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TMHS 309: How to Deal with Failure cultivating Work Ethic & Why It’s Time to Man Up with Bedros Keuilian
The greatest obstacle you’ll ever meet is not some arbitrary external factor. More often than not, we are held back by thoughts and beliefs that are within us. We all live with self-sabotaging tendencies, limiting beliefs, and the affinity to play small rather than embracing the discomfort that accompanies growth.
This is why mediocrity is the norm. Far too many people place limits on what they can achieve, discount their gifts and talents, and live their life dictated by self-imposed, imaginary boundaries. But in order to live up to your greatest potential and step into your power, you have to develop an awareness of the habits and beliefs that are holding you back.
If you’re ready to take an honest look at what limits you from performing at your highest capacity, today’s episode is for you. Bedros Keuilian is back to share life-changing tools and mindset shifts you can implement, the stories behind his experience overcoming his own limiting beliefs, and powerful principles from his new book. You’ll learn about the power of setting non-negotiables, how to disrupt destructive mental patterns, and how to truly reach your highest potential.
In this episode you’ll discover:
- The backstory behind the controversial book title, Man Up.
- How Bedros’ identity as an immigrant shaped his mindset.
- Where anxiety stems from (and how to proactively overcome it).
- Why healing from trauma is your responsibility.
- The importance of having the audacity to ask for help.
- What it means to have your emergency break on, and how it can limit your potential.
- The difference between being busy and being productive.
- How limiting beliefs engrained during childhood can write the narrative for our lives.
- The significance of setting non-negotiables in your life.
- What it means to build your goodwill bank account.
- The danger of constantly creating excuses.
- Why it’s essential to find a work ethic model.
- The common mental patterns that can block your success.
- How an evening “brain dump” can boost your productivity.
- The myth behind finding your purpose (and what to do instead).
Items mentioned in this episode include:
- Foursigmatic.com/model _ Get 15% off your daily health elixirs and coffee!
- Onnit.com/Model _ Get your optimal health & performance supplements at 10% off!
- Transformationalnutrition.com/model _ Take the ITN assessment!
- Man Up by Bedros Keuilian
- The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk MD
- 12 Tips for Conquering Distraction and Getting More Done – Episode 307
- Creating Fit Bodies and the Truth About Discipline with Bedros Keuilian – Episode 265
- Connect with Bedros Website / Facebook / Twitter / Instagram
Thank you so much for checking out this episode of The Model Health Show. If you haven’t done so already, please take a minute and leave a quick rating and review of the show on Apple Podcast by clicking on the link below. It will help us to keep delivering life-changing information for you every week!
Shawn Stevenson: Welcome to The Model Health Show. This is fitness and nutrition expert, Shawn Stevenson, and I'm so grateful for you tuning in with me today. I've got a question for you. Have you ever found yourself playing small, and not really stepping up into the life that you were truly meant to live? Have you found yourself self-sabotaging and setting yourself up for failures to keep yourself in that limited place? We've all done it, and it's just a part of human nature and of growth, but there comes a time when we need to step into our greatness, and that's what today's show is all about. And we've got an incredible guest here in the studio to rock your world, so make sure to buckle up, get yourself focused, because we're going to change the game for you today. Listen, this has been a really exciting time, the past couple weeks I've been on the road, a lot of speaking events, recording shows, connecting with people, and it all kind of capped off finally yesterday with my son's birthday, Braden; my youngest son, he just turned seven years old, and we had a party for him. I like the active parties, right? The kids get to run around, it was a trampoline type place, and they also had like ninja obstacle courses and all this cool stuff. But you know what parties mean? Stress for parents, alright? So it was a good time, but also a lot of stuff to do, you know? Running around taking care of this and that. And my guest today fortunately flew in, we got to have dinner with his family and my family last night, and then I took him over to an iconic place here in Saint Louis to grab a little bonus snack, and the time kind of flew by and it got to be around 10:00 PM at night, and I'm a little bit far from home, and it's just the stress of the day, getting home, getting the kids to bed, and I needed something. I need something to help wind down, and for me, back in the day this would have been taking my over-the-counter medications, of course I had prescribed medications as well when I was dealing with health issues, but obviously those types of things take away and create a sort of pseudo sleep. But for me, a great part of my evening ritual, especially when I'm dealing with a lot of stress and just kind of running around and to wind down is utilizing rishi, and here's why. Check this out. This was a study published in 'Pharmacology, Biochemistry, and Behavior,' found that the renowned medicinal mushroom rishi was able to significantly decrease sleep latency. So this means you fall asleep faster, increased overall sleeping time, and increased non-REM deep sleep time and REM sleep time. So this isn't pseudo sleep, this isn't a Band-Aid solution. This is actually improving your sleep cycles, and this is something that's been utilized for literally thousands of years, and now we have access to something in a simple dual extracted way, because I want to be clear about this. When you hear about rishi, which I've seen people do this, they hear- "Oh my goodness, Shawn. It mentioned rishi, it's going to help my sleep." But is it alcohol extracted in the study or is it hot water extracted? They don't say. So you might be wasting your money if this is the goal you're going for. This is why I love Four Sigmatic so much, because they do a dual extraction so you're getting all of the terpene compounds, the beta glucans, all the hormonal compounds, all the compounds related to anti-oxidants. You're getting everything. And it's these easy, simple to use little packets. You open it up, pour it in your cup, add hot water. I like to add maybe a little English Toffee Stevia, maybe a little ghee, maybe a little coconut oil, whatever you're into. Alright? But that was what I did last night, and I slept like I was getting paid for it. I've got to be honest, you know? It felt really good and I woke up this morning refreshed. And I don't lean it all to rishi, of course I do have practices throughout my life. There's a book called, 'Sleep Smarter,' you might have heard of, but this is one of my favorite things, and I recommend it. I've been recommending this for patients I've worked with over the years. Safe, natural, easy to use, www.FourSigmatic.com/model, you get 15% off, alright? So head over, check them out. That's www.FourSigmatic.com/model for 15% off. Now let's get to the Apple Podcasts review of the week. ITunes Review: Another five-star review titled, 'Empowerment,' by KMoosey23. "I found Shawn's show when searching for podcasts for endometriosis support. His podcast for healthy babies and healthy moms gave me the tools and insight I needed to deepen my research. From there, I was hooked. Now I find myself listening every morning while I cook, or just because. I over-share his sessions with friends when I feel they can benefit from the knowledge packed in these segments. Also, anyone who promotes Squatty Potty is a good person. Thanks for the support and giving people the opportunity to make educated shifts to benefit their health and wellness." Shawn Stevenson: Wow, thank you so very much for leaving me that review, I appreciate it immensely, and if you've yet to do so, please pop over to Apple Podcasts and leave a review for the show. It means everything, and I promise definitely much, much more good stuff to come, alright? So stay tuned. But none more important than today and our special guest, Bedros Keuilian. He's the Founder and CEO of Fit Body Boot Camp, listed on Entrepreneur magazine's 500 fastest growing franchises in the world, and three times listed in the Inc. 5000 list as one of the fastest growing privately owned companies in the world. He's known as the hidden genius that entrepreneurs, New York Times bestselling authors, and thought leaders turn to when they want to create a highly profitable and industry dominating brands and businesses. An immigrant from a Communist country turned hugely successful entrepreneur, Bedros uses the stage, TV, and social media to share his immigrant edge and the American dream story to help inspire audiences worldwide to reach their fullest potential in business and in life. And he's just one of the best people that I know, he's a good friend, and I'm very grateful to have you back on the show; my man, Bedros Keuilian. What's up, man? Bedros Keuilian: Thank you, Shawn. Thank you so much for the opportunity. It's a pleasure to see a pro at work, man. You're amazing. Shawn Stevenson: I receive all that, man. Thank you, thank you, thank you. So you've got a new project, and we've been hanging out just talking about this, and I'm just really, really excited for you. I think this is like a culmination of a lot of stuff you've been through. Bedros Keuilian: It is. Shawn Stevenson: You being created, and I wanted to start by asking you about the name of the project. It's a brand new book that everybody can get your hands on, it's called, 'Man Up.' Right? 'Man Up.' First of all, what's up with the title, 'Man Up'? What does this mean? Bedros Keuilian: Yeah, it can be pretty controversial, but let me explain to you where 'Man Up' really came from. It was a call to action on my part for me. In 2011, 2012, and part of 2013, I was suffering with anxiety attacks so crippling that the first time I had one, I thought it was a heart attack and I was thirty-eight, and I thought I was going to die. When I went to a doctor and said, "Hey, I think I cheated death. I think I cheated a heart attack," they put me through the EKG test and all that and they said, "That wasn't a heart attack, that was a massive anxiety attack, and there's more to come if you don't fix the stress and anxieties in your life." Shawn Stevenson: Yeah. Bedros Keuilian: And so I realized very quickly that the anxieties were really coming from lack of conversations that should have been happening, you know? I later hired a therapist to help me through it, and he said, "Anxiety is anticipation of future pain," and the future pain I was anticipating was having this very uncomfortable conversation with my business partner at the time in Fit Body Boot Camp. And so one day, I'm driving to talk to him in our office, and I was so scared, I was so reluctant to get there, that I kept talking myself out of it. "Well maybe I should just go get a coffee real quick. Maybe I should turn back and do this tomorrow." But I kept saying five words to myself. "It's time to man up." "It's time to man up." And I kept saying that mantra over and over again as I was driving to our office, because Shawn, that was the only thing keeping me from making a left or right hand turn and abandoning the mission of saying, "Hey business partner, we've got to part ways." You know, that was one of my major sources of anxiety and stress. And so 'Man Up' was one, not only a call to action, but it's also a- I realized as a human, we have a higher potential in life, right? Shawn Stevenson: Yeah. Bedros Keuilian: Like we're top of the food chain, yet I was thirty-five pounds overweight, and I'm representing the fitness industry, I was taking Nyquil and Vicodin to go to sleep at night, and then Adderall and pre-workout to wake up and kick that fuzzy-headedness you get from the Nyquil and Vicodin. Shawn Stevenson: Yeah. Bedros Keuilian: And so I was absolutely living out of my truth, and I was not humaning up to my fullest potential. And so really the last three words- or last three letters of human is to 'man,' right? And so I'm humaning up. So whether we're male or female, we can human up to our greater potential. And I define what 'man up' means in the book, and this is why I say both men and women can man up, and it's really to stop making excuses like I was, take control of your situation. It's not in everyone else's hands, it's in our hands. Shawn Stevenson: Yeah. Bedros Keuilian: Stop making excuses, take control, and rise to your fullest potential. Shawn Stevenson: Yeah, man I love that so much. And it's just truly in knowing you, and what's gone into creating this book, it's fascinating. Like the stories in here are so good, which we're going to get into some of them, but I've got to tell you, even hearing it now when you mentioned having such a level of stress and anxiety where you're taking Nyquil and Vicodin to go to sleep, it sounds like you're going to possibly wake up in Heaven, you know? Like you don't even know if you're going to wake up. And then the next day kicking it off, taking pre-workouts, massive amounts of coffee and just- but how many people are doing something similar to that, you know? And not really taking control of their life, and going this kind of up and down cycle. And yeah, so I'm just super excited to talk about this with you, man. When people see you today, they see this just huge success, you know? You're a very successful person, you're a teacher and an influencer who's influencing the biggest and best teachers and influencers, you know? And- but I really want to talk about some failures first, alright? Bedros Keuilian: Sure. Shawn Stevenson: Because people see you now, but let's talk a little bit about where you came from. One of the stories in the book that I actually kind of laughed about, but I was like, "This is really messed up," was your story about being in school, and how you just- the experience you had, but also you literally would run away. So talk a little bit about that. Bedros Keuilian: Yeah, so coming from a Communist country that was under Soviet Union rule, Armenia, I was six years old. So imagine you come to a country, you don't speak English, you don't know the culture, our family is broke and poor, and we're living in section eight housing, and that's like the worst housing. I mean, thank God the government provides section eight housing for people with low income, but you know, kids can be bullies at school, especially first grade and kindergarten. And so the first school I went- I mean we got here in June of 1980. School normally starts in September, right? So I mean less than ninety days later, I'm in a brand new country, I've got a funny haircut, a foreigner haircut, clothes that literally my mom made, and less than ninety days later I'm going to school. There was no time of assimilation, you know? There was no like one year that I'm just playing with the neighborhood kids. And so I'm the new foreign kid in school, and I've got to tell you, kids can be pretty bully-ish, and I didn't know how to communicate. One example was I had to pee, and we were sitting on the floor, every child had a little square that you sit in, it was taped off. And I got up to go pee, because I knew where the restroom is, and the teacher yelled at me and told me to sit down, and while I didn't understand the words, I knew the gesture, 'sit down.' And so of course I was afraid to get up, and didn't know how to ask, and so I peed myself. You know? And when you do that at such a young age, man it's scarring because all the kids are laughing at you, and now you've got another new nickname, right? And so after that, they would laugh at me so much, and poke fun at me so much, that I just would run away from school, and of course the principal would chase me down one- Shawn Stevenson: I'm picturing you running with the clothes your mom made you. Bedros Keuilian: Oh my God, it's so funny. You know, imagine a bowl haircut, right? Like clothes that were knitted, like just the only way I could describe it is like Balki Bartokomous from that TV show coming to America. But I'm running down the street as a six-year-old kid, the principal is chasing me, I can only imagine now as an adult what he's thinking. Like, "Oh my gosh, if something happens to this kid, I'm going to end up on the news." Of course they called my mom, and they're like, "Hey your son is running away," so she's coming down the other way. And now it's the principal, me, and my mom, and it was like we're in a Mexican stand-off. My mom is crying and saying, "Come to me so I can take you back to school." I'm yelling to her in Armenian, "If I come to you, and you take me back to school, like I'll kill myself. I'll kill myself." And the principal is getting closer, and as I saw him getting closer, I saw a piece of a broken beer bottle on the ground. And I picked it up, and I held it against my arm, and I didn't even know where I'm supposed to cut, and I didn't obviously, but I told my mom like, "If he gets any closer to me, I'm going to cut myself and kill myself." And it was a desperate act, and while I laugh at it now, but it was an act of desperation, a cry for help, and thankfully the school did get an Armenian tutor in to help me and to translate, and the next two years were very pivotal for me. But from that point on, I had a dislike for school. To this day, I'll see an ad for back to school shopping, and I literally- like my stomach turns, I get light-headed. Truly. Shawn Stevenson: Wow. Bedros Keuilian: My wife goes with Andrew and Chloe to the back to school stuff, I don't want anything to do with school. Shawn Stevenson: Nothing to do with it. Bedros Keuilian: Yeah it's for other people, it's just not for me. Shawn Stevenson: Wow. Man, that is a crazy story. Bedros Keuilian: Nuts. Shawn Stevenson: And first of all, of course like looking back on it we can see it with a fresher perspective, but at the time, like that's torture. Bedros Keuilian: Oh my God. Shawn Stevenson: And for me, it's just like where is Billy Madison when you need him? You know? Like, "Peeing in your pants is the coolest." You know? Like somebody to be there to help, you know? But you know, these stories really help to- you know, if you can learn from them and grow from them, create the person that you are today. And we're going to come back and talk more about that, but now I want to talk more about some- because that isn't necessarily a failure that you signed up for. But as far as being a business, and somebody who's really been a pioneer, and somebody who's been such an inspiration for other people in business, and in their careers- and of course all of this is going to relate back to our health and fitness as well, but let's talk about some of your failures. Bedros Keuilian: Sure. Shawn Stevenson: Because again, people see the boss level now, but let's talk a little bit about some of the things you went through. Bedros Keuilian: I've had plenty of failures. And you know, that situation there in elementary school, that was adversity at its greatest. And you know this, like when we're in the gym working out for our health or fitness, or we go on a strong run, that's adversity against our body, and when we put our body against adversity it begins to grow muscles and gain health. Right? When we put our psyche against adversity, we begin to really gain an advantage. And so little did I know the adversity that I dealt with as a child gave me a tremendous advantage as an adult. And so- but in 1998, for example, I decided that I was going to start a website. The Internet was just kicking off; AOL, and dial-up, and all that stuff. I was a personal trainer that was struggling to make ends meet. So at the time, I was a personal trainer, and to- because I loved working with clients. I had lost a lot of weight, because in high school I had gained a lot of weight, I had lost a lot of weight right around high school, and I wanted to work with clients, but I couldn't gain enough clients so I was also a bouncer at a bar, and I was a fry cook at Disneyland. And I remember thinking to myself, "There's really no doctor or accountant or engineer who has two other side jobs just to make ends meet." But in the fitness space, and you can attest to this, so many of us would have side jobs because we- while we learned posterior chain, and biomechanics, and adenosine triphosphate system, and how all that worked, no one taught us how to gain a client, or how to market and sell our services. And thankfully, one of my clients took mercy on me and he said, "Hey look, why are you always tired on Mondays when you're training me?" I said, "Jim, I'm a fry cook at Disneyland on the weekends, and then at night I'm a bouncer at a bar, and I'm not even a violent person, so I just have to like grimace at people to hopefully get them to be cool, you know? And so by the time I get home, it's like 2:00 in the morning, and I have to be here at 5:00 in the morning to train you as a client. And he goes- and he's an entrepreneur, and he goes, "Well I'm going to bring you a cassette tape to listen to." So that was my first failure was as a personal trainer. I mean, I was a personal trainer that had two side jobs. Then in 1999- that was '96 or '97. Then in 1998, I decided I'm going to start an online supplement company, because the Internet was kicking off, as we talked about. Shawn Stevenson: Right. Bedros Keuilian: And I started a website called www.TotalMuscle.com. I bought supplements from this organization company called Eurobux. I found out where the GNCs and all these- Shawn Stevenson: Getting their stuff. Bedros Keuilian: Yeah, and I had a one-bedroom apartment, and I stocked my closet with protein, and creatine, and all this stuff. And since it was AOL, you can search people out. Like show me everyone in California who has weightlifting in their bio, or bodybuilding, or nutrition. Right? And I would find- "Dear Shawn, my name is Bedros. I own www.TotalMuscle.com. I own supplements- it's an online supplement company. We don't have the overhead like your local store does, so we sell it for a lot less," and I'd hit send. And I would send 200 emails every night after work, because there was no email broadcasting platform back then. Shawn Stevenson: Yeah. Bedros Keuilian: And you know, some people would buy. It was nothing tremendous, probably my best month, I probably did about $3,000 in revenue. However, there was no adverse verification, any of the new systems that we have now to make sure the credit card is not stolen. So man, an order would come in, Shawn, and I would package it up, and send it out- take it to UPS and send it out. Majority of the time, it was stolen credit cards. People would do a charge back. I mean, I was like the pioneer in the Internet space, and that business failed miserably because I realized I'm sending out supplements, and the Visa or Mastercard are doing charge backs, I never get the supplements back. And then when I can't sell enough supplements, they expire because they have expiration dates on them, and I'm throwing them away. And I got evicted out of my apartment, and I lived out of my '79 Toyota pick-up for a while. Actually, three months. Shawn Stevenson: Wow. Bedros Keuilian: Thank God, I had a gym membership where I worked out- where I had my personal training employment at, and so the juice bar lady would let me store my food in her fridge, and I would use the locker room and the shower. So you know, I was clean but I slept in the Toyota pick-up right in the bed, I had a camper shell. And so I had plenty of failures. And then after that, as I started my first gym, my first gym almost went bankrupt before I figured out the whole business, and the marketing side of things, and then opened up four more. So plenty of failures, but it's those failures that were what I call today, I call those 'entrepreneurial scars.' Right? And we all know scar tissue is much tougher than regular tissue, and so it's the entrepreneurial scars that have helped me now gain my - in the trenches - MBA. Shawn Stevenson: Yeah. Man, I want to go back really quickly because another story in the book, having all of that protein left over, expired protein and not having a lot of money, you were like eating a massive amount of these like protein bars, and protein shakes and stuff, right? Bedros Keuilian: Constipation City, man. Because look, you know this, when a protein powder expires, it doesn't mean it's gone back, it just means you can't sell it. Right? Shawn Stevenson: Yeah. Bedros Keuilian: And when I'm not making any money, my personal training business certainly isn't taking off, I'm not going to throw this stuff away. It's like, "Well I've got to eat." So it was literally protein shakes, protein bars, I would just consume like five, six, seven bars a day, three, four, five shakes a day. And it was out of desperation- of course I'd still have to throw some away, but out of desperation, and then before you know it you're constipated. Now it's like, "Man, now I'm broke and constipated. Like could things get worse?" Shawn Stevenson: And when it does come out, it's coming out probably making new bars for sure. Oh my goodness, man. Bedros Keuilian: That's getting graphic, but yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Shawn Stevenson: Well so again, not being good at these various things was really important for you, you know? In really creating who you are, and your character, and overcoming these things. And so I want to talk about something that you mention in the book, which is incredibly profound, and I've been speaking a lot more, and I've actually got some shows coming out about this topic, in the fact that we see the world through the filters that we have on. Bedros Keuilian: Yeah. Shawn Stevenson: So can you talk a little bit about that? Bedros Keuilian: Yeah, absolutely. You know, no one gets out of this life unscathed, and a great book that I read several years ago was, 'The Body Keeps the Score,' and it really is a book about trauma. And most of us, it's just the human condition to deal with trauma. And maybe mom and dad didn't mean to be emotionally abusive, but they were, and that left a scar. Right? That created trauma. Or maybe someone was like in my situation. I was sexually molested between the ages of four and five years old. Like escaping Armenia, my dad thinks it meant we escaped and he brought me to freedom. He saved me from molestation. That left scars on me, right? And so whether it's physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, there's parts of your brain that light up in the fight or flight mechanism, and so we start seeing life through different filters. Or maybe mom and dad just said, "Hey, play it safe," or "You're not smart enough to be an engineer," and so you start thinking that you're dumb. Les Brown tells a great story about how they called him like the dumb twin, because he has a twin brother. The brother was the smart twin, he was the dumb twin. And so he starts believing that, and that ends up the filters that you see life through, and that you hear life through. And someone might give you a compliment, but it goes through that bad filter of, "Hey, what did you mean by that?" Right? And I had a lot of filters that I was looking at life through, man. Like men to me were suspect because I was molested by two older boys. I believed the world was bad because how could this happen to a little kid, right? Or this could happen to me? Like gosh, as a little boy, the world is obviously a bad place. So I was always on edge, and most of us have these filters that we see the world through that's not accurate. The filters tend to distort to the accuracy. And how do we fix that? Well, we have to deal with the trauma. In my case, I left that trauma alone for thirty-eight years until that first anxiety attack, and thank God I went to my therapist to deal with anxieties. In four weeks he helped me get over my anxiety attacks. He said, "Look, you've got to essentially man up and have the conversations, and stop being an imposter. Lose the weight if you're in the fitness industry and you plan on staying in the fitness industry, and deal with the issues that come up, and don't just bury your head." Okay, great. In four weeks, he solved all my anxiety issues and I said, "Kevin, thank you so much. Great working with you, I appreciate you." I saw him for once a week for four weeks. He goes, "Hey before you leave, is there anything else you want to talk about in your life?" I said, "No, everything is great." He goes, "Well how is your relationship with your parents?" I'm like, "Oh my relationship with the parents are fine." And he said, "Well was there ever any kind of abuse that your parents ever abused you or something that you want to talk about?" I go, "Look, I come from a Communist family. We don't get put on restriction, we just get a beating and then it's done." I go, "But compared to what happened to me before that, the beatings from my dad were nothing." He goes, "Wait, something happened to you that was worse than that beatings?" And I broke down crying. And that would- so at the age of thirty-eight, I'm telling this therapist who's sixty-something years old the first time. Never told my wife, no one knew. He asked if something happened to me, and I just started crying, and I started looking out of his window in his office. I couldn't even look at him directly, and he started asking questions. "Well were you beaten by someone else?" And I shook my head no, I couldn't even talk. "Were you raped?" "No." "Were you molested?" And I shook my head yes. "Was it by a babysitter?" I shook my head no. "Was it by men?" "Yes." And you know, then we spent the next sixteen months every Monday working through that, and getting past my rage, confusion, and shame. And the three filters that I looked at life through was rage, confusion, and shame. And so the rage filter made everybody a suspect. Right? Confusion, you know, "Why did this happen to me? What did I do? Did I ask for it?" And the shame was, "I can't believe this happened to me. I've got to hide this. What will people think?" And so you're not your true self when you've got those filters on, and I believe that very few people make it through life without any trauma, and those traumas do put filters on, and it's our duty to remove those filters through professional help, otherwise we pass it along to our friends, family, children. Shawn Stevenson: Yeah. Yeah, man thank you so much for sharing that because I know there are literally thousands of people listening that have been through similar situations, and it's because of that shame and that fear of sharing, and people like you stepping forward and sharing your story just really gives us permission to open up and to do some work to help to let this prison go. You know? Bedros Keuilian: It is a prison. That's exactly it, a prison, you're right. A mental prison. Shawn Stevenson: Man, there are so many great things to kind of pull away from your story, and one of the things that really stuck out for me was having the audacity to seek help, you know? And why we have to be so broken down in order for us to do this. We wait. I would encourage people, let's be a little bit more proactive, you know? And bring in some people in our lives who can help us sort. Because I mean real talk, it's very difficult to get somewhere if you don't have a map. Bedros Keuilian: Absolutely. Shawn Stevenson: You know? And you've probably seen that consistently in what you do as well, and one of the things you talk about, and being a big part of manning up is getting rid of self-limiting beliefs. Bedros Keuilian: Yeah. Shawn Stevenson: And you call it releasing the emergency brake. Bedros Keuilian: Yes. Shawn Stevenson: So let's talk about that. Bedros Keuilian: Yeah. Yeah, so the example would be this. Shawn, imagine if outside of this building, your studio here, I park a brand new Ferrari 599. But unbeknownst to you, I've got the emergency brake slightly pulled up, but I give you the keys and I go, "There you go, Shawn. Enjoy it." And you're driving this thing, and you go, "This is not driving how I would think a Ferrari would drive. It seems sluggish, the performance isn't there." Well the reality is that the emergency brake has been slightly pulled up, right? And so the car is not performing to its fullest potential even though it's a Ferrari, even though it's got premium gasoline, even though the engine is in great shape, it's not performing. The moment you figure out that you have to drop that E brake, the car all of a sudden becomes the Ferrari that we all know and love, and holy cow it's flying, and it's cutting corners, and it's defying gravity. Well in life, we have many limiting beliefs, and this comes from- remember when we're born it's our parents' job, and the tribe's job, if you will, to guide us. "Hey don't touch that. Don't do that, you're going to burn yourself. Be safe. Don't take that risk. Not too loud. Hey, you're supposed to be seen and not heard, right?" And really, the way I look at it is someone else is holding- especially in the first twenty years of your life, someone else is holding the pen and writing the narrative in your book. Right? That's how I visualize it. I'm a very visual person. And to me, that's them pulling the E brake up saying how Shawn should be, how Bedros should be. And so we spend the next twenty years going, "Well there's the game plan that someone wrote for me, maybe this is- I should try and how I should operate." And so those are our limiting beliefs. You know? I'm a foreigner, I'm an immigrant, and because of that, I'm blue collar. And because of that, I'll never be successful because I'm not educated, and I didn't go to college, and I'm not white collar. And so that was my narrative. My dad would walk around the house when we came to America- God bless him, he had three or four jobs at any given time to make ends meet. But one of his sayings were, "We always tend to run out of money before we run out of month." Like if you're always running out of money- and that became a loop, and that became a limiting belief that in my family, basically me, we will always run out of money before we run out of month. So because of that, I made sure to make that narrative come true through the actions because your belief systems, whether they're limiting or not, or limitless, your belief systems determine your habits, and your habits determine your actions, and your actions determine your outcome. Right? And so it's usually when we figure out in the next twenty years that, "Oh you know what? Someone else had the pen, and they were writing my narrative for me, and they were creating these limiting beliefs, effectively pulling my emergency brake up." And we spend our next twenty years after that, from forty on- like for me, thirty-eight was that critical point of realizing, "Wait, I'm a pretty intelligent guy. I can see trends before they're coming. People hire me and pay me an obscene amount of money." It's just I looked at it as I got a lucky break. Like I can figure out something in Shawn's business that he can't, so he's going to pay me money to tell him that and help him create a faster outcome. When in reality, I have a gift. Shawn Stevenson: Yeah. Bedros Keuilian: And I realize that now, but I thought, "Oh I was lucky, I could just see something in your business that you couldn't." Right? I would always down-play my gift. Shawn Stevenson: Yeah. Bedros Keuilian: And so that was a limiting belief I had. And so as we put the E brakes down, we see that life moves better, faster, with less friction, and there's a tremendous amount of happiness. Shawn Stevenson: Oh, man. That's so good. And one of those- the emergency brake, and it goes back even to carrying those feelings of rage or shame and resentment, and a lot of us have these various things, these kind of negative character traits that we've developed as a defense mechanism, in a way. Bedros Keuilian: It is. Shawn Stevenson: You know? And we talked about this last night, in how we'll tend to put on weight, for example, as a protective mechanism from a world that can be very domineering and painful, you know? And addressing these core issues with our mindset in order to really be free, because we can't change our bodies until we change our minds truthfully. And so I want everybody to think about this. Where do you have a parking brake on in your life? You know? What character traits are you carrying right now that continuously hold you back from the performance level that you are truly capable of, whether it's in your relationships, in your career, in your health and fitness. Think about that. Where do you have the emergency brake on, and just put that bad boy down. Drop the emergency brake. Now also, when you talked about that kind of- it really gets ingrained in us, the stories that we hear from our parents, and hearing we have more month than we have money. And my mom would- when I would ask her, "Hey Mom, can I get such-and-such?" She would be like, "Do I look like I'm made out of money?" Or she'd be like, "I'm broke as a joke." And this was just a mantra that she would say, you know? "I'm broke as a joke." And you know, we grew up, we were on food stamps. This was when we actually had actual stamps. Like they were the books. Bedros Keuilian: Yup. Shawn Stevenson: And so I'd be balling out if she gave me a $10 book of food stamps. You go to the store, you can buy- what's messed up is you could buy candy with the food stamps, you know? And I remember her hustling, you know? She would have maybe $500 worth of food stamps, and then she'd exchange it for somebody else, maybe $300 cash. I don't know what the going conversion rate is today, if anybody's like, "Actually it's 2.57," or whatever. I don't know, but just- and I had this idea like you have to hustle to make money. Making money or having money is very, very difficult. And it's actually not really true because- and as you talked about in the book, and just in knowing you, your income is really in direct relationship to the value that you bring into the world, and starting to understand your value. And so let's shift gears now, let's talk about some- you've got some non-negotiables in the book, and how to really man up and step into this, and one of them is work ethic, right? Bedros Keuilian: Yes. Shawn Stevenson: So why is this one of these non-negotiables? Bedros Keuilian: To me, work ethic is non-negotiable in the fact that as you were prepping here for the show, and I was just sitting here on the couch, I put up on social media, I said, "Hey it's Labor Day. Ta-da, congratulations, and me and Shawn, we're in the studio laboring, working." Like to me, work- my dad, in addition to- the man risked his life to escape and bring us here to the United States. And God bless him, man. Three jobs at any given time to make ends meet. And yeah, while he did say we run out of money before we run out of month because that's what was happening to him, and I kind of carried that as the narrative for me for a while in my life, he also would say that work is holy. Like he's a believer, and my dad would say, "Work is holy." Like because if we don't work- and I later learned something else, how holy work is. The Australian Shepherd- the Australian Shepherd will get into a depression, will get anxiety, and will go stir crazy and start digging holes. Shawn Stevenson: Shepherd dog. Bedros Keuilian: The shepherd dog, yup. Yeah, exactly. I should clarify that, not the actual human shepherd. The Australian Shepherd dog will go into depression, anxiety, and will go stir crazy and start digging holes everywhere just to dig holes in the absence of having animals to shepherd- to herd. Shawn Stevenson: Yeah. Bedros Keuilian: Right? And I realized very quickly that work is holy. When we don't have work to do, some purpose to accomplish, we will start digging holes in our life. And it could be through alcohol, through pornography, through drugs, through binge eating like I was. When I was not working on my purpose, I would wake up at 2:00 in the morning and eat quesadillas not because I was hungry, but because I was medicating myself with food, and plenty of people do that. And so it is a non-negotiable for me. Like work ethic is non-negotiable because if you don't have work ethic, and you don't work when others are not working because you're just going to be like everyone else, you tend to end up in a depression, and anxiety, and a funk. And there's plenty of non-negotiables for me. I'll never go to the dry cleaners because I believe I have less time on this Earth than stuff I want to accomplish, impact I want to make. If I'm at the dry cleaner's, at the grocery store, if I'm changing a light bulb, fixing the sprinkler pipe that's broken in my backyard, those are all non-negotiables I will not do, and instead I will exchange money for those services so that I can do things that only I can do. I can't hire a plumber to go and fix someone's eight-figure business. Right? But I can hire a plumber to buy back some of my time, change a light bulb, fix the sprinklers, a cleaner to clean my house, an assistant to do my laundry, et cetera. Not because I'm special, but because I realize how little time I have on this planet, and the impact I want to make on the charities, on the causes, the people, on the industries, and so I have to have non-negotiables because if I don't then I will use up a lot of my time doing trivial stuff that don't really matter. Shawn Stevenson: Right. So one is work ethic, and just to piggyback on that, I'm a very big advocate of respecting your grind. You know? It's not just- because now a lot of entrepreneurs out there, the big name folks are just like, "Hustle your face off. Hustle 'till you die." You know? "I'll sleep when I'm dead," all of these different things. And it's cute, but I know these guys, and they do sleep, by the way. You know? But a lot of them have now shifted their attention to optimizing their health as well. This is huge, you know? And so I don't want people to get caught up in the marketing. You've got to respect your hustle, but when you're up and it's predator time, it's time to execute, you execute. But we spend so much time doing trivial tasks. We spend so much time doing the 'busy work' instead of the real important things that can actually move your career, your relationships, your health and fitness. The big things that can get stuff done in less time. Bedros Keuilian: Yeah. Shawn Stevenson: You know, we've started to mistake doing work for being efficient and effective, you know? Just because you're doing stuff doesn't mean that you're actually getting work done. Like actual stuff. Bedros Keuilian: Yeah, being busy does not mean you're working. Shawn Stevenson: Yeah. And so just for us to wake up and see where are we really wasting time, and starting to prioritize things. We're going to come back and talk about this in your mornings, and how important that is. And you put a special section in the book just talking about setting up your day for success, which I think is really valuable. So we're going to come back to that. Non-negotiable work ethic. Also, no excuses. Alright? You said you had a Doctorate in making excuses. Let's talk about that. Bedros Keuilian: Oh, I was the king of making excuses. I mean this is why when I tell people I titled my book 'Man Up,' and what 'man up' means to me, is stop making excuses, take control of your situation, and rise to your potential. Well that very first piece, stop making excuses- and I'm talking to myself when I wrote that book, you know? I was the king of excuses. "My business partner just doesn't get it, and my employees don't see our vision, and my clients are too high maintenance, and the industry is too congested, and the marketing is not working, and my wife is just too demanding of my time." Everybody- I was pointing out to everybody and I realized, "Wait a minute, what am I doing about it? Why don't I work on the things that I can control instead of implying that everything is outside of my control?" Because the easiest thing to do- it is easy to blame others. It takes a lot of looking in the mirror and saying, "Hey you know what? Guess what? I think I'm at fault here." And I was at fault, and so I never had the conversation with my business partner until it got so adversarial, until it got so toxic that we ended up blowing up at each other. I never was clear with my employees what the vision was for our franchise. My clients didn't really know how to run their locations because I didn't create the support structure that I should have. I wasn't clear in communication with my wife, and so while I was the problem, I kept blaming others because it's easier. So today, like if something happens in this building right now, I will take responsibility for it. Even if it was the landlord's fault, I shouldn't have scheduled the time of this podcast on this day for us to be in here, and it was my fault. Like that's to the extreme that I'll take the responsibility for. Shawn Stevenson: That's so interesting, and this- I haven't really talked about this before, and we haven't talked about this, but I do that same thing. I try to find a way to pull some responsibility on myself. And sometimes it's not the best thing, you know? But I feel that that is a much more enlightened way of living, and it gives you so much more power to change your life and to affect change when you take responsibility. Because it is true, you know, we put ourselves in certain situations, and sometimes negative things do happen, but oftentimes those negative things come with a gift. They come with a lesson, they come with an opportunity to grow and to figure things out. You know, so I feel you on this one, the making excuses is huge. And here's the thing, I want to add this to the mix too, it's very difficult, and like you said, it takes a special kind of person. I think that everybody has this within us, but especially when things are going wrong. You know? When negative things are happening to stop and to take responsibility. That was one of the things that ultimately changed my life and allowed me to be here with you right now, because I was pointing the fingers, putting it on everybody else for my health. You know? "Why won't these doctors help me? Why won't they give me the right medication?" Or whatever it is, I'm just like waiting for somebody to- Captain Save Him, and come and fix me. And ultimately I live in my body. I'm the first numero uno priority, and it's ultimately my responsibility on what I do. People outside of me can be great coaches, can be great directives, but they're not walking in my shoes and they can't do it for me, you know? Again, it's great to have people to look up to and to help you, but nobody can do your push-ups for you, you know? Bedros Keuilian: Right. Shawn Stevenson: And so I love that, man. No excuses. Another one, and I love this so much, add value constantly. This is non-negotiable. Why'd you put this in here? Bedros Keuilian: Again, I told you yesterday over dinner, I'm not the most tree huggy, one with the world's energy type of person. That's not me. But I am convinced that there is a universal consciousness, there is order, there is karma, and the more value we add to the world, the more the world opens up doors and opportunities for us. I don't know how it works, someone much smarter than me, someone like you could probably explain that better, but I do know because I was a massive value extractor, Shawn. Like you're talking to a guy that was involved in a police helicopter chase, and I was not in the police helicopter. I was in the getaway car. I was the driver of the getaway car. Right? Home invasion robberies, car jackings. And so when that happened I would also find myself knocked out, literally punched in the face knocked out on the side of the Interstate 5, the 5 Freeway that goes from Mexico all the way to the Canadian border. Gang members- thirteen gang members, Asian gang members beat me up with golf clubs when I was on a date with a girl because I carjacked one of their member's- unbeknownst to me, I didn't know he was a gang member, earlier that afternoon because we needed his Honda Civic. Shawn Stevenson: Well first of all, where'd they get golf clubs? Bedros Keuilian: Well they followed me, and I was on a date at a miniature golf place. Yeah. Yeah, like this is- right? This is karmic justice. I deserved every beating. See in the past I was like, "I can't believe that happened to me." Wait a minute, you carjacked someone in the day, and you don't believe you're going to have karmic justice? Shawn Stevenson: Wow, yeah. Bedros Keuilian: Right? But I was extracting value. Like who am I to take some guy's car? Shawn Stevenson: Yeah. Bedros Keuilian: Who am I to take- this is so embarrassing, but I have to say this because this is what got me to where I am today, right? And I have to say this because I need to serve as a warning to people. They say everyone in our life is either a warning or an example. The previous me, I'm a warning, and if this can help even one young man who's got rage, and confusion, and shame, and misguidedness straighten up. Like society will mess you up, man. Like so these guys followed me, I was on a date, it's like 10:00 at night and they put me in the hospital. I was beat up with golf clubs, and in fact I got- remember the old Swatch Watches with the rubber- thin rubber bands? Well I was on my hands and knees, and I'm getting beat up. Ironically, you don't feel the pain, you just bluntly hear the thuds against your body, because probably the adrenaline dump. But I saw out of the corner of my left eye a golf club coming to my head, and my instincts were to just do this, put my left hand up against the side of my head and the golf club hit my watch smack dab in the middle, and the watch glass broke inward and stopped at the time of 10:14 PM on the date. And I can put a battery in it, and the watch ticks but the hands don't move because the broken glass has the hands pinned down. But that's a constant reminder for me, at 10:14 of that year, PM. And this young girl who was with me, thankfully nothing happened to her, but they could have beaten her up. Right? And so to me, we have to continue to add value. I have to win more karmic points because I've taken away so many karmic points, but I will continue to add value to this world until I take my last breath. Shawn Stevenson: Man, wow that's- first of all, I'm so grateful that you took the time to add this into the book, and talking about the importance of adding value, because the real thing is so many people who- we're tuned into our favorite station is WII FM, right? What's in it for me, you know? And we're approaching our relationships like that, and always looking to get. And here's the thing, people can feel that. You know? We pick that up, and people can pick up when you're genuinely here to be of service. And I want us to acknowledge this in ourselves, because we all do want to be successful, and we know that connecting with other people is going to be a part of that, but how often are you connecting with people with the intention of getting something. Right? Using them as a bridge to get to where you want to be in some magical sense like, "If I just get this person to do this, my life is going to be great." And it does not work like that. Find a way to add value, and if you can, start to cut away that cord of expectation, right? Like if I do this- because then it's kind of like this weird exchange that's happening, you know? Some kind of a barter where they didn't necessarily sign up for that trade, you know? And I love like whenever I've been around you, you're always looking for, "What can I do to help?" Right? And it's just a great way of being, and the funny thing is all of this greatness comes back to you. It might not come back the same, or what you might have expected, but it does come back, and I've definitely seen that happen in my life. Bedros Keuilian: You know how I look at that actually? I call it building your goodwill bank account. Right? If I could just help you, and if I can make a connection between you and someone else, and you guys could do a thing together and collaborate, I'm building my goodwill bank account with you and that person. And in the future, if something comes up, you'll think of me if there's an opportunity for you to help me. And it's infinitely more valuable when you ask me, "Hey Bedros, what can I do for you?" than when I come to you and go, "Hey Shawn, let me inconvenience your life and ask you if you could do something for me." Because that's how I look at it now, right? Shawn Stevenson: Right, right. Bedros Keuilian: And so if I'll just make connections, add value to your life, and actually be a true friend because I love and respect you and what you do. You know, my mom has got dementia, and I told you, and I go, "Shawn, I have no idea how to help her." And because we're friends, you're like, "You're going to buy these mushrooms from Four Sigmatic, and you're going to- fish oils, right? Omega-3's." I got her the best ones, and guess what? We're slowing down the process of that. But if we didn't have that rapport, you would have no- and I know you would, because you would just do it anyway, but what's your incentive really, right? So for me, it's just I'm building my goodwill bank account by serving, by adding value. Shawn Stevenson: Goodwill bank account. Bedros Keuilian: Because I took so much out of that account, I was in the negative. Shawn Stevenson: Yeah. Man, you know what? And also by the way, everybody, we laughed earlier, you know, everybody in the studio, because we were talking about miniature golf before the show started. Bedros Keuilian: That's right. That's right. Shawn Stevenson: And the worst miniature golf place probably on Earth that I went to on my birthday, and just a great story that came from that, which I'm talking about in a future episode. So stay tuned for that, it was funny that connection, and just like we pick up what's available, you know? We're at a miniature golf place, the clubs were there, you know? Bedros Keuilian: And they beat me, yeah. Dang-it. They got a hole in one- one can say they got a hole in one. Let's just say it, guys. Shawn Stevenson: Alright, so let's get back to these non-negotiables. So we've got add value constantly, and again there are so many great ones in the book. There's one more here I want to talk about before we shift gears, and this is choose to be a fighter jet, alright? Bedros Keuilian: Yeah. Shawn Stevenson: Choose to be a fighter jet. I love this analogy, so let's talk about that. Bedros Keuilian: You know in life- and by the way, I say choose to be a fighter jet, and the counterpart to that is to otherwise live like a crop duster, and in life, I was a crop duster. And in fact, in reality, most of us are born as fighter jets. What I mean by that is as a child- you know, you've got two beautiful young boys- well one is a grown man now, Jordan. But when you think about them as just toddlers, right at that table level, curiosity. They reach for the book, they reach for the cup, they explore the television. And what do we do? "Hey stop that, don't do that." We begin to, what I call, neuter the curiosity away, and we take away the causing things of curiosity and of taking risks like we do as children. Well, we slowly become average when that happens. We begin to swim in the sea of mediocrity as everyone else. And you know, as a parent you would- and when I describe it this way, people have the ah-ha moment. I go, "As a parent, you would never tell your son or daughter, 'Honey, I want you to grow up to be an average human, marry an average spouse, have an average job, live in an average house, and be of average health, and die during an average life.'" You would never say that, yet we condition our kids to become average, to become crop dusters, to just do what everyone else is doing, blend in. When in reality, we have these fighter jet instincts whereas we should be curious, we should have high expectations. Our standards of expectations for ourselves and others should be high. We have this internal blessing, whether it's through God or the universe, whatever your higher power is, we all have a higher potential. We feel it. This is where, by the way, depression and anxiety comes from, because we feel a higher calling and purpose but we go, "Oh, I don't want to take the risk. I don't want to take the chance. It's too scary, I don't want to do it. I don't want to stand out, because the nail that stands out gets hammered, doesn't it?" You know, you don't see anyone who's average that has critics, but someone like you who's extraordinary, you have critics, Shawn. I have critics. And so guess what? We're nails that stand out. And so when you are a fighter jet, you do go to sleep early, and you do make sure that you have a morning ritual. You do make sure that your workouts are in. You know, hey man, I've been traveling the last four days. My workouts and my diet is on point, other than the barbeque you took me to last night and the phenomenal dessert we had, but that was a built-in cheat day. It was a Sunday, it's a cheat day. And so a fighter jet must have higher expectations, standards for themselves and everyone around them, and work hard to reach their fullest potential. I have this philosophy called, 'Never peak, the best is yet to come.' Like I will not ever be the guy that goes, "Hey Shawn, remember back in high school when I ran a sixty-yard touchdown?" Like I don't ever want to talk about what happened in the past. My best is yet to come. That's the fighter jet mentality. The crop duster heydays are behind them, and it hurts my heart when people act average because they believe it's safer and it's the right thing to do. It's not. Be extraordinary, take risks, put in more effort, and have higher standards of expectation. Shawn Stevenson: Yeah. Awesome, awesome. I don't know if you've seen this movie Planes. It's a Pixar movie. Bedros Keuilian: No, no. Shawn Stevenson: And this is Dusty Crophopper, and he's the crop dusting jet or plane. And when I was reading it, I was like, "He must not have seen Planes." It's a great analogy because he wants to be more, and the way that he's built, the way he's been conditioned, he can't elevate, he can't get to a certain level. And he wants- like he dreams of flying high and being a hero. And ultimately some things transpire through the movie, and he gets this breakthrough, you know? And so check that out definitely. Bedros Keuilian: I will. Shawn Stevenson: I think Chloe would definitely love it. Yeah, so I thought about that, man. That's really powerful. Alright so- and also in the book you've got exercises for people, which is great. I'm very big on actionable things for people. Bedros Keuilian: Yes. Shawn Stevenson: Let's not just talk about ideas, what are some things we can execute on? And one of the exercises was to find a work ethic model. Bedros Keuilian: Yeah. Shawn Stevenson: Alright? And I love that- I love that word. So what does that mean? Bedros Keuilian: Well success leaves clues. Success leaves clues. Like if I want to have a successful- actually, I just started my podcast, right? Just earlier this past year. And when you came over to California, we went out to dinner, and I grilled you on it. Like, "What do I need to do? How often do I need to put out a podcast? What are the best questions to ask? How much preparation do you do?" Because you are successful. You are like the tip of the sphere where podcasting is concerned, and so I want to learn from the best. You are my model for podcasting business, right? And so we have to have a model for work ethic. Like who do you want to be like? What kind of outcome do you want to produce? If you want to be a real estate person, and a real estate guru, then you're going to find the best person who's gobbling up all the real estate and figure out how they choose their buildings, and how they make the buying decision, or where they get the loan from, and how do they set up the terms? And so you've got to have this model to emulate after, because if you don't, you're going to make a lot of mistakes that could have been prevented, and mistakes are just- you're eating up time that could be used to move forward. Shawn Stevenson: So good. So good, so important, and I highly recommend that as well. You know, think about somebody who you can identify with, who has a similar mission as you, who seem to really have it dialed in, and check out what does their work ethic look like? And of course, making sure that this is catering to something that is not something that's going to put your health at risk, you know? Like again, those people that are like, "Work your face off!" And I keep thinking- every time I say that, I think about the movie Face/Off with Nicolas Cage. Bedros Keuilian: Yeah! Travolta. Shawn Stevenson: Yeah, classic, but maybe not. You know? In thinking about that, having somebody who inspires you to be the very best you, you know? And for me, I'm looking at- and this is what The Model Health Show is all about, not just providing a model for health and fitness, but also for your career, and understanding that all of this bleeds over into the other thing. You know? Your happiness at work, and your sense of purpose and value bleeds over into what you do with your health and fitness. Same thing with your relationships. Your relationships affect everything, probably more than anything. How do we create a framework and a model for what that looks like, and bringing on the very best people in the world to mirror that. Bedros Keuilian: Right. Shawn Stevenson: You know, so choose somebody as your work ethic model. So we want to talk about- again, there's so much good stuff I want to ask you about, but definitely get into patterns of block success, and we're going to talk about that right after this quick break. So sit tight, we'll be right back. Alright we're back and we're talking with the one and only Bedros Keuilian about his new book 'Man Up,' and just so much phenomenal- so many phenomenal knowledge bombs have already been dropped, but I want to shift gears a little bit and talk about something you cover in the book, and these- basically these patterns that we have that can block our success. Bedros Keuilian: Yeah. Shawn Stevenson: Because I think it's not just the things that we do, it's avoiding doing the things that are limiting our success in the first place. Pattern one that you talk about is, 'Yes, but.' Right? A lot of us have the 'yes, but,' so let's talk about that. Bedros Keuilian: Yeah, so the 'yes, but' pattern- and your listeners can relate to it, and I was notorious for this. Someone would say, "Hey you know, you ought to consider doing X." And instead of actually being open-minded, which is also known as growth-minded, I would be close-minded, which is known as fixed-minded. And they would say, "You should consider doing X if you want to grow your personal training business." And I would go, "Yeah, but-" and I would instantly come up with an excuse. "Yeah that's a good idea, but here's why I can't do it. The economy, the people, the competition, my skillsets, my time, whatever." Right? And I realized very quickly that when we are in a 'yeah, but' mindset, it's simply because you have become- no one is born, by the way, studies prove this, no one is born fixed-minded or growth-minded. We're literally born an open vessel. You become fixed-minded when people around you are, "Yeah, but the reason we're not rich- it'd be nice to be rich." "Yeah, but I can't be rich because I'm blue collar, I'm a foreigner, I'm an immigrant." And so if you're the fixed-minded person, you've got to become growth-minded, and when you are, you become open-minded and you can go, "Yeah, how do you think-" the answer should be, "Yeah, how do you think I could achieve that?" Instead of the 'yeah, but,' never say 'but.' "Yeah, how do you think I can achieve that?" And then let them elaborate further. And they may say, "I don't know, but let's do a Google search." Or, "I do know, there's another person in your industry who's doing this, have you considered reaching out to him or her?" Shawn Stevenson: Yeah, and this goes- again, across the board whether it's in your career, health and wellness. "Yeah, but I have a family history of obesity." Or, "Yeah, but my husband is always bringing bad food into the house." You know? And these are all- again this goes back to the excuses, these stories we tell ourselves, and we come- we don't even know how gifted we are. We've got people listening right now, we are absolute ninjas at excuses. Like we will slice you up with some excuses, and they will sound good, you know? And ultimately when we can start to catch ourselves- because this is what I love about your book, is like you wrote that thing down that a lot of us do that we don't realize we're doing. And so when you catch yourself saying, "I know this, but," when you're adding 'but' on the end of your statement, just start to pay attention to that and ask yourself is it really true? You know? Can you not get the money to buy the book, or go to this event, or whatever that's going to transform your life potentially? Or is it just not important to you? Or are you stuck in your limited belief about what's possible for you? Bedros Keuilian: You know, to that point by the way, Shawn, I'd rather people say, "Yeah, but it's not important to me." Like be honest with it. "Yeah-" what if you said, "Yeah, it's not important to me. I know my doctor said I should lose weight." Instead of saying, "Yeah, but I don't have time to work out," or "Yeah, but I don't have time to eat," just say, "Yeah, I don't value my life." Tell the truth. "Yeah, it's not important to me." "Yeah, I'd rather choose the couch and television over working out." But never lie to yourself and say, "Yeah, I don't have the time," because you can carve out time from somewhere else and apply it to the things that matter; your health, your fitness, your mindset, your business. Shawn Stevenson: Yeah, man this is a good segue into honesty, you know, and talk a little bit about that. But before we do, before we get to that, the second pattern, the man didn't match the message. The man didn't match the message. Let's talk about that. Bedros Keuilian: Yeah, I was a hypocrite. I was a hypocrite and I felt like an imposter, and this happens to everybody. This happens to everybody when you don't feel authentic in who you are. For example, here I started a fitness franchise and I had been a personal trainer in great shape, but the stress of it all put all this weight on me. Let me rephrase that. The stress of it all - and this should not be edited out - the stress of it all made me eat horrible foods late at night and I put weight on myself. Right? Because I lied to you there. I said the stress of it all put weight on me. The stress didn't. Stress has zero calories. You're an expert. So I just lied to you. Stress has zero calories, see? So I still, even though I try and think like a fighter jet, I still go back to my crop duster ways. I am vigilant in like checking myself, and so I'll call it out right there. It wasn't the stress, there's no calories in stress. Because of the stress and my poor coping mechanism with it, I ate to dull my pain because I didn't know how to deal with the stress and anxiety, and I gained thirty-eight pounds as a fitness expert. And so when I started making videos to promote our fitness franchise, it was from the neck up because God forbid any of the videos were from my neck down and you could see my love handles pouring over my waistline. Right? And so when the man doesn't match the message, you feel like an imposter, you feel like a hypocrite. And by the way, it's not just how you feel, but your feelings determine your actions, and here I was taking actions that were going to make me successful, but it was all wrapped up with a nice little bow of self-sabotage because I didn't feel like I deserved the success, because how could I? I'm almost a forty-pound overweight personal trainer trying to launch a franchise. I'm a liar, a hypocrite, an imposter. And that sounds pretty harsh. "Gosh Bedros," people are going to say to me, "Don't be so hard on yourself." Please, be hard on yourself. Be very hard on yourself about your fitness, about your lifestyle, about the choices you're making that are forcing your blood pressure to go up, for diabetes to set in, and for you to trigger the thing that's hereditary. Just because heart attacks are hereditary in your life doesn't mean you're going to die of one. Don't encourage it along, right? And so the man in my case did not match the message. Today, the man does match the message, even in a situation like this where I just lied to you and said stress has calories when it doesn't. Stress didn't put on the weight, my horrible eating habits did. Shawn Stevenson: Like I said before, this great segue, honesty about yourself before all else. This is a section specifically in your book. You're already touching on why this matters, let's just go a little bit deeper into this. Bedros Keuilian: It's real simple. Once you have brutal honesty with yourself and you take full responsibility, you gain control. You know? Shawn Stevenson: Yeah. Bedros Keuilian: I can show you my phone after we get off, I've got ninety-eight people blocked on my iPhone. Like I can- it's like six scrolls before you get to the end of it. People go, "Why do you block like actual friends and family?" I don't want them to text me, I don't want them to call me because I'm a control freak. Why does being a control freak have such a bad negative connotation? It shouldn't. So I reframe that and I call myself a control king because look, no one- like my phone, it's not going to ring during this podcast. It's not going to ring, it's not going to buzz, no notifications are going to come on from Facebook, and Instagram, and YouTube, because I've turned off notifications. I don't need distractions to take away my time from dominating my path in life, and you've got to be brutally honest about the things that matter, about who you are, about what you do, and I was never brutally honest with myself. Again, I blamed others and therefore I said, "I have no control over my failures in my life, in my health, in my diet, in my mindset, in my business." But now I'm brutally honest, and because I am, I've gained control back. I control my days, my times, who I hang out with, what me and my wife are going to do tonight, the flight I'm going to take. There's nothing left to chance, and the more I control, the more I control the outcome. That doesn't mean that I don't- things aren't spontaneous in my life. There's plenty of spontaneity, but the things that matter most, I have complete control of whether it's morning routine, or what time I'm sleeping, or who I'm hanging out with. I'll pick and choose if I hang out with and not hang out with people who are going to drag me down or be a wet blanket in my life, because a fighter jet does not need a heavy wet blanket laid on top of it. Shawn Stevenson: Yeah, and that's gross. Bedros Keuilian: That's gross. That's nasty. Shawn Stevenson: Man, that's so, so good. And that honesty- and this goes back to what I said earlier about having a map, you know? It's very difficult to get somewhere if you don't know the way. And one of the most important things is - as far as getting to a destination - you have to know where you are in the first place. And the more we're lying to ourselves and pretending that it's a certain way, the more we're not going to be able to identify how to get from here to there. You know? And so how can we self-assess correctly and just be honest, you know? "I kind of suck at leadership," or "I kind of suck at consistency." And the more we can get to that place of identifying this negative characteristic, the easier it's going to be to overcome it. But if you keep ignoring it, brushing it under the rug, not being honest about it being there, the longer you're going to have to delay your success. Bedros Keuilian: You know what I thought of when you said the going from here to there? Right? The GPS? Imagine if you type in the wrong address, not your destination, but where you're at. Shawn Stevenson: Right, right. Bedros Keuilian: Right? And that’s truly not being honest. Not being honest is you saying, "I'm actually here." Like right now we're in St. Louis, but imagine if I type in a Chicago address and say I want to end up in Chino Hills at my house. Shawn Stevenson: Right. Bedros Keuilian: The whole beginning part of the directions are going to be incorrect. Shawn Stevenson: Right. Bedros Keuilian: Which means I'll never find the road that I want to be on because I'm actually in St. Louis. Shawn Stevenson: Silly humans. Bedros Keuilian: Silly humans. Shawn Stevenson: And I love this part of the book where you talk about fixing your mornings. And this is something we've had conversations about as well. And you start off- you mentioned the Nyquil and Vicodin, you know, before bed. That's your nightcap, you know, and I was like, "That's potentially- you're going to wake up not to a new day, but you're waking up in Heaven." Bedros Keuilian: Or in a coffin. Shawn Stevenson: You know. "How'd I get here?" That combination. Then the energy drinks, coffee, pre-workouts to get going in the morning. But you say- and how important it is in manning up, a big part of this is fixing your mornings. Why does this matter so much? Bedros Keuilian: Yeah, and that's part of this. So I've broken the book up into six pillars, and that's in the self-discipline pillar. And the reason that's so important is- and I've learned so much from you where the morning routines are especially concerned. And my morning routine starts in the evening, and it goes back to if you believe that you've got a greater gift in life, and I believe all humans do. You wouldn't by chance be put on this planet. Like we've got a greater purpose, and the truth of that is someone who I believe has really tapped into one of their big purposes is Elon Musk. The man right now- there's a rocket with a Tesla in it that's being shot to Mars, right? It's like en route. Like wow, that's big. That's big. Like there's a man reaching for his potential. And so if you believe that you've got greater potential than where you're at in life, whether it's your health, your business, your relationship, your mindset, then you've got to have a more structured day than the average Joe who's just swimming in that sea of mediocrity. So for me, my morning routine starts the night before. I make sure that I'm in bed by 10:00 PM, and before I go to bed, I make a list- I do a brain dump of the three to five things I need to do tomorrow morning when I wake up that will move the needle in my life. Right? It will move the needle in my life in a positive way. And this way, two things happen. One, by doing the brain dump, I'm not subconsciously thinking about this stuff while I'm sleeping, and it's not keeping me awake. Two, when I wake up in the morning, and I always wake up between 5:00 and 5:30 in the morning, I never hit the snooze button. That's part of my morning routine. I've conditioned myself that if I hit the snooze button, I've subconsciously accepted ten more minutes of horrible sleep over getting up and living my purpose on this planet. Like I've chosen that that has a greater good. The ten more minutes of interrupted sleep has a greater value to me, right? And so part of my morning routine is to not hit the snooze button. The alarm goes off, I turn it off, and I'm up. I'm showered, I drink my- it used to be sixteen ounces of water until you taught me just a few months ago, thirty ounces of water. Drink my thirty ounces of cold water, make a protein shake and coffee, and I'm outside with my dog Cookie playing catch ten times while I go through my little gratitude exercise. Our mutual friend Craig Ballantyne said, "Hey Bedros, you've got to start meditating." I tried, meditating was not for me. I choose not to meditate. However, I've got a little gratitude exercise that anyone listening to this can do and it takes three to five minutes. Just think about three people that you're grateful for in your life, and then once you think about them, just really- like okay, Shawn Stevenson. I'm really grateful for him. Why? He's just a genuine person, a kind person, a caring person, a family man, and I strive to be more like him in many of those areas. Okay, well I've thought about it, I took that in, now I'm going to apply it to my life, but I'm going to do one more thing. The next thing is text Shawn a text message of gratitude. Right? And so just think about three people that you're grateful for who helped you maybe in your life, in your journey, in your health, in your business, and then how did they help you? Take that in, take two minutes to take that in, and then text the guy or gal and watch the response you get. Like it's always, "Man, I can't believe you sent me this. Thank you so much. You came at a timely-" Like it is the most selfish thing I can do is to text you a gratitude message because then you're always going to be like, "Bedros, thank you. This meant so much." I'm going to be just so happy, my morning starts off so well. Right? Then I'll sit down on my couch, I turn on my phone, and I go into great detail. I put it on silent, screen side down, and two arm lengths away from me. Like look how much specificity. Because I control my dates, because I don't want to see the screen flash, I don't want to hear it, and I don't want to be tempted by just grabbing it. It's away from me, and now I take that list that I wrote down the night before, and I dominate that list, and by 9:00 AM I've done more things to move my business, my health, and my mindset forward than most people have done all day. So I can now go to the gym and work out at 9:00 AM, and by 11:00 I'm in the office working on growing our franchise. Shawn Stevenson: Amazing. Amazing, and you don't know this, we put out an episode recently, and this was addressing distraction. Bedros Keuilian: Yeah. Shawn Stevenson: You know, so we can take back control of our focus, execute, get more done, and one of the simple things was to keep your phone away from- out of arm's length. Bedros Keuilian: That's it. Shawn Stevenson: You know, because you're going to do those just checks. Right? "Let me just check really quickly." Bedros Keuilian: Just check, I love that. Shawn Stevenson: Super simple stuff, but are you doing it? And also, how you're starting your day, you talked about specifically in the book, "I'm not picking up my phone first thing and getting to social media, and emails." That's giving other people a dominance over my day instead of me doing the things that are going to move me forward the most. And so such good stuff, man. And there are so many things, again, I want to ask you about, and we'll do this again. Bedros Keuilian: Sure. Shawn Stevenson: And this is Bedros' second time on the show, we'll put his first episode in the show notes. Power house! So, so powerful, and he talks more about his story and his transition in coming to the US, and it's just such a- one of my favorite episodes for sure. Bedros Keuilian: Thank you. Shawn Stevenson: And one of the final things I wanted to ask you about is in your book you talk about 'just right purpose,' alright? A 'just right purpose.' What does that mean and how do we accomplish that ourselves? Bedros Keuilian: Yeah. Yeah you know, I know everyone knows that gnawing feeling in them that's like, "I know I'm meant for more. I have this greater potential. There's this purpose I'm meant for." And so these days through social media, because we're all out there, people will reach out to me and say, "Well I don't know how to find my purpose. I don't know how to find my purpose." And I realized one day, purpose isn't lost. It's not like your car keys where I'm like, "Shawn, I've misplaced my purpose. Can you help me find it?" It's not something that's lost. Purpose is something you develop. And so my 'just right purpose,' I didn't know what it was. I knew that once I lost the weight- see I've lost weight so many times in my life because I'm naturally a fat kid who's always attempting to be healthy, and I get better, and better, and better at it over time. And so one of the first times I lost weight was the summer between tenth and eleventh grade, and my motivation was to ask out Nakiah to the prom so that- you know, senior year prom. Well I never asked her out, but I lost the weight, and that put me in the space of health and fitness, I decided I wanted to be a personal trainer. I didn't know if that was my purpose in life, and sure, like every other young man, I was looking for my purpose, but I knew I liked being a personal trainer. I liked impacting people's health and fitness and mindset, and the outcome that I got from fitness, I wanted to share with others. So if I could just help one person a day, that was good. And then if I could help two people a day, even better. Ultimately that led to then me starting my own business, opening up a gym, and it was struggling. I was like, "Wow, I think this might be my purpose. I like this even more." And then I opened up four more, now I had five gyms in San Diego and, "Wow, look at the impact I'm making through all these personal trainers who are helping the people in the community. This must be my purpose." Each time- it's what my therapist calls the 'golden thread.' I had found the golden thread of like. I like what I'm doing, and I did more of the things that I liked, and eventually fell in love with what I'm doing, and I'd gotten good at it. Today I realize my purpose is this Fit Body Boot Camp franchise. I'm a coach to many because through our franchise- 700 franchise locations worldwide, each location helps 300 to 500 people every day. Right? Look at the millions of lives we're impacting, and it's because I thought of this franchise, and we sold the franchise locations, and the coaches in there are just delivering the amazing service. Now I don't know if that's still my ultimate purpose, but I do know that I still like what I'm doing, I can now say I love what I'm doing. I'm still a coach, now I'm coaching entrepreneurs because apparently I've got this gift that I can- what my wife calls the 'fourth dimension.' I can see the fourth dimension in things that others can't and so, you know, people pay me money for that. And the secret is not to find your purpose, it's to develop your purpose. I've developed my purpose over time, and I've found my 'just right purpose' now, is to coach the world on whether it's through business or through their health, positive impact. Right? And so if people are saying, "I need to find my purpose," I say, "Go find something that you like doing, get better at it, and when you do, you'll do more of it, and you'll get even better, and ultimately you become the 5%, the 4%, the 1% of your industry, and you've developed your purpose. But you'll never find it, because it's not lost." Shawn Stevenson: Man Bedros, you're one of my favorite humans, you know, and I just really appreciate the way that you show up, I appreciate- you know, there are so many- as you know, we know a lot of the same people. Your heart really stands out, and you're a genuinely good person, and the work that you do is outstanding, truly gifted, and this book is outstanding as well. Bedros Keuilian: Thank you. Shawn Stevenson: So thank you so much for taking the time and putting your life force into this. Can you let everybody know where they can pick up a copy of 'Man Up'? Bedros Keuilian: Yeah, you can pick up the copy of 'Man Up' at any bookstore, www.Amazon.com, or just go to www.ManUp.com and you can get a copy. Shawn Stevenson: Boom. My man, Bedros, thank you so much for today, man. Bedros Keuilian: Thank you for the opportunity. Shawn Stevenson: Awesome. Everybody, thank you so much for tuning into the show today. I hope you got a lot of value out of this. Man, just talking with Bedros and spending time with him, it just really reiterates for me the importance of being around people who lift you up, and to- especially a lot of us that are listening to this right now, we're people who care, and our lives are devoted to service in many ways, and we also dedicate it to excellence. And so as much as we're pouring out into the world and to the universe, we need to make sure that we're getting our cups filled as well, and getting yourself around people who are on a similar mission, and who can give you those little bits of insight when you need them is just absolutely priceless. So make sure, again, pick up a copy of 'Man Up' like yesterday. Alright? I think you're going to absolutely love it. And by the way, this is top secret, we just got this locked in today, alright? For students coming on at ITN, the Institute for Transformational Nutrition, which I'm a professor now at this nationally accredited health coaching school, and you could take action right now. Bedros is going to come on in their twelve-month incubator series for business building, because not only do we want to have the very best health and wellness information to help transform our culture period, but we need to know how to make a sustainable business behind it so that you're not health coaching and working at Disneyland. Bedros worked at Disneyland, by the way. No disrespect, you know? But if your passion is teaching other people about health and wellness, and you've got a mission to serve, and even if it's for you personally learning more, because it doesn't matter what level you're at, there is a way that you can get involved. And that's what taking this assessment is all about as well. You can take the assessment right now to see where you would fit in with being a health coach, whether you might be at a master level, and that's- we've got some incredible stuff for that. But go to www.TransformationalNutrition.com/model right now. That's www.TransformationalNutrition.com/model, you can take our free assessment and see where you can line up with ITN. And we've got- it's coming up very soon, so you need to take action and get involved with the institute because Bedros is one of our twelve- I'm talking about the very best people in the world, alright? He's going to be speaking on a topic that is going to be very specific to the gifts that he's been talking about that he is really transformed the lives, and this is a multi- multi- multi-million dollar entity, so you're going to learn from the best. Alright? So Bedros is on board, he's going to be doing one of our sessions over the next twelve months coming up. It's going to start very soon, so take action, www.TransformationalNutrition.com/model and pick up a copy of 'Man Up.' Alright? Do yourself a favor, get yourself a copy of this book. I think it's going to be one of your favorite books of the year, for sure. And check out Bedros, alright? Follow him on Instagram, all that good stuff. I'll put his info in the show notes. He's definitely one of the most inspirational figures that I know, and we've got some incredible guests coming up for you, alright? And some much requested incredible show topics too, so make sure to stay tuned, alright? Take care, have an amazing day, and I'll talk with you soon. And for more after the show, make sure to head over to www.TheModelHealthShow.com. That's where you can find all of the show notes, you can find transcriptions, videos for each episode, and if you've got a comment you can leave me a comment there as well. And please make sure to head over to iTunes and leave us a rating to let everybody know that the show is awesome, and I appreciate that so much. And take care, I promise to keep giving you more powerful, empowering, great content to help you transform your life. Thanks for tuning in.
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I started listening to your podcast a couple weeks ago and finally I am caught up! It has been a busy couple of weeks lol. Thank you for all of the great content and explaining everything in a way that makes sense.
I am planning to make the transition into the world of health and am very interested and passionate about anything to do with mindset and motivation. I am currently running a successful Real Estate business in Vancouver, Canada however, I am not passionate about it and have no problem leaving this life behind so I can begin focusing on what is most important which is helping others and making a difference in the world (even if it is a small one).
The reason for this email is I want to ask you if there is any way I could get involved with helping you. You are someone that I really look up to and it seems very easy for me to connect with you and what you are doing. I want to surround myself with people like yourself and learn about all of the different aspects of the business and lifestyle.
I do not need to be paid and think the experience would be more then enough value. I am good at coming up with ideas and if there were a place you could stick me into for now, I am certain it would evolve into something that makes sense for you and your business and something that will also provide value.
Anyways, I am completely open-minded and would love to hear back from you and it would be amazing if there was something I could do or some way we could connect to make this work. I know you are busy so thank you in advance for reading this email and thank you for being an amazing person that is touching and helping so many lives!