt dent."
That's literally what I said on stage for the next five years. Like if you just sit, and you just sit and believe and you focus on the mailbox and the check coming... You better do something to make someone want to pay you. Like don't forget that part. And so I said, The Secret, was 51 minutes of mindset. If we had another two and a half hours, we would have told you what you have to do when you get up. Right? So when you think about something... Number one, I do guided visualizations. And I didn't grow up... I grew up Baptist. I didn't grow up doing guided visualizations, I grew up praying but as I grew... I always say, your mindset and your culture and your religious background or your spiritual origin is one lane. The reason why our differences are so important, Shawn, because you're one lane called Shawn Stevenson.
You're one lane called Lisa Nichols. You're one lane meets someone else's one lane who's White, or who's Asian, who's Buddhist or who's... They have mother... They say, mother God versus father God. And then you meet someone else's one lane. And your one lane plus their one lane makes a super highway. That was a big learning for me. Because I grew up with my one lane. Baptist, Christian, Black, and I wanted to understand the super highway. And so inside the conversation of a super highway, I learned guided visualizations. Guided visualizations were synonymous in my world to prayer, but it's different. So guided visualization. And then I put extras on it, you know, 'cause I'm extra and I like that extra texture.
And if it moves me, I believe it can move anybody. That's my mindset. So I want to know, can I be moved by it? And so, guided visualization begins with the end in mind. And it not only begins with the end in mind, but it has a great texture to the end. And if I could take you on just a quick journey, I talk about being on a freeway and on your way... Let's say if I'm taking you on this guided visualization and you're on a highway and you're on your way to this keynote. And at this keynote, you are to speak. And you're preparing yourself to speak. You stop by your home and your wildest dreams have come true Shawn. And matter of fact, you've surpassed them.
So the dream you have for your life, the house, the car, the bank account balance, see it in detail, and then double what it looks like. Because you surpassed your dreams. So when you stop by in your home, the gates automatically open and you drive your weekend car a half a mile up to your front door. And you stand at your front door and the double doors open 12 feet, 14 feet tall each side, and you step into travertine floors, and you step into a spiral stair case. And you didn't even have this in your mind when you were visualizing the home. You smell the lavender. You smell the rosemary. You smell that fragrance of fresh cut flowers as well. You hear laughter in the background and you hear some amazing neo-soul playing or some jazz playing.
And you hear a lot of laughter, and you recognize the laughter. And you say, "Oh, my God, that's layers and layers and layers of people. That's like five, six, seven, nine, 12, 13 people. You walk into the massive kitchen, Center Island. And everyone's standing around the island, it's your family. It's people that you've seen recently and people that you haven't seen for a long time. And all of a sudden everyone moves around the table and the people begin to pray, and they all are thanking you for creating this lifestyle for them. They're thanking you for creating this space that they can come to. It was out of their wildest dreams. And they thank you, and you realize in the middle of them thanking you, you have to go.
And you say, "Stay. Stay, as long as you want. Enjoy dinner, I'll be back later on. And if you feel like... If you drink a little too much, or you get too excited, or you get too sleepy, stay the night. We have more than enough rooms for everyone." And you feel good that there's space for your entire family. Your entire family. No one has to put out an air mattress. You leave out and you get into your weekend car. So it probably has a top-down 'cause it's your fun car. And you get on the highway and you get back on the road and you begin to drive. And you're on your way to this keynote and you get stuck in a traffic jam. You start freaking out a little bit. Feel yourself getting a little agitated the way you get in traffic.
And all of a sudden you say, "Oh my God, I'm going to be late. Oh my God, I'm going to be late." You finally arrive to the event. And yes, you're about 10 minutes late. You go inside, you're apologetic. They say, "No worry, Mr. Stevenson. No worry. No worries. We're happy that you're here." You walk out on stage. You weren't quite sure how many people were going to be here, but you walk out on stage and you're shocked when you see over 10,000 people in the stadium. This wasn't a little speaking event. This was a mega event. You walk up to the podium. That's your feet walking. You put your paper down and you get ready to step into your speech. And you say... You open up with what you open up with 'cause you're so humble, "Thank you."
And before you can say another word, Shawn, someone yells from the back, "No, thank you." And then another person says, "Thank you." And person 997, "Thank you." Person 556, "Thank you." Person in seat number 5898 way in the back, "Thank you." And then as if a tidal wave of thank you's. All you hear is, "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." And you're processing it. Thank you for the late nights. Thank you for the early mornings. Thank you for stretching the dollar so it can go further so you can make one more podcast so it can touch me. Thank you. Thank you for being scared until you weren't scared anymore. Thank you for being a unicorn and strange until you weren't strange anymore. Thank you for doing it alone until the team showed up. Thank you. Thank you.
You stand there. There's no space for you to speak because everyone is saying thank you. They're waiting their turn. 15 minutes later, you haven't said a word, and finally you get it. 25 minutes later as the whole room is saying thank you, you didn't come to speak. You came to hear them speak to you. And you tell them, "We're going to be here all night. But I'ma close every door and leave one door open and I'm going to hug each one of you, 'cause this is when it's all safe to hug everybody. Thank God. And you hug each person, and as you hug the 20-year-old girl, she says, "Thank you for letting me know I can dream again." And as you hug the 45-year-old man, he says, "Thank you brother for letting me know that it's not too late." And as you hug the 68-year-old woman, she says, "Oh, thank you for reminding me that it ain't over till it's over." And as you hug the 19-year-old, he says, "Thank you for letting me know I can do it at my own pace, in my own flavor, in my own time." Every single person thanks you for their unique journey. And when the last person is hugged, you go back home.
Your home is asleep. Everyone's resting. And as you close the door, you look around at your beautiful home, and you says, "You're welcome." You're all welcome. We all have a right to have a dream, and we have a bigger right to watch that dream become our reality. I began to do guided visualizations like that, where I could see it. You could see the traffic jam. You could see the people. You could smell the lavender. You could see the travertine floors. You can see the people. You could see the person in seat 568. I'd begin to visualize, Shawn, in such a way like it feels right now. The hair on the back of my neck standing up. You know what I'm talking about?
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yes. Yes.
LISA NICHOLS: Yeah, and you can feel it. It's not enough to see it. Now, a lot of people visualize so you see it. I wanted to feel it. I wanted to feel it because when you feel it, you're going to chase that familiar feeling. That's the feeling we have when we're in love. You feel love either as a child or as a young adult to a parent, a sibling, a friend, a romance, and we spend a lifetime trying to chase that utopia again. Now what you have with your wife, that thing. You want to keep that thing. You want to keep rekindling it because your body has a familiar feeling that your mind says, "Uh-huh, no, no, no. This is my natural substance that I choose to keep in my spirit. That's why with guided visualizations, you want to have it.
So when it came to The Secret, I was real big on visualize it, see it in detail, but go a step beyond, feel it, and now get up and go get it. Do everything you need to do. Move the mountain. Tell the mountain to move over or bow down or go through it. Get the team members. Release the team members if necessary. Stand tall, stand strong, ask questions, be brilliant and be curious. Know everything about some things and be willing to know nothing about the next thing, whatever you need to do. Make extra money so you can invest it in yourself, after you visualize. So to me, I start at the end of the secret, right? But first, you got to be willing to visualize it. So those 51 minutes in the secret Shawn, you needed that. 'Cause without the visualization, you don't even know where you're going. So visualize it, own it, feel the excitement, and feel the joy. Now, part two of the secret, had we done that? Was get up and become full-court press. And put your wands on and start jumping to your dream. And know that when you jump, you might fall and be willing to bounce back. Say no matter what.
SHAWN STEVENSON: No matter what, let's go.
LISA NICHOLS: Let's go.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Listen.
LISA NICHOLS: And when you do that... I just got to say this. When you do that, you don't say, "I wonder. I wish." You say, "No matter what." You're giving the universe notice, you're giving your goals notice. I'm coming for you. I'm coming, get ready. So you don't walk into it with uncertainty, hope and wonder, "I hope I can make it." Whenever someone says, "I hope I'ma make it." I say, "Well, I hope too. Get a wish bone. I need you to get a plan and a strategy to put some more certainty in that energy." And it might not work. But I failed with my best plan, which meant I failed forward, I'ma pull my lessons out, and I'ma pack those lessons up in my backpack and then I'ma keep going again, 'cause I said no matter what. I'm sorry. You know I get excited. You know I get excited.
SHAWN STEVENSON: I love it. I love it. Listen, this is when you no matter... First of all, no matter what, this context, I'm so shocked at how few people carry that whatever it takes mentality, and this is one of those things. So first of all, first and foremost, we start with this level of visualization. Number one, what that does, and I've just seen the connective tissue here, that creates a level of certainty that we're then bringing out on the road with us.
LISA NICHOLS: Yep. You can taste it. You can taste this and you're like, "I know what it tastes like. I felt it already. I'm just tasting that taste again.
SHAWN STEVENSON: This all, so this... We're bringing this out on the road with us. I love that. I just thought about pops from Friday. So we take that level of certainty out on the road with us, and then we get into all the stuff that we know about human biology and neuroscience and how your brain is literally filtering out all the things that are irrelevant, and now you're beginning to see your reticular activating system, you're reticular cortex, and also even your hippocampus carrying that memory with you. We're laying down more and more myelin. It's just attuning your brain to see the things that are already there that you might not have been attuned to.
LISA NICHOLS: And here's what I love, because you've seen it already, if you should get distracted, you have a visual to go, "Wait, wait, hold on. This road goes due east, that's not going to get us to what we want, due West," because you've seen it already. If you don't have a navigational system in your visualization, a navigational system in your intention, you can end up floundering and going, "How did I end up here and how have I been here for the last three years?" I talk to people and coach people all the time who said, "I've just kind of been just living." And normally, they live well. So it's not like they're suffering, but they are in the kids denying themselves of the future they said they wanted because they didn't see it clear enough. They didn't paint the picture. They didn't say, "I want it to be emerald green." So they ended up with a aqua blue, and aqua blue is beautiful, but aqua blue was not the color you were going for. That they end up in leadership, but they end up in leadership in an industry that they didn't want to lead in.
So watch out. That visualization and that certainty helps to navigate and then listen to your intuitive energy when you made a turn that will two nauticals east will end you up in the Bermuda versus the Bahamas. Just two nauticals, just a couple of yeses too many or a couple of yeses for the wrong reason or a couple of nos because you needed more details. So understanding that and getting that feedback and letting the universe give you feedback when you got to stop, when you need to go, when you... When it's time to release, when it's time to hold on, when you're the leader, when you're the student, listening to that dialogue, listening to that energetic exchange to know when you're what, when you're where, when you need to pause.
I remember this gentleman said he wanted to invest $500,000 in my company, but I needed to slow down to speed up. I ended the conversation with him 'cause I didn't want to slow down. Three years later, I said, "Ah, now I see what he meant." I needed to slow down back then in order to speed up. He said it. I didn't see it. I didn't slow down, and I went two nauticals to the wrong angle, and then have to turn around and slow down and here. So I needed to, in that moment, be a student and a leader at the same time. I thought I was just a leader, right? And so understanding and listening to that intuitive feedback and being willing to go back and go, "Hold on. Let me press reset on that. Hold on, let me go back and let me re-assess. Let me look at where I turned. I know exactly where I turned wrong three years ago. I know exactly where that turn was, and I know exactly what it costs me, and I'm okay with that, 'cause I'm a sure shot. I'm willing to invest that learning lesson on me. I'ma come back, I'm go. No matter what, I'ma go back in, I'ma pay the price, I'ma learn a lesson. I'ma bring the lesson with me, so I don't fail. You don't fail. The only way you fail is if you get nothing out of it, then you fail.
But if you failed forward, then your next decisions are cumulative of all your previous lessons, and that's all I say is my next decision is a cumulative of all my previous lessons. Good choices and the ones that taught me something.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yes. We've got a quick break coming up. We'll be right back. One of the biggest issues facing our world today is the health of our immune system, and our immune system has many different dynamic parts. We have an innate immune system, and we also have an adaptive immune system. Our adaptive immune system has an intelligence that helps us to adapt to any pathogen that we are faced with, and our nutrition is a big part of this equation because our immune cells are made from the foods and nutrients that we consume. And one of the most powerful nutritive sources proven to help fortify our immune system is highlighted in this study published in Mediators of Inflammation. They discovered that the polysaccharides in Reishi medicinal mushroom were found to enhance the proliferation of T-cells and B cells of our adaptive immune system. These were found to have the capacity to be immunomodulators, helping to up-level the function and intelligence of our immune system, or if our immune system is overactive, to help to reduce and bring down that immune activity. Again, this is called a immunomodulation, and also inflammation of many different viruses that we might be exposed to is one of the big issues, and one of the viruses that we're facing right now has a tropism or target towards inflammation of our lungs.
And in another study published in Patents on Inflammation and Drug Discovery revealed that the renowned medicinal mushroom Reishi has potent antiinflammatory and antiallergic action, plus again, it possesses immunomodulating capabilities. Super remarkable. It's one of the things that's been utilized for centuries that we have access to today, but we want to make sure that it is dual-extracted, meaning that it's a hot water extract and alcohol extract, so we're getting all of these benefits that are noted in studies like these. And the place that I get my Reishi from that does it the right way, organic, high quality Reishi without any nefarious substances coming along from these random companies that are putting these formulas together is Foursigmatic.
Go to foursigmatic.com/model. That's F-O-U-R-S-I-G M-A-T-I-C.com/model, and you're going to get 10 to 15% off all of the medicinal mushrooms that they carry. And by the way, Reishi is great for your sleep as well. This is another peer-reviewed study published in Pharmacology, Biochemistry and Behavior, found that the renowned medicinal mushroom Reishi was able to significantly decrease sleep latency, meaning you fall asleep faster and increase your overall sleep time and also increase your sleep efficiency. So much good stuff, and this is one of the things about real foods that have a storied history is that they're not just good for one thing. They're good for many things. Alright, that's why I'm a big fan of Reishi and I have a cup many nights of the week before bed, about 30 to 45 minutes before bed. It definitely helps with improving sleep quality, but also beneficial for our immune system. Maybe have it with a little bit of whole natural source high quality fats like MCT oil, coconut oil, maybe a little bit of ghee, whatever it is that you're into to help to cut the bitterness.
Maybe a little bit, a couple of little drops of some stevia, some english toffee stevia or chocolate stevia, just to make it nice and palatable or some folks have their Reishi tea all by itself. Either way, it's one of the most effective things right now when immune health is a top priority. Check it out foursigmatic.com/model. And now, back to the show.
I was going to ask you why people are afraid to share their gift, to share their passion, to speak up, and now I'm already seeing some of the seeds of it. And part of it, of course, being the lack of clarity. Number one, so having that level of certainty coming into it, it's going to eliminate a lot of that fear, but can you talk a little bit more about that because I saw that really jumped out at you.
LISA NICHOLS: So you know I'm very transparent with you, and I'm at the very beginning of writing my next book, and it's probably the most exciting and the most unnerving book that I will write. I don't know the title yet. That's how new it is. You're the first person in public that I'm telling about it like this. You always tap a place and you always get to the bottom of me that... And you said why people are afraid to share the gift, is that what you...
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yes, yes.
LISA NICHOLS: And the context of this book is about how leaders and gladiators and change agents, how we live in our leadership while we're managing our shadow. How our leadership is a choice. And on some days, what we have to go through to get to leadership will blow your mind 'cause all you see is who shows up on the camera. All you see is who's on the cover of the book, but you have no idea the six blood transfusions I had to get in three years to get to that. You have no idea the woman who was physically and emotionally abused and how I had to restore my faith in me, not men, me, right? And so I decided that I wanted to share the dark, the light and the shadow at the same time. What you didn't know when I was on that stage on Today's Show was that I just... So just looking at the oxymoron’s or the juxtaposed, or the dark and light, and how dark and light coexist. Dark does not get to dominate. Light will not always lead by itself, live by itself.
That I haven't met a person yet who's only had light in their life, and I haven't met a leader yet who let the dark suck them in and they stayed there and then... And didn't come out to lead. There's a choice and they both coexist, and how do you manage both? And looking at every great person in our life and knowing that every great person has had to manage both, I decided to bring mine out. I haven't done it yet, so I'm claiming. I'm claiming that it's going to get to the publisher and quiet as it's kept, not so quiet. I've been asked to do a movie The Lisa Nichols story, right? And so that's what caused me to write this book was the request to do the Lisa Nichols life story. And I said, "Well, if I'ma do the Lisa Nichols life story, then I'ma show you the shadow. I'ma show you... I'ma show you when I was on the floor crying, wailing. I wasn't crying, I was wailing and my 19-year-old son had to pick me up off the floor and put me in bed, and I begged him to tell me he wanted me to quit this business.
And he wouldn't let me off the hook. He said, "Mama, you can't quit. You can't." And I begged him so that I can get the... I can get the opportunity to say, "I did it for my son," right? But the reality was, I was exhausted, I was weary, I was hurt, and I had been betrayed. And I didn't want to give my heart to anyone else, business, friendship, or otherwise. I wanted to just hibernate, and I knew I can hibernate and quietly generate a million dollars without saying anything to anybody. I knew I could do that, and I knew that was more than anybody in my family have made. I knew that I could still look impressive, and I could take no risk. I needed an out, and I asked my son for the out, and I was praying he gave me the out, and he didn't give me the out, and so those kind of moments. And in that book, I think, I haven't written it yet 'cause it's still very new to me. The movie producer last week asked, "Well, why don't you write about your gift?"
And I promise you, I was like this, "What gift? What do you know about my gift?" Shawn, I felt so exposed. And he went on to say, "I've watched you repeatedly, and you have this ability to see the person behind the person that's showing up, and you speak to them and you pull them forward." I've never heard anyone articulate it like that, and I just kind of sat there. And I don't know if you remember that song by Lauren Hill where... I can't sing a lick but she said, "Singing my life with his song.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yes, killing me softly.
LISA NICHOLS: Killing me softly with his words". And the lyrics says, "I feel like you were reading my journal, like you just opened up my journal and read my journal." And so I begin to think. He said, "Tell us about your gift in this book." I said... And he said, "Tell us what your gift has done for you." I said, "Well, if I'm really going to tell you about my gift, I'd have to tell you how my gift frightened me. And then I'd have to tell you about how my gift frightened me that it would frighten others, and then I'd have to tell you about how I tried to outrun my gift and ignore my gift and minimize my gift, and then I have to...
I'd have to tell you how I tried to... But then understand my gift, and then I'd have to tell you about how I prayed to own my gift, and then I can tell you what life felt like standing in my gift." But I can't jump to standing in my gift because that would skip too many stages. And so when you said that brother, I feel like you're just another Earth angel for me, 'cause I've never said that. What I just said to you, I don't say. I don't say out loud, so if you know you have a gift, the gift of listening, the gift of a safe space, the gift of oration, the gift of teaching, the gift of art, the gift of singing, the gift of clairvoyance, the gift of prayer, whatever you're anointing, whatever your gift is, there's stages to that gift, Shawn. There's stages, and I don't know if everyone tries to outrun it or ignore it first. I don't know. Did you? 'Cause you definitely got a gift. Did you ignore it? Did you question it? Do you wonder about it? 'cause I know I did.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Of course. Absolutely.
LISA NICHOLS: And I didn't want to be different. I don't want to be different, I don't want one more thing to make me one more different. Please, I'm a unicorn enough, I'm an alien enough, I don't need, and so let's just act like it's not there. And I act like it wasn't there for a long time, and then it didn't fit my family, it didn't fit my culture. When people said, "Oh, you're an empath." I'm like, "I don't know what empath is, I'm, no, no, no, no, please don't call me, I don't know what that stuff is. I'm a prayer warrior." And I wasn't a prayer warrior, that's not true. But it was the closest thing to it that fit inside my lane. And so the beauty of me learning other people's lane, I still don't call myself anything in particular, I just own the gift, I honor the gift. I don't try to label the gift, I just am responsible with it. I know that I have the ability to help people see the possibility in themselves. I know that I have the gift of helping, allowing people to feel safe and seeing all of themselves, their dark, their light and their brightness. And if they don't see their brightness, my gift is helping them walk out of the darkness so they can see something. That is my gift. It took a long time for me to own that. It took a long time for me to feel comfortable. Listen to this, that I would have it.
That you would give that to me, that I'm a steward of that. That I was given the gift of the gift, of the responsibility that comes with the gift, and that I'm a good steward. Oh, oh, and then the next level, that I deserve to be able to walk with this gift. Oh, honey, and I'm talking like it's five minutes, but this is 15 years of... You know what I mean, brother. You know what I mean.
SHAWN STEVENSON: You know what, the number one word that jumped up to me when I was thinking about talking with you today, I don't know why, but now I know why, was deserve. That really jumped out in my spirit just today, knowing I was going to talk to you, because I think that that process of feeling like you deserve a thing is an evolution in and of itself as well.
LISA NICHOLS: Synonymous with, I am worthy. Synonymous with, I am worthy. Followed by, I give myself permission, I can tell you the whole chain. I deserve, I am worthy, I give myself permission. In spite of my previous choices, I still have the right, I still deserve. So you got to revisit deserve and revisit worthy and revisit permission. It's not a one and done. And that's one of the biggest mistakes people make, Shawn, is that they do the work, they give themselves permission, they grow, they get to another level, they fall, something happens or the zeroes get big enough, and all of a sudden you forget you got to go back to I deserve. You got to love back to I'm worthy, you got to go back to I give myself permission. So everything I give myself permission for five years ago, it's already done, I'm working this year to give myself permission to have a movie about my life, to write a book, to... Right, right, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, "Okay, hold on. I am worthy. I am worthy." And you do all the work again. You do all the work again. When I moved here, I moved to the Bahamas in January of 2020. Do you know that I spent two weeks looking at the beach, but I wouldn't go over to the sand? Shawn, I was nervous. I was like, "I live here, I live here. Okay, that's mine." I had given myself permission to move to the Bahamas.
Did that, then I have to give myself permission to live 11 steps from the water and have access to it on a... It was too mind-blowing to me. I had to sit, I didn't go to the beach, I went to my backyard, so I couldn't see the beach, and I went and I collected the evidence that I'm a good steward of an amazing, breathtaking life like this. I collect the evidence that I'm a good steward of an amazing, breathtaking life like this. I'm a good steward of the love that I've found, I'm a good steward of him loving me for a lifetime. I'm a good steward to be healthy and fit, I'm a good steward to be... To be the model of transformed help, I'm a good steward... I had to tell myself that I give myself permission to talk about health. You know my very deliciously messy chaotic health background. With that messy, chaotic tumultuous health background, I just finished 21 days of Halls of Fitness, the first 21-day challenge I ever led. And oh, by the way, brother, the very first video I looked at of someone talking about fitness to the camera was yours.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Come on.
LISA NICHOLS: I'ma tell you, I'ma tell you, you were in the gym with a beautiful tall woman with black, short black hair, and you did it, she was doing a little work out and you were showing how to... I watched you, I know exactly what I, 'cause I trust you. And I looked at you and I said, "I want to know how to talk about fitness," and I talk about fitness from a place of a woman who found her fitness, not from a fitness expert, and so I touch people in their soul because I say, "Listen, I was 220 pounds, I was morbidly obese. I had severe sleep apnea, and I had six blood transfusions in three years, I was a walking hot mess. And I'm not saying it's perfect now, but it's a whole lot better, and so let's move to our greater later together." That's my whole conversation about fitness, and so I had to give myself permission to be on that beach and to talk about fitness, and so we're all in levels of permission, we're all in levels of deserving this, levels of worthy. It's a constant evolution. I always say the beauty is you've never arrived, you're still on the journey. I got myself warmed up, y'all, I'm just getting myself all warmed up by this conversation.
SHAWN STEVENSON: This episode should be called Chill Factor 'cause I got the chills so many times, I love it so much.
LISA NICHOLS: And can I say that in relationships, that's the biggest place where we start compromising what we deserve forward. I was the main person to do it, to do that, because we've made decisions, we hold ourselves hostage to the decisions we've made, and what you have to remember is you made the decisions you made based on what you knew then. You still deserve breathtaking lifetime, like everlasting love, that's the biggest area that I coach people in, and the biggest area where they compromise their worthiness. They'll make millions, but do I deserve long-lasting forever kind of love? Passionate love. And it's as if we're keeping score versus keeping track.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Come on, come on. Break that down for me because this is a big, this is a big part of our lives. I think that this is the number one decision that we make on a practical sense in the world out here, is who we choose to spend our time with, specifically who we choose to spend our life with. And a lot of folks are looking for that. How do we find that? How do we find that love, how do we find that partner?
LISA NICHOLS: Yes, so number one, recognize if you're keeping score, are you keeping track? Keeping score, let me tell you the distinction. Keeping score is collecting evidence on why it won't work in your future, and many people are making decisions about their future business, relationship, friendship, health and wellness, based on keeping score. They're collecting evidence on why it won't work, why it's hard. "I might get hurt. I've tried diets before and they didn't work." So you're collecting evidence on why it won't work. Keeping track, notice this distinction, super important to note this distinction. Keeping score is collecting evidence on why it won't work, keeping track is taking notes of what path landed you where and shift what path landed you where. "When I eat at night after 10:00, I have a harder time losing weight, or releasing weight. When I go to sleep after midnight," this is me all the time, so I went to bed early last night, I was happy, because when I go to bed after midnight, it impacts how I spring into my next day. Now, I used to stay up late at night because it was quiet and my brain could think and I could write, but what I realized is when I keep track of what happens the next day, I need to get in bed earlier and just ask everyone to give me an hour of quiet time at 9 o'clock versus waiting 'til they're asleep at midnight. That's keeping track.
Keeping track is actually looking at where a path has led you in the past. In relationships, if you rush into relationship 'cause you feel all those endorphins and you feel the exchange, but you notice that you've done that in the past, and then it ended up you didn't have a friendship. A relationship is a friendship expanded, it took me a while to learn that like, hello. I don't care how fine they are, I don't care how sexy they are, I don't care how brilliant they are, and I don't even care how ready they are. Keeping track shows me that in order for me to have a great relationship, I have to first, have a great friendship. Track only taught me that. Keeping score would say, "I can't trust them. They're no good. They hurt me." That's keeping score and collecting evidence on why it won't work. And so that's the distinction, and oftentimes, Shawn, most people are collecting evidence and keeping score than they are keeping track.
SHAWN STEVENSON: I want to lean into this just a little bit more, this is important, you're giving the real stuff. Now, what do we do on a practical level, because this is your reality now, right now you're a fiancée, you're in the Bahamas, you got the sun kissed skin. Hopefully, everybody's checking out the YouTube version of the show as well, if you're listening on audio. But you are in fiancée vibes right now.
LISA NICHOLS: Oh my God.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Now, how do we get there? How do we get from, "I'm looking for the love of my life," to actually manifesting, or even if we're in a relationship right now for example, and we're not happy, how do we get to that place of love?
LISA NICHOLS: Yeah, so I'm going to point out, then I'm going to come back. Make a list of everything you want in that relationship, and in that person to embody, whether they're presently with you or not. Don't talk about characteristics. Characteristics are small, conscious thinking. I'mma tell you right now. "He needs to be 6'6, or he needs to be... She needs to be... “That’s small conscious thinking. Think about the character, think about the nurture, you probably have your physical preferences, that's fine, that's okay. I want you to think about the lifestyle, I want you to think about the mindset, I want you to think about the spiritual habits, I want you to think about their financial habits, I want you to think about their family commitments. Make a list of all of those things. Now, listen to me, make a list and then become the list. Don't spend another moment thinking about them. You become the list, because if they are the list and you're not, why should they choose you?
SHAWN STEVENSON: Come on.
LISA NICHOLS: I'm sorry, ouch.
SHAWN STEVENSON: That took a turn. I wasn't expecting going that direction.
LISA NICHOLS: Become the list and be so busy becoming the list that you get this, become the magnet, like become the list and be so on fire about becoming the list, and then at some point I hope you become on fire about becoming the list, for you, and not for them. And then become the magnet. I got to tell you that my fiancé and I met 10 years ago, and I had made my list 12 years ago, and I met him and he was striking, and he was athletic, and he was charismatic, and he was charming, and he was really shy, really, really shy. And at the time, I was working on myself, and I said, "Hey, you're a really nice guy, but I'm really working on, I'm really working," I had no idea who was in front of me, I wouldn't know for another eight years, "I'm just working on myself, but we can stay friends." He was like, "Okay, let's stay friends." My son was in middle school, and I'm working on myself, and this was a time I'm getting blood transfusions, I'm getting emergency hysterectomy, and I really needed to clean up my health so that I could want someone in my physical space. I needed to do that work first. Was I lonely at times? Absolutely. Did I want love? Absolutely, but I felt like I, I and he deserved for me to be much more comfortable with my image and my physicality than I was at that time.
And so I got my head down, raising Jelani, building Motivating the Masses and taking care of Lisa Nichols, and my head is down. Now, listen to this. I thought he would temporarily, periodically text me. Eight years later, two years ago, I go into my phone and I look at his text strand, 'cause he had texted me again. He had been texting me for eight years. This gentleman text me every month, once a month for eight years, just saying hi. He was under my nose. So when I realized, "Oh my God, this dude's been texting me," I call him, 3:00 AM Pacific Standard Time, 6:00 AM Eastern Standard Time, and I said, "Hi, you've texted me for eight years." He goes, "Yeah, I have." I said, "Oh, do you like me?" He goes, "Yeah, I do." I said, "Well, why didn't you tell me?" He said, "Because I want to give you the time you requested to work on yourself, you said you're working on you, so I just stayed in touch to let you know I was here." And so you have no idea. You have no idea who's waiting for you to be ready for what you want. Are you really ready for what you want? All that greatness, all that grandness, all that abundance? I said I wanted to be on Oprah 10 years before I was on Oprah. Thank God, I wasn't on Oprah when I said I wanted to be on Oprah. I wasn't ready, I had to go get ready. I had to go meet the right people and ask for help.
So I invite you, I implore you. Trust you, develop you, invest in you, and then let the universe know I'm ready. A lot of times when you say you want or you need, it's because we believe we want someone else to complete us. Well, let me be the sister to say, it's no one else's job to complete you, it's your job to complete yourself, and then it's their job to complement your completeness.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Come on, come on.
LISA NICHOLS: I'm just saying. I tell my man, "I don't want you to complete me, that's my job, but I'm sure I want you to complement my completeness." I'm just saying.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Oh my goodness.
LISA NICHOLS: So that comes when you begin to pour into you. So if you're looking for love, I'm going to say, "Can you touch the highest level of self-love? And can you demonstrate that? And then can you love... “I wish I had a cup, "Then can you learn how to stop loving people from your cup and start learning how to love them from your overflow? Don't love them from your cup, love them from your saucer, because when you can love them from your saucer, then anyone that comes near you can fill that." Can I tell you, I wish my fiancé was home now. When I asked him, "What made you choose me?" He said, "I walked through the door," get this, "I walked through the sliding door of the Pegasus Hotel in Kingston, Jamaica. You were standing in the lobby," he said, "And you looked my way while you were laughing, and there was a light that came from you." He said, "I passed you. 'cause I'm super shy." He's never, ever reached out to talk to a woman himself, in his words, he's paralyzingly shy. This dude is super shy. He said, "I walked past you and you looked at me and you kept that smile going." He said, "I got all the way around to the elevator, I stood at the elevator and I talked to myself, "Marcellus, if you let this moment pass, I think you're going regret it. There was something in that smile." He said he turned back around and he was so scared to say something to me, but it was the light in my smile, and he still...
And he doesn't talk much. He's just, he's such a great guy, he's my anchor, but he said that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that for eight years until we got together and we were really locked and loaded, he goes, "Something in your smile," and I didn't smile at him, I was smiling at the woman in front of me, and then he caught it 'cause he caught my attention and I just let him have some of my smile. So who are you sharing your light with? But first, before you share your light, how are you turning your light up? That thing right there. Some of us are dimming our light, you got the shadow. Look, I'll put the shadow over this light. You got the shadow over the light, because you don't want to outshine somebody. You got the shadow over the light, because the last time you shined your light, you got hurt. You got the shadow over the light because you're still getting used to your own light. When you let your light shine, someone around you who's ready for your light will notice your light and choose to stand in your light with you. That's all I'm going to say, I know that that's not the regular, "Go on harmony.com," and I'm saying if that's your path, I love your path, but still on E-Harmony or wherever you're on, you still got to own your light, let your light shine, own your light, but turn your light up. Make the list, become the list.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Let's go. I've got a list for you, but I'm going to keep it short. I cannot let you go without asking you these two things. So number one, what you're talking about right now requires some time and energy, to work on yourself, to develop that self-love and self-care. In my clinical practice, that was the number one reason people would give for not taking care of themselves, not exercising, whatever the case might be, "I don't have the time." So can you speak to that? What advice can you give for folks who are in that paradigm that they don't have the time, and they're seeing that as the challenge from getting from where they are to where they want to be?
LISA NICHOLS: I'm going to ask you a question now, I'm going to say this in love, from a woman who spent 19 years over 210 pounds, five years over 220. So I don't say it from a place of judgment, I didn't even know clavicles existed until…
I was like, "Clava-who? Clava-what? Clava-where?" That's this little part right here. I heard it's supposed to hold a cup of water when you're doing good. But anyway, I'm going to ask you this when you say you don't have enough time. I'm going to say, "You know tomorrow, you're going to get 24 hours in the day, you know that. You know you're not going to get 23. You know you won't get 25. So my question to you sister, my question to you brother is, when will you love you enough to give yourself just one of the 24? You don't run out of time. You simply allocated all your time to someone that you put in front of you." I'm going to follow it with this statement, I say it in love, "You will always, as a leader, as a game-changer, as a gladiator, you will always have a long line of people waiting to be served by you. You will always."
People will knock down your door to get in your line. Here is my question, when will you put yourself at the front of your own line? And I say that because it took a doctor telling me... I was in Utah, my doctor called me on Zoom and said, "You are morbidly obese. You are over 220 pounds. You have severe sleep apnea, and you travel over 258 days out the year, and when other people go to work to sit down to work, you go to work and get on stage and push out the little energy that you have from your sleep deprived body. Lisa, it's not a matter of if you're going to have a heart attack, it's a matter of when will you have it and where will you be." The doctor went on to say, "Will you be on stage in front of your audience? Will you be in the air on a plane? Will you be at home and in front of your son, Jelani? Or will you be in a hotel room by yourself?"
I thought she was cruel. I thought she was cruel to make me have that kind of fear, and then she followed it with this, she said, "The only reason why I'm saying this to you this way is because I've sat in your audience and I've experienced your gift, and I need to disrupt you enough to be radical." And so I'm not disrupting you or poking you for the sake of doing it, it's because someone is ready to be blessed by your gift, someone is ready to be touched by your soul, someone's ready, and until you handle the self-care, until you prioritize you, until you move to the front of your own line the way I had to do, you won't be able to give the world all of you that you know you have to do.
And my grandmother just transitioned and my grandmother would say, "Baby, when you get to my age," she was 92 years and nine months when she transitioned, laid down to rest in peace and she's resting in peace, 'cause she played full out. She said, "Baby, when you get my age, you're supposed to sit in your favorite rocking chair," and I bought granny a good rocking chair y'all, "and you're supposed to share the stories of your life." She said, "But baby, when you're your age, you're supposed to do one thing, do everything in your power to make sure that the story is going to be good to share."
You are protecting your future memories of yourself. Me, being radical about my health, you getting radical about your health, you becoming non-negotiable about your health is about protecting your future memories about yourself that when you sit in that rocking chair, you want to look back and say, I played full out for me first, and then I served everybody else from my overflow. That's your job, that every day. That's your job, every day, that's your job, and allow us to witness and be the beneficiaries of you playing full out. Sorry, you know I get passionate. You talking my subject.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Lisa, you've given us so much today. And your company is called Motivating the Masses. My last question that I have for you today is, what's motivating you right now? You give so much for us, you motivate us. What's motivating you right now?
LISA NICHOLS: I just got emotional when you said that. I have no tissue in my office. I interviewed my grandmother a year ago. A year before she died. And I said, "Grandma, what would you do differently?" And she thought about it, and it was like she was having this mental checklist in her head, "Nothing baby, I like it all. Some of it was hard, but I like it all." I want to be able to say that. I want to be able to... I want to live and say, I played full out. I was responsible with the calling on my life, Shawn, I want to say that. I want to look back and I want to... Selfishly, my first is, I'm not going to say my first desire is I want to serve the world. No, I want to protect my memories. I'm not even trying to build a legacy, I don't want to... I don't need a monument in my name or a street in my name, and... I'm not looking for that, I'm looking for a job well done, my child. I gave you much. I gave you much and you turned around and you gave me all that was expected. To whom much is given, much is required.
I gave you much. Shawn, my light would scare me, my ability to attract people in Kazakhstan, and in Swaziland, and in South Africa, and in Ireland has blown my mind, and with that, I want to be greatly responsible, and all the time I have to stop my knees from shaking and stop my teeth from chattering to keep playing full out, I keep doing it. And people think, "Lisa, how do you overcome the fear?" I said, "You boldly assumed that I overcame the fear before I took the leap. Sometimes I just leap with the fear because I'm more committed to the leap than I am to the fear," and what motivates me is the desire, truly the desire to sit down and say, I gave my all. I'm a basketball fan. I feel like when LeBron James... I'm a Laker fan. When LeBron James retires, and when I watch his career, I go, "I think he's going to be able to say I gave it my all." I just look at him and go, "No, there's probably no guilt in that retirement. I want that. I want that for my life. My son said, he's been married two years. He said, "Mom, I think I'm going to wait 'til I'm 28 to have a child." I said, "Oh good, why?" He said, "Because you did, and I like the way your life turned out."
SHAWN STEVENSON: Yes.
LISA NICHOLS: And that's what I want. I want my life to be a demonstration and an inspiration to others, not that you can do it all right, but that you can do it all again and again and again and again, working to get it right, and that you can build a breath-taking life experience working to get it right. And that imperfect people have beautiful experiences, and that leadership is beautiful, but obedience is better. I want my life to mean a bunch of statements, and even if you don't remember my name, Shawn, you don't have to remember my name, just let it remember a bunch of statements, like no matter what, somebody... "This woman lived, I don't know her name, but dang, she always said, no matter what, whatever it takes and non-negotiable. I'm just going to pick up a little bit of that." That's what motivates me, the ability to be infectious, the ability to infect the mindset and the ability to get it wrong and still be okay.
The ability to live in my imperfection and still that be a perfect contribution, like I love that. The ability to learn every day how to be a better version of myself, jeez, the ability to get it all wrong today, and I still get it. And you going to let me get up tomorrow, God willing, you let me get up tomorrow, I promise, I'ma use what I got wrong yesterday, like that motivates me. Like I'm a culmination of my yesterday's, I'm a culmination of my years past, I'm a culmination of every person who's touched me, I bring you with me, Shawn, I bring you with me. I like that.
I'm an eclectic piece of work, people say, who's your mentor? I said, "I'm a mutt. I'm a collection of all kind of great people. I'm an eclectic piece of work. I'm not made of one, I'm made of many." I like that, that motivates me, and then I feel like there's a responsibility when someone pours into me Shawn, nothing is for me to keep to myself, dare I. Anyway, you know me, you get me going, and at the end of the day, y'all, at the end of the day, for me, I'm not imposing my belief system on you, but for me, Marketplace Ministry, and so I want to touch the people, be with the people, walk, talk with the people, learn from the people and teach the people whatever my journey is for me, for me, I want to leave here and say, I gave it my all, I didn't leave nothing on the table, I cleared it all off.
It's empty, I'm empty, I'm done. When I lay down, I want to say, ooh, there's nothing else left for me to do, but rest in peace, 'cause if you don't play full out and you don't give it your all and you keep holding back, you can't guarantee you going to rest in peace. You might rest, but I don't want to rest wondering what could I've done with the other 70% that I held on to, waiting for the right moment. No, what motivates me is the opportunity to look back and say, I gave it my all. I loved hard, I loved hard. I played hard. I ran hard. I paid for it hard, I paid a lot, I paid a lot of time. So I'm just saying, I'ma stop.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Listen, you have given us so much today, I'm so grateful for you. I can't even put it into words. My cheeks literally hurt. I'm smiling so big.
LISA NICHOLS: I love you.
SHAWN STEVENSON: I appreciate you so much. Can you let everybody know where they can connect with you more to get more Lisa Nichols to give some more insight? You give so much, not just in this moment, but you just continue to give and to remind us of how powerful we are.
LISA NICHOLS: Yeah, so first, thank you, thank you brother for being the truth, you are the truth. You are a delicious serving of the truth, and I love the energy that you pull out of me. I love the magnificence that we get to co-create 'cause we're on the planet at the same time. I love the collective embodiment, the statements and the awareness that we bring forth individually and collectively. I love how you show up. I love how you be. I love your family. I love knowing you. I'm honored. And as a woman and as a woman of color, I'm proud to watch you be like there's a sister-friend energy that comes out of me when I see you, and I'm just grateful and I'm grateful that you've chosen me. I don't take it for granted that you've chosen for me to pour into your community. I don't ever take that for granted.
My company is motivatingthemasses.com. And I'd love for you to go there, 'cause if you go there and if you join, I want to give you... I wrote this, I did this piece on how to have an abundant mindset, and I'd love to give it to any of you for free if you want, because I had to adopt an abundant mindset before I could do anything else in my life, and I kept thinking scarcity, I grew up in scarcity, I grew up in lack, I didn't know about abundance, and so if it feels good to you and it feels like it's a win for you, then I'd love for you, you can go to motivatingthemasses/abundancenow, and it's just a little gift there, motivatingthemasses/abundancenow, and there's a little something that you can start some work on yourself. If this feels good to you, you can dive deeper into it.
SHAWN STEVENSON: Thank you for this gift. Thank you for being who you are. This was so good for me today. Thank you so much. I just feel like everything is 10x'd today. You are a superhero, you are what the world needs right now, so grateful for you being alive and being on the planet at this time, and also the fact that you get to enjoy the life that you deserve and seeing... Oh my goodness, we just getting warmed up, is what...
LISA NICHOLS: Right. We're just getting started. We are just getting started, and can I just say you said superhero at the beginning, and what I'm learning is that ordinary people choose to make extraordinary decisions.
SHAWN STEVENSON: That's right.
LISA NICHOLS: They choose to grab their superpower, own their superpower, share their superpower, and then they become superheroes. When I got that path, like ordinary people choosing to make some extraordinary decisions to own their superpower, to share their superpower, become superheroes, and that makes it available to anybody and everybody.
SHAWN STEVENSON: That's it. Lisa Nichols everybody. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for tuning in to the show today. I hope you got a lot of value out of this. I really, really enjoyed this conversation, and there's so many great takeaways, and one of the biggest things that really jumped out for me today was the level of specificity when it comes to seeing our lives really having that out-picturing and designing, because it's basically like an interior decorator situation, you go to your interior and you start to design your life in that place, and when she said, take your vision and then double it, the discomfort starts setting in for me because I was going there with her. Double that. It's already big. It's already outside of the paradigm of anything I've ever seen, anything I've ever met anybody else has ever done, and now you want me to double it, you want me to get into the realm of the astonishing beyond phenomenal. You want me to see that?
And the reason that I think that she pressed that button and why it kind of created some discomfort in me is the fact that so often we set a bar for ourselves, whether we're conscious of it or not, and when you set that bar at just enough, just good enough. It's not the fact that we set the bar too high, it's often that we set the bar too low and we hit it, alright, so we've got to start to set the bar even higher and give ourselves something to really strive for, because chances are you're going to land in the midst of that thing and this life, we're not here to just exist, or we're not here just to get by, we're not here just to do just good enough. I believe that we're here for something exceptional, that that's what's already in your DNA, and it's really getting ourselves... She say this word a lot, giving ourselves permission to do that, to be that, to think bigger than we ever have before, and give ourselves permission to take big action and to get up and to make that vision a reality.
So again, thank you so much for tuning in to the show today, if you got a lot of value out of this, please share this out with your friends and family, and of course, you can tag me on social media. I'm at @Shawnmodel and tag Lisa Nichols as well, and just share what you thought about this episode. I think it's incredibly powerful and poignant and important to have this conversation today, this insight and this inspiration. So please make sure... And of course, you could share the episode directly from your podcast app. You could just share it right up directly to friends and family that way as well, and if you didn't get a chance and if you listened to the audio version of the show, you can jump over to YouTube and check out the video, we're doing exclusive content for YouTube, each and every week. We're sharing about three or four videos each week over on YouTube, so make sure to subscribe to the YouTube channel, the Model Health Show, for much, much more.
And we're just getting warmed up. I'm telling you, we've got some epic powerful shows coming your way very soon, so make sure to stay tuned. Take care. Have an amazing day, and I'll talk with you soon. And for more after the show, make sure to head over to themodelhealthshow.com, that's where you can find all of the show notes, you can find transcriptions, videos for each episode, and if you got a comment, you can leave me a comment there as well. And please make sure to head over to iTunes and leave us a rating to let everybody know that this show is awesome, and I appreciate that so much, and take care, I promise to keep giving you more powerful, empowering, great content to help you transform your life. Thanks for tuning in.
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