Shawn Stevenson: Welcome to The Model Health Show. This is fitness and nutrition expert, Shawn Stevenson, and I'm so grateful for you tuning in with me today. Listen, today is really important because I want to address a topic that I feel is the number one most influential thing on our health, on our fitness, on our overall wellbeing, and even our success in life, and that is our relationships. Specifically, I want to talk about something called ROR. Alright? You've probably heard of ROI, right? Return on investment. This is return on relationships, and I think this is the biggest marker, the biggest commodity, it's the biggest value source that you're going to be seeing as we move into the future. Alright, but today it's going to be a master class assessment of our relationships. Some insights, some things that we want to consider, some things that we're going to be able to improve, and just overall opportunity for us to grow, and for us to truly tap into that model health when it comes to our relationships. Now when you think about it, just kind of being logical in your mind, how much harder is it- so we're talking about specifically our relationships, and how it impacts our health. How much harder is it to be healthy and to make healthy choices when everyone around you is simultaneously smashing some Krispy Kremes? Alright? It makes it harder for sure. I mean this is just kind of common knowledge, but of course we can have the will, and we can persevere through those environments, but wouldn't we like to make it a little bit easier on ourselves? Wouldn't we like to stack conditions in our favor to make great choices the norm? Right? And again, that doesn't mean that folks can't have donuts, but it's just please understand if it's something we're wanting to consistently have as a part of our life, and we're consistently needing to battle the environment around us, we're setting ourselves up for failure. Alright? So also same thing with our relationships, and specifically our intimate relationships, or our family relationships. If you're constantly all the time, it's harder to get yourself up. It's harder to get yourself in the right state of mind for you to execute on the things that you really want. You can still do it, alright? This is a true story, and I was probably on vacation when I watched this. You know when you go on vacation, you probably do some stuff you don't normally do? I watched a documentary on Katy Perry. Alright? So this is full disclosure, this happened, and it was pretty interesting. And there came a scene where she was getting divorced from her husband, Russell Brand, right? And she's just getting the news, like getting off the phone where he's like, "I'm out! I'm out, Katy." And so she's going through a lot of emotional turmoil, and she's got like 20,000 fans out in the crowd waiting on her to come up to perform, alright? And so she's like bawling her eyes out, and she gets onto her little elevator to lift her up through the stage. You know how the big baller performers do, she's coming up, and she's crying still. She wipes those tears right before her head pops up and just puts on stone cold killer face. Right? I don't want you to have to be like that, alright? And suppressing. Of course we've got a job to do, you can execute, you can show up like that, but how about we eliminate some of the drama to begin with? Alright? So we don't put ourselves in the same position as the Katy Perry; laugh now, cry later. Alright? I hope that makes sense. So please keep in mind again, your relationships in my opinion in the context of working with thousands of people in a one-on-one situation, one-on-one context clinically, and also now impacting the lives of millions of people at this point. Alright? I truly do believe your relationships matter more than anything, because it's the catalyst for everything. And so now, I want to talk about something else when you get into a tough spot, alright? I was in a pretty tough spot yesterday with my nutrition, alright? It was not expected to be that way, but it happens, you know? But again, what is your default? And so yesterday my son had an assembly, he had to do his little public speaking, my six-year-old son Braden, and man he really owned the stage. It was so beautiful. My wife cried, alright? All he did- he came out, said two sentences, right? But it was so eloquent and there was so much confidence that he didn't have a year ago, or two years ago, that he's been developing, and it was really special to see. But from there we immediately needed to bounce over to this movie theatre here in St. Louis that I actually rented out yesterday. I rented out a theatre to bring in some inner-city students from a school called Confluence Academy. And I brought in their entire seventh and eighth grade class and bought out the movie theatre for them to see Black Panther. And I thought that it was a really timely opportunity to give them examples of what's possible, you know? And to start to think outside of the paradigm, to get them out of the typical classroom setting as well, but to see themselves differently, right? To be able to understand that they have more ways to make it out of their current circumstances. And the funny thing is I grew up in the area that they live in right now, right? And I've shared this on the show before, but you know, even the studio that we're in now, things are kind of renovated here in this part of town, so it's getting nicer for sure, and there are spots that are incredibly nice and affluent, but just a couple blocks from here, like I literally lived next door to a crack house. Like that was my next-door neighbors was doing the business, right? And having that as my environment, having my heroes being gang members, because they're flossing, they're doing it, they have more than what we have, and not knowing what another way is, right? And I truly believe you can't be it unless you see it, right? You can't be it unless you see it. So giving examples of what's possible that, 'Hey, I'm able to provide for my family, to impact other people, to create a situation and circumstance to bring everybody out- you guys out, by being of service, and by creating great content to add value to people's lives, to help people with their health, right?' Writing books, speaking, creating recorded content via podcast, things like that and just opening up their paradigm. And also seeing the actors on screen who many of them look a lot like them and saying, 'You know what? I can potentially be a director. Or I can be a writer. I can be a videographer.' Right? And so it was a great experience, and here's the thing, bouncing from place to place I didn't have time for a 'sit down breakfast' like normal. You know? But my breakfast is generally later in the day because I generally prescribe to some intermittent fasting. I'll put it in the show notes. Today we're going to have a lot of show notes, shows to go back to, the how's, the why's, the real in-depth details on particular things. And so I did have my favorite coffee, but I found myself hours later at the theatre getting all the kids in, I did a little talk for the kids beforehand, and luckily I had a Warrior bar, alright? From Onnit. So that was my saving grace because especially when you're giving a lot, and it's an emotional experience, you tend to feel those hunger pangs come on a little bit stronger if you've given a lot. A lot of people, if they've had an emotional situation, this is a great time for a chocolate muffin, alright? Just like something to comfort, something to ground you. But I had that Warrior bar, and man, whoa it hit the crazy spot, alright? And they're utilizing- so you know there's a lot of different bars out there, even beef jerky and things like that, this is buffalo, alright? So something more indigenous, incredibly beneficial ratio of amino acids and essential fatty acids you just don't see in any other kind of like beef jerky and that kind of thing. Alright? And they've got some spicy ones, I want you to be aware of that, so you could get spicy or original, but incredible and I love having like a case of those on hand. My son and I make sure we keep those like in our bookbag when we're traveling and things like that. Plus Onnit just released their brand-new protein bars. Now this is something you see everywhere as well. You can't go anywhere without seeing some protein bar options. But now we've got a company who does things the right way, really stepping into the game. And so they've created a protein bar with not just a great ratio of macronutrients, but a great ratio of micronutrients. Alright? So the protein bar, what I want you to be aware of, whatever protein bar you're buying, is be aware of the sugar content. Because we want a protein bar, not a sugar bar. Alright? Protein bar, not a sugar bar. And so they've got a solid fifteen grams of protein in here, only three grams of sugar, and man- I'm going to say my expectations were pretty high, alright? And I was not expecting to like the bar this much. It's like, "Okay, I might not ever talk about this bar." Man, it was so good. I was just blown away how good it was. And they've also got in this micronutrient rich blend that combines all of these different superfoods, so we're getting that abundance of micronutrients. Because micronutrients are what enable the macronutrients to actually do what they do. So you don't want a bar that's just protein, right? Even if that's what we want, we want a protein bar, not a sugar bar, but let's help our body to assimilate things, and let's give our body some key nutrients so we can do all the cool things that your body is designed to do. Alright? Deficiency of micronutrients is one of the leading causes of overeating. It's one of the leading causes of fatigue. It's one of the leading causes of just things that we accept as normal like headaches, low energy, even recovering from our workouts. Right? Micronutrients are just as important, if not more important in some ways, in building your body. Alright so pop over there, check them out. They've got the new protein bar, they've got the Warrior bars. So it's called the Onnit Protein Bar, alright? Pretty simple. And the Warrior Bars, plus of course they've got the Hemp Protein, they've got the Recovery Protein that I love to use post-workout as well. You get 10% off everything; the foods, the supplements, the gear, the workout equipment. Head over to www.Onnit.com/model. That's www.Onnit.com/model and you get 10% off everything always. Alright? So head over there and check them out. And now let's get to the iTunes review of the week. ITunes Review: Another five-star review titled, 'If I could hug a podcast, I would hug The Model Health Show. Love it,' by Hidaph. 'The Model Health Show never disappoints when it comes to bringing the wonderful deliciousness. I sometimes have the hardest time selecting a show because I can't decide what I would like to learn. With every podcast I listen to, I feel enriched. The caliber of the guests you're able to have for us is a testament to your knowledge and expertise. Shawn, I am truly thankful the fitness of the whole being is a passion of yours and you're sharing it. The Model Health Show is worth its weight in gold. Thank you for providing this powerful and valuable podcast. -Daphne.' Shawn Stevenson: Wow, thank you so much for leaving me that review over in iTunes. I appreciate it immensely. And you said something very powerful, 'fitness of the whole being.' And how timely is that because of today's show? Right? It's not just the food we eat, it's not just the movement and exercise practices, it's not just the sleep even though we know now how much that matters with our body composition, our brain function. But it's also our relationships, it's fitness of the whole being, we have to address this piece because your relationships affect your sleep, alright? Your relationships affect your food choices. Your relationships affect your movement practices. Alright? You've got to keep all of this in mind, and it definitely impacts your stress. Alright so we're going to go ahead and dive into today's show topic and we're talking about ROR, return on relationships. Alright? Return on relationships. Now I want you to keep this in mind, and keep this perspective throughout this entire show, all relationships start with you. Alright? All relationships start with you, and how you perceive your own value. That's where it really starts; how you perceive your own value. You're going to tolerate what you believe you're worth, alright? You're going to engage with what you believe you're worth. And I've said this repeatedly that the number one driving force of the human psyche is to stay congruent with the ideas that it carries of itself, alright? So if you believe yourself to be a certain way, you're not going to go too far outside that paradigm without something snapping you right back, right? Either in a progressive way or in a negative way, you're going to find yourself back at your kind of set point, alright? Because your whole perception of reality is to keep you congruent with who you believe yourself to be. Alright? So all relationships start with you, and your perceived value. So that's where we really want to do the work, is improving our perceived value itself. And we just recently did an episode dedicated to this, on something that might not at first glance seem very scientific, but we brought some science into the fold, and this is an episode we did on self-love and understanding this important relationship with you first, and how that's a trickle-down effect to your other relationships. So of course we'll put that in the show notes. I've never received that much just in flow of messages and- man it just really blew me away. I was not expecting that to happen with that particular episode, but I'm just very grateful. So make sure to check that one out if you happened to miss it. And so also, a big part of relationships- you know we all have that one negative friend, or maybe two, but negative friend or family member even who might be negating the things that you do, might be just hating on you. Or if you don't have them, it might be you, alright? You might be that person. And so I want you to do a self-analysis and see if you're abiding by some of the things that we're talking about today. Alright? This is an important gut check for us, and also understanding we've got some people in our lives that it might not be the easiest thing for us to deal with, but the question I want you to start with is are you actively working on getting better yourself? Because we can't just point at our relationships, point the fingers that it's their fault, this is- they're making it harder for me. What are you doing? Are you actually doing your best to make the relationships better? Alright? So this today is not about copping out and just being like, "I've outgrown this relationship. I've outgrown you." Shawn is not saying to break up with anybody, alright? It might be the end result, but that's not my advice to you. My advice to you is to make sure that you're doing your part as well and doing a really intelligent self-assessment. Now one of the biggest reasons that I wanted to do this particular episode is that I've finally embraced fully just how important relationships are. Alright? And not just my intimate relationship, I got that a long time ago, but my relationships in my field of work, my relationships even when it comes to people that inspire me, and keep me accountable. Right? I'm not somebody that needs a lot of motivation, but why not? Right? It just makes you better. And so I'm fully embracing this because I definitely had this lone wolf syndrome, alright? And I know a lot of people listening have done this as well, and I believe that if you're going to accomplish anything of real substance, of true, true impact in this world, it's going to be with and through the help of other people. And I came into the game having been let down many times by other people in my family, and also even professionally friends, that kind of thing. And there's one consistency, me. I was the consistent part of all of those things and all the stories I would tell myself. I needed to improve me, and that's where the work really needed to start. And so I was doing that process as I was understanding and finally waking up to the fact that I've got this lone wolf syndrome. So you might be like, 'What is lone wolf syndrome? Is it contagious? Does it make you grow hair? Have you seen Teen Wolf?' I'm not talking about that. Lone wolf syndrome is this idea that we carry that we can do it all. We don't need anybody's help, right? I had that bad. Like, "I don't need you. I don't need anybody's help, I'm going to do this thing." Now we do need a streak of self-confidence, and a willingness to persevere besides the fact of other people not maybe being on the same page with you, or assisting you, or even trying to hold you back. You do need that, but again if you're going to do anything of real substance, of great substance, it's not going to be alone. Alright? So this lone wolf syndrome was the result of- it's ego, because I really felt like nobody cares as much as I do. Nobody cares to help people as much as I do, right? I want to change the world in a positive way. I want to make sure that kids are not suffering. I want to make sure that people are not being stricken with cancer and not having solutions. And nobody cares as much as me, so I'm going to work my face off, and I'm going to do everything that I can because nobody cares as much as me. Now having that approach to my work, it did a lot of damage, alright? It sucked a lot of life out of me. Alright? So I'm in a clinical practice seeing people every day, and having this attitude like, 'I am fully responsible for this person.' Man, at the end of the day I'm wiped out. That leaves very little for myself, very little for the love of my life, very little for my kids. But here's the thing, I still showed up in all of those areas, but I was dipping so far into my reserves, into my container, that I was starting to see negative symptoms take place. Okay this could be in the form of agitation, this could be in the form of low energy, this could be in the form of something chronic like a serious problem pops up because you're dipping so far into that reserve. And we've talked about this several times, when Lisa Nichols was on the show, and also with Christine Hassler. But this concept of giving from your overflow, right? Giving from your overflow. So having your own cup that needs to be filled first so that you're not, again, draining your cup every day, right? It's like when you're trying to get the last little bit of that Slurpee, right? It's like that loud, weird sound. Right? That's how a lot of us are walking around with that kind of energy, it's like there's barely anything there. It's a lot of air, right? A couple little flavor bits, alright? But the reality is we want to fill our cups up so much so that it's overflowing, right? And Lisa Nichols says, 'Giving from my saucer.' So that's having a cup on the little saucer so it's fancy. Alright? But having that as your setup and giving from your overflow. And your saucer can be big, right? If you're taking care of yourself and giving to yourself. So that's number one. So I had this concept, 'Nobody cares like I do.' And also this idea that no one is going to figure things out like I can, right? I was very good at understanding symptoms, at reverse engineering diseases, and I was very good at making sure that I found that leverage point within the person so that they actually take it on, right? There was definitely a skillset there for sure, but to think that I'm the only person that can do that, it's just- again that's the ego that will put you in a position where you're not able to grow, and develop, and truly make the impact that you're capable of by working with other people. Alright so keep in mind, check in with yourself. Do you have this lone wolf syndrome? A lot of perfectionists, right? I kind of have that streak with some things as well, tend to carry that. Right? Like nobody can do it better than me. You don't know that you're doing it, but you just want things a certain way, and that's beautiful, right? You have a high standard. But please understand that there are many people who can do a great job, if not better than you, and things that don't really need your time and energy, and it's just taking away from everything else. Okay, so I hope that's making sense for you. So really quickly since we're on the topic of self-relationship first before we get into these other really hard-hitting facets of ROR and our external relationships, I want to hit you with this first. So these are the five components of your daily self-care. This is just making sure you've got enough in your cup period. Alright so let's start off with this one. Number one, really simple, is hydration. It's super simple, alright? You've heard this before; the human body is like 70% to 80% water. Now listen, that's not exactly true because water is known as the universal solvent, so it really interacts with things and becomes it, right? So the water in your body is actually in other forms at this point, right? So blood is not water. Right? Your kidney tissues, there's a substantial amount of base components that are made from water, but it's not water anymore. Right? So I want you to keep that in mind, but you need to provide that base nutrient in the form of water for your body to do all of the things that it's capable of. Right? From your synovial fluid to your cerebral spinal fluid. Your blood is a large constituent of that. When you drink water it becomes your blood relatively quickly, like within some minutes, alright? Your body knows how to transpose that over, alright. So make sure we're hydrated because even a 1% drop in your normal level of hydration or optimal level of hydration can cause damage to your DNA, alright? It can start to have you print out bad copies of yourself. I said 'badder,' alright? It's the Michael Jackson remix. So here's the thing- and by the way, as soon as I think about the video Bad, I immediately think about Weird Al Yankovic. I don't know if you guys remember that. The video was I'm Fat. Right, 'You know I'm fat.' As a kid, hilarious. Alright? We'll put that in the show notes too if you have not seen it. It's pretty messed up though looking back. Like you can't do that today, alright? Weird Al, but that's why he's weird, alright? It's in his name. So number one, hydration, making sure that we're getting an optimal amount of hydration for our tissues specifically to start your day, and that's how we do it, taking your inner bath to start your day. Within the first thirty minutes of getting up, twenty to thirty ounces of high quality structured water. So again, this topic, we're going to have a lot of different links for things we're covering today because we literally did a master class on hydration and water, alright? So all your questions answered, it's one of the most downloaded health and fitness podcast episodes on iTunes in history. So cool. So we'll put that in the show notes if you happened to miss it. Alright number two, movement. Alright? This is how you're going to fill your cup up. Exercise isn't about getting abs, alright? I hate to break it to you. That's a side effect. That's a side effect of certain practices. The real need- like your genes require you to exercise. Your genes require you to move in order to number one, again when we talk about our DNA, just not damaging your DNA because you're docile. Alright? You need movement in order for your DNA to function properly, and essentially the chromosomes, everything that's going on behind the scenes are making good copies of you. If you're not moving, your body is not grooving, alright? It's not in the flow. Number two, and this is just kind of a visceral thing, something hard-hitting to remember. Movement is required to move your lymphatic system. Alright? Your lymphatic system is your body's- I liken it to a waste management system, alright? You have all this extra cellular fluid, again this goes back to that water, alright? All this extra cellular fluid, so this is not in your bloodstream, but you have four times more lymph fluid, this extra cellular fluid, this sewage waste management system, than you have blood. Alright? But here's the difference; your blood has a pump- well, a glorified pump in your heart. It's not just your heart that's doing the job, but that enables it to move and circulate throughout your body and get everywhere that it needs to go to deliver nutrients, and to remove waste products we need that lymphatic system to be doing its job. And your lymphatic system does not move efficiently if at all unless you're moving. Alright? I want you to really understand. It doesn't have a pump, movement is the pump. It's like a one-way valve system that runs up your body, okay? And you have to move in order for it to move, or your body literally starts to accumulate all of this metabolic waste, and you become like an internal cesspool. And you can have a little teeny cesspool or a big nasty one where toxic Avenger is going to pop out, alright? You get to choose. So this is why movement matters. This is filling your cup, making sure you have a daily movement and/or exercise practice. Number three, and this is important as well in filling your cup, is personal development. At this point, if this is not a part of your day, I'm here to remind you that it's not just when The Model Health Show comes out each week, it's daily. Maybe it's going back and listening to some past shows, like a lot of folks do, and I love those messages because you're really- you're really in the game in a higher way, most people. That's how I got into this at this level was listening to my teachers over, and over, and over. I'd listen to lectures until it literally became a part of my brain, right? Physical structure. And this personal development process or practice needs to happen daily, even if it's just five minutes, to really feed your spirit, to get yourself a message, to do your inner work, right? Not just your external work for exercise and movement, but get your inner game on point. Alright? So I hope that makes sense. And I love the quote from Zig Zigler, the legendary Zig Ziglar. He said that, "People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well neither does bathing, that's why we recommend it daily." Alright? So it doesn't last, you need to keep bringing it in daily. Fill your own cup with some soulful valuable something to help with your mindset information daily. Alright so that's number three on these five components of daily self-care. And number four, you've got to make sure you're getting your base nutrients in, alright? Your body is not able to regenerate your tissues unless it has the raw materials to do so. And I know this intimately because at the age of twenty I was diagnosed with a degenerative bone disease, right? So my bones were deteriorating, I broke my hip just from running as a kid, alright? How is that even possible? I wasn't giving my body the raw materials that it needed to regenerate. And by the way, my physicians at the time told me that, "This isn't curable. Like there's nothing you can do about this." Cut to The Model Health Show, alright? Cut to here we are today many, many years later and seeing a situation where I completely reversed the issue. My bone density is greater than that of my peers in my age group, and my spinal degeneration, my two ruptured discs retracted and healed on their own. I regenerated the tissue of my vertebrae, alright? Just it's incredible what's possible but you have- your body knows what to do, but you have to give your body the raw materials it needs to do the job. It's really simple, like this is really simple. If you think about your body like a house, right? And this is a house you want to do some renovation, you want to expand on, you want it to get better and you're trying to do it like somebody brings in a whole barrel full of like nipple pasties, and like Pez dispenser candy. Alright? Not the Pez dispenser itself, but the Pez dispenser candy. Like, 'Here you go, put those up, this is going to be your new house. Alright? You're going to make a new room with Pez dispenser candy and nipple stickers.' Alright? It's not going to do a very good job, alright? How about we bring in the brick and mortar? How about we bring in the sustainable materials that your body actually needs to do the job? Alright? And so for me, I found out that for my bone health, I got caught up in the marketing like so many of us do, right? Milk does a body good, alright? Milk is for strong bones. It's marketing, right? It's marketing. Billion-dollar industry. I found out there were nutrients that were equally as important and many more important than calcium for my body to actually absorb and utilize and create that bone density that I needed for me to have my life back. Not just back, but better than it ever was. Alright? So we're thinking about like magnesium, we're thinking about silica, we're thinking about sulfur bearing amino acids, we're thinking about vitamin K2. There are so many factors that I discovered and I was like, "Okay, I need to get those nutrients in my body." Alright? Food is the way. Food first always because this is something that our genes have been interacting with longer than a synthetic supplement. But also today, listen, we're in a different circumstance where even the food grown in organic conditions, the soil isn't the same, we're not getting the same amount of nutrients. So I do recommend that we have an insurance policy, but we want to do it from a food source, right? From a concentration of superfoods. That's why I use Organifi, alright? And yesterday after going through my day, and the emotions, and being on the move, man to be able to lean on Organifi when I need it, it's just the best and it just makes you feel- I mean and everybody knows that's had it, I mean the people listening, that you just literally feel cleaner. Like just it makes you feel clean. And I'm a very analytical person, but it's just the constituents that's within it. It's got the- number one, we've got spirulina, we've got chlorella, we've got these great sources of chlorophyll which is kind of a cellular detoxification nutrient in and of itself, the mint, all of those things just kind of make you feel clean. And here's the thing, it's sort of like a built-in accountability, and I heard my friend CJ say this from the Secret to Success Podcast, and he said that it's very difficult for you to have Organifi and then go get a Big Mac, alright? Like you feel so good and so clean, you don't want to mess it up. So he said it's kind of like an internal accountability partner, which was amazing that he said something like that. I was like, "Yeah, that makes sense." Like you just feel good. You don't want to be in a different parallel universe where that's the thing to do is hitting up the White Castle, right? So anyways, listen, this is something I use, that I give to my family. I think it's the number one green superfood blend by far. It's from low temperature processed superfoods, alright? So they're actually paying attention to detail to make sure they're not actually destroying or denaturing the nutrients that you're trying to get from these different superfoods, alright? Spirulina being one of the highlights for me. I've been utilizing spirulina for over ten years because 71% protein by weight, number one protein food on the planet, alright? But these are bioavailable nutrients, okay? So your body can actually utilize these. Complete protein. Also rich in chlorophyll, phycocyanin which is found clinically to improve stem cell genesis, alright? Stem cell genesis. You just can't get that from Centrum Silver, alright? You just can't. So make sure to check them out, www.Organifi.com/model. That's www.Organifi.com/model and you get 20% off everything from Organifi, alright? So head over there, check them out. Again, www.Organifi.com/model for 20% off. Alright so get your base nutrients in daily, alright? It would be in your best interest to try to knock this out earlier in the day so if you do find yourself in a situation where a slice of pizza is in your hand, you know you've got a lot of those base nutrients in already, alright? I hope that makes sense. It's not about being perfect, it's just doing the best we can to get those base nutrients in. Alright number five here, so these are the five components of your daily self-care. Number five is rest. This is where your grind, this is where your passion, your continuous moving forward in your life is actually all processed and becomes you, alright? And I'm not just saying this. One of the big processes that takes place during sleep, specifically REM sleep, is something called memory processing. This is where we're taking your experiences like the things you're learning now, and this gets driven deeper into your short-term memory, like literally becoming a part of your brain, the physical structure of your brain. I think about the movie Inside Out, and these files getting put away, and whether or not they're readily available for when you need them. That happens during sleep. It's really profound, right? So this is where the grind- where you assimilate the grind, it's where you assimilate the good food, where you assimilate the exercise. This is where your body really changes with the release of all these anabolic hormones that happen in the greatest degree when you're sleep, alright? So keep that in mind, we have to take rest, specifically high-quality sleep. You already know, the master class on this, we'll put one in the episodes. If you don't have 'Sleep Smarter,' international bestseller, oh my goodness, I'm just blown away to be able to say this, we just agreed to- so now it's going to be published in Romania, alright? So it's getting another translation, so we're getting closer to twenty different languages / countries, and wow it's just taken on a life of its own. It's a phenomenon, and it's because it's time, it's time for us to respect the grind, alright? It's time for us to really take care of this missing component for so many of us, to fill up our cup so that we're giving from our overflow. Alright so I just wanted to hit those five real quick. Again, we've done master classes on all of these, but I wanted to make sure that when we're talking about our relationships, it starts with us, alright? It starts with us taking good care of us. Alright so let's go ahead and move on, and now we're going to dive into the eight different signs- so the eight specific signs that we need to adjust and / or reassess and / or move on from relationships, alright? So this episode again, this is about ROR, return on relationships, and making sure that we're investing in the right way, and making sure that we're investing in a way that is advantageous to us and the people that we care about, alright? So an important caveat, this is in parentheses here, keep in mind again, this does not mean that your relationship is supposed to be all easy. Alright? Please believe that is not the case, will never be the case, alright? But there's a difference between challenge, problems and problem solving, and struggle. Alright? You don't have to struggle. You don't have to struggle to be happy. You don't have to struggle to have good relationships that are fulfilling to you. You don't have to struggle to feel good, alright? This is your birth right, but please keep in mind it's not all rosy posy, alright? Sometimes you do have things that you need to address that you need to metaphorically fight for sometimes, you know? So just keep that in mind. This is not a promotion that relationships are supposed to be easy. That's not the case. However, we can make our relationships much easier, much more graceful, and that's the word I want you to identify with. More grace in your relationships. Alright? Investing versus spending. Like something that's having a return, right? ROR, return on relationship. Okay, so keep that in mind as we move forward. So the first thing that I want to address, and another little caveat here, is that I want you to stop settling, alright? I want you to stop settling for less than, alright? I want you to stop lowering your standards because you feel like you're going to be losing your relationships, alright? Because what we need to identify is that in some instances we need to make room. We need to make room for the relationships that really match us. We need to make room for those relationships that are really going to up-level our lives in every area in some instances. We need to make room. How can you add in more pieces? How can you add in those supportive relationships if you're already so concerned over here with what's going on with- fill in the blank. Right? Sometimes we need to make room. So I want you to stop settling. That doesn't mean we don't invest in what's going on currently, and find out a way to improve it, but just keep this in mind. Stop settling, alright? So another part is you've got to be clear on what you want. Alright? You've got to be absolutely clear on what you want. What are your standards? Do you have standards? Alright? You're like, "You know what? I'm looking for this perfect guy, and he's going to be- he's going to work out all the time, and he's going to really be nice to my mom," and that's it, right? And so you meet this guy, he's super nice to your mom, he works out all the time, he's a beast, but then he's smoking like Marlboros, right? He comes in the house smelling like Marlboros and it's just like, "I didn't have that as my standard, like somebody who was not a smoker," right? If that's not your cup of tea. So what are your standards? Like what are the things you're willing to- I don't like the word tolerate, I don't like that at all, alright? We shouldn't have to tolerate people. We shouldn't have more tolerance, right? We should be able to appreciate, have more appreciation and acceptance for who people are, what people are, what they do. Right? Not tolerance. So what are you looking for specifically in your relationships so that you can have more appreciation for them, alright? And not struggle with tolerance for behaviors. I hope that makes sense, okay? So here are some signs, again eight signs that you need to make some adjustments in your relationships, and many of these can apply to your intimate relationship, family relationships, friendships, business relationships, and more. So apply it where necessary. And so number one here on this list, when the relationship brings you more hurt than happiness, okay? When the relationship brings you more hurt than happiness. This is a very simple one when we're talking about ROR, right? Return on relationship. That's an investment and it's coming back to you with benefit rather than it's coming back to you with loss, after loss, after loss. You're not investing intelligently if you're struggling with more hurt than happiness. Sometimes you're going to be hurt. Relationships are going to hurt sometimes, but is it a struggle? Right? Is this a struggle just to be happy and maintain a certain level of happiness? Or maintain a certain level of peace within yourself, right? Now even when I'm saying this, when you're hearing this from me, I want you to be clear no one can make you happy, alright? I know this sounds crazy, especially when we're talking about this particular show topic, but no one can make you happy, alright? Happiness is something that happens from within you. This is something that is happening within your own mind and body. It's a decision that we make in many ways, it's just mostly unconscious, right? Because we're allowing our environment to dictate, we're responding to our environment, and how you respond is what creates your feeling, right? Your perception of what's going on around you is what creates the biochemistry in your body, literally changes your hormones based on how you perceive a situation. Right? And this happens all the time. We can perceive a situation that wasn't that bad very negatively, and we can over-react, right? We've got all this chemical soup happening in our body, we're extra irritated, upset, and it wasn't even that big of a deal. Like we've all done that, right? So happiness is something that is coming from within you, so nobody can make you happy. People can definitely give you an obstacles course in finding your happiness, definitely, alright? You've got the ropes course over here, you've got the mud pit person, you've got the electric fence person, right? There are definitely conditions but still you get to decide. So that when you tackle that electric fence, are you actually going to put on some protective gear, or are you just going to fun face first into it? Right? So these are things that we get to decide. So number one, something we need to assess and adjust, pay attention to a sign that we might need to move on, or again adjust, is when the relationship brings you more hurt than happiness. This one was pretty simple, so we're going to dive in a little bit deeper now. So number two, and again this is our list of the eight signs that you need to reassess, adjust, and / or move on from your relationships. Number two is they only come around when they want something. Alright? They only come around when they want something. What kind of ROR is that, right? "I haven't heard from you and now you want $100?" It doesn't make sense, right? They only come around when they want something. And so I'm going to be fully transparent here, I've talked about this a little bit on past episodes, but my relationship with my mother is I'd say complicated to say the least, you know? She's definitely- after I moved from my grandmother's house and moved in with my mom in the inner city, she wasn't doing too well, you know? But she was finding a way. I learned from her how to survive, how to make something out of nothing, how to show up. And she did do a lot of little special things for me, but it also a very violent atmosphere every day. I mean she's yelling at the top of her voice, I'm just in fear all the time, right? And then there's physical abuse as well, and but she's just responding to the way that- she didn't want to be like that, and she still doesn't want to be necessarily where she is today. She's better, but the situation that I was in, I don't have a mom that was hugging me, and telling me she loved me, I didn't have that kind of relationship. But that can leave a hole in somebody, you know? And again, this is why I was approaching things with that lone wolf attitude, that's part of the reason. But as I grew and developed, especially with my personal practices for personal development, you start to see like, 'Whoa, I'm missing that level.' You can't really keep climbing your life on a shoddy foundation, right? Building your life up. You've got to address this level. And so I finally accepted my wife, her love, and her admiration, and her attention. Like there were barriers there that I didn't even know existed. And my wife's mother, like in many ways she is just this mother figure for me. Like I want to have a mother that I can just go to her house and hang out and, "Hey ma," like I just don't have that. You know, and this is not a sob story, this is not a situation where it's like- I mean it is messed up but I'm very happy and comfortable with where I am today. And what I wanted to allude to was a situation where when I was dealing with my degenerative spinal disease- well that degenerative spine disease, not mine. But I was living in my college apartment, and I was literally paying my rent with like my refund check from my scholarship money and from grants, because I was not working, right? I was out on this workman's comp leave, or whatever it was, and this was my last payment. And so my mom needed some money, it was a dire situation which it always is, and she said she'd give it right back. I gave her the money for my rent, right? And it was due in two weeks, she said, "I promise I'll give it back." Two weeks later, no reply. I can't get a call back, I'm texting her- I'm sorry, not texting. Beeping her. Alright? This was with a beeper, okay? Can't get no call back. It wasn't until a week and a half later, and I'm dialing from somebody else's phone, and I finally get her. I'm just like, "What happened?" And she said that, "Oh the check- I mailed it to your office- to your renter's office." First of all, she didn't have the address of my office. Second of all, that's my money. You don't mail it in. Like it was a story, and there's a part of me that wanted to believe it, and you know I called the office several times like, "Hey did you get a check? My mom said she sent it." Nothing. My mom was willing to have me out on the street because of- she only comes around when she wants something, and then she disappears, and literally this just happened a couple weeks ago. About a month ago she was having surgery, and she needed to pay her rent for a couple of months because she was going to be out of work, and she was calling me. Even a week before she asked, like she was texting me, 'Hey just trying to see how you're doing,' and hearing from her almost daily until I gave her that check. I did it because this is what I want you to understand. Just because people might do- especially with our family, this doesn't mean that you don't love them. This doesn't mean that you don't be there, even if they're not living up to their character values that you're looking for, this doesn't mean that you can't be of high standard and high quality. Alright? And so I did, I took care of her rent for a couple of months, and I haven't heard from her since. I haven't heard from her since, alright? It's been about a month now. And so number two, you need to reassess and possibly move on when you're in relationships when they only come around when they want something. Alright? Be aware of that because it happens for all of us, you know? There are people that are just takers, and it might be people that are really close to you, it might be kind of associates, but just be mindful of that. And this doesn't mean that you just turn and run, just be aware of what it is. Because I know what it was, I wasn't expecting to hear from her again, and I definitely wasn't giving her a loan here. Like, "Just take it, I'm good," right? That's my mom, you know? So I just wanted to share that story with you and I want to give you a good example, because this just popped into my mind actually. Somebody who I've had on the show, he has another incredible podcast, Lewis Howes, my friend Lewis Howes. And we might not be in contact maybe for a couple months at a time sometimes, and he shot me a text, like he had the new book coming out. He was like, "You want something, bro?" Right? He's got 'The Mask of Masculinity' coming out, of course I'm going to support my guy. But here's what Lewis does; every time I talk to him, he's finding a way to help me. He's finding a way to connect me with people. For example, Steve Weatherford who we just had on the show recently, Lewis introduced me. We were just hanging out, he was like, "Hey, do you know Steve Weatherford?" I was like, "No, I don't." And Steve even was listening- he listened to The Model Health Show, he was listening to the show but we weren't connected. You know? Superbowl champion, the NFL's fittest man twice, five kids and he's doing all of this stuff and just building this incredible fitness and motivation brand, and being a great dad. Right? It's just really remarkable, and being able to connect- like he's always looking for a way to give, not just take. Alright? So I want you to be mindful of that. How do we go about that when people are coming around and they want something, but what are they also adding to your life? Because I'm going to be much, much more proactive in my relationship with Lewis than even with my family member sometimes, you know? You should just keep that stuff in perspective. It's not always easy, but it's definitely there for your longevity and for your good. Alright so let's move on to number three. Alright so number three on the eight signs that we need to be proactive about looking at these particular eight signs to reassess, adjust, and / or move on from our relationships. Number three is that the relationship is causing you to sacrifice your integrity, alright? The relationship is causing you to sacrifice your integrity. So this could be when you start cutting corners, when you start- in a business context, let's talk about this for that example, and you've partnered up with some folks, and you guys are looking to make a buck but it's at the expense of taking advantage of people, right? You can get- you've got the 'get rich quick' thing going, but you're sacrificing your integrity to get it, right? You're trying to meet one goal at the sacrifice of other people's happiness and well-being. Just be mindful of that. Alright? When the relationship is causing you to sacrifice your own integrity and do things that you know in your heart and soul doesn't feel good to you, alright? So that one is pretty simple as well. Alright number four. Number four is you're staying in the relationship expecting that they'll change, right? A lot of us get into relationships on the idea of the person and not the actual person. Like, 'I know that they're doing this and that, these things that aren't the best, but they're going to change. They're going to grow out of it. They're going to mature.' Guess what? A lot of times people don't, or they don't with you because you allow it. Right? So I want you to keep that in mind. A lot of people expect that they're going to be able to change somebody, right? You don't got that kind of power, alright? You can't change people. People change when they want to change. You literally cannot change anybody but yourself. And so we keep having the audacity to get into relationships and saying, "Oh I'm going to make them better." That's a concept, right? There's songs about it, "You make me better," right? Ne-Yo. "You make me better." No you don't. You make yourself better. They give conditions for you to decide whether or not you're going to get better, alright? It's within us, not them, so we cannot expect somebody to change. We cannot get into a relationship thinking that this is a home improvement job, okay? Don't do that. 'Oh this man, he's giving me a project. I like projects.' Guess what? When the house gets rebuilt the way that you want possibly, it's probably not going to be with you. Alright? Because people especially do not like somebody to come in wanting them to change or wanting to change them, alright. So keep that in mind, you're staying in a relationship expecting that they'll change. Just hitting your head against the wall over, and over, and over again, it doesn't work that way. You've got to have the audacity to let it go or confront the situation with grace so that you can figure out and communicate exactly what you want and what you're expecting instead of just sitting around hoping and waiting that they're going to change at some point, because chances are it's not going to happen. Alright? So again, caveat here, people can change of course, and people are generally very good, but we are responding to our environment. We are responding to the way that we were loved, or the way that we were raised, the conditions that we were in a lot of times looking for success and happiness in our own ways, right? So keep that in mind. This isn't just like people can't change, this is a situation where you want to be conscious of, 'Am I in this situation and I keep expecting they're going to change at some point? But really they've shown their history has given me a great indication that they're good with who they are, and it's just the way it is.' And we get into that place of, 'Okay, do I want to be more accepting - not tolerant - accepting of who they are? And this is going to make me happy.' Alright so number five, when they expect you to change and they're not working on themselves. So this is another one, a sign that we might need to reassess, adjust, or move on from a relationship when they're expecting you to change, right? You like you. You like you and you know that you're not hurting nobody, right? You're actually out maybe giving tremendous value to the world, but maybe there are small things about you that they want to change, right? And you feel like this is taking away from my character. This is taking away from my heart and my soul of who I am as a person. You shouldn't have to do that. There's a lot of caveats within this though. This doesn't mean that you don't listen and understand and possibly make the assessment that, 'You know what? This would be better for me if I do change.' Because life is really- again it's all about growth, it's all about development. Life is movement and you get to decide which move you're making, right? Which direction you're actually moving in. Okay? Because again, life is movement. The very sign that life is over is there's a ceasing of movement, and so keeping all of this stuff in context and realizing, 'Wait, if somebody is expecting to change me, and that doesn't feel good to my heart and my soul and my spirit,' have the audacity to say no. However if this is a valuable relationship and it's joyful, and it's contributing to you, and it's good ROR, and there's a character trait that you're expressing that might not be conducive to that relationship, just be willing to assess it, and be willing to address it, and look at it like, 'Is this something that I'm willing to change?' Alright? So just keep that mind. Alright so let's move on. Again these are the eight signs that we need to reassess, adjust, and / or move on from a relationship, and number six is they don't celebrate your wins, alright? They don't celebrate your wins. This might be a really big sign that you need to move on and / or readjust these relationships, alright? They don't celebrate your wins. Or worse, or worse they fake celebrate your wins, alright? There's even songs about this, right? "I've got fake people showing fake love to me." You know the song, I hope you know the song, this is something that happens a lot, right? So they're not celebrating your wins, or they fake celebrate your wins, right? They're like, "Good for you." Don't ever say that. Don't say, "Good for you." Alright? If you truly appreciate or are happy for somebody, say it, mean it, use those words and that context and that emotion to celebrate with them for them, alright? This is an area where it's pretty complex. So when you're doing better, maybe you're working on getting your health in order, and you accomplished that maybe twenty-pound weight loss, and you come around your friends and they're just like, "You're not as big." Right? That's not a celebration of your hard work. Right? Think about that stuff. It's like is that what I'm really- like all of this that I'm putting in to becoming a better person, and you're just like, "Oh you're not as big." Or another thing is you come around, they see that your body has changed, you've lost this weight, and they're just like, "You went from an XXL jacket to an XL. Can I have your jacket?" Like what can they get instead of just celebrating the beauty, and celebrating the consistency and the passion and celebrating with you. Right? So be mindful of that, and also we have to be mindful of this ourselves. I think this is something can be a reflection a lot of times. Are you celebrating when other people win? Especially when you know it could have been you. Think about that. Especially with social media today where you see people's highlight reels, alright? You're not seeing the real reels, you're seeing the highlight reels, and you see somebody accomplish something that literally you could be there, you could be the one to have done that thing, and you just hate it. Like you're feeling jealousy, right? You're scrolling your feed and all of a sudden like, "I'm peanut butter and jealous. I'm so peanut butter and jealous," but you don't know it. You just start like, "Oh they this, they that, they're lucky," or whatever. Retrain yourself to celebrate when other people win. Celebrate when they win, especially if they're doing something that's advantageous to themselves, and to the rest of the world, or at least another person, like they're doing something to uplift. You have to celebrate that. Please celebrate when other people do good, and do good for all of us, because the rising tide raises all ships, alright? You've got to stop with the jealousy, alright? This is a time for us to really be conscious of this and reprogram yourself, because here's what happens. What you appreciate, appreciate. So this is that ROR, ROI, what you appreciate, appreciate. It grows in value and will come back to you even more, right? Even more abundance. That energy you're putting out when other people win, guess what? It's just putting you in that same energy space for winning yourself rather than this space of constantly being jealous, and missing out. Right? You're not going to get over here through hate, alright? You hear the little funny sayings, 'Don't hate, congratulate.' No seriously, this is like- I think that should be like an amendment to the Constitution actually. Like we should slide that in because it's a principle of success. Alright? So keep in mind, they don't celebrate your wins. Alright number seven, and we're almost to the end of these eight signs that we need to reassess, readjust or move on from relationships. Number seven is you keep being forced to justify their actions. Alright? You keep being forced to justify their actions. You keep making excuses for people sacrificing their integrity and / or your integrity, dipping below your standards, and you make excuses for them. "Oh well, they're just going through this." Or, "Well this just happened." Or whatever, like you keep making up these stories to justify potentially damaging behavior. Don't do that, alright? Be honest, like people do have hard days, or they do have hard struggle points, and that may contribute to how they're treating you, or how they're acting within their own lives, but don't keep justifying it. Right? Help them, support them. Don't just be like, "Oh, this is why you're doing that," pointing fingers. Just be aware, like help them to face whatever that is so that they can get back or better than they were before. Alright? But don't just justify the behavior and let it keep happening. Alright? You've got to be able to break the pattern, okay? So I hope that made sense, this is a really, really important one here is stop justifying other people's behavior. This is something I struggle with a lot, especially when I become just more conscientious and more loving, more caring for other people, I constantly was doing this, you know? When in reality, like sometimes people just do messed up stuff, you know? And it doesn't matter the reason why, this is something I just can't accept. Like just I'm not going to be the victim, right? So that's number seven, and number eight, and this is the final one here today is that they're not investing in the relationship in a meaningful way. Alright? So when they're not investing in the relationship with you in a meaningful way. This is just taking pieces from other segments here, but this one specifically I want to talk about this. And I've got another story to share as well. And so even how we're doing this right now, and I'm with you wherever you are right now in the world with The Model Health Show is the result of a series of events, okay? So in short, I was doing TEDxSinCity, so this was in Las Vegas, I think this was 2012 maybe, alright? So this was a little while back, and I do a talk, and then I meet this awesome couple, and they had this big brand of health information online, and I had just gotten online. Like I had done like two crappy blog posts. We'll just call it what it is, it was crappy, alright? Very like I was writing for a scientific journal, not really being fully authentically me, right? Just like making everything super smart. And whereas I prescribe today is Albert Einstein's quote is that if you can't explain it simply, you don't know it well enough. Right? And so they come up to me and they're like, "Hey this was amazing! We just started this podcast, and we think that you'd be incredible. Like we need a face for the brand, right? And we've got this big platform." And I was like, "Cool, like this sounds amazing!" What's a podcast though? And so I didn't even know what a podcast was. And so long story short, we started it up, and this was back in the day like the resurgence just beginning with podcasts, and we created something really special. Here's the thing, I did 99% of the work, alright? I'm talking like the research, the recording. This was just me and a microphone in my home office, alright? And you know today, like I've got a team. Right? I've got my guys here in the studio right now to support and do the things that I shouldn't be doing. I shouldn't be editing, right? Putting the intro- I shouldn't be doing that. I should be focusing on giving the gift, and helping people, and creating great episodes, and experiences for people. Right? And so I was doing all of this, and it went- it was about a year and a half, hundreds of thousands of downloads which was huge then, right? Impacting a lot of lives, really brought a lot of value, like I brought some big credibility to their brand, right? By me doing the work that I was doing. This was when I was really running my practice. And now here's the thing, and I love these guys still, like it was an incredible experience and opportunity, but when it came time for me to have my own project that they said they were going to support me on, it just- they didn't show up like they said they would, right? I put so much in, so much, and I mean like it's like scraps coming to me, right? And when it came time for that big moment for me, they weren't there, and they knew it, you know? Specifically the person who was running it all, and he was like, "Shawn, listen, I know I told you that I would do this thing, and I'm sorry." And that meant a lot just by him acknowledging like, "Listen, this isn't aligning up with what you said." And he wasn't contributing to my life in a meaningful way like I was contributing to his and his brand. And so we amicably parted ways, right? He acknowledged that I had my channel out, and that's when I started The Model Health Show, right? So it was actually the greatest gift in the world for this to happen, and that's what's possible for all of us. These negative things that we go through, these challenges in our relationships can turn out the very best thing but we have to make room. We have to be able to look at these things and assess them and to be honest so that we can truly step into the great amazing abundant things that are available for all of us, alright? So I hope that you got a lot of value out of this episode today. I want you to take these things with you and start to assess your relationships in a more conscious way, alright? Now again this is not about being perfect, this is not about having people do what you want them to do all the time, that will never happen. This is about having a great ROR, a great return on your relationships so that you're investing your time and energy into something that's really special so that you can take full advantage of your time here on the planet, alright? I appreciate you immensely. If you got a lot of value out of this, please make sure to share it out on social media right now, alright? Use your phone, use your app, use your computer, share this out; Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, all that good stuff, and of course you can tag me as well, and I appreciate you so much. We've got some incredible guests coming up. I'm pumped, it's going to blow your mind. Like we're going to just keep taking things to another level, so be ready. Alright? Stay ready so that you don't have to get ready. I appreciate you immensely. Take care, have an amazing day, and I'll talk with you soon. And for more after the show, make sure to head over to www.TheModelHealthShow.com. That's where you can find all of the show notes, you can find transcriptions, videos for each episode, and if you've got a comment you can leave me a comment there as well. And please make sure to head over to iTunes and leave us a rating to let everybody know that the show is awesome, and I appreciate that so much. And take care, I promise to keep giving you more powerful, empowering, great content to help you transform your life. Thanks for tuning in.