Subscribe to The Model Health Show:
TMHS 366: Let Go of Your Inner Critic & Embrace the Beautiful No with Sheri Salata
There is a lot to be said about living a life full of service and using your gifts to improve the lives of others. But ultimately if we are not turning that compassion and love inward, we are missing out on our own lives.
After decades of producing transformational stories for The Oprah Winfrey Show, Sheri Salata found herself in a moment of reckoning—she had manifested the career of her dreams, but not the life of her dreams. Today you’re going to hear her journey through becoming a worthy steward of her life. You’ll hear Shari’s incredible story of transforming her personal life, plus honest conversations about online dating, curating your social media feed, and conscious weight loss.
Sheri’s story is a testament to the life that is available to you if you have the audacity to get in touch with your dreams. I hope this interview will provide you with profound inspiration to live courageously. Enjoy!
In this episode you’ll discover:
- How Sheri launched into a successful producing career at the age of 35.
- What inspired Sheri to write a book.
- The healing power of sharing your story.
- What Sheri considers the reckoning in her life.
- The importance of being honest about what you want.
- What it means to become your own coach.
- How to find balance and peace in your movement.
- The importance of giving up perfectionism.
- Why an “all or nothing” mentality is a self-sabotage technique.
- How and why to internalize compliments.
- The two options you have when dealing with difficulties.
- How hearing no can project you to better opportunities.
- Why work-life balance is a myth.
- The power of trying new things.
- How to tune into the stories that you tell yourself.
- The incredible possibilities that can come from dreaming.
Items mentioned in this episode include:
- Onnit.com/Model ⇐ Get your optimal health & performance supplements at 10% off!
- Foursigmatic.com/model ⇐ Get 15% off your daily health elixirs and coffee!
- The Beautiful No by Sheri Salata ⇐ Order now and get your free Companion Workbook!
- Connect with Sheri Salata Website / Podcast / Facebook / Twitter / Instagram
Thank you so much for checking out this episode of The Model Health Show. If you haven’t done so already, please take a minute and leave a quick rating and review of the show on Apple Podcast by clicking on the link below. It will help us to keep delivering life-changing information for you every week!
You are now listening to The Model Health Show with Shawn Stevenson. For more, visit themodelhealthshow.com.
Shawn Stevenson: Welcome to The Model Health Show. This is fitness and nutrition expert Shawn Stevenson and I am so grateful for you tuning in with me today.
It's a really, really special episode and I'm in a really special moment in my life. As many of you know, I grew up born and raised in St. Louis and that's where the birthing of The Model Health Show took place in.
To come from a smaller area on the map and to take the show to being the number one health podcast in the country is just so crazy for me to even put those words together, and the millions of hearts and minds that we've been able to reach coming from where I was coming from.
And so we recently made a big shift in our life and I moved my family to Los Angeles, California and we moved to a little bit of a smaller area a little bit more family-friendly.
And it's a big move for us, and it was a couple of years in the making and just trying to line everything up correctly to get my kids where they need to be and to just put myself in position to be able to bring the very best messages, the very best people in the world to you.
That is my mission, that's the number one reason why I'm here doing what I'm doing right now. And so I'm super pumped and we've been here for a while.
But I just wanted to share that officially and to give a big shout out to everybody in St. Louis and my family and we were there to help bring home a championship, the St. Louis Blues, shout out to that but also thank you to everybody in L.A. who's been welcoming me and just being able to give me all that good energy as well. I really do appreciate it.
And you know what, when things change you're going to have turbulence, stuff's going to happen and something absolutely crazy happened to me the other day.
I left the studio, really pouring my heart and soul into each episode and I left the studio, and I was driving home, it's about 30-minute drive with traffic, it could be an hour you know, thank you, Los Angeles.
But I got home and I got a text from somebody that my bookbag, my backpack that I carry with me everywhere, that have my Mac book in there, my supplements, books that I'm reading, just so many different things that I always keep with me fell out of my freakin trunk of my car, so it's like an electronic trunk and I guess it didn't latch and then like the bag fell out and then it latched and it was just on the side of the road and somebody picked it up.
Now this spells trouble already but I got the text from the person because I happen to have it on my Mac Book, it was on sleep mode and so they were able to get my phone number was in the Mac book and they text me and say, "Hey, do you want your bag back?"
I'm like, "Yeah, yeah, what I got to do?" So I had $20 in my pocket that I was going to give the person, happily give them for giving me a call and retrieving the bag and while I was there and I took my oldest son Jorden with me, and while I was driving to the location, to the person's place to meet up and get my bag, there was a mother on the side of the road she was pregnant and she had a little daughter with her as well that the little girl couldn't have been more than maybe 5 years old.
And she had a son and said, "We just lost our home. Please anything that you can do so that we can eat." And that $20 that I had in my pocket belonged to her.
And so I gave that to her and now I'm like, "I want to be able to give this person something." And so now I'm scrambling, trying to find an ATM and again, this is at the end of a long, tough day, I just moved my family, recorded 2 episodes of the show and just a lot of outgo, and now I'm like going through L.A. traffic again and now I'm just adding another thing to my plate.
So I go to the ATM and I'm like, "You know what, I would gladly give more than this, but I'm going to grab, let me grab $100 out of the ATM to give this person just as a thank you for being a good enough person to reach out that she had my bag." So I grab $100 from a random ATM and going through traffic and we drive over to the person's home.
And when I got there, there were like 3 homes basically together and they couldn't have been, the house was not much bigger than the size of this room that I'm in, not much bigger than the size of a 2 car garage and a pregnant woman opened the door and I was like, "Somebody, my bag, they text me I want my bag."
She was like, "Yeah, come in." And there were 2 little puppies, they ran up to me and the guy came out, he looked like maybe he couldn't have been more than 25 years old, probably. And he had my bookbag and he gave it to me, and I gave him the $100 and he looked like a total shock. He was like, "What? Why would you?"
He couldn't understand that I would even give him this $100. And so I'm just like, "I'm surprised you called me." And so I gave him the $100 and I just said, "Thank you."
And then I left. And he even text me again within like 2 minutes just thanking me for giving him that cash and just as I mentioned, just the conditions and the new baby on the way I felt like that was a really big blessing that they needed at that moment, but through this challenging experience I found out that there are really good people in the world.
Always, most people are really, really good. And I had an opportunity, even through all my stress, through the trials and tribulations of the day and even of this last couple of weeks to be a blessing for somebody else and for others to be a blessing for me.
And there's this constant exchange going on and so I was just really, really grateful for that and it was a really interesting experience, but I just wanted to share that with you that this stuff is going on all the time, these synchronicities, these accidental moments or problems, or even tragic moments that open the door for some good to come in.
And I've just been kind of reveling in that the last couple of days because that would have really stopped my progress in his tracks, it was an inconvenience in a sense but it also opened the door for a lot of inspiration and remembering that there are so many good people out there and that's why I'm here, doing what I'm doing.
And the guest that I have for you today, she knows a thing or 2,000 about being a blessing in people's lives. And she's been the producer of The Oprah Winfrey Show and the network, Harpo network as well and OWN, and it was about 20 years that she was doing this work.
And now she's transitioned and parlayed into another domain and she's got an incredible, powerful book highlighting her story, and we'll dive into that today.
But I also want to keep in mind, as always, make sure that we're taking care of our health and our fitness. And so being in a new area, it can be a little sketchy, trying to find out like what's the right fit for me, with the training, that kind of thing.
But what's always apparent is that I have the ability to train myself, no matter where I'm at. Because number one, I have a body, if you've got a body you've got a gym. But also I've got some of the dopest, most valuable fitness equipment in the world because I'm connected with Onnit.
And Onnit is the company that is really kind of ushered in and pressed into popular culture, things like steel clubs and maces, and the primal kettlebells, so it's like not just the typical kettlebell, but the kettlebell with all these different designs, like the primal kettlebells, have like you know, I've got the Prowler Monkey that my youngest son Braden uses and they’ve also got the Powerful Gorilla kettlebell, like this was this huge monster, that Dwayne The Rock Johnson uses, for example.
And so all of these incredible people that we look towards get their stuff from Onnit, most powerful fitness equipment on the planet. And they've also partnered with Marvel, so you've got an Iron Man kettlebell and Marvel gear as well.
The same thing with Star Wars, they've got like Stormtrooper kettlebells and yoga mats that have like Han Solo and stuff like that, just really cool stuff.
And they've got such a great vibe, fun stuff, we've got the battle ropes at the house as well, they've got a Spiderman themed battle rope and I've got big, red is the one that I have, and it's heavy.
That's for, if you're not here to play, that's when you use big red. So pop over there, check them out, they've got the best fitness equipment on the planet, and also the most incredible supplements as well for human optimization, that's their whole brand. And they use Earth-grown nutrients for all in their different formulas as well.
So whether you're looking for a post-workout protein, pre-workout supplement, I love their Shroom Tech and they actually did a double-blind placebo-controlled trial to find the efficacy to really reveal the efficacy of their Shroom Tech Sport. It actually works.
We're talking about a 9 percent improvement in your cardiovascular performance and over 10 percent improvement in things like bench press and squats, from utilizing Shroom Tech Sport. All based on cordyceps mushroom and a couple of other Earth-grown nutrients.
Pop over there, check them out, you get 10 percent off everything that I talked about at onnit.com/model, that's O-N-N-I-T.com/model, you get 10 percent off everything. Alright, pop over there, check them out. And on that note, let's get to the Apple podcast review of the week.
iTunes review: Another 5-star review titled "Absolutely life-changing" by DRE 23. "I just finished listening to every single episode. Yes, back to 2013 many multiple times.
I am a fitness professional who coaches thousands of people a year, who got a degree in exercise sports science and can honestly say I have learned more and helped more people just from the information in this podcast than everything else combined.
Shawn is a superhero. If you haven't gotten to know him, what are you doing? He is the gold standard for podcasts along with being a great social media follow, (family, dance, battles daily). He puts in the research and lives the model he is trying to share with the world.
He will educate, explain the why and then give actionable steps at the end of each podcast to better your health. I will forever be thankful to Shawn. The ripple effect of his work and shared knowledge is unimaginable. Absolutely life. Thank you."
Shawn Stevenson: DRE23, thank you so much, this is one of the most powerful messages that I've ever received. And just huge props to you and thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life and the lives that you are impacting, and just I'm so grateful that you're in this space as well, reaching out and helping other folks.
So thank you for taking the time to share that. And everybody, if you've yet to do so, pop over to Apple podcasts, leave a review for The Model Health Show, let everybody know what you think of the show, or just whatever platform you're listening on, if it's Spotify or Stitcher.
If you're hanging out in the studio with me, leave a comment below the video, let everybody know what you think about this episode, because you're about to get some powerhouse insights from our incredible guest. So let's jump into it with our special guest and topic of the day.
Sheri Salata is the author of "The Beautiful No: And Other Tales of Trial, Transcendence, and Transformation".
And she's also the co-host of the podcast series The Sherry + Nancy Show. And she's also the co-founder of the PillarLife.com.
Now her new ventures are an evolution of her 20-year career with Oprah Winfrey. She served as the final executive producer of The Oprah Winfrey Show, co-president of Harpo Studios and OWN.
And now she's here on The Model Health Show hanging out with us, so let's jump into this conversation with the incredible Sheri Salata.
Shawn Stevenson: You know what is so funny is that in reading the book you are the oldest of all the grandkids, and I am too.
Sheri Salata: You know what that means?
Shawn Stevenson: I was like, I was the herder, basically.
Sheri Salata: Yes, it's served up as an opportunity, but you're really the babysitter.
Shawn Stevenson: Exactly.
Sheri Salata: So the aunts and uncles and parents can do other things.
Shawn Stevenson: I want to sit at the big table too, we had a little table, little red chairs, and everything.
Sheri Salata: I was in a pout, I'm like, "Am I ever going to sit at the big table?" I think I got to the big table when I was about 38. It took forever.
Shawn Stevenson: I know another story too. I didn't know anybody else's experiences but the Bozo Show.
Sheri Salata: Oh, yes.
Shawn Stevenson: When I was a kid I was living in my grandma's house and I would watch it, it was on like USA Cartoon Express or something, like the Cartoon Network. And I wanted to be in the grand prize game, and throw the ball into the bucket like it was my life goals. But you did like you went there.
Sheri Salata: I went there, I didn't get picked, and also I was in 8th grade because it took forever for the tickets to like you waited years. I was like a tall giant compared with the rest of the audience and I did get to say, "Folks, here is Huckleberry".
Shawn Stevenson: Wow, that's incredible.
Sheri Salata: I know.
Shawn Stevenson: That was just the first taste of that world.
Sheri Salata: Showbiz.
Shawn Stevenson: Wow, and so, and I'm curious because it didn't really, you talked about so many powerful things in the book and you really opened yourself up and shared some things that, and I told you this before, that just inspired me to share more.
And thinking of those areas of my life that I'm not being really just outwardly open and sharing because there are gifts there somewhere. But how did you get from the small town, well, it is not a super small town, but to wanting and being involved in such a big platform in television?
Sheri Salata: I know, that is amazing, isn't it? And that really is my message when I'm chatting with people. I'm a middle-class girl from a suburban town in Illinois, and I mean, I wanted my life to be an adventure, but I couldn't have dreamed this up. I just couldn't have. I'd be like, "Maybe I could be a pop star?"
I was playing acoustic guitar in my Catholic church, but maybe I could do that and then it's like, "Well I'm not good enough, so that's not going to happen." But I don't know, I couldn't have dreamed this madness up.
Like what ultimately happened and it didn't happen when I was young, that's the thing. I was 35 years old, broke, depressed when I got an entry-level job at The Oprah Show.
An entry-level job. I was 35. I wasn't right out of school, I had run a 7-Eleven, I had run a toy store, I had worked in a typing pool, I mean I had a twisty, turny little road there.
Shawn Stevenson: 35, that's when a lot of people like phoning it in.
Sheri Salata: Yes, they are planning their retirement. I am just like entry-level, reporting for duty.
Shawn Stevenson: Yeah, so already like this should be super insightful and inspiring for people that think it's too late. I don't know if you know how awesome your story is, well, kind of you put it into a book, but just that in and of itself— I just drove past the 7-Eleven, I wasn't like Sheri, I didn't connect those.
Sheri Salata: Yes, I know. I ran a store for 8 months. Like I have one of those little stores where you're running the register, making the coffee, cleaning the Slurpee machine, hosing down the parking lot and it was in the training program on my way to becoming a supervisor where I'd have 6 or 7 stores.
And it was hard, it was hard, it was super challenging. And I tried to make some sense of it, I look back and I see that I was very anxious about becoming something. I was anxious to get that title filled in on a business card.
And so I'd stayed too long at things that weren't a fit until I was so miserable I couldn't get out of bed. And then I'd jump into the, you know, from the fire into the firing pan and never, never really allowing myself that time to dream and imagine what is it that would light you up.
What is it that feels like happiness to you? And so I think that's what made that road go a little longer and crazier than it might have.
Shawn Stevenson: I just talked about this on a recent episode, and I was so busy, I was going to college and I was working full time at a casino in like this called a hard count department, which is like pulling all the coins out of the machines, it was like super manual labor type thing, and there were other things that I wanted to do but I was just so busy I never stopped to really think about what my gift was, what I really wanted to do.
I did have that tinge of feeling like you said of just like, "I knew I wanted to do something special and important." And I think that having that time just to get some clarity, and even with you writing this book it just seemed like you took some time and gathered some clarity and started to dissect your amazing life and put it into the pages.
So I want to know— because obviously, Brene Brown, she is talking about vulnerability, it's something that's on the tip of our tongues, but you really did share and opened up and shared your story and exposed yourself. What gave you the courage to do that?
Sheri Salata: Well, here's what gave me the courage, is I've been doing a podcast for 18 months before I started writing this.
And I'm sitting there with my co-host, it's one of my great friends of 30 years, we've been through everything together, so we're just having a girlfriend chat.
We're just sitting there, it was in the garden room of my old house in Los Feliz and we get the little recorder out, I unpack the wires and get our mics set up in a big mess of a ball of a tangle. And we just sit down and just talk about the things that matter to us, what was in our hearts, what our dreams were.
And then where we really struggled where our pain was. And we know each other so well that it was next thing I know people would be, listeners would write in and say, "Gosh that was so brave," and I'm like, "How brave? What do you mean by brave?" Because I was like, "Wow okay."
Shawn Stevenson: You had already kind of started that process.
Sheri Salata: Yes. And you know what, the healing of that for me was that when people would all of a sudden say, "I feel so much better listening to you."
And I'd say, "Okay, so nobody's attacking me, it's not humiliating, it doesn't make the shame worse, actually it brings light into all those areas," and all of a sudden you're like— Healed.
Shawn Stevenson: Yeah, wow, that's so awesome. Thank goodness for podcasts, first of all. And obviously you shared some your story and when you found that thing that really did light you up and became the thing you dove deep into in your life, you shared this statement, and I want to talk about this, that production and being a producer is multifaceted.
Sheri Salata: Yes.
Shawn Stevenson: And you've gone on, you produced podcasts, you produced this book. But producing a show like what is that really all about? Why do you say it's multifaceted?
Sheri Salata: Well because you know that even the role of producer, it's— what does a producer do? Everything.
You are looking at the big picture, you are managing the details, you're managing the team, you are executing on the intention and then you have to make it work and run. So it is everything.
Just like you know when we're doing this really, really well we are the producers of our lives. And that's where we usually drop the ball because we keep thinking something outside of ourselves it's going to come in and get it all shaped up for us, right?
Shawn Stevenson: Yeah, and that was part of your job too, is like storytelling, for other people.
Sheri Salata: Yes, that's right.
Shawn Stevenson: And framing them, right?
Sheri Salata: That's right. And here's what's so interesting to me and it still fascinates me how easy it is for me to take care of other people, to set boundaries for other people on their behalf, for me to produce the story of somebody else's life.
And then imagine this to come smacked up in the middle of my fifty's and say, "Okay, you've manifested the career of your dreams but not the life of your dreams. And when are you going to take that gift of storytelling and start to use that in your own life?"
Shawn Stevenson: Yeah, and you call it an audience of one. And there's something really powerful, which I didn't know, I don't know these details and you kind of opened up and shared for the rest of the world these things, but you made a statement that after 54, specifically 54, you stop to matter as far as like the big businesses and people paying attention to you.
Sheri Salata: That's right.
Shawn Stevenson: Why is that?
Sheri Salata: Well there are demos as you know, there are demos for advertisers and I was by that time running a television network and the demos were very, very important, and those are the audiences where you monetize your television show or your network and advertisers look for the sweet spot of those audiences.
And the last demo ends at 54. So you know, 25 to 54, I was 55 years old, running a network. I mean, the person I was running it for, Oprah was well out of the demo. And so when you're having those conversations it's like, "We don't really care what they're watching."
And I thought, "Gosh this is so interesting to me because everybody that I know at over 54 finally has some money to spend."
Shawn Stevenson: Right, that makes sense.
Sheri Salata: And the time to spend it, right?
Shawn Stevenson: So true, so true. And you said that, because you know, it's not that you got lost in the work, you wanted to do it and you really put yourself heart and soul into creating something special that, I mean you've impacted lives of easily, easily a billion people, probably more.
But you realized at that point, like you said, building this dream career but not a dream life. And so you had this moment of reckoning that you talk about in the book. And so, first of all, why did you call it that, reckoning?
Sheri Salata: Yeah. And my caveat to this is, I see now that I have a bigger, grander view of it that I could have done it differently.
It wasn't the hours and the commitment and the actual job that created not living the life of my dreams. It was me using the enormity of that job to go unconscious for things that I found difficult.
So it's like, it's the excuse of the world because you're too busy working for Oprah, so you get a big, big pass in almost every area of your life on that. So it's something that I think that we all do, in one way or another, when we don't want to deal.
Shawn Stevenson: Yes, that's true. Wow. And nobody will blame you, either. I'm just now thinking of that.
Sheri Salata: Nobody does. "Sheri canceled." "Well, she's so busy." So you away. At a certain point then you start to say those voices get louder and louder and the background gets louder and louder and on one hand, it's never too late to live the life of your dreams, and on the other hand— but if not now, when? When? When?
Shawn Stevenson: Wow. That's true, that's true and just in seeing your story and seeing you sharing this, again, I think a lot of people already, people are just already connecting with what you're saying even with being too busy for something and the truth is we all have time it's just a matter of priorities.
And also when stuff is difficult too, like that takes more time and it takes more time and energy and figuring things out that pull you away in a sense, but it all matters.
But you also talked about how in that reckoning, being honest about the things that you really wanted, because you had the dream job, and there were other things you wanted that seemed like, "It would be nice, but I'm too busy."
And so how did you get to that place of, and I want this for other people, and I keep talking about this— be honest about what you want.
Sheri Salata: That's right. That reckoning was really, really important for me. And I don't know if you see this as you're out in the world and you're helping people with your work, but the thing that prevented my reckoning, which is really an honest look at every area of my life was the voice in my head that I used on myself, had always been so harsh, so judgmental, so unkind, so lacking in compassion, "You're not enough of this, you're too much of that.
That was a stupid thing to say," and the list goes on and on that the idea of having that honest conversation with myself was terrifying. I wasn't sure I could come out of it.
And so I knew that I would have to make an adjustment on that, that it would have to be, I was going to have to let that voice go, I was going to have to fire that voice, and thank it for its service.
And then excavate a new voice, that tender voice that I would use with any friend who is having a hard time that I used to talk to my English Bulldogs Bella and Kissy, you know, my beloved, my sweet baby; babies in a grocery store that I would use to talk to any other human being on the planet. And that voice is a voice that is compassionate and understanding and still true.
And so that process, in the end, did not level me. It was like coming home to the truth of everything I had created, that the glorious things, the less glorious things, the majesty, the failures and disappointments and then from that place I could say, "Alright, now what are your dreams now, for your life?" When you were 25-year-old dreams, now when you are 30 dreams, what are your dreams right now?
Shawn Stevenson: Yeah and you went into the different areas of your life, of course, and one of those that you estimated was like I think 90 trial and failures of like diet programs, I think you said like 3 years, something like 3 years.
Sheri Salata: Yes, forever. Forever. It's that false sense of motivation where you're like, "This time, it'll be," and it's all about like deprivation and as fast as possible and crazy meant. And even before and after a certain point, when you've done that over and over for a long time, you start to know even to yourself, you're like, "You're not serious about this. But okay, Monday it is." It's never going to happen, but, "Monday, I can't wait and this is going to be it."
So yeah. I mean, for me at the end of the day, and mind you, I've seen every program on the planet, I've produced every expert, I've taken notes copiously, and for me, where it ends up is this— at a certain point I was going to have to become the expert of my own self. My own coach with a capital C.
And what that means for me isn't that I have all the answers, I do have quite a bit of information, but what it means is when I go and listen to somebody speak and they're sharing wisdom and knowledge and their point of view, I act, I take it in as like I'm looking, I'm mining for gems, it isn't like I'm going to put somebody else's ideas on like a suit of clothes wear them for 60 days and drop them and find the next outfit.
Now it's more like, "What resonates with me? What's the gem I can take from this conversation and try in my own life?"
Shawn Stevenson: I love you, this is so awesome, I don't think you realize how important this is. And a lot of people have asked me over the years, like, "What do you think about this, what do you think about that".
Looking for me to have people on with the same opinions basically, and it's because everybody's different, and I'm really encouraging people through this show, through this platform, through everything that I do to be your own coach.
Which the thing, it's kind of, it's hard. It's hard stuff, because you got to pay attention to yourself, you got to pay attention to your thought patterns, to how things make you feel and we're so distracted today as well, it's just like there's quite a bit against us in a sense, but you just said it like that's literally, it is that simple though, really. But it's not necessarily easy either to listen to yourself.
Sheri Salata: Well, that's the ultimate commitment, and when I did my reckoning, like what was the moment, what was the thing that came out of it? I was like, "Yup, just as I suspected, it's not perfect."
And I've got a lot of dreaming to do, but really the thing that was the most gut-wrenching realization was that I had been entrusted with this life and I had shown myself to be an unworthy steward of it.
And then, the last 3 years I continue to kind of define for myself what it means to be a worthy steward of this life I've been given. And what does that mean to my lens, in my unique way, what is my personal recipe for that?
Shawn Stevenson: Yeah. I noticed something that, I guess you might have noticed while you were writing it or even previous to that, it's that you said like, "I still had that little voice like, 'You know you're not serious' ".
But when you made the decision like, this and you were with Nance, and you guys were like plotting and mapping out how things are going to be now with this new opening in your life and with the fitness thing, you guys went to like the newest, hottest experience in exercise and I'm listening to it, I'm hearing the things you're doing, I was like, "That doesn't really sound appropriate."
And I saw that like you have this like 0 to 100 approach to stuff, I think. Is that pretty accurate?
Sheri Salata: Oh my gosh. You know, there is something, and I still work on this, to be truthful that there is something in me that feels that is very all or nothing.
You're either running up Everest or you're flat on the couch eating chips. So I have to be just really like self-aware about that, that honestly if you for 30 days do the 40-minute walk after dinner, that's really great.
Shawn Stevenson: It is, yeah.
Sheri Salata: It's like spiritual, it's great, it's a commitment to yourself. But yes, so yes, Nancy and I, and it was all my scheming off we went, we were going to have our Hollywood bodies, that's what we were in pursuit of.
And you know within thousands of dollars, I can't even, I mean it's embarrassing, I just can't even add it all up; thousands of dollars and by the end of it, Nancy could hardly, was hobbling around on a sore foot and I literally had, like I had to get an MRI and like cortisone injections. Yeah, so it was crazy.
Shawn Stevenson: Yeah, and as I was listening to that. I think even the first workout, like you guys were like looking at, you were looking at her trying to see if she was even okay.
Sheri Salata: She was flat on the ground. I was outside, like literally heaving, literally.
Sheri Salata: You ended up in the car.
Sheri Salata: Yeah.
Shawn Stevenson: It started with laughter, but ended up in tears.
Sheri Salata: That's right.
Shawn Stevenson: And we will be back in two days to do some more.
Sheri Salata: Yes, that's right. Yeah, you know, these days here's what I do. I have a very, very a trainer that I can speak to and say, "That hurts and I'm not doing that again."
Instead of I don't know why I put myself in those precarious situations, but it's like 3 to 4 days a week some swimming, some this, some that, some yoga every morning, trying to like just infuse my life with healthy movement instead of doing the thing that I always used to do.
Shawn Stevenson: That's so powerful. And I know again, a lot of people hearing this can be like, "That's me, that's so me." It's all or nothing, but I think that for me, just like on a logical scale, just like they don't really connect suffering and health.
But it's just like there's this thing that we have, which is like we have to suffer our way into this result and it just, it honestly doesn't go together and people who do that once you get here, they break down. And I just think that love, patience, fun, all these things, those resonate with health, they sound familiar.
Sheri Salata: Right. Oh my god, self-created suffering can never lead to a happy ending. It just can't, it just can't. I really, I'm going to take that, I'm going to take that with me, that's a good one.
Shawn Stevenson: You can have it, it's yours.
Sheri Salata: Thank you.
Shawn Stevenson: Mining for gems?
Sheri Salata: Mining for gems! It's an Instagram post.
Shawn Stevenson: And I think you also asked an important question in the book, a really powerful question.
You asked, "What is it about this weight?" What is it about this weight? Since you had been trying and just all these different stuff.
Sheri Salata: Yes, I know. And you know what, that is an interesting thing. I mean I would say since my reckoning I've lost about 45 pounds.
And a lot of that was just with attention and consciousness. And I would say that there's always more mining to do, more transcending to do.
And my first go to, like even with this book launch that was when everything comes back up for me again, because it's like, it's busy you've got a lot going on, you've got to really put yourself out there.
And instantly you can go to where everything else in your life is more important than that radical self-care.
Like, "Did I meditate? Well, I'll do that later because I'm much too busy right now. I can talk about it in an interview but I'll have to put my meditation on hold for a day or 2," and you know, "Well, I'm not going to have time for a workout because I have to get to the airport."
It's so interesting how that absolute bone-deep care of self gets put on pause when all of a sudden there's activity around the responsibility of work or something like that.
Shawn Stevenson: Facts, totally, totally, totally.
Sheri Salata: And then the stress rises and it's like, "Did you do your mindfulness, are you doing your breath work?" I'm like, "No, I want cheese".
All that stuff comes up for me again and then I have to go back and focus and say, "What is your dream for your life? What is your dream for your life? You've gone down that road, remember what that leads to?"
It leads to a reckoning where you go, "Oh." That really isn't the path I want to walk, this is the path that I want to walk.
Shawn Stevenson: Yeah, ah, so good. So obviously, and this is a question that I was having as I was reading, you've been around the most powerful messages in the universe.
And I think a lot of people need to hear this for themselves because you also mentioned you're so good at taking care of other people.
But how could we possibly just like be surrounded by that and still not like address it for us? And I think, of course, there are different things that you were doing throughout—
Sheri Salata: But it's the great paradox, isn't it, that you have all the information and you're excited about that information and you really do want that life, it isn't like you don't.
You really do want health and wellness, and you really do want to feel good and feel so good that it's easy to choose happiness on an hour by hour basis. You really do want that.
And for some reason, you keep going unconscious, putting it on the shelf, because and making everything else more important.
And you know, the only antidote to that that I have discovered is staying mindful and staying focused, and kind of giving out the all or nothing perfectionist thing and saying, on a regular basis, on a daily basis, every 3 days, once a week, "How are you doing? How do you feel?" Not like, "You're bad and wrong," but, "How do you feel? Do you feel as good as you should feel?"
You get to feel good, you're supposed to live the life of your dreams, are you doing that? It's in your hands.
Shawn Stevenson: Yeah, wow. It's so simple, again it's so simple. I love that you just said a really a bad word for a lot of people, perfectionist, it's the P-word, it's a dirty P-word.
Sheri Salata: That's a bad word for me.
Shawn Stevenson: So we could fall into those character traits that lead to like, "I'm not doing this perfectly."
Sheri Salata: Well that also, for me, and peeling that back, yes, first of all, because it's impossible but second of all, it's a little bit of a self-sabotage technique.
You set yourself up for the all or nothing which usually ends up with nothing, in my experience, or the perfectionist thing so you're almost sabotaging yourself from the beginning because it's not achievable. Instead of you know like, "Here's some really noisy, big, huge change in my life." Have a glass of water, walk around the block.
Five minutes of mindful breathing, all those little things that in the past I would have been like, "That's not going to do anything, I need big action."
All those little things change the course of your next 30 minutes and that changes the course of the next 3 hours and that defines your day and those days define your weeks and that becomes your life. It's those little things that mean everything, the things that I thought weren't worth paying attention to.
Shawn Stevenson: We've got a bunch more of these little things that you're going to share with us from your book, definitely pick it up right now, "The Beautiful No" and we'll be right back right after this quick break.
Don't sleep on sleep, today there is a big revolution happening to improve our sleep quality because we are understanding finally just how much our sleep quality impacts our physical performance, our brain function and literally impacts our body composition.
Sleep deprivation is something that can directly lead to an increase in fat gain and an inability to lose weight as well. With great sleep, we see an increased ability to burn fat, like the research that was done by the International Association for the Study of Obesity that found that our sleep quality namely a sleep-related hormone called melatonin that everybody's heard of increases your body's production of something called brown adipose tissue.
This is a type of fat that actually burns fat and the reason that it's brown versus the white adipose tissue is brown adipose tissue has a lot more mitochondria. And these are the energy power plants in our cells, very metabolically active tissue that we build more of them we get great sleep.
Now, the issue today is getting that great sleep and there are tons of lifestyle factors but there's also a nutrition component.
And there's a study that was published in The Journal of Pharmacology, Biochemistry, and Behavior that found that the renowned medicinal mushroom Reishi was able to number one significantly decrease sleep latency.
This means you fall asleep faster when you have Reishi. They also found that this increased the overall sleep time for study participants and they found that this increased the sleep efficiency by improving the non-rem deep sleep and improving our light rem sleep as well.
This comprehensive approach to improving sleep, it's not pounding our sleep into submission where we see with conventional drugs and things of that nature, where it's kind of like pseudo sleep.
This is actually improving your sleep quality, your sleep efficiency by utilizing Reishi. Now, the only Reishi that I use is from FourSigmatic, because it's dual extracted, where they're doing an alcohol extract and a hot water extract so they are actually extracting all of the nutrients from the mushroom that you think you're getting with company X.
You're actually getting those compounds with the hot water extractor getting the beta-glucan related compounds and then with the alcohol extract to get in more of the hormonal compounds, and I think these are really important for sleep, like the terpenes and things in that category, and so much more.
So make sure to use FourSigmatic.com/model to get your hands on this and so much more. So that's F-O-U-R-S-I-G-M-A-T-I-C.com/model you get 15 percent off their Reishi elixir, and all of their medicinal mushroom elixirs, coffees, hot cocoa and so much more.
I love Four Sigmatic, I literally have them every single day one of the different products. Today I had my Lion's Mane coffee mix, so, so good and it has all of these benefits as well. If you're still drinking standard coffee, what are you doing?
You need to get these benefits from the Four Sigmatic coffee mixes. Now, head over and check them out ASAP, because these are absolutely game-changing. The coffee mix great for in the morning, Reishi great for in the evening and winding down, and they've got all of this research to back it up.
And this is what it's all about, it's having more education so that we're executing on the things that really do work, that have a clinically proven benefit and we can actually enjoy ourselves and have a good time along the way.
And again, that's FourSigmatic.com.model for 15 percent off everything. And now, back to the show.
Shawn Stevenson: We're back and we're talking to Sheri about her new book "The Beautiful No". And I've got a lot of the book highlighted by the way, and I want to ask you about something specifically from the book.
And you said, "Never again can you entertain the dark exercise of taking yourself apart like the county coroner performing an autopsy, judging each piece of you separately and then adding up the tally".
And, "You must make it a routine to internalize compliments letting them wash over you like delicious summer rain, rather than dismissing the admirer who offered them as 'just trying to be nice' " There are two parts here, number one picking ourselves apart.
Sheri Salata: Yeah, the autopsy. Mmm. You know, one of the things when I sat down to work through all this and to kind of come up with my perspective on different things, especially things I think that women get tripped up by.
And I knew on some level I had a dysfunctional relationship with the concept of beauty, that it was something like there was some piece of that and it had to have happened when I was really young, where I noticed some power that what I call the prettiest, wielded and rather than—
Like I got straight A's and I was funny, but that wasn't as appealing to me as the kind of power, a prettiest seemed to wield in my little young life. And I made all kinds of assumptions about that, like more lovable, more desirable, and the list goes on and on.
Now, I wouldn't have thought that I would have dragged that into my adult life, but in the end, I could see that was true. And I could see it was true with other women that men are really not taking their bodies apart with a magnifying glass and having internal conversations about them ad nauseam, so much.
They're just kind of either, it's more like, "I'm comfortable in my skin/ I'm less comfortable in my skin." And for women, it's like, "This part of me is not good, this part of me is kind of good."
And there's— no good can come of that, no good can come of that. And in the end, what I discovered is that waiting for the external to come in and tap you on the head and deem you worthy in any way is like putting your whole life and happiness perpetually on hold.
You will never fully him inhabit and embody the life that you could be living, as long as you are waiting for something external to anoint you.
And then in the end, we are the anointers of ourselves of everything— of our goodness, of our worthiness, of our beauty, of our vulnerability, of our lovability, all of it, we are the anointers so we continue to deprive ourselves of that, we just end up always seeking and never finding.
Shawn Stevenson: Oh, I love it so much. And wow, the picking yourself apart and somebody who is, it's a part of you, you are whole.
Sheri Salata: Yes, neural pathways.
Shawn Stevenson: Yeah, it's really fascinating to think about what that does to us. I've been a big proponent of like, obviously leaning more on the side of gratitude for even if you don't like that your thighs are big, that like you have thighs, and they have enabled you to walk around and carry your child or to lift someone up who fell down or something, like creating another story along those lines.
And another thing that I've been like for years, because I would see it in my practice and it happened more so with women for sure, of not being able to receive an affirmation.
Right, because you don't need it, but sometimes it's that thing that just is like a cherry on top, but especially when they're battling that picking oneself apart, it's very difficult to imbibe and like bring those compliments in.
So one of the things, and this is from years ago on the show, I haven't said in a while, instead of even saying, "Thank you," because a lot of times like thank you, even it's like a fake thank you, but just saying like is true, it's true, "Thank you, I receive that".
And we're really encouraging people to start to say that, "I receive that." And I think you might have said it.
Sheri Salata: I receive that.
Shawn Stevenson: When you got here.
Sheri Salata: Yes. I think, and maybe you can counsel me on this, I think there's something in that receptivity issue that is maybe even one of the last and final things to connect the dots to have that kind of, that full energy exchange with your life, where it's going out it's coming back, it's going out it's coming back, that kind of cleans out, the last vestiges of resistance and fear, and kind of those emotions that keep us so stuck.
And I actually have been thinking about that the last really in the last like 3 months, that what is the gift of that kind of receptivity? And why is it important to work on that? I just feel better giving a compliment than taking it.
And I think that cleaning up that last little piece is an important part of my little life of my dreams journey.
Shawn Stevenson: Yeah, I love it so much. You know what, I think, what just happened in the car driving over to the studio today, my wife was like, "Oh those are nice jeans," like I love the get compliments from her specifically.
And she sprinkles them just enough to keep me interested, but I pay attention and it's like I receive and I think, "Oh, she sees me," you know. And this is a part of it—
Sheri Salata: You don't go into a big dialogue if she doesn't really mean it.
Shawn Stevenson: No. Do my other jeans not look nice? Like these kinds of things.
Sheri Salata: Right, exactly.
Shawn Stevenson: So being able to receive when those compliments are coming your way I think it's obviously the self-worth thing, you just think that that's just not me, being hurt before and saying there's some type of manipulation taking place, there's all these stories and roots to this thing, but I think it's just, there are so many reasons for it, but I think a big part of it is just not acknowledging that we matter.
Shawn Stevenson: So I got, the big question even here, the title itself "The Beautiful No"— why the beautiful no?
Sheri Salata: "The Beautiful No," so The Beautiful No, the story in that book, it's the title story of the book, it's the story about how I got the job at the Oprah show at 35. And it has become a foundational spiritual principle for me.
I was up for a big, huge advertising producing job and I had the interview couldn't have gone better, I mean he basically was giving me my start date, tons of money, great clients and I had kind of decided in my mind, "Well, you're going to make the best of the advertising thing even if it isn't perfect, you're going to find significance and meaning in it."
And I really needed that job, I needed it, I really did. I needed it for my feelings, I needed the money. And so I had many premature celebrations with my team, with my gang, and then I got a form letter from the HR department that they had decided not to do any hiring.
So I didn't get it. And I would say I felt like my hands were open, I was just like, "Then I don't know. If I'm not getting that after that interview, after that conversation when it seemed so perfect, then I don't even know, I don't even know what I'm supposed to be doing."
And I just kind of opened my hands, felt pretty down. Cried a lot. And you know, I'm like 35 years old, what are you going to do, you had so much promise.
And I got the message on my answering machine from the Oprah show was I available to come in and freelance.
And I was like, "Oh my god, I can't believe this is happening." And it wasn't until a few years later when, because the minute I walked into her Harpo Studios I was like, "This is it, I'm supposed to be here, this is magic to me, the air feels different."
But a couple of years later I will look back and I go, "You know, you almost had that job. If you had gotten that big job making $75,000 with benefits, and a 401K you would no more have quit that job a short time later to go freelance at the Oprah show, than the man on the moon, you wouldn't have done it".
It would have been too scary. Because you would have been holding on so tightly to that security, you wouldn't have taken a chance on the big dream. And what I realized is, "Wow, that was the most beautiful No you've ever gotten."
And then I started thinking about all the No's that I had, the disappointments, the heartbreaks, the times when I'm like, "God, I don't know why that didn't work out," and how all those no's were literally teeing me up for a real dream, something that really mattered to me.
But I couldn't see it at the time. And honestly what I started to, once I realized that I decided, "I'm not going to burn any more days up being depressed and disappointed when something doesn't go my way. I'm going to say, 'Oh, I can't wait to see how beautiful this is.' "
Shawn Stevenson: Ah, so awesome. It's really, it's one of those things in our lives like all of us have failures and no's.
I just saw a clip from Lisa Kudrow from the "Friends" TV show, she was doing a ceremony for some graduates and she talked about how she got fired from "Frasier" and it was just like heartbreaking for her, devastating, she was like even just feeling people point the fingers like, "She got fired from the biggest TV show on television."
And she had her own show as well that got canceled and she was like, "But these no's were leading me to "Friends" I wouldn't have been in a position to get this thing."
Sheri Salata: That's right, that's exactly right. And I think that the real opportunity for all of us, and I say this to myself all the time still, that you know you believe it, you believe you are co-creating within the quantum divine field, so you need to make sure you're always in that space. You need to act like you believe it.
So the No comes and you say, "Okay, I'm human. Oh, that hurt. " And then you go, "Okay. It's all going to be fine."
Shawn Stevenson: Yeah, "Thank you, this is leading me somewhere."
Sheri Salata: That's right.
Shawn Stevenson: Wow, because I think that sometimes we don't get up, we don't keep moving forward, because the No happens, and I think you just kept moving forward and putting yourself in position for these things to take place.
Sheri Salata: Yeah, and I'm still— Listen, I'm still having that conversation with myself because here's the truth, you get to the middle of your life, you have been through some stuff.
So do you use that stuff to springboard and evolve yourself and elevate yourself? Or are you depressed and a little broken? Those are the 2 options.
Shawn Stevenson: Yeah, and those things, they develop character traits, attributes or latent capacities you didn't even know you could do all the stuff that you've done!
So it's just a gift in disguise and I love that that's the title of the book because I guess that was like the Launch pad for everything.
So in this process of like the reckoning and then from there kind of coming out with some different approaches and ideas about life, and how you're living right now, as you mentioned you dove into something else and kind of started to share the story for enabling the book to take place through creating a podcast.
So what is it right now for you? The thing that is just kind of driving you, lighting you up and that has you excited right now?
Sheri Salata: Right. Well, in everything, first of all, I think my life is more integrated than it's ever been. We're having this conversation, it checks off about 10 areas of my life.
We're not having a work conversation, we're having the only conversation that matters to me anymore. I'm about the game of upliftment, I want to uplift, I want to be uplifted.
So in anything I'm doing whether it's writing the podcast, having these conversations, we live in a new day now where we get to choose and curate the content that comes into our lives. It isn't just like, "I have to watch this so I can get to this show that's going to uplift me."
We are in charge, and any opportunity that I have for my own self, I mean, I'm talking to myself.
I'm talking to myself and the fact that there are other people who want to have the same conversation and want to walk away going,
"All right, all right I'm going to think about that, I'm going to try a little bit of that, I am going to tweak my recipe. I'm going to leave a little lighter with a lighter heart, and a little bit more joy."
And that sense of, "Gosh, what else can I dream up?" Those kinds of possibilities and that really is what lights me up.
Shawn Stevenson: I love it. You just said something I was hoping that you would say this, is the integration, just feeling that not just being like, "My life is all this one thing," because you even have a section here, we talk about your epic failure and work-life balance.
Sheri Salata: Yes, I don't believe in it. I don't believe in work-life balance. I feel like that is a conversation designed to castigate women, to put women particularly in a situation of literally taking themselves apart in a personal autopsy.
Because it's not really so much culturally something that has been applied to men. It's more, "Are you being a good enough mother and an employee and this and that, when do I have time to take care of myself?"
And what I realized is that is an artificial construct, work-life balance. And just those words are in conflict and nobody is going to measure up to that, nobody.
So what is the more powerful, empowered way to walk through the world as a person who has a career and a family and all kinds of other interests?
And it kind of is an integrated whole life where you're flowing your attention in a way that lights you up, and you're using your intuition and you're staying mindful, so that you are living the kind of life you want to live, and it's not to be weighed and measured and judged.
Shawn Stevenson: Absolutely. Balance really, we have this concept of balance like you said, but there's nothing in life that is static, it's always moving, even the knowledge of the seesaw, if it was balanced it's boring. There's going to be some up and down and some movement.
Sheri Salata: It's a flow thing, don't you think?
Shawn Stevenson: Absolutely.
Sheri Salata: It's like spiritual, emotional, it's all about a flow and being in that flow where you can just keep reaching for the better thought and the better idea and the more uplifting point of view, and more things, opportunities pop up, synchronicities happen, the phone rings, you run into somebody, you hear something that you hadn't considered before. That's when I feel like life feels magic.
Shawn Stevenson: Yeah and it's always happening, it's just are you tuned in and paying attention.
Sheri Salata: So true.
Shawn Stevenson: With that analogy of the seesaw, sometimes you're going to be at the bottom and it's going to be.
You talk about this in the book, you're going to be in a rut in different areas of your life. You talk about the anatomy of a rut. So why do you put that in the book?
Sheri Salata: Well, here's what was so fascinating. I was a staff worker working for others an arguably fantastic job I ended up with. But working for others meant that they had a say, my schedule was set for me, they had a say over my time.
So when I began to work for myself, I walked out in the world and I moved to LA so I couldn't get from here to 3 blocks from here without Ways, the app. Ways has taken you a different way every time, I'm like, "I don't even know a direction I'm in, but I know I'm going to end up where I need to go."
And I hadn't cashed a check, a personal check in a bank during the week for probably 15 years. I would be, "An assistant would run, an assistant would run," because I couldn't leave my desk. And so I walked into a bank and I was like, "Hi everybody, I'm Sheri," and they are like, "Okay." They just flew along.
Shawn Stevenson: It's not that kind of party anymore.
Sheri Salata: No, but what I realized is there was a whole different way of being, going around in the world and even me, with, "Hi Tom Hanks, hi Julia Roberts. Oprah let's have a meeting," interesting, fabulously fascinating life, I was in a big huge rut, went the same way to work every day before the sun came up, came home after the sun went down, rut, rut, rut, rut, rut, rut.
And when you step out of a rut and try something new, you go, "Oh my gosh, life is so amazing! I feel like a different person, I feel so filled with energy."
I took Italian for 8 months and I'd go to my little class, it was in Beverly Hills at the Language Institute, I'd go to my little class and about 3 months in afterward I said to the instructor, "I'm the worst one, aren't I?" He was like, "Oh, I don't know," I was like, "No, I am, aren't I?" He goes, "Well, I don't know." So he almost confirmed it for me and I didn't care.
I didn't care, because every time I walked out of there I was like, "Oh my god I feel like I have been, my brain has just been scrambled alive."
Because I'm doing something new, I'm nixing it up, there's new energy, it's a new force. Those little things make such a big difference as the decades roll on.
Shawn Stevenson: Yeah, oh I love this so much. And putting ourselves, I've said that like 5 times I love this so much— putting ourselves in those awkward positions because this is kind of uncomfortable, but it keeps you young in a sense.
Sheri Salata: Yes, even the littlest things, adding newness, I was having this conversation with myself, like, "Okay, so you're in the middle time," because I don't use midlife, midlife sounds like another word for old folks, it just it feels very, very old and aging.
But the middle of life is, you are an icon in health and wellness, if we do the things that we know work and kind of stay tuned to the leading edge, we might just be if we hit 50 we might be in the middle of life.
What are you doing for the next 50 years? Camping? Driving your camper around America? What are you doing?
And that sense of newness when you feel like you've been there and done everything is really life-giving. It's kind of like charging your battery, like just getting the force moving within you.
Shawn Stevenson: Yeah, we need that. Tony Robbins talks about that, about the 6 human needs. And that need for uncertainty and variety.
Like if you're not fulfilling that, that's like suffering, basically, so like proactively putting yourself in those positions where you are growing and stretching yourself in a different way, that's such a great example too with the language learning.
Sheri Salata: Oh please, and it's very different, like when you meet a child and they're speaking Mandarin Chinese and they're second grade, and I'm in my Italian class going, "Do it".
It's so interesting but here's the thing about routine— in some ways as you age, as you get older, you feel a sense of comfort about your routines, but it's your routines that are killing you, your routines are taking your life force away.
That same old, same old is probably as deadly as any other unhealthy behavior.
Shawn Stevenson: Ah, so powerful. One of the greatest teachers out there, Dr. Eric Thomas, best motivational speaker walking the face of the Earth.
He said that success is in the routine, that's one part of the story, then he also says, "But don't let the routine bind you, imprison you." There's a balance there.
If we're talking about balance, those are the kind of things, it takes more of like integration and being able to flow. Because having that routine can get you a level of success but it will imprison you as well, at some point.
Sheri Salata: That's right. Well and I think where the word routine really shines is adding those little practices to your life consistently that continue to provide elevation.
Where it's not so great is all those other things that you do the same way like, "Tuesday spaghetti night." You know what I mean. "Read the paper this way", "We drive ourselves to the lake for vacation 2 weeks a year and that's it."
So those are the kinds of things that start to make our lives feel dull and uninteresting.
Shawn Stevenson: Yeah, but Taco Tuesday can still, we can stick with that one. I don't know is anybody else got hungry when I said it. And getting into something new and something that variety, but you talk about you've got to walk before you pole dance. Let's talk about that a little bit.
Sheri Salata: Oh my gosh. Well, one of the things when Nancy moved into my house we decided we were going to have sessions with Dr. Laura Berman who is an Oprah Show expert for many years and a sex therapist.
And because we both had not manifested our soulmate man relationships and so we did these intensive sessions. And Laura's big thing for me is that in my career journey, a lot of masculine energy, a lot of marshaling the troops, and the general.
And that it would be really important for me to kind of summon forth my divine feminine through perhaps an activity like pole dancing.
And I swear, she was like, "So have you pole danced yet, have you gone to the class?" I'm like, "No, I haven't yet. I have it on my list, yeah I'm going to set up the time." And I found myself, I just like couldn't make myself go.
And then she had many, many other exercises and I get what she's saying, you know I understand what she's saying, which is for all of us, it's kind of like all parts of ourself must be developed and especially when it comes to romantic love. But I was not able to, I have still not pole danced yet.
Shawn Stevenson: You have to walk first.
Sheri Salata: You've got to walk before you can pole dance.
Shawn Stevenson: So what are you doing for your walk?
Sheri Salata: What I'm doing for my walk? Well, I'm being set up by various people, people that I trust. I'm not really super interested in online dating.
Do you know what I'm saying? Do you have any opinions on that?
Shawn Stevenson: I absolutely do and for me, that was after my time, should I say so, and the construct is very strange to me in and of itself.
Sheri Salata: Doesn't that look weird?
Shawn Stevenson: It's just like, in some aspects it's kind of like you're able to kind of curate and pick whereas throughout human evolution, it's more like when somebody says, "You're my soulmate," and they just so happen to live in the same town as you or in the same city, same school, versus like it's kind of like this adventure, this variety experience.
So it's just different, it's not that it's better or worse, it's just different. And I think we're figuring out.
Sheri Salata: It's a path and the people who love that path, God bless them, and everybody I know has somebody like, "Oh they met on Match.com." "Did they? Okay, that's good".
A lot of the people I know who are big online daters, feel depressed about it to me. It's just like, "How did it go?" They are like, "I had 10 dates this week." Nothing is appealing about that. "How did it go?" "Hm."
Shawn Stevenson: And then, of course, there are those folks that like, that was their thing. And they did meet their soulmate.
Sheri Salata: I know. I really have tried to open myself up to that idea and every time I'm on the edge of it, where I have the form and I'm starting to clicky clack the keys, I go, "That doesn't feel like my way".
Shawn Stevenson: Man, and you know what I just realized just now talking about it with you, we're so judgmental too of other people and we have this ability to judge so many at such a fast pace. Because you could just swipe.
Sheri Salata: I watched somebody do that Tinder thing once. That didn't look good to me. From a spiritual perspective, just swiping people into the trash, something about that felt like, "I don't know if that's a good muscle to develop."
Shawn Stevenson: In the words of Cardi B, I think it's Basura is like trash, swiping them in Basura. That's me trying to learn Spanish.
One of the last things that you talk about in the book is that, and I think this is super powerful and important is that you are what you dream.
And so first of all, what does that mean for us? You are what you dream?
Sheri Salata: It always for me goes back to storytelling. What is the story that we are telling ourselves about our lives?
And are we paying attention to that story? Are we paying attention to the words we use in that storytelling thing that goes on inside of us?
And are we telling the story of life the way, the lives we dream of or is it like a ho-hum story of disappointment and kind of depression?
You are what you dream to me means that those dreams we have are our stories of creation and whether we're talking about our health or we're talking about our relationships, or we're talking about our spiritual life, those stories that we tell about those things are kind of our requests.
Our requests to the all of all, to the quantum field, these are my requests for myself and this area of my life. I have dreams for the people in my life, I have dreams for my town, I have dreams for my country.
And all those dreams are really stories and at the end of the day, if we can begin to see and remind ourselves how powerful that exercise is of setting aside a little bit of time every day to do some dreaming, that really is the beginning of the building block of our lives.
And so you are what you dream, you can look at your life, if you're kind of bored, if you're uninspired, if you feel really stuck then it's time to fire up that power and to fire up that practice. Because that is how you create the life of your dreams, through dreaming.
Shawn Stevenson: Thank you for sharing that. I am, again, just a big fan and reading this book it made me feel more just a sense of like wanting to share more, to open up more, to look into those areas of my life that I might have kind of pressed down into little dark crevices.
And I know that all these different things, they're able to serve and help other people if I just open up and share.
And so thank you for sharing and for having the audacity to put your life experience onto these pages and putting it out for everybody to really absorb and to enjoy. There's so many great nuggets and gems—
Sheri Salata: Gems!
Shawn Stevenson: Just mining for gems throughout the book, I don't think you can be who you are and not have just a tremendous wealth of these gems. So thank you for that.
Sheri Salata: I loved this, I loved this talk with us.
Shawn Stevenson: Awesome, awesome. Can you let everybody know where they can pick up your book and also where they can connect with you online?
Sheri Salata: Yes. Well, and here's what's great— I think this is really good and normally sometimes I'm like, "I don't know about these kinds of things." We put together a 64-page workbook that's free that goes with this.
So you can go to the BeautifulNo.com and you can, all the links to buy the book are there and then you can put in your little order and get the free workbook, which is good, you can have your own Beautiful No experience.
Shawn Stevenson: Oh I love it, we've got some action to go with that, I love it. Thank you so much for hanging out with me today.
Sheri Salata: Thank you for having me.
Shawn Stevenson: Awesome. Everybody, thank you so much for tuning into the show today, I hope you got a lot of value out of this. I had a great time and you know this is something that is really going to stay with me, I already know it.
I just kind of got obsessed a little bit when I started to read the book and it started to kind of invade other areas of my life.
I found myself I literally was sitting outside, just sitting in the sun and just got swept away for like a couple of hours.
And I haven't shared this with you, but and then I just started— when I started telling my wife stuff that's when I know it's like really, really good.
And I think what we close with and understand that you are with your dream, really where are you taking the time to dream and just to think about what it is that you really want and to get honest?
Our dreams, even that word I think it is a little bit fleeting, but it's so powerful like, that's where everything comes from, every single thing that even I'm seeing in this room started off as a dream or an idea within the mind of a person. That's so powerful, so powerful.
And you have that ability to bring your dreams into reality, but you have to have the audacity and courage to be honest about what you want and to start dreaming your dreams, not borrowed dreams, borrowed desires but what it is that you really want. And I hope that today Sheri was able to communicate that to you and how powerful you are.
And also that we're going to have those ruts, there's an anatomy to it, we're always a work in progress and we also just have so much potential.
And each No along the way is an open door for something even better. I appreciate you so much, if you enjoyed this episode please share it out with people that you care about on social media.
And, of course, you could tag me, I am at Shawnmodel on social media. Do you have social media?
Sheri Salata: At Sheri Salata.
Shawn Stevenson: At Sheri Salata, you can tag her as well, let her know, please let her know what you thought of this episode.
And we've got some powerhouse, epic shows coming your way so make sure to stay tuned. I appreciate you so much, take care, have an amazing day, and I'll talk to you soon.
For more after the show, make sure to head over to themodelhealthshow.com, that's where you can find all of the show notes, you can find transcriptions, videos for each episode, and if you got a comment you can leave me a comment there as well.
And please make sure to head over to iTunes and leave us a rating to let everybody know that the show is awesome and I appreciate that so much.
Take care, I promise to keep giving you more powerful, empowering, great content to help you transform your life. Thanks for tuning in.
WANT TO MAKE A BIGGER IMPACT ON THE WORLD?
Take Your Passion For Health And Wellness And Turn It Into A Lucrative Career.
Helping others to transform their health is one of the most rewarding things you can do. No matter what level you're at, or where you are on your own health journey, there are countless people who can benefit from your support! Here you'll learn from the very best instructors in the world in health AND in business to create a fun, thriving career and live life on your terms.